Ana

I only needed to get in and out of the house to grab the last of my stuff and see Oliver. He would be home with Grams but I knew she never woke earlier than nine. I'd be able to stop in before work and be out. I didn't want to see my parents.

"Nice of you to stop in." Grams said from behind me as I was leaned over the crib. I jumped back, turning to look at her. She wasn't angry. On the contrary, there was a smile on her face as she came over to hug me. "I missed you."

"You too Grams." I wrapped my arms tight.

"This is all so ridiculous." She said, putting me at arm's length. "Your dad's miserable, he's just too stubborn to admit it. Now I see the family resemblance. So just call him and come home."

"I can't." I said. "Grams, it was horrible going to work every day and then sitting in this house for the rest of the time. I finally worked out a way to be on my own and not rely on Dad all the time."

"Are you happy?"

"Happy is a...broad term."

"Are you happy with Justin?"

I hesitated before answering. Because I knew the answer and it was probably time to stop denying myself and everyone else. "Yeah, yeah I am. And I know it seems like I'm choosing him over my family. I've tried so hard not to do that. But he has no one. And I can't let this slip through again." I shook my head. "I mean it's nothing, we're not even together."

"It killed Paul to leave your mom, did you know that? It took him two years to work up the courage to. Because you came along and he loved you more than life itself so he wanted to make it work. He wanted you to grow up with two parents who loved you but a relationship can't exist if only one person is putting in the effort."

"I didn't know that." I murmured.

"He left for himself, Ana. He didn't want to be selfish but he had to. Because Marie was losing control and he had to think about himself. You have so much love in your heart, Ana. Sometimes you have to direct it onto yourself."

I nodded, reaching forward for another hug.

--

The living room was dark when I unlocked the apartment door after work. Gavin had class tonight so I'd have the apartment alone. It was a long day and all I wanted to do was warm up last night's pizza and take a long bath.

Justin was sprawled out on the couch, eyes shut. It didn't alarm me anymore since Gavin had given him a copy of the key after they'd suddenly become bros. He turned his head. "Oh, hey."

"Hi, everything alright?"

He laughed. "Good question."

"There's pizza from yesterday if you want a slice." He nodded, standing up to follow me into the kitchen. "How was your day?"

All I got was a shrug. Justin pulled his sweats up higher on his hips, shoving his hands into the pockets. "I went to church today. Talked to God or whatever."

"What'd you talk about?" I sat up on the counter so that we were facing each other.

"Asked him things. Asked him to make things better. To help me make the right decisions and find the right people."

"And?"

"I dunno. Am I supposed to feel like a changed person or something?"

I chuckled. "I'm not religious, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way. You should tell Susan these things. That's what she's there for."

"I stopped seeing her." Justin snorted.

"What? Why? She's supposed to monitor your medication."

Another shrug. "I'll see her when I have to. But I can't spend every single week in that office. It's just too much."

I frowned. "How are you feeling, Justin? Really feeling, don't just give me sarcastic answers like usual."

"What do you want me to tell you?"

"The truth."

He sighed. "Like what? That I don't sleep. I haven't gotten a full night's sleep in weeks. That I lie awake, empty inside. Part of me hates that he's gone. But only because I want him to suffer like he made her suffer. I'm glad he's dead Ana. This is the most free I've felt all my life. And that's what's so fucked up about it."

"It's not fucked up, Justin." I shook my head. "You're not an evil person because of that. Richard was an evil person. He'd known he did horrible things but he never owned up to them. He was horrible to you. You're not wrong for wanting him gone."

Justin stepped forward. "How come you're always so supportive? How come you don't call me out like you should?"

"I did enough of that last year."

He shook his head. "Everything was perfect at one point. How did it all fall apart?" He took another step so that he stood in between my legs.

"It wasn't your fault. It wasn't mine. We can't blame ourselves." I pulled him in by the shoulders so that our foreheads touched. Justin's eyes were closed.

"I wish I could go back in time, fix everything."

"Invent a time machine."

Then we were kissing. For the first time in a year, there was no one else except the two of us and what we were to each other. And to me, there would be no one else. It was only Justin. It would only ever be Justin.

He pulled away with heavy breaths. "I never stopped. I never ever stopped-" And he dove in again, pulling me closer. My legs wrapped around his waist as he pulled me off of the marble counter and into his body. There was no one else. There was-

"I smell pizza." The kitchen door flew open, "Oh shit."

Justin dropped me back down with a thud. "You have to be fucking kidding me." He muttered, turning to glare at Gavin. His hair stuck straight up where I ran my hands through it.

"I can leave." Gavin said with wide eyes. "In fact, I should leave and let you guys-"

"No, man it's fine. Stay and eat your pizza. I should go anyway."

"Why do you-" I started to say.

"I have things to do. Errands to run. I'll see you guys later." Justin snatched his keys from the coffee table and was out of the door before I could say another word.

--

#JANA LIVES

I'm so sorry for disappearing. I started senior year last week and it's been eating me alive. Hope you liked this chapter!

twitter: @bugattibiebxr

ig: @supersabrinaa