Grams had come to visit Thanksgiving weekend. She was my mom's mom but my dad let her stay because she was the only one on that side of the family I had any relations with. It had been somewhat of a nasty battle when my dad came in and tried to take me. But when it was all said and done, my grandma and dad had gotten along pretty well. It worked for me because I loved having her around.

I sat back on the patio stirring a mug of tea when Grams joined me with a huge coat and her own mug. "It's freezing out here." She commented, sitting in the chair across from mine.

"I like to come out here at night." I replied. "The air helps me think."

"We haven't gotten a chance to speak. I wish I weren't leaving tomorrow. How are you, Ana? Really?"

I shrugged and stayed quiet for a few moments, thinking. "I'm just...bored, Grams. Tired. I miss busy New York. I miss high school. I miss having people telling me what to do with my life. Now I have to do it myself and I don't know how. I'm scared to live on my own because somehow, I'm going to screw it all up."

"We all screw our lives up at eighteen." Grams raised an eyebrow.

I laughed. "Somehow I doubt that. How's mom? I haven't heard about her since," I swallowed. "You know."

Grams sighed heavily, like it pained her. "I'm not worried anymore. I'm terrified for her Ana. She's ruined herself and no matter how much I try to get through to her, she just won't stop. I don't even know who she is anymore."

"What is she up to now? Is she working?"

Grams shook her head. "A few months ago she was involved with this guy. He paid her bills and for everything she needed for a couple of months but then he went bankrupt. They started borrowing money from people."

"The one grand she needed," I whispered.

"They started hopping from one friend's couch to another." Grams said sadly. "God knows where she is right now."

"She sold the loft?"

"They took it from her. Gave her a month to get her things ready and out. I'm assuming she sold it all but I don't know where the money went."

I laughed incredulously. "Grams, we need to find her help. An intervention program or something. She can't just live like this."

Grams just shook her head. "I've tried to find her help, Ana. But there's just a point where you have to step back, as much as it pains you, and say you've done all you can. You have to leave it to fate."

"Why do you still put up with it?"

"You don't sleep well at night knowing someone you love is in trouble."

I thought about my dad. He spent the whole summer trying to make me happy, trying to pull me out of my depression. He was still trying. And I was resisting. So when was he going to give up? When is he going to take that step back?

"Anyway," Grams sighed. "That Justin boy is very nice." She gives me a warm smile that says I better tell her everything or else. The women on my mom's side are so good at getting what they want.

I tense up. "How do you know anything about him?" I didn't want to have this conversation now. I didn't want to have it ever.

"He was coming up his driveway while I was getting your mail. He was really polite, complimented my sweater and everything. He told me he knows you pretty well." She raised an eyebrow.

"More than pretty well." I muttered. "He-it didn't work out. We're toxic. He has a lot of issues and it was just a lot to handle." I could say it out loud until I was blue in the face. I could say it until the world burned to nothing. But no matter how much I reiterated just how wrong it was, no one would understand. No one knew what I went through-what we both went through-and now much it hurt walking away from it all.

I would never go back. I would never let myself feel that way again. I would be strong.

"Life is hard enough." Grams said thoughtfully and glanced at me. "We can't be too picky with who we chose to spend it with."

And no one knew that their endearing advice had no effect on me.

*

It was a slow afternoon at work. I sold a pack of cigarettes to a man who smelled like a fire pit, I watched as the another employee caught a bunch of kids who should have been at school trying to smuggle alcohol and then I read for the rest of the time.

"Boring Friday night, huh?" Nate stacked packs of gum onto the shelf next to me. Just by one glance, you could tell he was a douche bag. From the expensive boat shoes to the liters of cologne he poured onto his body every day. He had scruff that could have been attractive and his hair was slicked back and looked like it hadn't been washed in weeks. I couldn't stand him.

"Yeah well, not much I can do." I muttered.

"I'm having some people over tonight for some drinks. Just a small thing, nothing huge." He tapped his fingers along the counter until he was right in front of me with a small grin. "You should come."

"I can't drink, Nate."

"Oh please," He laughed. "I won't tell if you won't. You can stay in the guest room so you don't have to drive back. It'll be fun."

"I can't." I repeated firmly. And I didn't want to.

"Is it your boyfriend? Because he can come too if you want to invite him."

"Who, Gavin?" I snorted. "He's not the issue, trust me. I just can't tonight, sorry."

"Rain check then?"

"Sure," I gave a fake smile and dropped it when his back was turned.

Dad and Lisa took Oliver to see Lisa's family for the weekend so I was on my own. The house was eerily quiet when I locked up for the night. There was leftover lasagna for me in the fridge so I warmed it up and sat in the kitchen, scrolling through my phone.

Gavin's phone rang and rang and rang before going to voicemail. I sighed. "Hey, you're probably with a girl right now but I'm home alone for the weekend so if you wanna hang out tomorrow call me when you can. Or whatever." I hung up, throwing a large portion of my dinner out, my appetite gone, and retired to bed.

The phone blaring woke me up at around 11:30. Richard was gone for the day so I was forced to get up to answer it myself. I said hello with a harsh sigh.

"Justin? It's Paul."

I raised an eyebrow. "Um, hi."

"Listen I need you to do a huge favor for me." He said, not pausing in between breaths. "My wife and I are out of town and Ana had a bit of an accident this morning. She needed to get stitches and Gavin's not answering his phone. Do you think you could go pick her up and make sure she's okay at home? I know things are...weird but I wouldn't ask unless it was a dire emergency."

"Um," I walked over to the window. Richard's truck was still in the driveway which means he got driven where he needed to go. "Yeah, absolutely. I'll be there as soon as I can."

Ana was sitting up in a bed when I walked up to her room. The door was open so I knocked before fully stepping in. "Hey,"

She looked up. "What're you doing here?" A huge bandage ran from the top of her hairline down hear her eyebrow. Her eyes looked in and out of focus and her left one sagged. Her head was killing her.

"Your dad called me." I scratched the back of my head. "He needed me to bring you home and make sure you were okay. Gavin wasn't answering his phone or something."

"Of course he wasn't." Ana shook her head. "Well, I'm ready to go so come on." She stood up too quickly, balance wavering. I came forward to catch her but she put her hands up. "I'm fine. I'm okay."

We were silent driving back. The heat in her house was on so high that I pulled my hoodie off, laying it across the back of the couch.

"Make yourself at home." She muttered sarcastically, wandering into the kitchen. There was shattered glass scattered across the floor that she hastily swept up.

"So what exactly happened?"

Ana let out a sigh. "I woke up to get a glass of water and slipped and hit my head against the edge of the counter." I winced at the thought. "Yeah, it hurt like a bitch. Imagine having to call 911 and explaining that."

Imagine having 911 called on you and having to be sedated. It happened in this house. It felt like a lifetime ago. "Are you hungry?" I cleared my throat.

"You can go home."

"I just-"

"I don't need to be babied, alright? What else do you want from me?"

"A thank you would be great." I snapped. "I didn't need to pick you up. I could have left you there until someone decided to go get you. And I definitely don't need your attitude."

Ana sighed, "Sorry, I'm sorry. It's been a long day. Thanks a lot. But really, you can go. You don't have to babysit me." I ignored her, walking over to grab the phone.

"Pizza alright?"

She nodded. "Half pinapple-"

"Half green pepper." I finished for her. "You're so weird." I said under my breath, reveling in her small laugh.

We ate across from each other at the island while we ate. There was some kind of game going on between us where she would look up at me when I wasn't looking and would look away quickly when I raised my head. Finally, I laughed out loud.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing." I chuckled, looking down at my pizza. "Nothing at all."

*

We finished eating and Ana went upstairs to shower. I watched some TV in the living room and then she told me she was going to take a nap. An indirect way of telling me to leave. She'd call me if she needed anything and I'd be back tomorrow to check on her.

Richard wasn't home yet when I backed the truck back into the driveway and put the keys exactly where I found them.

I tried the attic door yet again. It wouldn't budge. There was something up there. In between all of those boxes and pictures, were secrets that Richard didn't want me knowing.

I fell asleep again for a few hours and by the time I woke up, there was no sunlight left coming through the curtains. That's what sucked about winter. Night fell so quickly. I couldn't smell dinner even though it was past five and nothing in this house was ever done out of schedule.

Richard's quiet but stern voice coming from the living room stopped me from entering. It was the voice he used that could terrify anyone.

"They're not going to reopen the case, trust me." He says. There's no answer so I knew he was on the phone. "Are you insinuating that you do not trust me? I know what I'm doing. I've always known what I'm doing. There's no room for incompetence."

I press back against the wall, listening.

"It's been so long forgotten. It was ruled as a suicide. Just a depressed, lonely woman who thought she only had one option. The papers even called her selfish for leaving behind such a young child. There is no solid evidence to look into. Out of sight, out of mind. Don't bring it up again."

What the fuck? They were obviously talking about my mother. But what about her?

Did Richard have something to do with her death?

He looked exhausted when I finally revealed myself. He rubbed at his heavy eyes, glancing up at me. "Hello, Justin. How was your day?"

"Alright," I shrugged. I would never tell him what I actually did. "What about you?"

"Long." He sighed. "I'm sorry but I'm just too tired to make dinner tonight. I'll give you the keys so you can go get yourself something to eat."

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow.

"But I want you back in two hours, understand?" He said sternly.

"Yeah sure," I nodded. "Good night."

He said the words back to me and retreated upstairs. I stood rooted to my spot. It was ruled as a suicide. Just a depressed, lonely woman who thought she only had one option.

I've always known what I'm doing.

I needed to get up to that attic.