It was still an hour before the alarm was set to go off.

It didn't matter. Lola Loud woke up in a rush of excitement as if she sensed the sun breaking over the horizon.

"Lola?"

From across her room Lola heard the voice of her twin sister. Even though Lola was wearing a sleeping blind she could still tell before she was even asked, "The sun's up, isn't it?"

"Yep." Replied Lana

Lola ripped off her sleeping blind and the twins threw off the covers and jumped out of bed like a couple of bouncy balls.

"It's here!" cried Lana

"It's time!" cried Lola

"Happy birthday!" they shouted at each other before squealing with glee.

...

From his own room, Lincoln Loud jumped out of bed with a start. The walls were paper thin and with all the screaming he thought someone had been stabbed. As he caught his breath he heard the twins chanting, "Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!-"

"Oh, right. It's the twin's birthday." He grumbled "Guess I might as well set up the decorations."

...

In the room across from the twins, Lisa Loud pressed a button and a soundproof dome covered the cradle of baby Lily, Protecting her ears so that she didn't start crying from all the noise.

"A full ten minutes earlier than last year. It appears that my research on my elder siblings sleeping habits will need to be updated." Lisa remarked without emotion.

...

Unable to contain their excitement the twins dashed out of their room and began sharing the birthday joy with everybody. Lana ran into Lynn and Lucy's room and began bouncing on Lynn's bed as she slept in it.

"Hey Lynn! Come on you lazy butt! My friends are coming over to play capture the flag and I want you in tip top shape."

Lynn groaned under the covers. "Lanaaaaaaa, Stop please..."

Lana stopped mid bounce. Lynn said please? That can't be good. Lana's joy turned to alarm.

"Lynn? What's wrong?"

"I don't feel so good Lana. I think I've got the flu or something."

"No! You can't be sick on my birthday. You're the undefeated champ of the birthday games. Crazy Rick is coming over and he wants to take your title!"

Lynn shuddered under the covers and rolled over. "I'm sorry Lana." She coughed.

Lana slumped. This was a crushing blow. Now who was going to-?

"But Crazy Rick's going home empty HANDED!" Lynn yelled as she grabbed her little sister and stuffed her head under the covers.

"Agh! You big liar! I outta-"

A massive explosion erupted beneath the bedsheets. "There's your birthday Dutch Lana!"

Lana began thrashing and gasping for air as Lynn laughed at her pain.

"I've been holding that one in since dinner last night." She boasted. "Don't worry; I've got some left for Lola."

Meanwhile, neither one noticed Lucy rise from her coffin bed and depart the room before the smell could reach her nostrils.

...

Luna and Luan Loud sleep in the only bunk beds in the house. So when Lola barged in with a trumpet and blew into it with all her might, Luan Loud jolted up, bashed her head on the top bunk and toppled to the floor a lifeless wreck.

"Got you again. Luan." Lola grinned. (It was the only time of year she could actually "get" Luan.) "Hope you guys finished your birthday shopping, because the party starts at threeeeeeeee." She sang in her cutesy voice before strutting away.

Luna rolled over and looked at her hapless sister on the floor. "If you want a fun birthday, taking out the birthday clown is the wrong way to do it little bra." She snickered as she climbed down.

...

Lori and Leni's room was deadlocked. Being the oldest siblings and high school students they were allowed this privilege. The twins banged on it with all their might shouting "Birthday! Birthday!" but both Lori and Leni had been through the twins birthday antics so often that they had put earmuffs on the night before. They slept till eight thirty.

...

Lynn loud sr and his wife Rita were already dressed and ready to go. They knew their children so well that they took it a step further than Lori and Leni and went to bed early so that they could be up at five thirty. "Seven years old. I can't believe it."

"You say that every year honey."

"I know, but the twins always hit me the hardest. Lisa isn't really interested in big fun birthday parties, so once Lana and Lola grow out of them it will just be Lily and then... no more musical chairs."

Mr. loud sniffed and brushed away a tear.

His wife looked at him tenderly. "Yep, then it will just be one round of puberty after another."

Lynn Sr put his head into his hands and burst into sobs.

....

At six thirty, Lola and Lana were already getting dressed to start the day. Lola brought out her prettiest and pinkest dress and proceeded to do her hair and makeup. Being a pageant queen, Lola always took twenty minutes to get herself ready for important occasions. Meanwhile Lana simply threw on her "Good" trousers and combed her hair for the first time in days. Lana even went the extra mile and sprayed herself with deodorant from head to toe.

"Just a little touch up. I don't want to get too rank before we even start capture the flag." She chuckled.

"And I am not eating any candy until after I have my first piece of cake. I need to pace myself." Lola replied. "Shall we do the birthday promise?"

Lana nodded in agreement and the two faced each other and pressed their left hands together and raised their right hands into the air.

"If someone starts a fight, I'll walk away." Began Lana

"If someone insults me, I'll just laugh it off." replied Lola

"I will say thank you, your welcome and please." Continued Lana as the twins switched turns

"I get first dibs with my presents but I still have to share." continued Lola

"And just because I get the first crack at the piñata doesn't mean I have to hog it."

"I may be the birthday girl but I am also the host."

"The snack table is for everybody."

"And most of all, I promise to keep my temper under control...this time."

"You better. We don't want a repeat of our third birthday." Lana warned

Lola rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. We're never going to let that one go will we? As I recall you were being a big stinker yourself."

"Okay. Let's not dig it back up. That was both our faults." Lana quickly waved it aside. "Finally, and most important...

They grabbed each other's right hands and said in unison, "It may be my birthday, but it's your birthday too." Then they hugged each other.

With the vow complete the twins then switched into "Pre-party mode". Lana opened the door and let Lola go first.

"After you sis."

"Why thank you Lana, you are so nice."

"Your welcome."

The two then linked arms and strutted downstairs.

...

The family spent the morning setting up the party in the back yard. The decorations were a combination of pink and blue, the snack table and the cake was being tended to by Mr. Loud, Rita and Lincoln set up the piñata and grab bags. Luan and Luna had their usual roles of entertainment, with Luan as party clown and Luna as DJ (somehow getting a hold of a DJ booth on such short notice.)

Lucy and Lori acted as gift collectors while Lynn ran interference. Taking a defensive post in front of the gift table and reacting to every little sound.

"Hey Lynn could you"

"Wait!" Lynn sniffed the air like a bloodhound then dived into the nearby bushes. After some struggling she came out with the squirming Lana.

"Aw, but I just want to shake them a little." Groaned the younger sister.

"Gift table is off limits till after cake. You know that."

Lana groaned again and walked over to join her twin sister by the snack table. Lynn retook her position.

"Nice job Lynn, now I need your finger while I tie this knot." As Lynn came over and helped, Lisa came over and deposited her two gifts.

"Lisa."

Lisa almost didn't hear the quiet murmur of Lucy. "Yes Elder sibling?"

"What is that?" replied the Goth.

"Those are my pre-requisite gifts. Delivered as promised." Lisa replied.

"Don't you think you should maybe, re wrap them?"

Lisa took the gifts and examined them. "They seem well wrapped to me."

"Maybe Lori can offer some help."

"The wrapping seems fine to me. I am far too busy with my own tasks to be bothered with such things."

Lucy bit her lip. She tried turning to her older siblings for advice but everyone was so busy they didn't notice her...

...

Lisa passed Lola and Lana along the way. She noticed that once again, the twins were being overly sweet to everyone around them.

"Luna, that sound mix is perfect! I'm always so shocked at how talented you are." Gushed Lola

"Hahahaha! That joke was Hilarious! You gotta open with that when my friends get here." Lana said to Luan.

Lisa shook her head in contempt. "Lincoln?"

"Yeah Lis?" Lincoln said as he pulled up the piñata.

"I have a question about the twin's birthday."

"You want to know why they're the only ones who don't get a surprise party."

"No. That one I figured that out on my own." Lisa scowled, remembering how every day for two weeks she found herself bombarded with "subtle" hints and messages from Lola about what she wanted for gifts along with how much time she had left to buy them. Lisa was still scrapping glitter glue off of her bedroom wall.

"No. The question I have regards this ridiculous farce they pull every year where they try to win favor with us. They're birthday is already here. Why are they making such an effort to be polite?"

"Because mom kind of...threatened them one year. They had to be on their best behavior on their birthday or she'd take away all their gifts. I don't think she was serious, but the twins don't know that."

Lisa's eyes went wide. "Sweet mother of Helen Czerski! When did this happen?"

"Just after you were born. It was Lola and Lana's... third birthday."

"What happened?"

Lincoln's eyes went dead. His lip began to quiver. Inside his mind he could hear the hellish screams of crying toddlers. The smashing of wooden beams. Sirens in the distance. And his father's voice..."No Lola...put it down...put it down Lola!!...sweetheart I'm begging you, put it down!!!"

Sometimes Lincoln woke up in the middle of night, thinking he heard the screams.

"Lincoln? Lincoln???"

"Huh?"

"What happened on the twins third birthday?" Lisa was looking concerned now.

Lincoln swallowed. "They had an argument...about the presents. But enough about that, the guests are about to arrive."

....

It should come as no surprise that Lana and Lola's party was so different from the rest of the loud siblings. Twice as many decorations and gifts, twice as much attention to detail and always a strange mish mash of themes. This year's theme was unicorns and monster trucks. Lincoln Loud and his sister Leni spent the last five days making posters and a huge banner of a unicorn driving a monster truck. The family agreed it looked kind of stupidly awesome.

The cake was always two different colors of frosting. Lana and Lola both loved chocolate cake so the base was no problem. The trick was to have blue and pink icing on top without mixing the colors together.

The real problem was the kids. Two birthday girls. Twice as many kids than normal. A total of eighteen birthday guests with nine siblings helping out. Twenty nine kids in total.

You may not remember grade one too well but for those who need a refresher, first grade is the very beginning of childhood social hierarchy, complete with colorful nicknames so that everyone knew who was what.

The twins guest list included...

Crazy Rick

Grabby Kathy

Mike the Runner

Louis the Crybaby

Tina the Ballerina

Amanda the Horse girl

Quiet Steve

Brian the Brain

Stephanie the Soccer Queen

Big Kyle

Little Kyle (who was actually quite tall but Big Kyle was big and fat so...)

Jenny the Rash Girl

Zeke the Allergy Boy

Greasy Skippy

Rich Winston

Roxie the Fairy (Never leaves home without her plastic wings)

Muddy Matt

And Poor Kylie.... Not poor as in broke, poor as in "Kylie's parents forgot to pick her up again."

Lana's nickname was the Good Twin.

Lola never bothered to ask what her nickname was.

Once all eighteen had arrived, the party began. To the credit of the louds, it would have been a wonderful party, If only Amanda the horse girl had kept her big mouth shut.

....

"Lynn Loud goes for the goal!!"

Lynn ran across the backyard with the flag as a bunch of kids tried to pile on top of her to no avail. Just before she could reach the end goal Crazy Rick rolled in front of her legs. Lynn tried to jump over him but he swung his tiny arms in the air and sent her sprawling face first, then jumped on top of her with the Kyle's, Stephanie and Lana dog piling on the two of them.

But it wasn't enough to stop Lynn Jr and she sprang up and wrestled Rick to the ground.

Lola watched the brawl from across the back yard. "So Immature" she thought to herself as she sipped her tea. She was sitting at her little plastic table with a small group of guests. Across from her sat her best friend Roxie the Fairy, and next to her was Poor Kylie, then Tina the ballerina and Amanda the horse girl and finally Zeke the Allergy Boy, who didn't really like tea parties but needed to stay as far away from the snack table as possible lest he die.

"I love your dress Lola." Said Roxie

Lola smiled at the compliment. "Why thank you. My sister Leni and I modeled it after the outfit Lindsey Carswell wore on "the fashionably gorgeous" last autumn. How are those carrot sticks working out for you Zeke?"

Zeke nodded his head as he put two more in his mouth. Most boys would feel nervous sitting at a girl's tea party but Zeke was already pretty unpopular with the other boys so he had long stopped caring what kids think of him. Besides, he liked Amanda a lot.

Tina and Amanda at the tea party more out of sufferance than desire. Amanda had a habit of talking too much and always on the subject of horses, ponies, unicorns, and Pegasus's (pegasi?) but she knew how to have a good time and was eager to make friends and please people.

As for Tina, It wasn't that she and Lola had nothing in common. Actually, they were very similar people. Too similar. Tina was the top dancer at her ballet school and made sure everyone knew it. She could care less about beauty pageants but she was a winner, and Lola respected a winner.

And Poor Kylie, well, her parents had a raging argument in front of the loud house after dropping her off. After that, Rita Loud gave the twins a look that said, "I don't care what you think of her, I better not find her standing around by herself."

So Lola invited Kylie to tea. Much to her dismay.

"What's in these cookies?" Kylie asked gleefully.

"They're oatmeal. I normally have chocolate chip but I'm saving room for the cake." Replied Lola

"What's oatmeal?"

"You don't know what oatmeal is?" Amanda said a little too loud,

But Kylie just shrugged, gave her doe eyed smile and said. "My mom doesn't really cook. She usually gets headaches around three o clock. Then she drinks her medicine and asks me to get the take out menu. Dad says she's a lazy pig but I think that's a bit harsh. If you get headaches all the time, it's not your fault is it? And anyway he's never home for dinner because of his work, so I don't get why he's always making such a big deal out of it. Heck, when she does cook, she burns it and then dad gets mad anyway. He's a really hard guy to please. "

Lola and the other kids put their cups down and sighed while Kylie gulped hers. "Can I have some more?" she asked politely.

Lola had to bite her tongue to stop from yelling. The problem with Kylie is that she really didn't understand social cues. Nor did she realize that her home was a toxic place. She thought she was normal.

People have tried explaining things to her but her reaction was always bewilderment at the idea that her home was an unhappy one, and when someone did get the police involved, Kylie's cheerful attitude made accusations difficult and her dad was a master of cleaning his house before the fuzz arrived.

Feel depressed? Like this came right out of nowhere? That's what talking to Kylie feels like. None of the kids at school wanted to play with her, but the adults made it clear that she was not to be neglected.

But Lola had anticipated this and prepared a trump card.

"LUCY!"

Lola's quiet Goth sister looked up from her book.

"You have got to listen to Kylies stories. She is a master of dark gloomy poetry."

"I am?" replied Kylie.

Before Kylie or Lucy could reply, Lola dumped the little rain cloud on her melancholy sister and moved the tea table as far away from them as possible.

"Nicely done." Was Tina's only response.

So the sporty kids played with Lana, the girly girls played with Lola (plus Zeke), Brian the brain conversed with Lisa. Jenny the rash girl ate chips at the snack table. Winston, Louis, Matt and Kathy watched Luan's comedy routine (which kept getting interrupted because Grabby Kathy couldn't keep her hands out of Luan's prop trunk), Kylie was now occupied by Lucy, and Quiet Steve...was staring at bugs.

Just....staring at them. As they crawled up his arm.

Lola's group soon went from a tea party to a rousing game of "Princess Pony Riders" and it was in the middle of this game of pretend that Roxie said, "Why don't we ask Winston to join? He can be the masked avenger and then we'll have an even number."

"No!" Lola said louder than necessary, "I mean, I don't think he'd be interested in that stuff."

"Why not? I'm having fun." Remarked Zeke, swishing a plastic wand.

"Come on Lola. Ask Winston to come over and play."

"Yeah, we know you want toooooo." Tina grinned.

Zeke looked at the girls in confusion, but everyone else had their eyes on Lola, whose face got redder by the second.

"I do not! Winston is a gentleman. He's too mature for something silly like Princess Pony Riders."

"Hey!" cried Amanda indignantly.

"Oh yeah, He's so mature. I caught him eating his boogers in class last week." Tina sneered.

"Winston would NEVER do something so gross!" Lola's face contorted with anger. "You take that back or I'll-"

But Lola caught herself just in time and took a deep breath. "I think your lying."

Tina's grin got more obnoxious, but Lola kept her temper. "Besides. Louis is Winston's best friend. If we invite him to join us he'll probably invite the crybaby to play too."

None of the girls wanted that so they quickly brushed Winston aside.

"Maybe one of the other kids will want to be the masked avenger." Asked Roxie

"Like who? The math nerd? The girl with that ugly rash on her face? Steve!?" Tina pointed right at Steve's face as she said this. He goggled at her blankly with a drop of snot oozing down his face.

"Lola, your birthday kind of stinks." Tina pouted