"I guess what I'm saying is... I don't think I'm going to ever be truly happy. Something holds me back from feeling fully content. And it's not because of my mother's death. I mean... That's upsetting in its own way, but the unhappiness I feel has always been there. I'm a melancholic person who finds people and life increasingly disappointing, and I just... I don't think there's any hope for me. It's not like I don't appreciate what you're doing; I really do. But... It isn't anyone's fault that I am this way, it's just a part of me, and I'm OK with it."

"You are?" School councelor, Scott Graham, gently pressed. "You're OK with this..." he waved his hand in search for the best word, "perpetual sadness?"

"It isn't sadness," Andie corrected him quickly. "It's..." she shrugged slowly, "a wall. A really tall wall that just so happens to cast a shadow over my entire garden."

"And what would happen if you tore this wall down?"

"Uhm..." Andie's eyes drifted as she considered the damage that would come to her if she let any amount of guard down.

"Better yet," the counselor leaned forward as he interjected her thought. "What made you built the wall in the first place?"

"An indefinite uneasiness for all who step into my life," she giggled, earning a wry smile from Mr. Graham.

"Perhaps..." he suggested, "you have secrets?"

Andie's smile faded. "Some... Maybe. But doesn't everbody?"

"That depends on the kind of secrets you're keeping." He observed Andie with a tilt of his head. "It's been a few weeks since I've spoken with you and your stepbrother. How are things going?"

"They're fine," Andie answered quickly before carefully adding: "I mean, it's been good."

"You're getting along then?"

"Yes. He's been very... nice... lately."

"Was he unkind before?"

"No, of course not. Just... distant. He isn't so distant now."

"That's good. Then you spend a lot of time together?"

"Yes..." Andie's voice softened. "We do."

"What sort of things do you do?"

"Uhm... We study together. And we spend time with our friends, Morgan and John. We play cards some nights...watch movies."

"Do you ever fight?"

"Fight?" Andie's eyebrows shot up with alarm as if she would never fathom fighting with her step-brother. But, she composed herself quickly. "Uh, no. No fighting."

"That's good to hear." The councelor smiled before stealing a peek at his wrist watch and confirming their time was up. "Why don't you check back in next week? The holidays are coming up and things tend to get a little melancholy around this time of year, doesn't it?"

"Uh..." Well, not 'til you mentioned it...Andie thought to herself. "Yeah." With a smile she stood and made her way to the door. "Thanks."

"See you next week, Andie."

Andie ducked from the office and dipped into the crowd of teenagers moving up and down the hall. Her sessions with Mr. Graham cut into the final half hour of her last period, which made for a wonderful segue to the end of the day.

At her locker, Morgan stood waiting with a pursed frown on her lips.

"What's wrong?" Andie asked as she entered the combination for her locker.

"We can't hang out after school."

"What?" Andie whined, turning from her locker to address her friend. "Why not?"

"I'm in trouble," Morgan grouched with a roll of her eyes. "John found my report card."

"I told you that you shouldn't have hidden it from him." Andie shook her head, returning to her locker and filling her backpack.

"I don't even know why he cares so much," Morgan sighed, slumping against the locker closest to Andie's.

"Because he's your brother and he cares about you."

"He's a contorl freak who enjoyes beating me."

Andie's head whipped around, taking in their surroundings and anyone who might have overheard Morgan.

"Hey, you can't say that!" Andie hissed at her friend. "What if someone overheard you and reported your brother? You would be taken from him like that." She snapped her fingers to demonstrate.

Sighing again, Morgan's scowl deepened. "Alright, I'm sorry. I just... I don't like being in trouble."

Sighing with her friend, Andie gently shut her locker and leaned one shoulder into it as she faced Morgan. "I know you don't... But you know you're only in trouble because he cares about you and your future. Imagine if he didn't care at all."

"That sounds fantastic."

"No, it doesn't, Morgan. Trust me."

"Whatever. If he wasn't so hell-bent on whooping me everytime I messed up, then I wouldn't be this bitter."

"Do you think that's going to happen today?"

"Are you kidding? I hid my report card from him. The report card that shows how badly I've been doing in mathematics. If I can sit down tomorrow I'll consider it a miracle."

Andie frowned, hating to see her friend so down.

"Maybe it won't be so bad..."

"Please," she snorted with another roll of her eyes before sobering some and looking to her friend longingly. "I wish John was more like Eric... You could get away with murder, huh?"

Andie looked to the floor, opting not to reply. Morgan didn't see the secrets that Andie kept inside. The only thing she saw was a girl who wished she had more from her step-brother—a void that had been long-filled—Morgan just didn't know.

"I'm sorry," Morgan groaned, smacking her forehead with her palm. "That was so stupid of me."

"It's OK."

"No, I know how much you want more from Eric. You'd probably kill to have him whoop you," Morgan said, dismissing the blush that crawled up Andie's neck. "Hey!" she continued excitedly. "Want to trade brothers? John will throw you across his lap anytime you want!"

"Morgan!" Andie screeched, looking about her once again to spot anyone who might have overheard, before grabbing her friend's arm and dragging her from the hall and out the school's double doors.

"Look how red you are," Morgan giggled. "Is that from fear of someone overhearing, or the idea of my brother spanking your ass red?"

"Oh my God!" Andie gasped, exasperated with her friend's loud mouth. "Stop talking!"

But her friend only threw her head back and laughed heartily.

"You're such a pain!" Andie yelled as she started walking away. "Enjoy your butt whooping!" She hollared over her shoulder, beaming naughtily as several students overheard and looked Morgan's way.

"Thanks a lot!" Morgan called back, her face reddening as brightly as Andie's had inside the school.

With a shake of her head, Andie's grin slowly faded and she felt her emotions sober.

She wasn't normally in the habit of keeping secrets from her best friend, and she didn't feel good about keeping this one to herself. But what could she possibly say?

"Hey, Morgan, my step-brother bends me over his knee and spanks me several times a week, oh, and I like it?"

Andie shook her head. No, it wasn't something she could expect anyone to understand. Especially considering she didn't entirely understand it either. Eric didn't even understand it. There was a lot to it that he just didn't know about either. Like how much Andie liked it. She was sure he knew how well his spankings balanced her, but did he know that her entire body screamed whenever he touched her? No, he didn't. He could never know that.

Oftentimes Eric's spankings were fairly uncomfortable. He learned her pain tolerance that second week, and since then, he always made sure that the punishments grazed the line of her threshhold. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a punishment.

Sometimes, however, the spankings weren't too bad at all. Like the ones before bed... If she was giving some sass, but not a lot, due to a bad day, then Eric gave her a light spanking to settle her emotions and help her sleep. It shocked her the first time it happened. She nearly cried tears of relief when he did it, because she didn't realize how badly she needed it.

But Eric was strict. He weighed the balance of discipline and love quite evenly. He had high expectations for Andie, and when they weren't meant, he had no qualms with taking the back of a hairbrush to her bare bottom.

Andie shuddered as she recalled each paddling she had been given—only a few so far—but terribly painful nonetheless. If she were to avoid any form of discipline, it would be that one.

But she was happy nonetheless. She was only OK because of Eric. Without him, she wouldn't be OK. Without her stepbrother she would be in the bowels of hell.

It didn't make a lot of sense to her, which was why she kept it from Morgan. If it didn't make sense to Andie, how could it possibly make sense to her best friend? Morgan hated the discipline that John delivered. What would she say if Andie told her that the same discipline that Morgan hated, made Andie happy?

Andie looked at her feet as she walked, shaking her head to herself again. What would she do when it was time for her to move on to college? How would she survive without Eric?

Approaching her house, Andie felt that same rush of happiness that consumed her every moment that she found herself with Eric. She was even smiling as she turned the knob and entered her home.

Unfortunately, Eric didn't appear to be home.

"Eric?" Andie called into the empty house, receiving no response in return. Her smile faded and disappointment pricked at her happiness.

Closing the door behind her, she dropped her backpack on the couch, kicked off her shoes, and padded across the soft carpet and into the kitchen. That's where she spotted a note lying on the counter.

Andie — My scanner broke. I'm going across town to get a new one. Start your homework and behave. Call me when you get home.

The underlined word behave stood out to her, and a smile returned to Andie's face. Why she adored little things like that, she wasn't sure. She guessed doing something for him, even something as simple as behaving herself, made her feel close to him even when he wasn't here.

Returning to her backpack, she retrieved her phone from one of the outter pockets. She had every intention of calling Eric that very second, but two missed calls showed up on her screen, and Morgan's name was pinned right next to them.

Frowning, she figured she had enough time to return Morgan's calls before calling Eric. For all he knew she lingered at school a little while.

Settled on her decision, she tapped the notification and pressed the phone to her ear. It rang once before a breathless and sniveling Morgan answered with a weepy "hey."

"Hey, what's wrong?" Andie asked, immediately concerned.

"John and I got into a huge fight," her voice, thick with emotion, croaked a reply. "He was so mad about the report card and I yelled at him and he yelled at me and I just took off."

"Oh, Morgan," Andie sighed, placing her forehead into her palm.

"I'm coming to your place to lay low for awhile, OK? I'm not running away or anything, I just don't want to go home right now."

"I think this is the first place John will come looking for you."

"You'll just tell him I'm not there. Eric isn't home, is he?"

"No," Andie answered with a frown, already disliking this plan.

"OK, so it'll be fine."

"Morgan, I dunno..."

"Andie!" Morgan cried, her voice breaking anew. "You're my best friend! You have to help me!"

"OKay, Okay, you're right. I'm sorry. Come over. I'll be here."

The call ended, and with a grand sigh, Andie rushed to call Eric.

"Hello?" he answered from the other end.

"Hi, I'm home," she told him timedly.

"Good girl, thank you for calling."

"You're welcome." She was glad he couldn't see the stupid smile that lit up her face.

"Are you starting your homework?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good girl. I'll be home in about forty minutes. Be good."

"I will."

The phone ended with Andie all but giggling to herself. She felt absolutely ridiculous, blushing like a girl who was so infatuated with a boy... But she just couldn't help herself.

She might as well be in love.

A knock sounded at the door, dragging Andie's dreamy head back to her body.

Leaving her phone on the couch, she rushed to answer the door. Upon opening it, Morgan barreled in, the sleeve of her hoodie holding her nose as if she were still crying—which she was.

"Hey," Andie greeted her softly, hoping to comfort her and talk her down from sobbing her eyes out all over again.

"Hey," Morgan replied with a hiccup, sinking into one of Andie's soft couches. Andie sat beside her friend and put an arm around her shoulders. Morgan leaned into her, sniffling nonstop.

"Are you OK?"

"No," Morgan cried. "I'm so mad, and upset, and I hate John, I absolutely hate him, and I honestly wish my dad would just come home."

"Do you really?"

"Yes! I'd tell him everything that John is doing to me and then he'd stay and then John would never be able to hurt me again!" Morgan broke into a fresh wave of tears, crying into her hands as Andie tried to soothe her.

"I'm so sorry, Morgan... I know it's hard living with so many limitations and rules, but..."

"If you're about to tell me how great it is to be cared for then I'm gonna lose my freaking mind."

Andie sighed. "OK, I won't say any of that." She slumped back into the couch with her friend.

"You know what's worst of all?" Morgan continued breathlessly. "He actually tried to convince me that Eric was strict with you in the same sense that John is strict with me. Like spankings and stuff. How manipulative is that? As if I wouldn't just ask you?"

Guilt washed over Andie, and she didn't respond as she frowned at the floor. Her heart hammered nervously in her chest, and she swallowed awkwardly, hoping to God that Morgan wouldn't press the subject.

"I'm sorry," she added the filler-apology to avoid any suspicious silences and to show her support. But Morgan was looking at her funny, and Andie was afraid that it was too late. As Morgan's eyes narrowed suspiciously, Andie got nervous.

And then her phone buzzed on the couch cushion beside Morgan. The screen lit up with a photo of Eric's face.

Morgan's attention was swayed. She reached for the phone, groaning as she said: "Eric's calling."

Andie accepted the phone that Morgan passed her. "I...better get this." Taking the call, Andie brought it to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, have you heard from Morgan?"

Andie's eyes dashed up to Morgan, who raised her eyebrows in a silent question.

"No," Andie chirped, her tone unconvincing.

"So, John just called. He and Morgan got into a pretty big fight, and Morgan ended up storming out. He can't find her and he's pretty worried. So, I need to know if you've heard anything from her."

Andie's hands started to sweat. Her eyes clenched shut and she forced herself to say: "I haven't heard from her."

Silence greeted her from the other end. She knew it was because she sounded very unconvincing, and Eric was suspicious.

"Andie, are you telling me the truth?"

Swallowing hard, Andie held up one finger to Morgan before stepping away to take the remainder of the call in private.

"Andie?" Eric pressed, and Andie stopped in the kitchen to respond.

"Yes?"

"I asked you a question."

"Yes, sir. I-I'm telling the truth."

"You're not lying?"

"No, sir."

"What happens if you're lying?"

"I'll get in trouble."

"No, tell me specifically what will happen."

Andie shuffled nervously, lowering her voice as she answered. "You will spank me."

"Do you want a spanking tonight, Andie?"

Didn't she always?

"No, sir," she answered, truthfully hating every second of this. She had never lied like this to Eric before. Little slips for spankings were fine, but deliberately lying to him? Guaranteeing Eric's absolute disappointment?

Closing her eyes against the intense desire to out her friend's whereabouts, Andie leaned into the counter and sighed heavily into her free hand.

"I'll be home soon," he told her firmly, and she knew that he knew that she had lied.

"Everything OK...?" Morgan peeked her head around the corner just as Andie was hanging up the call.

"Uhm," Andie answered with a deep breath. "I don't know. Eric might know you're here."