Chapter 1 Petunias

All hell broke loose in the next street.

Amaryllis took a moment to swear silently and comprehensively before setting off at a run towards the source of the disturbance, wresting the gun from her shoulder holster as she did so.

She dived down a lane between two houses, accelerating into the darkness, and ran full tilt into someone coming the other way. She yelped - and was silenced by a large hand slapped over her mouth. Another hand chopped the gun out of her grasp and before she could do anything her arms were pinned behind her. She struggled instinctively, trying to get her tired brain to come up with an escape plan. Her captor dragged her in the direction of the action. They walked from the darkness into the flickering light of the flames.

'Hey!' he yelled in a deep voice that carried above the sounds of crackling, wailing, screaming and the rest.

It was hard to make sense of what was going on, but Amaryllis saw a few random figures in the smoke - figures in and out of uniform: some of them standing still, apparently too stunned to do anything, others staggering around as if injured, while a few people had recovered quickly and were helping the rest to safety. The uniforms were British army. Amaryllis and her colleagues had been tipped off that something was about to happen, but they had been too late to prevent it.

'Hey, English!' shouted her captor. 'I have one of yours - do you want her?'

Two figures emerged from the smoke. They stopped short. At first Amaryllis thought her captor was holding a gun on them, but, twisting in his grasp to look at him in the firelight, she realised that he had explosives packed round his body. 'Nice,' she thought, and realised she had said it aloud.

Nobody was going to rescue her at the risk of blowing everyone else up. She sighed. She was going to have to do it herself again as usual.

In this region men didn't expect women to put up much of a resistance, which was one thing in her favour. Another thing was that she had come top of her class in spy school when it came to working with explosives. And the third, decisive thing was that she had a syringe in her pocket containing a drug which, if only she could use it, would put her captor to sleep for a very long time - perhaps not long enough for a prickly hedge to grow up round him, but near enough.

Before the others even had time to recall their hostage situation training, she had wrenched one hand free, hooked a finger round the trigger mechanism he held, disabled it in one practised movement , extracted the syringe from her pocket and used it. She had seen the man slump to his knees without even knowing anything had hit him, and she had decided to retire.

It was just too boring and predictable being a spy. She would retire and grow petunias in a window-box.

She would retire and take up knitting, embroidery and pigeon breeding.

She would retire to a small community and provide nibbles for church socials.

~~~

For once even Christopher was satisfied with the range of nibbles on offer at the regular monthly meeting of the Pitkirtly Local Improvement Forum in the village pub, the Queen of Scots. There were cocktail sausages, samosas, carrot sticks and Pringles, and he had even caught a glimpse of two different varieties of dip at the other end of the bar. He took this as a sign that western civilization had finally arrived in Pitkirtly. The Queen of Scots wasn't exactly a cosmopolitan wine bar, but it was undoubtedly the nearest thing this side of the Forth Bridge.

He had just stuffed a handful of Pringles in his mouth when the door of the bar swung open. All eyes, including Christopher's, swerved to look in that direction, and stayed swerved. A tall red-haired figure clad in deep purple stood in the doorway for a moment before walking lithely forward into the room. The door clicked shut behind her. An unusual - and uneasy - silence spread through the room, wafting across people's heads rather like the veil of smoke that had, in less enlightened times but still within Christopher's memory span, emerged from Jock McLean's pipe in these very premises.

Women were certainly allowed into the lounge bar of the Queen of Scots, in fact some would say the provision of tables and chairs actively encouraged them to come in. But Christopher knew that once ensconced they were expected to know their place, which was in the corner, wearing a woolly hat at all times regardless of the ambient temperature, and drinking a womanly drink such as Dubonnet and lemonade while not drawing attention to themselves in any way. However, there was still instinctive resistance to women with an aura of ownership of self and surroundings, who walked decisively up to the bar and ordered whisky and water, without the tiniest hesitation on the threshold to try and judge whether the atmosphere was hostile or welcoming.

And as for walking smoothly and lithely over to the chairman's table and speaking directly to him before the meeting even reached an appropriate hiatus -

'Is this the monthly meeting of the Pitkirtly Local Improvement Forum? PLIF?' enquired the intruder.

Christopher nodded.

'So, who exactly is part of the forum?' the red-haired newcomer pressed him. 'Is it everybody in the pub, or just the select few?'

'The meetings are open to everybody who lives in Pitkirtly,' said Christopher. 'But there's a steering group - I'm the chair at the moment.'

And had been the chair since the beginning of time, he didn't add. If she hung around for long enough, she would work it out for herself.

'I'm sorry,' he added, 'we're in the middle of an agenda item - you'll have to wait until we've finished and then raise whatever you want to say under AOCB.'

'Fine,' she said, sitting down at the next table with the air of someone who knew exactly what she wanted and was willing to wait indefinitely for it. Her hair stood up attentively in dark red spikes.

'So,' said Christopher, raising his voice. 'The next item - the allotments by the roadworks on the A90. Jock - you were looking into an application under the Sites of Special Scientific Interest scheme.'

'Bad news, I'm afraid, Chris,' said Jock, beaming with satisfaction. 'The scheme's past its closing date for this year.'

'I'm not very pleased about that, Jock. In fact, I'm seriously displeased. I understood we had plenty of time to apply.'

'We would have done, Chris.' Jock nodded politely towards the newcomer in a way that made Christopher, who had always hated being called Chris, want even more than ever to wring his neck. 'We would've done. But with me going to Canada for three weeks, there was an unavoidable delay....'

'Last year it was Thailand,' grumbled Christopher. 'Are you ever in this country for more than two weeks at a time?'

'I can only do what I can do,' said Jock. 'If you don't want me to get involved, fine. I've got plenty of other fish to fry.'

He stomped out of the bar.

'Are you short of a quorum now?' enquired the annoying woman. 'I could stand in.'

'No, we're not short of a quorum!' snapped Christopher. 'He's only off for a smoke.'

There was silence at the two tables, and a babble of inconsequential conversation from the rest of the bar. Actually, Christopher reflected crossly, not relishing the idea of 'his' organisation being scrutinised under the microscope of an outsider's gaze, the content of the meetings was often fairly inconsequential too.

'Is it time for AOCB yet?' asked the interloper.

Christopher resisted the urge to put his head in his hands.

'We can't proceed until Jock comes back.'

'Do you organise events too?'

'Events?'

'Do you have a fund-raising team?'

'Not exactly - no.'

'I suppose you have a constitution, and all the requisite policies in place.'

'Are you from the Cooncil or what?'

Big Dave spoke up at last. He had got to his feet and was now towering over the woman, making her appear almost fragile by comparison.

'The Cooncil? Goodness, no. What an awful thought.'

She smiled to herself at the absurdity of it.

Christopher decided he quite liked her sleek style and the way she refused to acknowledge Big Dave's size and menacing tone.

'I'm Christopher Wilson, chair,' he said, standing up and extending a hand towards her. She ignored it.

'Amaryllis Peebles. I've never been on a committee before.'

'You aren't on one now, hen,' said Big Dave.

'Ah, but I live in Pitkirtly, so I plan to attend the meetings.'

'You live here?' asked Christopher, surprised. Most of the inhabitants of Pitkirtly were only there because their fathers, mothers, grandmothers and so on had lived there, and they couldn't think of anywhere else to go. The others - the ones in the new houses in Upper Pitkirtly - spent all their time and energy commuting into Edinburgh to work and so fortunately had nothing left for community activities, although Christopher had been living in fear for a while that they would decide to infiltrate PLIF and would take it over and insist something was actually done about improving the local area. He didn't think Amaryllis fitted into either of the categories. Or, as far as he could tell, any category.

'I've retired here,' said Amaryllis, obviously lying through her very even white teeth, since she didn't look a day over forty. Well, it was hard to tell how old she was. Any age between twenty-three and sixty-five, was Christopher's guess, and he wouldn't have dared to put anything that specific into words.

'OK,' said Christopher, 'fine. Now, the next item on the agenda - '

Jock McLean burst back in at this point, breathless and indignant.

'It's raining,' he complained at first, and then, in a doom-laden voice, 'and there's a lad from the Council coming down the street.'

'How do you know he's from the Council?' said Christopher. 'Does he have a name badge? A big banner?'

'A swag bag labelled 'expenses'?' added Big Dave, chortling.

'A scruffy leather jacket and jeans and a silly wee beard,' said Jock, nodding. 'A look of the sixties about him.'

There was a collective groan. Christopher shifted slightly in his chair to try and conceal the scruffy leather jacket that was hanging on the back of it.

'Maybe he's come to check the road surface,' said Christopher hopefully.

The sky was darkening outside in an ominous way, and just as the door of the bar swung open again there was a portentous roll of thunder with the accompanying sound of massed raindrops landing on the pavement. The man with the silly wee beard and the look of the sixties about him made his entrance. He had a bland face which was at the moment fixed, as far as could be determined under the beard, in a painful-looking pleasant smile. He went to the bar, running the gauntlet of a group of regulars, who gawped at him, no doubt wondering which of them had fallen foul of the local authorities.

After getting his half pint, the man swivelled round in mid-sip, perhaps trying to catch as many people's eyes as possible before his question.

'Is this the regular monthly meeting of PLIF?' he asked.

Everyone looked at Christopher.

'Yes,' he said, trying not to sound too self-important. 'Can I help you? Are you a local resident?'

'Just down the road,' said the man. 'Aberdour.'

'The meeting's open to anyone who lives in Pitkirtly,' said Christopher.

'I'm here on behalf of the Community Development and Knowledge department. Of the Council.'

'Community Development and Knowledge? I thought it was Social Work and Communities.'

'We've merged with the old Communities and Schools department,' the man explained. 'Everything's been re-jigged. So you'll be getting your funding through us in future.' He paused ominously. 'That is, of course, if you satisfy our criteria.' Another pause. 'But that shouldn't be a problem, of course.'

'Shouldn't it?' said Christopher, baffled by the mention of funding.

'As long as you can tick all the right boxes.'

'Boxes?' said Christopher even more helplessly.

'Do you want me to throw him out?' said Big Dave, giving the man one of his glares.

'I don't think that'll be necessary,' said Christopher. 'So what were you saying about those boxes?'

'Just carry on with your meeting,' said the man. 'I'll observe, if I may?'

'Right,' said Christopher doubtfully.

The man held out a hand suddenly.

'Steve Paxman.'

'I'm Christopher Wilson... you can sit round at this side if you like.... I'll take AOCB next.'

There was a silence - as there often was at this point in the proceedings.

'Any other business at all?' said Christopher, by now desperate for anything that would delay the evil moment when he would have to go home and see what sort of state Caroline was in and judge what kind of damage limitation might be necessary.

Amaryllis Peebles coughed quietly.

'Yes?' he said, not expecting very much.

'I wondered if you had ever looked for premises of your own.'

'Premises?' he said blankly.

'Yes,' she nodded. 'Premises where you could carry out your primary aim of improving Pitkirtly. Without being interrupted. By anybody.'

She seemed to be looking meaningfully at Steve Paxman as she said it, but it was impossible for Christopher to tell what was in her mind. Her expression was cool and calm, her speech quiet and rational. It was a novelty in a woman.

'Well - I don't know,' said Christopher.

'What's wrong with the pub?' growled Big Dave.

'Did you have anywhere in mind?' enquired Christopher. 'There aren't that many suitable places in Pitkirtly - in fact, I don't think I can think of any, off the top of my head. Well, that's why we meet here, you see.'

'That and the drinks,' said Jock McLean, laughing. Christopher willed him to shut up. Steve Paxman was looking at the old fool with an expression of sympathetic interest which must surely be false. Nobody could possibly find Jock sympathetic, or in any way interesting for that matter.

'What about the village hall?' said Amaryllis smoothly.

Jaws dropped open; glasses were frozen halfway to lips; one glass was dropped on the floor.

'The village hall?' said Steve Paxman. 'That sounds like an interesting idea.'

'It isn't,' said Christopher shortly.

Silence. Christopher didn't look at anyone, especially Amaryllis. He tried not to feel ashamed of his haste in dismissing her idea. Perhaps he should be more open to new ideas; perhaps he was just being lazy about it.

'So tell me about this village hall, then,' persisted Steve.

'It isn't really -, ' said Christopher.

'It's derelict now, of course,' said Amaryllis. Christopher realised Steve had been addressing her. He raised his head, deciding it might be a good idea to watch what was going on as well as listening, in case he missed anything. He wasn't a great one for interpreting body language and nuances of speech; he had to give himself as many clues as possible.

'It's been derelict for years,' said Jock. 'They might as well tear it down and start all over again.'

'I wouldn't say that,' said Amaryllis coolly.

'Well, it's a talking point anyway,' said Steve. He looked at his watch. 'I've got to be at Ballingry at eight - maybe next time we could go and have a look at this place.'

'Next time?' said Christopher faintly.

'How about next Tuesday evening?' Steve delved into a scruffy briefcase and pulled out a scruffy filofax bulging with odd bits of paper. He made a note.

'Wednesday afternoon would be better,' said Big Dave.

'OK, Tuesday at six-thirty it is,' said Steve, scribbling. 'We'll meet at the hall, yes?'

'That would be good,' said Amaryllis.

'Any questions?' said Steve.

'No,' said Christopher. 'Thanks for coming along.'

It was only by an extreme effort of will-power that he forced the words out of his mouth. They tried to hide behind his teeth but he was ruthless. Afterwards he wondered why he had bothered.

Steve nodded at them and left.

'The iron hand in the velvet glove,' nodded Jock, sucking hard on his pipe.

'Aye,' said Big Dave. 'Never trust a man with a silly looking beard and a filofax.'

The gathering broke up after that: their innocent pleasure in taking part in being responsible enough members of the Big Society to serve on a steering group had been dented, and Christopher just wanted to be on his own to get to grips with the new situation. He unintentionally found himself walking up the road with Amaryllis. Jock McLean wasn't far behind, and could perhaps be relied upon to come to the rescue - or, on a bad day, to dig an even deeper hole for Christopher than the latter could manage on his own.

'So why do you want to get involved with the Forum?' said Christopher, sticking to a safe topic.

'The Forum - oh, PLIF, you mean? I couldn't resist the name. It was just so ridiculous... Actually, I used to live in a village at one time. It was small and cosy, everybody knew everyone else. There was a village hall with coffee mornings and whist drives. I acted in the local drama group. There was a village school with about twenty pupils. The sun shone every day and there was honey still for tea.... You know what I mean?'

'Yes, I think so,' said Christopher. Strictly speaking he was only familiar with that kind of village through watching 'Miss Marple' and 'Midsomer Murders' on television, but he felt the two programmes pretty much covered the whole village scenario.

'A bit like Miss Marple,' said Amaryllis. 'Or Midsomer Murders.'

'Ah,' said Christopher.

'Anyway, when I found out about the village hall here, I thought it would be nice to try and get it on its feet again. As a sort of community centre.'

There were a few phrases that struck terror into Christopher, and 'community centre' was one of them. For some reason he thought of them as places where old people played Bingo in the afternoons, with nothing to offer anyone under sixty-seven unless they had a small child who went to a playgroup. The fact that he had spent quite a lot of time a couple of years before trying to persuade his aged father to go along to a carpet bowls session at an old people's day centre, only for Dad to die on that very carpet on his first visit, had perhaps prejudiced him unduly.

Distracted by the memory, he stepped out to cross the road without looking, having forgotten that cars did occasionally find their way down through the maze of narrow cobbled streets, and would have been mown down by a shiny black car that appeared from nowhere if Amaryllis hadn't grabbed him by the sleeve of the scruffy leather jacket that had embarrassed him earlier, and pulled him back on to the pavement.

'Idiot!' she screeched after the black car, making a variety of gestures, some of which Christopher hadn't seen before even when Young Dave crashed his motorbike into the wheelie bin outside the Queen of Scots.

'There are quite a lot of young people in this town,' Amaryllis continued, as they stood at the edge of the pavement like children, looking right, left and right again in contravention of the Green Cross Code, 'but you never see them outdoors. It's as if there's a kind of invisible curfew, and none of them are allowed out after dark. They could be doing all kinds of things - '