"My face on the Ground"

I walk slowly on the frozen ground

With my head stooped eerily down

The air painfully bites like a savage frost

And, here I am, I feel very lost

My heart is shackled in ice

Because the sun in me will never rise

My vulnerable heart is utterly broken

That I can even hear my own tragic requiem

If you dare touch me, I'll feel very cold

I have nothing but faded memories to hold

I have no real sense of direction

Like a blind man, I have lost my vision

The arctic wind crashes against my face

It's thrashing sound offers no peace

But, oh, melancholy

Why are you killing me?

Why are you toying with my memories?

Why pull me deeper into the chasm of distress?

Why color my day with dull gray?

To the cold sheet then I will lay

Yes, I lay on the ground

Its frigidness freezes my face into a frown

Calcifying my tears into beautiful snowflakes

Yet the sadness my heart can never take

But, no matter the biting pain, I will stay

If that is the only way to take the sadness away

But, please tear my heart from my chest

For I cannot take the feeling it provokes between my breasts

For the pain is torturing me

The past is driving me crazy

Oh, I will continue to lay with my face on the ground

If that will numb me and erase the emotion that used to abound

Yan Mei Ling could still not grasp the reality - that Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei was ultimately dead. Just a few days ago, he was talking to her, promising her that they would end up victorious.

His words kept on resonating in her mind like a very distant memory she would not want to forget:

'We will crush the Hsein army; we will all survive and emerge victorious. I am confident that if her abductors will indeed head our way, we will kill all of them and save the princess - that I can promise.'

His words were like the air that she breathed in; the one that she needed to be alive. It just seemed tragic that the air that she needed was inadvertently cut off from her. She felt like she was being strangled to death - she could hardly breathe. Her heart was mortally wounded and the pain it caused had tormented her; pushing her to the brink of hysteria. It was not something that she could just ignore like a dull ache that momentarily irked her; it rather felt like an opened wound that was repeatedly salted thus the pang was amplified to a level that she could barely tolerate. It was way too much.

Lu Jinhai. She was very disappointed with him. She could not believe that he did not bother helping Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei. Moments after the escape, he had tried talk to her, comfort her but she did not want to speak to him. He did not know just how much his actions a while ago deeply hurt her - he was a huge disappointment. Too think, she almost fancied herself liking him. And just like a house with a poor foundation shaken by an earthquake, it crumbled into dust. She did not hate him. In fact, she understand that he was only after her safety but he did not know what she felt about Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei. It was unfair to treat him with coldness but, still, she could not help but feel disappointed.

"Tang Lao Fang," someone called Yan Mei Ling.

Yan Mei Ling did not bother looking or answering; she remained seated on a secluded place while leaning on a huge tree. She did not feel like talking to any person for the fear that her emotions would get the best out of her. Despite her sadness, she still had her pride to uphold - she did not want to appear vulnerable.

"You should eat, you know." Lee Sui Song said in a worried voice a bowl of soup was in his hands. "You have been so detached since the escape. I am beginning to think that something happens to you."

Yan Mei Ling continued to ignore Lee Sui Song even if she felt a bit guilty for doing it. He did not deserve her apathy but she could not bring herself to respond. A heavy lump in her throat had obstructed any voice from coming off her mouth.

"I am sure you are grieving because we have lose so many fellow soldiers right now and some of them are our friends but do not get yourself ill." Lee Sui Song continued to speak with concern. "I will not pressure you to talk to me right now but should you feel like talking to someone or sharing the pain that is in your heart, please do not hesitate to call me. I am your friend and I am willing to listen, Tang Lao Fang." He carefully placed the bowl of soup beside Yan Mei Ling and silently bode his leave.

"Lee Sui Song," Yan Mei Ling called in a tremulous voice.

Lee Sui Song turned to look at Yan Mei Ling.

"Thank you for your understanding."

"Not a problem, Tang Lao Fang," Lee Sui Song said with a smile then he nodded his head to signal that he would be leaving. Yan Mei Ling nodded back to him in confirmation.

Yan Mei Ling tended her watery sight above. The sky had already been conquered by the darkness; there were no glittery stars or beautiful light coming from the moonlight that she loved - it looked as gloomy as what she was feeling right now. The air felt damp and the chill soaked to her bones causing uncomfortable tingles within her body, her teeth were shattering from the coldness but she ignored it. Oh, it was an infirmity of the heart that truly affected her; it even eclipsed the physical affliction that her body was experiencing.

She swallowed the lump in her throat as the pain came washing over her again like the huge waves from the sea as it desperately tried to touch the shore. Every time the pain came, the throb magnified to a hundred.

She knew that she still had the mission to save her best friend Li Lei Shuang but a part of soul was lost; a part of her will triturated to tiny pieces and she doubted if it would still be mended. She was grieving for the love she thought she had but unfortunately lost. Like a solitary pebble on the shore, the waves carried it away to the sea only to be irrevocably vanished forever into the ocean of uncertainty.

The world was indeed a cruel and harsh place to live. Just when you thought that happiness was within the palm of your hand, things had gone astray and like a stealthy thief during a moonless night, circumstances took it away from you without any warning.

She sobbed while placing her hand in her chest. She lightly thump it repeated as if trying to ease the pain that was consuming her entire senses but to no avail, it stayed to continuously plague her. She closed her eyes, exerting more effort as she did so, to prevent the tears from escaping but they persisted like wayward criminals on the loose, falling incessantly like the rain.

Crack!

The sky sounded like it was whipped but then a few moments later, the rain started to fall. She welcomed the angry outpour coming from the clouds of heaven, she needed a distraction from the throb within her heart. She was suffocating with too much pain but still, just like the other things she tried doing, it barely washed the pain away.

The thunder roared even loudly like an incensed tiger but she remained unfazed by it. She cried even louder even as the relentless thunder overpowered the sound of her cries. Her frame was rocking with extreme dolor, convulsing like a vehement volcano erupting the lava from its mouth.

'Oh, why does it have to hurt?' She began to punch the ground in a blind rage ignoring the dirt and mud splattering over her.

'But I need to be strong for Li Lei Shuang. I need to - I have to kill all the Hsien.' She continued weeping until she felt someone put a cloth around her. 'I need to kill the Hsien...'

"You should not stay outside when it is raining, Tang Lao Fang. You might get sick again." A gentle voice gently chided her.

Yan Mei Ling froze in shock. Had she gone mad with so much sadness that she could clearly hear his voice and vividly felt his touch? She turned around and saw Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei smiling at her.

Was she hallucinating? She still could not speak. A hand touched her forehead as if checking if she had a fever. It felt so gentle like a soft feather caressing her.

"They have set-up tents on the camp, why are you not there?"

His voice sounded so gentle like a tender breeze during the spring. It felt like a dream and she did not want to wake up if this was indeed a dream - he felt so surreal.

"Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei?" Yan Mei Ling's voice sounded like a croak. Disbelief written all over her face. Was she imagining everything?

"Yes?"

"I thought you were..." Yan Mei Ling's voice trembled with so much emotion; her lips quivering both from sadness and the cold. "That you were..."

"Dead?" Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei clarified with a gentle chuckle while raising his brow in surprise.

Yan Mei Ling nodded weakly unable to speak. She was shaking inside. It was hard to contain whatever was inside her.

"Of course, not," Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei chuckled lightly then he gently rumpled Yan Mei Ling's hair in a brotherly way. "Did I not promise you that we will crush the Hsein armies and end up victorious? Besides, we need to save the princess and, hopefully, help will arrive in the soonest possible time before we reach the Hsein's base."

Yan Mei Ling smiled with so much relief and happiness. It felt like the pain in her heart was instantly gone. It was as if that a huge rock that had been dislodged from her chest. "Can I... can I..."

"Yes?"

"Can I hug you?" She blurted out awkwardly then suddenly heat rose in her cheeks due to embarrassment. Why did she say that? Where did it come from?

"Uhm, I hope you do not get the wrong idea, Jinzhou," Yan Mei Ling babbled incoherently as if she was chewing her words. "I.. I just want to make sure that it is truly you - that you are truly alive and not just a figment of my imagination.. Yes... It is --" before she could finish her words, Lu Wang Wei immediately enveloped her in a fierce hug.

"I am very alive, Tang Lao Fang." Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei whispered to her - his voice full of emotions. He embraced her as if trying to protect her - to assure and promise her that he would always be there for her. "I will always protect you."

"Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei..." Yan Mei Ling hugged him back and leaned further into his hard chest; she never felt so secured and relaxed. She could hear the steady beating of his heart. It was so unlike hers which was beating rapidly that she almost run out of breath but she did not mind.

Yan Mei Ling had so many happy memories in her life. But this one, being in the strong arms of Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei, was one of the happiest. It did not matter if she was drenched and freezing from the rain for as long as she knew that he was alive, everything would be fine.

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