I woke up to my phone ringing at 5 am this morning. My mother called and gave me the monthly update and asked if I was keeping up with my studies.

I answered in short responses, too tired to deal with her lectures. If she found out about last night, I'd be in some deep shit.

Parties we're also a distraction.

I dressed very lazily today. I have 3 exams and don't really give a fuck about my clothing. I'm extremely hungover from last night.

All I can remember is Carter.

His smell.

His clothes.

The way he tucked me in and smiled at my ridiculous wining.

I hope I don't run into him today. The embarrassment would completely kick me in the ass.

I can't seem to get him out of my goddamn head and it's driving me mad.

I make myself a to-go coffee and head over to my science building for my psychology test. This is my final test until my mid-term exams in a few weeks and I didn't really study very much for it.

I'm praying to God I do well.

I sit at my seat and sip on my coffee to hopefully calm my nerves. My glasses feel heavy on my face because I haven't worn them in nearly a month.

My professor hands me my quiz and I have to beg my body to stay still from the anxiety coursing through me.

———————-

I failed that.

I couldn't focus on my test and I forgot most of the criteria.

Shit.

My phone rings and I answer the incoming call.

"Hello?"

"Hi," Chloe says on the other end. She sounds annoyed. Did I do something?

"Is everything okay?" I ask cautiously.

"You know that girl we met at the party? Audrey?"

I pause my walking, "yeah..?"

"She just texted me. I don't know how the hell she got my number but she wants to talk to you and I."

What?

"Uhhh," I pause, my eyes closing. A tsunami of confusion swarms me. "Is she pissed?"

"You tell me. We've only met her ass once," Chloe sighs. We agree to catch up on the situation later.

"Good morning, momacita!" Abby greets me. I flinch in over more confusion.

"You're allowed on campus?" I ask.

"Obviously. It's not like they'll be able to tell."

I chuckle.

"Can I talk to you?" She asks me, her tone turning serious.

I nod my head and we sit down on a concrete bench near a statue.

"So," she begins, fiddling with her hands, "there's this guy."

My eyes widen and my eyebrows raise. A guy? And i'm only just now hearing about this.

She continues, knowing I'm listening intently.

"We hooked up," she drops another bomb, "and I don't know if he likes me or not. I like him, a lot. I don't know how to tell him and-"

I interrupt her, "woah. woah. woah. Can we pause, please?"

She stops talking, her hazel eyes full of light. Her blonde hair is braided down her shoulder. She's wearing a grey scarf and a simplistic outfit of black with adorable knee high boots. Her Chanel bag - a birthday gift from her grandparents - sits next to her. The New York look is so adorable on her.

"Okay. First off, who is this guy?"

Her eyes drop to her intertwined hands and she smiles, her cheeks turning red. "He's just someone from the charity group," she says.

"He's so adorable and kind and" she pauses, her eyes trailing into space, "hot."

She smirks and puts her hands on mine excitedly, "he's kind of... freaky."

"Abby!" I whisper shout. I look around to see if other student who are walking around are close enough to hear her. She giggles and I can't help but smile.

She must really like this guy.

"Anyway," she sighs, "I just wanted to tell you. I've been so busy lately and I still need to tell Chloe."

I grab her hand in mine. "Abby, whoever he is and whenever you want me to meet him, I'll happily do it."

She smiles at me, "but I want you to know, you deserve the best. And as my best friend, if you don't get the best, I'll beat the shit out of him."

She laughs and I join her. It's true. She deserves so much happiness.

Her laughter dies down and she looks at me, "that goes for you too. I know you and I know you want to push Carter away but please," she pauses, "don't."

My eyebrows furrow.

"You have no idea what he thinks of you, Mandy," she says.

I feel myself freeze. I knew Carter liked me but I still don't really know where we stand.

Abby gives me another small smile before grabbing her bag, standing up, and reaching her hand out to me. "Lunch?"

I take her hand and we walk together off campus.

————————

A few days passed by and I hadn't seen or heard from Carter.

The whole situation with Audrey died down. She never contacted Chloe again but I had a feeling she would try to reach out.

I caught up on my homework and ate some takeout. I need to stop eating out so much. It's killing my bank account.

I felt somewhat lonely again.

Abby had more time this week, so we spent some more time together with Chloe but I still felt somewhat isolated.

I didn't want to admit it to myself but I had no choice.

I missed Carter.

And here I am, pathetic as it is, deciding if I should be the first to reach out to him or not.

What is wrong with me?

This isn't me. At all. Chloe always told me the "I don't chase, I attract bullshit." Clearly I never put that to mind.

I still don't even know what him and I are. I mean... I know we like each other.

I think.

I sit on my bed with wet hair, fuzzy cloud pants, and a tank top just scrolling through my phone.

I randomly feel the need to click on my photos app and when I do, there are photos I had no idea were on there.

Photos of Chloe and I (mostly random spam photos she took) and...

Carter?

Carter took pictures of himself at weird angles. One was of him shirtless, the morning he made me breakfast. Another was from the party a few nights ago that I don't remember posing for.

It's actually funny. I'm drunk as fuck but I'm holding up a peace sign and joking my cup while Carter holds the phone at a higher angle with an adorable smile on his face.

My chest goes warm at his smile.

Stop.

God, what am I doing? Get over yourself, Amanda.

I throw down my phone and pull out a small journal. Maybe I'll draw, maybe I'll write. Who knows.

Ding.

I practically jump for my phone but it turns out the notification wasn't from Carter. It's from a number I don't have in my contacts.

Is this Amanda?

I feel my heartbeat speed up. I have no idea who this person is.

Who is this?

Audrey. Landon's girlfriend.

Audrey? Why the fuck is she texting me?

M: Yes it's me. How'd you get my number.

It takes her forever to type out a simple sentence and I suddenly regret even responding.

A: I look at Landon's phone.

Uhhhh....

That's a red flag. A huge one.

A: I want to talk to you.

M: Is everything okay?

A: Yes.

What does this bitch want?

A: I saw how you were looking at him and I don't like it.

I completely pause.

What?

M: I'm sorry, I don't understand.

If we were in person, it would be visibly obvious how low my patience would be. And I've only met this chick once.

A: Yes you do. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I saw it all.

I'm so confused. I was barley around Landon at the party.

M: Landon and I are friends I promise. I never meant to offend you or anything.

When the message says 'read' the three dots don't come up for at least 5 solid seconds. My heart is pounding for whatever reason. I don't want confrontation with Landon's new girlfriend.

A: I'm not talking about Landon.

At that, I immediately stop.

What in the hell. I know exactly who it is now. Why would she be talking about Carter?

I am so consumed by confusion I don't even respond. And then it all hits me.

Why Carter was pissed when she came over; why she was giving him weird looks; why he was uncomfortable.

It all makes so much sense now.

But why? She's with Landon I thought. She actually wants Carter?

I don't know how I feel about that but I sure as hell know it doesn't make me feel all sugary sweet.

I shut off my phone, not wanting to respond.

That bitch.

Does Landon know? Oh my god how the hell am I going to tell him? He'll be heartbroken. He's been wanting to be with someone for so long and she doesn't even want him back.

Oh my god. This is such a mess.

I need to tell Chloe.

And for some reason, I'm jealous. I'm jealous of Audrey and her perfect body and hair. I'm jealous of her desire for Carter.

I don't know if she'll really do something about it. I mean, Carter may say he likes me but it's not like we're... together.

He can be with anyone he wants. Why should I give a fuck?

I lay myself down on my pillows as Friends plays on my laptop.

Life is just one jigsaw puzzle I don't know how to solve right now. And at this point, I'm debating just leaving it scattered.