"Thank you for dinner," I say to Landon as he holds the door for me.

"No problem Mademoiselle."

"So," I start, "a guy like you is really single?"

He chuckles, "yeah I know. Hard to believe right?"

I nod, "yes, actually. You're everything a girl could want. Respectful, kind. You're the package deal."

"Thank you, really," he places his hand over his heart, "No, I just haven't found that girl, you know?"

I wish.

"Evaluate, please?"

"Well," he sighs, "I want someone fun. All the girls I've been with are either too immature or just get bored. I want someone I can laugh with and be serious with. It should be both."

I nod.

"I'm waiting for someone who's waiting for someone like me, I guess." His head is bowed down as he walks, almost as if thinking the thought made him sad.

Poor guy.

"Don't worry. I promise you'll find someone," I nudge his arm, "this city is huge, there's gotta be someone here for you right?"

"I guess we'll find out soon enough," he says, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat.

Landon walks me to my building and I promise him I'll introduce him to Chloe. She'd love him.

She doesn't seem like his type, but he would love her too.

--------------

"Do you think I'm fat?"

I look up at Chloe immediately.

"What?" I shake my head. Did I hear that right?

"Do you think I'm fat?" She asks again.

"Chloe what the fuck. You're not fat. At all."

"You think?" She asks again, rubbing her hand over her stomach in front of my full length mirror.

"Chloe, you have abs."

She stops for a second, "well, yes but I feel so bloated sometimes."

I roll my eyes, turning back to my computer.

I've been working my ass off on this essay for my psychology class. It's taken me nearly a week to write.

My psychology courses mean a lot to me. If I get my full credits, I can graduate with any degree is psychology or psychiatry I want.

I was lucky enough to get accepted to NYU with an academic scholarship, but I need to work in order to prove myself.

"I want some coffee. Do you want some coffee?" Chloe asks, walking over to grab her bag.

"Where are you going?"

"Starbucks. I'm kinda feeling the Caramel Brûlée Latte." Her red hair bounces as she nods her head in excitement.

"Nice, no thanks though." She waves and walks out, shutting the door behind her.

I turn in my essay. Re-read it twice to make sure I don't have any spelling errors and slam back onto my bed.

I'm exhausted.

Just went I go to close my eyes, my laptop starts to ring.

Abby.

I have to force myself to sit back up and answer her incoming call.

"Hello beautiful!" She screams into the laptop and I can't help but smile.

I miss her so fucking much.

"So I have some news," she claps her hands in excitement.

"News?" I ask and she nods her head.

"It's a surprise for your birthday."

My birthday.

I completely forgot about my birthday coming up. These past couple of months have been so stressful, I forgot about anything other than studying and surviving.

"You seem shocked," she cocks her head, "you didn't forget did you?"

I open my mouth to lie to her but I can't. She knows me too well.

"Amanda! It's in two freaking weeks and you forgot?!" Her hands go in the air out of frustration.

"Yes, okay? School has been stressful," I admit. Her brown eyes turn sympathetic and I know if she were here, she'd hug me and tell me to take it one second at a time.

I really wish she didn't live halfway across the country.

She sighs, "Mandy, I told you I won't be there to get you out once and a while. You have to even out your mental and physical needs."

I nod, "I know, I know. I've been outside a few times."

She rolls her eyes, "stop being a smart ass."

I laugh at her and she shakes her head.

"Well my surprise will make you very happy. I know that for sure. And it better or else I'll take it back," Abby says, pointing a finger at me.

"I'm sure it will. When does it come?"

"It's not an it, and it should be arriving the week of your birthday," she says, a mischievous smile forming on her lips.

Uhh what?

"What?" I ask, completely confused, "what do you mean its not an it?"

She claps her fingers together and squeals, "you'll see."

Okay...

"Okay I gotta go. I have to get some service hours done but I'll call you next week," Abby smiles.

"Okay, see you soon."

"Love you!"

"Love you too." I say, and hang up the call.

I slam my laptop shut.

What kind of surprise could she possibly have?

She lives in Texas. The only way I'd get anything from her is if she shipped something to me.

Guess we'll fucking find out.

I get up and walk over to my small "kitchen" counter for a snack.

The dorms are super tiny but luckily there's space for a few things. I used most of my counter space for a coffee maker, air fryer, and microwave I got for Christmas last year.

My mother says she only got them because I need them. Their necessities that every college student needs.

That was when she was in a good mood.

The city outside my window is buzzing with people. It's actually kind of weird. Seeing all of these people, going different places, and doing different things. Everyone's life is so different.

I moved to the city of my dreams, with the career I wanted in store, and my friends by my side, even as I made new ones.

But something was still... missing.

I still felt an emptiness and I couldn't understand why.

In high school, I just sort of dealt with it. I figured once I moved, everything would change. And it has for the most part. But I felt that moving to New York would be the physical shift.

And still, nothing.

I had done so much, and still I felt like my life held some sort of meaningless.

I don't know what it is I wanted. Or still want. But I'm sick of trying to find it. Shouldn't it be coming to me?

Life is a pain in the ass.

Fuck this.

I'm going to take a long ass nap.