《To: Spider-Dweeb (P. Parker x Reader)》✆ 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚘 𝙺𝚊𝚛𝚝 ✆
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╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
Avengers ASS-emble🍑
Concerned father™
Bitch. Peter almost killed me
HOW DARE YOU BRING SLANDER UPON MY NAME
I JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE
Mario didn't raise no wimp
LIAR!! I was minding my own business driving to go get some Chick-fil-A when all of the sudden SPIDER-MAN comes crashing through my passenger side window and yells at me to "STEP ON IT! IM GOING TO INGDIE! MY LIFE IS IN DANGER! YOUR CHICKEN STRIPS IM BEING SHOT AT!"
👀
RIGHT SO ITS TOTALLY LOGICAL FOR YOU TO BREAK INTO MY CAR WHILE IM DRIVING SO THEY CAN ALSO SHOOT AT ME YOUR ING GIRLFRIEND
Idk run
NEWS FLASH!! YOU'RE A SUPERHERO
SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP
So there I was driving as fast as my 2013 Ford Escape could go with a low tire down the crowded streets of NYC because I was feeling like getting boujee Chick-fil-A
My masked vigilante boyfriend screaming like a whiny toddler in my passenger seat with glass everywhere
Being shot at by weird alien laser gun things
And that's when my life got flipped-turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you how I WAS ALMOST BLASTED TO DEATH
Yeah and what about it salmonella
MY CAR GOT TOTALED, PETER
AND MY INSURANCE DOESNT COVER BEING SHOT AT BY DERANGED SUPERVILLAINS, pEtEr!!
tHANK YOU, TONY
😪
Take it in. It'll never happen again
I cAnT oUtRuN wEiRd AlIeN lAsEr BlAsT gUn ThInGs
Well guess what, PETER! I CANT OUTDRIVE WEIRD ALIEN LASER BLAST GUN THINGS
So can someone come pick me up? Peter left me in a ditch to fight the weirdos is neon purple spandex
THOR COME PICK ME UP
Oh pretty rainbow :D
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