"Tears are words the mouth can't say nor can the heart bare." ― Joshua Wisenbaker

As soon as I got inside my room, I let the tears free. My chest is so heavy, so were my eyes from the emotions I've been holding the whole time. I was just happy for like twenty-four hours and then lost it in just a second.

I chuckled humorously as the scene at the Mailov's dining room flashes in my head once more. How confident Cassie to show up and claiming her baby was Xandrous is. How tough of her to come and fight for the right of her baby.

If I knew I had a baby that time, would I have the balls to tell Xandrous? Or fight for my baby's right?

Again, the thought of losing Xandrous, and then my lost baby made me feel all the more vulnerable. The tears kept streaming, incessantly. I felt like there no point in living anymore. I feel empty, like a part of my body has gone, and it's just left this pain that won't go away. And I knew I will never get over him. Never. I would always feel the fresh pain when I think of him.

God, when am I going to have my happy ever after? Just like my mom?

I trust Xandrous but what if he truly owns the baby? Can I really accept it? Living with him all the while he has a child with Cassie?

I wipe my damp face and let my body drop on my bed.

"My baby is Xandrous' baby. Don't be stupid, Ms. Pallos. We made this together with the same intention. I didn't force him," her words echoed in my head again like a mantra, I felt again the familiar pain. The feels like a sharp knife runs through your heart and left it bleeding, over and over.

We made this together with the same intention. I didn't force him.

Her words kept echoing in my head and I'm beginning to believe it, especially when he said he's always drunk. Thinking that they have done it many times felt like a knife piercing my heart all the more. I felt like my life is meaningless again. That feeling of hopelessness, despondent, and desperate, took me all over again.

"Why can't I be happy?" I murmured and chuckled lightly like a lost soul all the while wiping my non-stop tears.

"Happiness comes after the tears, the pain, Just wait and don't lose hope, honey," I heard mom's voice and I quickly wipe my eyes and sat upright. She was standing on the door frame watching me with the same expression when Elle left.

"Mom," I force a smile and she smiled back but I could feel the bitterness underneath that smile, for me.

She walks towards me and then perched on the side of my bed, pulling me closer to her and then hug me. "Trust Xandrous, honey. I think that Cassie was making it all up. After she schemed her leukemia, it's not surprising if she schemed her pregnancy as well," mom comforted and I unconsciously nodded. My tears starting dropping again like raindrops.

"But what if the baby is his, mom?" I looked up to meet her eyes who was staring at me as well, sullenly. "He said he's always drunk, what if they did it many times, that why she got pregnant?" I wailed, my heart felt heavier all the more. My world collapsed at the thought.

"Sshhh. Don't think of the negative things that could happen. Be positive, everything will go in place, just don't lose hope. If he loves you, he will fight for you, and marry you instead of that girl even if she's carrying his child," I look at mom again incredulously through the tears.

Her palm rubbing my back in circles and I felt happy at some point that I have a mom like her. Very sweet and caring. She's the best mom.

"Mom, I can't live with him if the baby is his? The baby needs his name, and I'm stealing that if I'll marry Xandrous knowing he has a child who needs his name and a father to look up," I shook my head in disapproval, all the while my heart sinking.

"God, I don't want to live anymore," I cried out, and mom hugs me tighter.

"Please don't say that, honey. You are so beautiful to waste it for a guy. There's a lot of guys out there, just try to open your heart, honey, and give them a chance," mom nuzzled me in her arms, almost cradling me. "You know, when God closes the door, somewhere He opens another," mom quipped seriously. "If one thing of your life ends, then another begins. Every time someone walks out of our life, we pass the next person walking in," mom added as she kept on rubbing my back, comforting me.

I smiled bitterly. For how many years I tried to give the others a chance, I never succeeded. He still lurks beneath my heart. Stayed there, tattooed and never left. I dated a lot, but none seems to replace him. He always has my heart. "That only applies to opportunity, mom," I said as I wipe my tears. I pulled myself away and kick my shoes off then crawled in my bed. I don't have the energy to clean my face, or have a shower. I still have my dress on and I don't want to go change either. I just want to curl in my bed and cried. To cry out the pain, maybe will lessen the heaviness of my chest, but I know that it will never help.

I curled under my bed cover, lying on my side. I felt mom pulled the bed cover until my shoulder and kisses me on the cheek. "When I found Ferdinand, my first boyfriend cheating on me, I was devastated. I thought I would never find happiness anymore. I cried every time I remembered it and the pain is always fresh. I avoided every man who showed interest in me and tried to focus on my career and to help my mother and sister, but then I met your father," mom said. I heard this before, but I listened anyway. Mom was trying to point out something, and I know what is it. She wants me to move on, but how?

I have tried it before, but I failed miserably.

"Mom, I'll try. For now, I want to trust Xandrous. I will be by his side until the test comes out. I'm just hoping the baby wasn't his and she just schemed it," I said as I tried to believe it that way. The thought helps a little bit, but not enough to stop the tears.

Mom rubs my shoulder. "Honey, it's not good to go to sleep with your make-up on," mom warns me with that soft soothing voice.

"I'll clean it up later, mom," I said. My voice came out raspy and it felt so dry and sore.

I heard the door opens and I didn't bother to check who it was. "How is she?" I heard dad's voice. He sounded worried. I felt the bed being lifted up.

"She's crying," mom responded softly, enough for me to hear it.

The bed dipped again and then I felt a palm rest on my shoulder. With the size of it, I knew it was my dad. I felt the tears doubled and soaking my pillow. I tried to suppressed it but it kept running like a water tap.

"Vicky," his rich deep voice but held softness in it reach my ears which made me feel all the more emotional.

"Dad, I'm fine," I lied but my tears didn't stop. It kept coming.

"Babe, let's leave her for now," mom cajoled dad, but he didn't move.

"I hate to see my girls, crying. I hate to witness my princess hurting. Tell me how can I help? I can arrange the grandest party and invites all the hot suitable males to meet you, and maybe you'll find one of them interesting and forget that son of a bitch!" dad rambled with a determined voice and I chuckled between sniffing.

Men don't really understand women.

"Dad, I'm fine. And thank you for doing that, but you don't have to," I sniffed.

Dad let out a loud sighed and I could hear the frustration in his sigh. "How about we go on a vacation again while you're on vacation. We will go to Brazil to see your cousins?" dad suggested, sounding too desperate to divert my attention.

"Babe, let's leave her alone for now. All she needs tonight is rest," mom finally pitch in.

"But, I can't go to sleep thinking that my princess is crying?" dad protested and I can't help but roll my eyes. I've been longing for them to give me attention but now I've got it, but sometimes, I felt like it's suffocating. With dad, he's all over me now that Elle is not here.

"Dad, I'll be fine," I turned around to face him. He was looking at me with the same expression and mom, melancholy. Dad wipes my damp cheeks and then my eyes. The tenderness in his touch swelled a part of my heart with happiness. I'm just grateful I have very supporting and loving parents.

"I love you, dad," I smiled through tears.

"I love you so much, princess," Dad responded and then leaned over and kissed my forehead. Mom was just watching us with a smile on her face.

"Stop crying, it breaks my heart to see you crying," dad said tenderly and brushes my hair away from my face. I nodded as I tried to suppress the tears.

"Goodnight, dad," I said and he nodded. "Goodnight, mom," I said to my mother and she move closer to me and leaned in, giving me another kiss on my cheek as she murmured goodnight, too.

My parents already were gone, and I'm alone again. I tried to sleep to temporarily shuts off my brain, but my eyes and mind wouldn't allow it. I begrudgingly got out of my bed and headed straight to the washroom. Peeling off all my clothes, I walked towards the counter sink, leaving my clothes in a heap, and remove the make-up.

As I cleaned my face with the make-up remover wipes, I saw my reflection in the mirror. I look like a zombie, mascaras smudges under my eyes, eyes puffy and bloodshot, my lips looks dry and my cheeks were red so were my nose from non-stop crying. I look away and tried to clean every makeup products left on my face, including the mascara.

Not long, I was in the shower. The warm water felt relaxing as it slowly cascaded through my body. The tears that I thought already dried out were on it again. Running with the water non-stop.

After a while, I was done. I toweled my body to dry and then wrap the damp towel around my hair as I walked naked out of the washroom heading to my closet. I pulled a black underwear and just a plain long shirt.

As I dried my hair in front of my vanity mirror, I heard my phone ringing. I plugged off the hair blower and walked towards my small purse where I stuff my phone.

I fished it out and then connected the call. "Hello," I started. My voice is a little rough, and whoever is on the other line would notice that I just cried.

"Vicky?" a strained deep voice resonated in my ears. It was Xandrous.

"Hey?" I responded with equally strained voice. I felt like a lump just stuck at the back of my throat. I could feel the tears slowly welling up again.

"I'm sorry. I hope you trust me, I don't really remember anything that happened between us," he explains and I could feel the weight he's carrying which made my heart felt heavier.

I swallowed thickly. I made my way to my bed and perched on the side, my back leaning against the headboard.

Suppressing the tears, my voice sounded strangled. "I trust you, Xandrous." I bit my bottom lip and squeeze my eyes shut. My heart seems to betray me. My heart was saying different things. I'm losing my hope. I'm feeling empty. Numbness is starting to settle in my heart.

"I love you so much, Vicky. No matter what happened, I will always love you. I will always choose you, and you will always my baby," Xandrous' said sincerely and I burst into tears. I couldn't contain it anymore. The intensity of his words just hit me right through my heart, hard and sharp.

"I love you so much, Xandrous. I don't know if I could still live without you," I blurted out as I wipe the tears incessantly rolling down my cheeks.

"Please don't cry, baby. It's breaking me," Xandrous said. "I've never done something right. I've always made you cry. When am I going to make you smile and laugh?" Xandrous blabbered. I smiled unconsciously.

"Knowing that I still own your heart makes me happy," I responded shortly. I dried my eyes and forced to laugh. I want him to hear me laugh and lessen the weight of pain he's carrying. I knew he's hurting just like me. I could feel it. It feels like our heart fused at the moment.

"Can I see you?" he randomly ask. My eyes suddenly darted to the clock beside me. It's almost twelve.

"Are you sure?" I asked, averting my eyes from the clock towards the vanity mirror.

"I'm outside your gate," he responded briefly which made me scrambles out of my bed and headed to my balcony. From my balcony, I could see the gate, but I'm not sure if I could see past the gate since it was far and the gate was high.

The cool breeze welcomes me when I opened the connecting door, and walk towards the iron ornate banisters. From where I stood, I could only see the guardhouse and the front gate, but behind the gate, I couldn't make out his car.

"I can't see you from my balcony," I said wrapping my shoulders with my hands, covering my bare shoulder from the cold wind. "Mom and dad might still be up," I murmured as I walked back inside and close the door behind me.

"I missed you," he responded sweetly and the urge to feel his touch overpowers me.

"I'm coming," I said decidedly and then hung up. I quickly find my robe and slip on my pink bunny flip flops and quietly sneak out of the house.

Just as I'm out of the door, I let out a lungful sighed and I saw Xandrous' black Ferrari waiting for me. I quickly walk towards the sleek car and hope in.

"My father would find out you were here!" I said as I leaned over and kiss him. He held me by the waist and kissed me hard. "Let's go before dad and mom finds out I wasn't in my room," I giggled, feeling naughty.

Xandrous groaned as he releases me and then starts the car. Xandrous rolled down his tinted window and I talk to the guard whom I forget his name. He's been working with us since I wasn't born.

"Don't ever tell dad and mom I went with Xandrous, okay?" I told him in my icy voice. "If they ask you, just tell them you didn't see me or him, understood?" I gave him my cold look and he nodded. He's older and I felt disrespectful but I'm too desperate to sneak out.

If dad and mom will find out, they will surely drag me back home. I want to spend this night with Xandrous.

"Thank you," I said and stifled my smile as I look at Xandrous. He was leaning towards me so he can see the guard.

"Thank you, Alister!" he said and gave him a smile. The guard smiles back and then Xandrous drove away.

We arrived at his condo. The second time I visited it. The fact that Cassie has been here many times gives me this awkward feeling. The uncomfortable air surrounding me. "Come in," Xandrous opens the door wider as he stood beside it, waiting for me to step forward and into his abode, where maybe the baby was made.

I look around the entrance of his condo, and everything screams extravagance. Every furniture just like his room, screams of him. Very masculine. Dark type of furniture contrasting the white walls.

"Baby," my thoughts interrupted when I heard Xandrous' voice. My frozen legs went back functioning. I step inside and tried to shook off the uncomfortable air I'm breathing in.

"Are you alright?" Xandrous was already beside me, pulling me closer to him. His warm body against mine washes the uncomfortable feelings. I nuzzled my head against his hard chest, my hands coiled around his waist.

"Are we going to sleep in the same bed where you slept with Cassie?" I asked without thinking. He suddenly pulls me away, at arm's length and stared at me apologetically.

"We didn't sleep, I mean I didn't want to sleep with her. She took advantage of my drunkenness," Xandrous tries to reason out and I put my finger over his lips to stop him from explaining.

"I didn't mean that way. I know she manipulated everything," I gave him a reassuring smile that I believe. "What I mean is, I don't want to sleep in the same bed which will remind me how cunning that bitch is," I said softly, dropping my hand back around his waist and pulled him closer to me.

"I can arrange a room for us. Come," he led me to his living room and we sat together as he dialed his phone. His free hand was resting on my side, my head leaning against his shoulder.

"Yes, I would like to book the presidential suite," he said. "Could you arrange that now?" he added in his powerful voice that sometimes, I don't recognize sometimes.

"Alexandrous Mailov," he responded after a short pause. I felt his lips kissing my forehead and I smiled as I look up. He gave me a brief kiss on my lips. "Good," he said, then he kissed me again all the while listening to the other line. "We will be there in ten minutes," he said then hanging up the call.

"Let's go," he said. I remember I have no other clothes other than the ones I'm wearing. Just a long black loose shirt and my black underwear.

"I have no clothes," I blurted out as I stood up.

He just smiled. "I'll email my secretary to send us clothes first thing in the morning. Besides, I'm sure we won't be up early," he grinned maliciously and I shook my head in disbelief.

............

"Why are you ruining your life, Taryn. Your mother won't be happy if she's here to see you like this. Slowly ruining your life," Ms. Asker said. Taryn Asker downed the Whiskey and glared at oblivion. His back was facing his aunt who took care of him since he was born. His mother Tara died when he was seven. She couldn't stand the hypocrisy of the society that she decided to end her life.

Her twins Tamara who looks exactly like his mother except the mole under her aunt's eyes, nobody could tell who's who.

Tamara promised to take care of him that she even forget her own life. She focused on her nephew, whom she considered her own now, to grow up to be a good man, so her twin sister would be happy and proud, wherever she is. A tear escaped her eyes as she watches her nephew's back, with pity. She knew he always wanted a father.

"Alexandrous Mailov doesn't deserve to be happy. None of them should deserve to be happy!" Taryn grits his teeth as he poured another Whiskey in his glass.

Tamara Asker just watched him again, with her heart bleeding. She gave him everything he needed, but she always lacks. And she would never give him that.

A father.

..................................

A/N: Yay, another chapter done. I can't sleep so I was up before my alarm and took me four hours to write this, even if I feel groggy since I only slept barely four hours.

Anyhow, please don't forget to show your support by voting, or maybe make the author smile with your comments.. Thank you and have fun reading.