Inverness was what I imagined it. Pretty town, freezing climate, packed with tourists, and dozens of shops spilling out of their front doors selling niff-naff. Lucky for us we were way past trading hours when we arrived at the station after an epic twelve hour journey. Wearily, we trod through the streets looking for vacancy signs beneath the guest houses. Every single sign read full. It was too late to be gallivanting around Loch Ness looking for the Loch Ness monster. There was leaflet a tourist must have dropped on the train talking about Loch Ness. It was full of quirky little facts and figures about the lake and the surrounding area. But what took me by surprise was the sheer enormousness of the lake. Approximately twenty three miles long. Twenty three miles!! How the hell was I going to find the Loch Ness monster? I found myself becoming more disparage as a group of elderly men with wiry beards, khaki shorts, pale legs, white socks and beige sandals walked past us.

“I’ve spent fifty years looking for Nessie!” One old man exclaimed to another.

“Well I’ve spent fifty-two years!” The other man said refusing to be bested.

“I once saw Nessie, thirty three years ago.” Someone else joined in.

“Rubbish, all you saw was a piece of drift wood.” A voice snapped.

The old men passed and headed into a pub called “The Nessie”. Kind of ironic really. Dante wasn’t feeling the whole tourist vibe. Contrary to my dream he cringed every time he saw a shred of tartan or a ‘I

“Why do human do this?” He asked in horror and confusion.

“Do what?” I replied.

“Have you seen those t-shirts? There hideous!”

“I don’t think it’s a fashion statement Dante.”

“I know. It’s a fashion travesty.”

“I used to wear t-shirts like that all the time. People buy it as reminder of the places they have been and the fun times they had. My parents used to buy them for me-” I stared down at the floor remembering all the nice times I had been on holiday with my parents. It made me sad and almost tearful thinking about them. Dante stopped abruptly,

“Can I have some money?” He asked.

“Sure.” I said, taking out a ten pound note and handing it to him.

Dante dived into a newagents that stayed open all night and a few minutes later came out the store carrying a cuddly Nessie. I blinked as he shoved it into my hands and looked up at him puzzled.

“Now you have nice reminder of me.” He said emphasising ‘nice reminder’.

I gave the toy a squeeze and said, “Thank you.”

It felt kind of strange- Dante doing something nice, something selfless for a change. He shrugged off and changed the topic,

“I don’t think we are going to get a place for the night.” He said.

“We have to keep trying. I am dying for a shower- you have no idea how much I miss showers Dante.” I said, Dante’s bathrooms in the castle were nice but pretty basic. The whole castle lacked electricity. Okay it had plumbing and a functional toilet which I thank God for everyday, but I missed the little human luxuries like the internet and tv.

“Where else can we try?” Dante said.

“Hey, excuse me!” A scottish accent drawled, “I couldn’t help over hearing your problem finding a place to kip down for the night. There’s a floating hotel down by the jetty called ‘Nessie’s’. A coach load of folk were meant to be staying the night but they cancelled last minute. I’d try you luck there.” A man said.

“Thank you.” I said.

I led Dante to a taxi rink and asked the cabbie to take us to this Nessie’s. I asked the man,

“Do you know it?”

“Ay, I know Nessie. Everyone knows Nessie. She’s had that boat fer years.” He said.

“Is it good?”

“Depends on what you looking for?”

“Clean and safe I guess.”

“Well then it should suit you down to the ground.” The cabbie said.

He dropped us off by the lake side and sure enough was a good sized boat floating on the lake at the end of a little wooden jetty. Dante gripped my hand in a death like vice as I walked towards the jetty.

“Wait.” He said nervously.

“What?” I asked.

“That’s water.” He said pointing at the lake.

“Well, yes some people call it that.”

“No, no, you don’t understand- it’s water.”

“Dante I think we are having a communication problem here because I know what water is and that there is water. What I fail to see is why it is a problem.”

“I can’t swim.” Dante said weakly.

Dante looked genuinely terrified, the kind of terrified that you see in the eyes of a cat or a dog as their owners drag them towards the bathroom for their annual scrub.

“We won’t be going in the water Dante. Just on the boat. Don’t freak out on me.” I said calmly.

“Ebony if you love me, please do not make me go on that floating death contraption.” Dante said.

Our voices must have caused a racket because a red headed woman poked her head out one of the port holes and yelled,

“Are yer planning on coming on to my boat or not?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

Dante and I both said simultaneously.

The woman squinted her eyes at the pair of us and said, “I didn’t think the vampire would come on to the water.”