The only comfortable chairs in the library were in the manga section, so that’s where I was. Eating an apple and skimming through a copy of Tokyo Ghoul towards the end of my free 5th, I suddenly dropped the book in my lap when I felt my phone buzz. That was the email alert… Theo had shown me how to make it do that a few days ago. It was surprisingly handy.

It was from my homeroom teacher, with a very suspicious headline: Come talk to me, please…

The email said she needed to see me right away. Awesome. I couldn’t remember doing anything bad recently to warrant such a message, but anytime a teacher says something like that to you there’s a safe bet it’s not going to be anything good. Ugh, when is it ever?

I was in full worst-case-scenario-mode as I carefully knocked on the open door…

Mrs. Beele was scrubbing something off the whiteboard, and she turned and gave me a wide smile.

“Ravina come on in, I have some amazing news for you!” She put the eraser down and beckoned me in.

I was sure I looked utterly terrified because she laughed as she sat down behind her desk.

“Don’t worry, it really is good news. Have a seat.”

I sat nervously at the desk at the front of the room, closest to hers.

“So, um…” I tried to say.

Mrs. Beele smiled and laced her fingers together.

“I know how frustrating it must have been not to pass the placement test,” she said.

I blinked. What now?

“I mean in truth you did pass, with flying colors. But I understand how much you wanted to receive a scholarship. That’s why I’m so happy to tell you that there’s been a change.”

Out of all the ways I thought this was going to go, absolutely none of them were this way.

“Now before you say anything, allow me to explain.” Mrs Beele sighed. “Unfortunately one of the students who passed this test has been suspended for cheating-”

Holy shit. I managed to bite my tongue.

“I realise that’s probably not how you wanted to pass, but perhaps it was meant to be.”

Silence.

Mrs. Beele stared at me for a few moments.

“Ravina, are you alright?”

I looked up at her, completely unsure of what to say. It felt like I’d entered some alternate dimension.

“So you mean…”

She smiled. “Yes, you-”

“He’s not at school?”

Mrs. Beele tilted her head. “Who?”

“The- the student who…”

“Ah well, I suppose not. Ravina,” she frowned. “Are you okay?”

“Yes I just… need to call someone. Can I go?”

I watched as she put her hands under her desk. When she reached up again she’s holding some papers stapled together.

“Of course. I see this news must be very overwhelming. Here, I’ll give you the scholarship forms to look over. Don’t worry about filling them out for now, I’ll help you next Monday. Until then, you can figure out which ones to apply for. Keep in mind, you can choose whichever one you want but I’d apply for two or three if I were you, since the schools like to know they’ve given the spots to well-rounded people.”

I took what she offered me with shaky hands, then started to make my way out.

“Thanks.” I muttered, attempting to smile.

“You’re very welcome Ravina,” she said. “Congratulations.”

I started to walk back through the hallways, trying to get outside. My mind whirled over what had just happened and I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I was feeling.

A small part of me, deep inside, was ecstatic with unbridled joy which the rest of me was keeping quiet. Theo. I needed to find out what happened…

What the hell is wrong with me? How could I be excited about this when I didn’t even know if he was okay? I mean, he got expelled! I was sure that wasn’t going to go over well with his family.

I stopped in my tracks. And what did this mean of our game? Not that such a thing existed anymore… but really. I guess I assumed that Theo would keep the scholarship. There were other paths I could take where we’d both end up happy, as long as we were together. But now what? Could I really go through with this while Theo got nothing? How was that fair?

Somewhere, my mind whispered some evil thought that fair isn’t cheating in the first place. I shook that out of my head as I got outside and reached into my bag for my phone. Let’s see, it was almost 4. I mean surely he must be home by now. He wasn’t at school.

My throat tightened. Damn it.

I dialed his number but it rang through. Hmm.

I texted him as I walked home…

Ravina

We should talk

When I got home I went straight back to my room, but I didn’t know what to do. Part of me wanted to start reading through the different scholarships. I imagined what my mom and Charlie would say… they’d be proud of me, right?

Then I thought of Theo at the dinner table with his family that night. Silent. Not even raising his eyes up, scared of letting them down.

God knows I’d let my family down, all the time. I tried not to, but sometimes it’s as inevitable as growing up. Sadly, Theo might have been right when he’d said he needed the scholarship more than me.

There was no going back now, but if there was I might tell myself to just let him keep it.

Sighing, I collapsed dramatically onto my bed, my phone still in hand.

“Would you really have let him keep the scholarship?” I said to myself out loud.

My mind spun… would I?

I was a fighter, that’s for damn sure. I played the game that he wanted me to play and I gave it everything I had. It wasn’t my fault I fell in love with the lucky bastard. But giving up? Giving in?

A month ago I would have said no chance in hell. I suppose now there wasn’t even a need to concede for either of us. But if given the chance, would I have? I mean, in a way I did. I told Theo I loved him and put an end to The Game damn the consequences, but by then I didn’t have anything to lose anymore. Ravina The Hypocrite…

My phone buzzed the Theo ringtone and I sat up immediately. There’s a text from him and I held my breath as I read it.

Theo <3

Train tracks.