I wanted to slam my door but my family was asleep. Fucking James! Jesus. I closed my eyes in anger, remembering his words.

“You’re not good for him, Ravina.”

I fell into bed, grabbing a pillow to my chest and squeezing it as hard as I could. A part of me wishing I could actually squeeze the life out of Theo’s friend. Grrr…

“Hey, Ravina, can you turn the music down?”

I glanced back at James in the rear view mirror, then smiled.

“Emo-pop not your style?” I smirked.

James just shrugged. “I gotta talk to you about Theo…” he said.

That got my attention.

I quickly switched off the radio and turned my whole body to look at him.

“What’s up?”

James pursed his lips like he was reluctant to speak.

“Theo explained the game to me Ravina, and I want you to stop.”

I blinked. “Stop?”

James nodded. “I can see what you’re doing. Theo might be smart, but he can be seriously immature and I won’t let you use him like this. He wouldn’t believe me if I told him what’s happening, so I’m telling you. Stay away from my friend.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing…

And from James! Did he really think this way about me?

“Honestly James,” I said. “It’s none of your business.”

He glared at me. “I’m serious. I don’t know if it’s just fun for you to get his hopes up or if you’re in it for his money too, but either way, you’re not good for him Ravina.”

Next Monday, I wanted to walk right up to James and step on him with my heels. Unfortunately I had to meet Julie in the library first so revenge would have to wait.

It was lunchtime so there weren’t many people reading. I looked around but couldn’t find Julie anywhere. Sigh. Might as well just read something while I wait for her…

I shuffled aimlessly through the fiction section, none of which appealed to my more gothic literature tastes. The poetry section in the library was horribly under-stocked but the librarian refused to take any constructive criticism.

I finally found my way to the romance section, suspiciously on the top shelf so that anyone watching clearly knew what you were reaching for.

I spotted a book with a red spine and gold letters. Something about love languages, I don’t know. Sounds good to me. I could use a freaking decoder ring at this point with Theodore Goddamn Kim-

Can’t reach! The book! I hate being short, standing on my tippy toes like some sort of genetically stunted human-mistake…

My fingers just barely grazed the edge of the paperback, when a hand came out of nowhere and slid the book effortlessly off the shelf. I whirled around startled, and what did I find?

“Theo!” I gasped.

Jeez, you scared me.

He smiled at me and handed me the book. “Hey baby,”

I gave him a pointed look. “Really?”

Theo shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets, “I thought I’d try it.”

I smirked. “Yeah well it isn’t your style,”

Speaking of style…

Theo looked good today. I mean he looked good everyday, but something about right now this minute made him seem younger? Happier? Who knows.

He wore black jeans, a blue long-sleeve shirt tucked in at the waist. Theo always buttoned his shirts up all the way which I used to think was odd but I now found charming. And of course, white sneakers. No socks. I asked him once if his ankles ever got cold and he just laughed-

“Why are you staring at me?”

I blinked. Oops. Caught.

“You seem different,” I admitted shyly.

Whatever you do, Ravina, don’t say the L word.

Theo just shrugged again. “I don’t know what you mean,”

Hmm. He wouldn’t. Admitting how we really felt was totally against the rules. Whether we liked or hated each other we’d never be able to say it. My heart felt torn everytime I remembered that Theo and I were one big lie.

He took a small step closer to me so I looked up…

“What are you doing?” I started to back away.

Theo didn’t answer, but he kept moving closer to me until I could practically feel the shelf against my back. I tried to move to the side, but then one of his arms came up. He placed his hand on the bookcase and my heart raced as I realised I was trapped.

I stared at him. What the hell is he doing-

“Th-Theo?” I swallowed nervously.

He finally glanced down at me. “Hmm?”

I felt my face turn red. He was acting like what he’s doing was totally normal but deep in his eyes I could see the little flicker of humor.

“Hi,” I blinked. “Whatcha doing?”

“Just looking for something to read…” he pretended to scan the books behind me.

I frowned, trying to remember what those would be…

Theo leaned a bit closer. I couldn’t escape. He had me cornered, the sneaky bastard-

“Never figured gardening and home repair would be your thing,” I forced out.

He was so close. I could feel the heat from his skin and smell his shampoo-

And for crying out loud!

He was biting his lip on purpose. I hated him.

Without meaning to, my eyes fell to his lips, and then his neck, and I really tried to catch myself from going any lower, and yet…

Before long I was noticing the way his body curved around me, remembering the way he held me close when we danced at the party. I was a pretty lame dancer, but Theo somehow made me look good.

I’d give a lot to dance with him like that again, I realized guiltily.

Theo finally glanced down again…

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” he said softly.

I tried my best to remain expressionless, but I’m sure my eyes are wide and sparkling. And how could they not be? He made me feel like the only girl in the world, and even if it wasn’t real, I loved it.

“Ravina?”

I blinked.

“Your phone,” Theo nodded, dropping his arm from the shelf.

I drew in a deep breath, fumbling around through my bag to see I have a new text from Julie. Odd, she was supposed to meet me here.

Jules

Can you meet me at the swings?

The middle school playground right next to the football field. Julie and I used to meet there every day for lunch freshman year to rant about which teachers were pissing us off that week. Maybe she just didn’t want to study today…

Rav

Sure OMW

I waited a few seconds and then turned to Theo.

“I gotta go,” I said. “Julie’s waiting for me.”

“I’ll come with.”

I shook my head, “Don’t worry, it’s probably just a friendship thing.”

Instead of acquiescing like I expected him to, Theo blinked.

“I’ll walk you there. Then I’ll go.” He said.

“Theo… ” I searched for the words.

He took my hand quickly and pulled me toward him so that I landed in his arms. My heart raced once again as I felt his body against mine. He sure does like to keep me close, huh?

“Ravina,” he whispered, looking down at me.

I was shocked at the depth of emotion in his voice when he said my name. Theo, what? What could that possibly be unless he really had feelings for me?

“Yeah?” I said nervously.

He just stared at me. I held my breath, and for a moment I almost thought he was gonna say it. He was going to admit defeat. Ravina you won. I lost. I lost The Game, because I love you. But he just shook his head and started to lead me outside. I didn’t stop him. It was sweet to want to come, even if he didn’t have to.

I smiled to myself as we walked towards the park. Theo cares about me…

My heart warmed as I felt his hand holding mine tightly. I was glad that he could show me he cared even if he could never tell me.

When I saw Julie sitting on one of the swings in the empty park, I stopped walking.

“Thank you,” I smiled at Theo, standing up on my toes to kiss his cheek.

Theo put his hands on my shoulders and met my eyes.

“Ravina,” he said. “I want you to know you can count on me, and tell me anything. You know that right?”

“Of course. The same goes for you,”

Theo’s expression softened a bit, but he still looked concerned for some reason.

“I’ll be back in a minute.” I told him, letting go of his hand and waving as I turned and headed for the swings.

Theo stuck his hands in his pockets and nodded.

“Take your time, I’ll wait.”

Julie’s feet swung and dragged in the wood-chips as she looked down at her boots. I sat on the swing next to her and started to twist the chains around each other…

“What’s up dude?” I said “Don’t feel like math today?”

Julie shrugged quietly and lifted her head, but not in my direction. She looked back at where I’d just come from. I saw Theo waiting on a bench just outside the school…

“You’re spending so much time with him, Ravina.” Julie said.

I grinned shyly. “Well yeah… don’t tell him this, but I like him.”

Julie looked at me, her expression one of alarmed confusion that I saw on her only once when I told her I wanted to ride the ferris wheel again at the State Fair, and yes she had to come with.

I spun around a few times on the swing and then let the knot untangle itself as I spun back.

“Why do you hate him so much?” I asked her, pouting.

Not like he ever did anything to make you hate him…

Julie just crossed her arms.

“I don’t hate him, I just feel like he’s the type to get too possessive. Someday he’ll snap and I don’t want him to hurt you.”

I laughed. “I don’t know how to explain, but Theo really isn’t like that.” I tried to tell her.

She wasn’t listening to me.

“Do you love him?” She asked point blank.

I frowned. I didn’t know how to answer her. I didn’t even know how to answer myself when I asked that question…

Love’s weird. And there were so many different kinds, many of which I doubt I’d truly felt so far. Love to me meant unconditional. It meant sacrifice and hard work and protecting those I love from anything the world threw at them.

I would protect Theo, just like I’d protect Julie. Like I’d protect Charlie and my mom. Would Theo do the same for me? Was my protection unconditional? Did I care enough to call it love? Shit.

I should never have agreed to The Game in the first place. I don’t know what I was thinking when I’d said yes-

Well, actually I was thinking I’d win. I was thinking that Theo couldn’t possibly be interesting and special enough that I’d grow to have feelings for him at all. But he was special. And now… now I just wasn’t sure what I felt.

“Maybe I can stay at your place tonight and we can talk about it?” Julie asked, suddenly standing up and letting the swing fall away behind her.

I paused, my head spinning.

“Totally,” I said. “Wanna go now?”

She smiled but shook her head, then gestured toward Theo.

“Thanks but I’ll come over later.”

“Oh okay,” I stopped as she grabbed her backpack and then headed off towards the path behind the middle school towards her house.

“See you tonight!” She called back.

“See you,”

I just sat there for a moment, stunned.

Two people, James and Julie. Two friends and they both thought Theo and I were a mistake. The thought crystallized in my head until I couldn’t think of anything else. Were we a mistake?

I numbly walked back to Theo, noticing he was listening to music with his earbuds in. Unfortunately I didn’t have anything left in me to be surprised by that…

“She okay?” He asked me, turning his phone off.

I nodded silently, unsure what to say. Again.

“Yeah,”

Theo paused. “Ravina, what?”

I swallowed, my throat feeling tight suddenly. Oh for fook’s sake was I going to cry?!

There were so many emotions battling each other in my heart and in my head, I had no idea what to deal with first!

I was angry at James. I was surprised at Julie. Normally when Julie had a feeling about someone it turned out to be true. She was a good judge of character, and we always joked that I was as trusting as a kitten and easily fooled. But she couldn’t be right about Theo. I knew him…

“Ravina, tell me.” He said again, his voice pleading.

I shook my head. I realized now, more than ever I needed to be strong. The only thing that matters is college. The only thing that matters is The Game!

Even as I though it, I knew it wasn’t true. There was something else that mattered to me now. Crap, I was crying-

Theo stood immediately and pulled me into a hug. The second his arms went around me it felt like I could breathe again. He took all the pressure from my heart, and I knew what that feeling was. That was trust. That was unconditional.

Don’t say it… I pleaded with myself. I literally am not allowed to say it!

I hugged him back as Theo ran a hand through my hair gently. I breathed deeply, trying to make the tears stop.

“Ravina, I know something’s been bothering you. I thought I’d let you tell me when you were ready but whatever it is, it’s clearly hurting you too much.”

When he released me I managed to compose myself a little bit. I wiped my eyes on the back of my hand, my mind whirling…

“James and Julie think we shouldn’t be together,” I blurted.

Okay, that probably wasn’t the best idea, but at least I didn’t say the forbidden word.

Theo blinked, “What?”

I sniffed. “James talked to me in the car the other night. And Julie said she didn’t think we should be together, just now.”

Theo frowned, clearly upset. “Don’t listen to James. Why does Julie not like me?”

“She thinks you’re abusing me,” I started laughing suddenly, because it was just so ridiculous.

Theo smiled but it was without humor, “Am I?” He asked.

I bit my lip. “No, of course not. You treat me so good. Why would you say that?”

“You’re in tears, Ravina.”

“Not because of you.”

But yeah… it was kinda exactly because of him.

“People don’t need to understand us,” Theo told me suddenly. “All that matters is that we’re happy.”

And I think he meant to say it like; All that matters is The Game. If we pretend we’re happy, the game will work. But it sounded like; I’m only happy with you.

My heart hurt. It would have been so easy to whisper… Theo I like you, stay with me.

But I wasn’t allowed to like him, or love him. Or stay with him, or even want that.

All I could do was lie.