I made it into October with no major incident. School had become very routine and my only reprieve from the monotony was to listen to whatever story Sam had prepared for me that day at lunch. Sam was more relaxed about different topics, some involving Vivi, others about whatever he learned of a monster’s biology. On a certain day, however, Sam was visibly nervous and kept furrowing his brow at lunch. I had thought it was about Vivi as he mentioned that they had become a little bit more than friends, but I didn’t want to assume and waited for him to get the courage to speak.

Sam finally asked, “Do you know what today is?”

I said, “It’s Tuesday.”

“The date.”

“I don’t know. You got a phone, use it.”

He sighed. “It’s the sixteenth—my birthday.”

It was a surprise to me as it was something that he had made a point to not mention before. As far as I knew, he wasn’t one to celebrate it, nor did he care for the attention that came with it.

“Happy birthday,” I said without much enthusiasm. “Are you doing anything special?”

“Oh… Vivi and I are gonna hang out at my house. Guess you’re invited too—sorry for the short notice.”

“It’s no trouble. I don’t mind staying awhile.”

Sam made a sort of frown while shying away from my gaze. “My place is a bit of a mess, so… we’ll have to stay in my room. I have a bunch of games and movies, though, so it should be okay.”

Sam, Vivi, and I all went to Sam’s house after school to celebrate. His home was at the edge of town on the main road through Sorrow, about ten houses down from mine. The neighbors were acres apart with some farms further down the road towards the highway. The only thing that really set his house apart from the others was the large pine tree in the front yard.

I immediately understood what Sam meant by a mess when he opened the front door to let us in. His parents were hoarders with boxes and clothes covering the entire living room floor; the smell of cigarette smoke filled the air—a scent that always followed him to school. The hallway to his room was a minefield of printing paper and packaging which only allowed traffic in one direction at a time. Sam led the way with careful steps that we tried to match as to not step on anything important—though one has to wonder how important it was if it was so carelessly left on the floor.

“Excuse the mess,” Sam said jokingly as he pushed open his bedroom door.

His room seemed almost pristine compared to the rest of the house—much cleaner than my own—with the only remarkable mess being the mangled sheets on his bed. He had more electronics than anything else, the main focus being the cabinet full of video game consoles all connected to a home theater system with multiple TVs and monitors set around the room.

“Take a seat,” he said. “Anywhere you like.

Vivi took a spot on the couch in the center of the room while Sam turned the devices on one by one. Sam then sat next to Vivi, moving her furry tail from the seat, and then setting it on his lap. I didn’t want to invade their space and sat at the nearby desk adjacent to the couch. The computer chair was one of those that could lean back, which I did, but quickly corrected my positioning when I felt like I was about to tip over. Fortunately for me, the two were too distracted talking to each other to see me flounder around.

Vivi asked, “Are you really gonna show him that weird movie?”

Sam said, “I’m trying to pull it up now,” as he clicked buttons on a controller. “I hope you don’t mind, Eli. It’s a custom that I show everyone this movie on their first visit.”

Vivi smiled. “Custom? You’re just using him as an excuse to watch it again.”

“Shh! He doesn’t need to know that.”

The movie opened with a loud blare. It was an animated film that started with a circus scene morphing into a fever dream. Sam and Vivi were already deeply enthralled by the opening, and for the next hour and thirty minutes, I felt like I was on a drug trip trying to process all of the surrealism. I could see why Sam liked it, both artistically and philosophically. Though, knowing Sam, it could easily be because the titular character wore a red shirt—his favorite color.

When the movie was over, I noticed that Sam and Vivi had gotten a bit closer as the credits rolled. Sam seemed a bit embarrassed when he caught me staring as Vivi doted on him. Sam’s father, a short and stout man balding with age, then barged into the room and looked me over before saying, “Suppers ready.”

Sam said, “Don’t worry y’all; I’ll get it,” as moving about the house would be too difficult for all of us at once.

In Sam’s absence, Vivi turned to me and said, “I’m glad you did this. It might not seem like much, but it means a lot to him.”

I swiveled in the computer chair to face her. “I wish he told me sooner, I’d’ve gotten him something.”

“Don’t worry about it! He doesn’t like getting anything ‘cause it makes him feel obligated to return the favor. I got him a card with glitter, though. He hates it!” She covered her mouth as she let out a laugh, her fox ears twitching with delight.

Vivi wasn’t acting anywhere near what I thought was her regular self. She seemed much more open with her feelings—at least physically—without the constraints of school holding her back.

Is this her real personality, I wondered, or a façade?

Vivi caught me lost in thought at her behavior and made a serious face while pointing at me. “Don’t go telling people about this, by the way. I only come by to play games when I’m bored. Nothing else.”

“I’m surprised his parents let you over here at all. Sam always told me they aren’t fond of monsters.”

Vivi shrugged and shifted her bushy tail to the side to brush it. “He always acts like his parents might have issues with me, but it’s never come up before. When I tried asking his dad about it, he said they’re just glad he’s not bringing home any boys and don’t want to bother us… But I have noticed that they always seem to make themselves scarce when I’m around. It’s possible they have some speciesism, but it’d be no different than my parents when it comes to humans. So, I try not to judge. I’m sure you felt the same with Lyca’s parents.”

I was surprised by the implication. “Lyca’s parents hate humans?”

Vivi nodded. “Yep. Her whole family is pretty big on remaining pure-blooded. Her grandparents even enslaved some horned therians to sell their product—but that was before the Convergence.”

“Ah.” It started to make sense in my mind why she never wanted me to come over. “I never really got to meet them, so I never knew… What about you, though?”

“What about me?”

“Well, you hang out with the other pure-bloods at school. Do you also believe all that stuff about being superior to humans?”

Vivi turned away and grunted. “Well, I… You know I can’t answer that, dumbass.”

I was about to retort her insult when Sam kicked open the door; his arms were tied around three bowls of pot roast and some water bottles. “Forgot to ask if y’all wanted any tea,” he said, turning his head between both of us as we stared at him. “What? Y’all don’t want any?”

With only one tray available, Sam and Vivi opted to hold their bowls in their lap as they ate on the couch. Vivi’s uptight attitude seemed almost nonexistent as she spoke in a much softer tone with him. Her tail wagged as they discussed the coming release of Romonster Crossing, a dating sim where you play as the only human in a town full of monsters and collect furniture, fish, and bugs to woo them over. I tried to make sense of their conversation but was not an avid gamer. I even told them as much after I finished eating and their attention turned to me.

“I can’t believe you don’t play games,” said Vivi.

Sam laughed. “I’m starting to think you don’t have any hobbies, Eli.”

The two whispered to each other as they conspired against me. Sam clicked a few buttons on his theater system and turned on the white console.

Vivi tossed me a controller. “Prepare to get schooled, dummy.”

We took turns playing a popular fighting game against each other with some lighthearted trash talking mixed in. I won the first match but was summarily destroyed afterwards. It was a new experience for me, having never had an interest in gaming, or really anything at all. Sam had it right—I had no hobbies. I never considered my own interests when it came to doing anything other than eating or sleeping. I considered it surviving, though, in truth, I wasn’t even living. I tried not to think about it too much at the time so that I could enjoy myself in the moment. Unfortunately, our hours of fun had to come to an end when Vivi’s phone rang. The sun had set, and Vivi’s older sister was outside waiting for her in the car.

We finished up our last match and gathered the empty bowls and bottles for Sam to put away. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Vivi said as she hugged Sam goodbye.

Sam squeezed her tight in his arms. “Yeah. See you.” He wistfully looked out the window as Vivi’s sister drove off. The way he fidgeted with the curtains made me feel like he wasn’t quite ready for the day to end.

I asked, “Is there something on your mind?”

He spoke nonchalantly. “I should have asked her to spend the night.”

“I don’t think any parent in their right mind would allow their daughter to have a sleepover with two guys—especially with you.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Sam made an obscene gesture with his fingers by putting the two V’s in Vivi together. “If we were girls, we could hang out at her place and corrupt her with our lesbian wiles.”

I shook my head at the absurdity, but it did give me an idea. “How about you spend the night with me instead?”

His eyes widened at the suggestion. “You mean it? I would love to!”

I gave him a nod and he pushed me out of his room. “Just give me a moment,” he said. “I gotta’ bring some things.”

I waited in the car for what felt like an hour before Sam came out with a duffle bag stuffed to the brim.

“What’s all that for?” I asked, concerned that he had planned on moving in.

Sam slapped the side of the overburdened bag. “I packed my games since I wasn’t done wiping the floor with you.”

“Hope you got clothes in there. I wouldn’t appreciate you sleeping naked.”

He gave me a concerned look and asked, “What else would we do on our first night together?”

“It’s not that kinda sleepover, Sam. Now get in before I change my mind.”

❦ ❦ ❦

As I pulled into the garage, Sam said, “You live a lot closer than I thought.”

“It’s the same road, yeah. We’re practically neighbors.”

“I always wondered if there was a house here. There’s no mailbox. And the trees block everything from the road… It’s almost like your house is hidden by magic.”

“What can I say? My aunt likes her privacy.”

We walked into the kitchen, and I took off my shoes with Sam taking the hint that he should do the same. Sam looked around at the sparsely furnished dining area. “Look at all this space,” he said. “It’s like nobody lives here.”

“My aunt lives at the bar she owns. It’s only me here most of the time… and I don’t need much. Was thinking of making some popcorn—hope you like white.”

“Sounds good. Grab me your best soda while you’re at it—nothing in a blue can!” Sam went to take a good look at the living room. “Wow, you even have a sunroom. Fancy.”

I spoke to him from the kitchen. “There’s a TV in my room if you want to go ahead and set something up. Go down the hall and it’s the last room on the right.”

Sam nodded and went on his way to the back of the house.

I grabbed a couple cokes from the fridge as the microwave did its magic. I was the kind of rebel that would hit the popcorn button and let fate decide whether it would be burned or not. It worked most of the time, but I wasn’t one to complain when it didn’t. One bag was too much for me alone, so being able to share it lowered the chance of ending up with stale, uneaten popcorn—which is much better than stale chips.

I went to check on Sam as the popcorn popped. He was leaning over the small TV in my room trying to find the right ports with cable in hand. “They’re on the left side,” I said. “The stand is on wheels, too, if you still need to find an outlet.” I left the cokes on my desk and went back to pour the slightly burnt bag of popcorn into two bowls.

I hope he doesn’t mind. If anything, he’d like it burnt.

When I returned to my bedroom, Sam was standing in the center of my bedroom with his back turned and rubbing his head.

“Having trouble?” I asked.

Sam turned to me. “Nah, I’m fine. Just feel a little anxious.”

I put the bowls down on my desk. “Nervous that I’ll beat you?”

He laughed with a glint of sadness in his eyes. “Don’t be so sure of yourself, Eli.” I expected him to return to plugging his electronics in, yet he sat at the side of my bed on the floor instead. “Actually… I guess it’s about time I told you.”

“Tell me what?” I sat at my desk to listen.

“Turns out my body is too fragile for this radiant Earth. I’m in the advanced stages of mana sickness. Been at the tipping point for a while now… stuck right at the edge of mutation.”

It wasn’t much of a shock to hear. It was obvious that Sam was sick, though it was easy to forget considering how much he laughed and smiled. “Mutation? Are you going to become an abomination?”

Sam closed his eyes. “No; emergence awaits me. But there’s always that possibility before then.”

Like cancer, mana-induced mutations loomed over the head of every human ever since mana was introduced to Earth. In the early years, many became abominations—unrecognizable monstrosities and mockeries of nature—with a rare few coming out of it with their humanity intact. Over the years humans began to understand the process better, being able to delay the inevitable, and control the changes in a way that allows for the ego to remain. That is emergence; the transformation of humanity into beings capable of using magic and surviving on this irradiated planet.

I asked, “How much longer do you have?”

“A couple months… maybe a year if future exposure remains minimal. The ambient mana is getting harder to handle every day, though. I don’t know how much more my body can take. And when it gets too much, I find myself easily drifting off into lucid dreams.”

“What are lucid dreams?”

“It’s when you’re aware that you’re dreaming while inside of the dream. You can sometimes control it and do whatever you want. I can usually remember a lot after I wake up, but there are some where I don’t care to remember at all.”

“And that’s a symptom of mana sickness?”

Sam laughed. “Not that I know of… I think it’s just me. Most enter a coma and lose any sense of time. One of my doctors described it as a kind of trance sleep… Do you have lucid dreams?”

I shook my head. “Honestly, no. I’m not sure I’ve ever dreamed at all.”

Sam looked at me with a slight frown. “A lot of people don’t remember their dreams. Most only remember how they felt.” He soon regained his optimism. “I could show you a couple tricks to help you remember them. I’ll even let you read my dream journal!” He rummaged through his things and produced a college-ruled notebook filled with words and scribbles of things he saw in dreams. We both ate popcorn as he reminisced and gave greater detail to the Sorrow that existed in his dreams. A common theme was that he was never quite himself and was instead another person entirely or a disembodied observer. He even had mundane dreams of us at school, though I noticed that I was always described as missing something. Sometimes it was an eye or an arm—even a heart in one instance. And the school in his dreams did not seem to follow any logic or structure, causing him to often become lost or late to class.

I said, “These seem pretty normal to me.”

“Maybe,” replied Sam. “But it gets better.”

We continued on to vivid dreams of fantasy—entire worlds and long-lost civilizations. In one dream he envisioned a great serpent swimming through the river of time. In another, space-faring vessels laid in a vast desert in disrepair. But one dream in particular had me interested: a mechanical city with an imposing clock tower in the center. It was then that I realized he was describing something eerily similar to the stories of a distant world that Rosa told me as a child.

I said, “It’s almost like you’re living through someone else’s memories.”

“You think? Some think that it’s possible through mana, that it connects us, but the mind can’t create what it doesn’t know.”

“Well, the rifts once allowed us to travel to far-off worlds. If mana can connect places light-years apart, then I wouldn’t be surprised if it can connect us in other ways.”

Sam yawned. “The mothfolk believe something like that. It’s cool to think about… but I’m not one… for religion.” He slumped over, succumbing to sleep mid-conversation due to the mana within him taking a toll on his body.

I thought it’d be too cruel to just leave him on the floor, so I lifted him up. His body was completely relaxed in my arms and surprisingly light. I never realized how small he actually was—frail even. And with it being sufficiently late into the night, I put him to bed in my room; clothes and all. I grabbed some pajamas for myself before leaving my bedroom, turning off the light, and closing the door behind me.

In the shower, I wondered if anyone else in our group knew of Sam’s coming emergence. It may have been obvious to someone like Blinds, or he may have told Vivi in private, but nobody seemed all that concerned about it. Regardless, I couldn’t fault him for keeping a secret.

He wasn’t the only one.