Kilkaja

Despair. Pain. The colony was thick of it. It was choking me like a thick smoke. My empathic sense took it all and it overwhelmed me. It would be reduced to a crying wreck if it wasn't for the suffering around me. It used all of the suffering to keep me strong, but I wasn't sure this tug of war would last. All this sensation was very new to me and I was afraid that despite all the help, this was the thing that I needed to conquer myself.

However, there was one emotion that was erratic: Astha's. He was looking around, frantically trying his best to find his fellow Saukaurs, especially his twin, Sethis. The Saukaurs decided to move to the colony due to a better living condition days before the pirates attacked. We would know that someone in the colony, a dead Vyrnian controlled by a Trikelian, called the pirates using the Conference thing that Sel said space pirates used. That Vyrnian's body was found somewhere near Arkari's gate, while the Trikelian controlling it was nowhere to be found.

"Don't despair, Astha," I said, trying to keep him from being overwhelmed by his own feelings. "They are still in this colony. I know they are."

"Yeah," said Astha. "But I'll be honest with you. I don't expect them all to be alive."

"We won't know until we find them," I said. "Stay optimistic. I had enough negative emotions for a day."

I couldn't bear to endure yet another despairing individual, so I kept Astha's hopes up. He agreed to it and said, "You're right. I won't know until I find him."

That's one of many that needed something to help them keep optimistic. I wondered how other Nuoevans could bear the empathic feedback from the suffering of others. Maybe our psychic powers countered the feedback, or maybe it's just me being more sensitive due to untrained senses. I had no answer for that then, especially because I felt compelled to help Astha.

We ran around the colony, witnessing death and despair along the way. Many of the captured pirates were rounded up and put behind force cages as the Orlonel fleet, along with the reinforcement from neighboring colonies, restored order. We found a couple of Saukaurs trying to help the Vyrnians, though because of the shock of this big attack, they were mistaken as pirates and got into trouble with the guards until we approached them and told them about this. Of course, most of the times, we ended up making things worse due to them looking at Astha.

"I think it's how you dress," said Sel. "No one's going to trust someone who's not wearing pants."

"At least it's less constricting than that skintight suit of yours," he said. "Seriously, how do you bear that suit with that famous Felinian coat of yours?"

"The benefit of having short hair. And it's my personal taste. Got a problem with that, Astha?"

"Well, given that you've played the 'personal taste' part, I'll just back away and assume quietly," said Astha while shaking his head.

"Really, Astha. That big mouth of yours will get you into trouble one of these days," she said.

"Then it's not gonna be the first time."

I knew their banter was rather friendly than antagonistic, considering Sel's past with Saukaurs, but I could not help but think that maybe the tension might lead into something else that might affect me in a personal way. In other words, I started to think that Astha was passive-aggressively flirting with Sel, if that's the right word.

I wanted to tell Astha to back off, but I also think that maybe Sel did not think of me that way, especially not after that dinner date back on Lekan. I know it was just me being paranoid, but that's love for you. The only way to keep this from becoming a problem is control, and I still had control. But then, given my own past and my unconscious need for friends who cared of me, I wasn't sure if it could work out, especially with the chain of events after this exchange.

Arkari wasn't a big colony, so we managed to get around the colony in an hour. However, we hadn't start with the interiors. We found at least ten Saukaurs, with at least 2 of them seriously injured. Two, unfortunately, were fatally injured. They later died before the day was even over.

The twelve Saukaurs accounted for did not include Sethis, so we started with the buildings when I overheard a Vyrnian talking about the Saukaurs inside the communication building. I was intrigued since he did mention two Saukaurs fighting against the Saukauri and Felinian pirates invading the building, which made me approach them.

"What happened to them?" I asked. "The Saukaurs. What were they doing inside the building?"

"They tried to contact help," said a Vyrnian. I knew him as the one who contacted the Vyrkaya. I think his name was Welfer.

"Then what?" asked Astha.

"We...don't know," he said. "There was a maintenance corridor behind the comm room that the pirates did not know. I led the other operators out while the two Saukaurs stayed."

"Who are the two Saukaurs? Tell me!" said Astha. I felt his distress. I knew he assumed the worst.

"It's Shennesi, the regular, and her friend, I think. I didn't quite catch his name, but he looks like you."

Astha had this shocked look and quickly ran towards the building. Welfer was confused and surprised by this. He, however, still had time to say, "Hey, wait! The guards haven't checked the building yet! There might be pirates in there!"

I could not leave Astha alone. I ran towards him, but I was stopped by the Vyrnian.

"What the hell's going on?" he asked.

"That other Saukauri is his brother. His twin brother," I said.

"Twin?"

"Let go of me," I said. "Please."

Welfer seemed to understand and let me go, during which I ran towards the building with Sel following. The building was damaged by explosions and fire, though inside it became apparent that a bloody battle happened inside. There were dead aliens on the floor in various forms of death, ranging from being burned to being decapitated.

We caught up with Astha, who frantically looked around and climbed the stairs to the second floor. I knew he was trying to confirm that nothing happened to Sethis and the Saukauri girl he was talking about, but with the damage around us, I doubted they went out unscathed. I hoped they were not dead. Sethis was like the other side of the coin for Astha, and without him, Astha would be consumed by rage or even being reckless. Back then, I did not want to see people fall into despair, because unlike most of us, I would feel the pain as much as the person itself. My empathic sense was both a blessing and a curse, something that all Nuoevans did not really care about. I cared, because I vowed to not let suffering be my power. I chose the empathic route instead of the psychic.

Astha ran and ran, looking around to see where Sethis could be. Then, we reached the comm room, where the Vyrnians last seen him. He took a quick scan around the room before he said, "Fuck!" and smashed his hands on the console.

"Sethis is not killed, Astha," I said. "We didn't find him."

"How the fuck can you be so sure, huh?! I know my brother more than you are and you think you know what happened to him?!" he said as he glared at me with his reptilian eyes.

"Being erratic won't solve things, either," said Sel. "Astha, space pirates do not carry around dead bodies. They don't need their bodies unless they have a price on their heads. I may not know your brother, but I know pirates."

"Except your pirates is not like these pirates! Don't assume it's the same thing!"

"You don't know anything about pirates, Astha," said Sel. "And besides, I found his badge."

"What?" Astha looked at Sel and quickly grabbed what's in her hand. He looked at it closely, examining it as if he was trying to determine its prize. It was then I felt the despair in his heart slowly vanish, replaced with a sense of hope that was accompanied by a feeling of gladness.

"That cheeky shithead," said Astha with a smile on his face. "He knew this would happen."

"Uh...I don't get it," I said.

He turned to us and showed the thing in his hand. I recognized that badge as something Sethis wore on his armor back in Aurelis Three. I assumed that it was a good luck charm or maybe a badge of command since he was in the military.

"This badge is our 'link'," he said. "It's something each of us hold dear and promise to keep so we know that we're both safe. The only time it is not in our hands is when we are in danger and we don't know each other's whereabouts."

"So, there's a tracker in that badge?" said Sel.

"Part of which is one of his hood piercing," he said. He then pointed towards one his own hood piercing. "The half of this one. He knew something would go wrong, so he dropped this badge to show us that he's in danger or in peril. However, this badge is linked to mine. His tracker is linked to my receiver."

I did not know what he meant until he pulled out a locket. I never saw this locket before since Astha tucked it inside his armor. It was clearly different from the badge in design, but it was as personal as the badge.

"There is a catch, though," said Astha. "The trackers are low-tech so no one will suspect anything. If we want to boost the signal, we need a compatible interface, which happens to be a Saukauri hunter ship."

"Then point us to your ship and we can get on," said Sel.

"First of all, my ship's back home. Secondly, this does not concern both of you. Saukaria's in a civil war right now and you two will add to it, especially if one of them happened to be a Felinian who had a bad experience with Saukaurs before."

"Wait a second," said Sel. "Are you telling me that I'd be a burden to you? Thanks to you and Kilkaja, I've managed to get over that and I don't really see Saukaurs as what I see before. I swear to you, I will not pull out my rifle on a Saukaur unless it's absolutely necessary."

"Nevertheless, even if you won't be a burden, it might get ugly in Saukaria. Also, you might be able to deal with them, but Kilkaja's another story."

"I can take care of ourselves," I said.

Astha then looked and pointed at me. "I doubt it," he said. "Like I said, Saukaria's a mess right now. I am not telling this to protect you. I'm telling this to reduce the bloodshed and...well, not stoke the fire and get Felinians and Nuoevans involved in a planetary strife."

"Look, Astha..."

"Okay, let me be blunt to you," said Astha. He finally gave up trying to explain things softly. "Saukaria's out for blood right now. Once they see a Felinian, whoever that is, they'll grab'em and execute them publicly. Knowing your population problem and having more than one life, it's not going to be your concern. In fact, I know you are prepared to fight anyone that might attack you, but guess what? Not all Saukaurs are the brightest ones out there. They might only see you as you are, try to attack you and you kill them. But guess what? They only have one life. It's not that I'm trying to protect you from them or them from you. I'm trying to spare the idiots from making this worse. As I see it, there are many Felinians who are overly-ambitious and they might decide to take advantage of our little civil war and boom! This is the end of the Saukauri culture. Not the race, just culture. So, you see? You being there will become the chain of events that kill all the Saukaurs and we only got ourselves to blame! And besides, Seth's my responsibility, and it's something I must do. You two, on the other hand, have the Trikelians to worry about."

"Oh, no, don't do this to us, Astha," said Sel. "Sethis's a friend and an ally. He's the first Saukaur I've ever trusted after ten years and I want to maintain that. Saukaurs like you two are one of a kind. At least for me. And besides, if they don't know a Felinian's on the planet, they won't even bother. You are overthinking this."

"If you insist of us not stepping on Saukaria in any way," I said. "We'll wait for you outside the planet. Problem solved, right? I know you're a kind person who felt responsible for Sethis, but you can't do this alone. And I can also tell that you can be very reckless when it comes to your brother. If you haven't left the planet with us...you might help him even if you would end up being captured alongside him."

"Besides, compared to them, we are less credible and shady," said Sel. "Kaj's a former slave, you're a hunter with an attitude, and I'm a former pirate. Not only that, I bet the only way to find Sethis is through criminals. The pirates are involved, so the only way we can get to him is that. Though...I am trying to avoid involving myself in that world again."

I knew what caused Sel's reluctance. She once told me that she met the crew when she was almost killed of being exposed in space after her old pirate crew threw her of their ship because she was covering for others. I knew Sel had this rebellious nature of her, but she was not a bad person, at least to those who treated her in kind. Finding Sethis would require her to return to a life she got out of, especially since it would cause her to meet the reason why she got out of it in the first place: a certain Felinian pirate by the name of Michl Feper.

However, she was not going to do this alone. Aside from Astha, I would accompany her. It was true that I had nothing else to offer beside my empathic sense and my rather untrained psychic abilities, but it's better than nothing. Also...back then, I couldn't bear worrying about Sel or even got myself separated from her. You could call it an obsession, but in my defense, I did not get meaningful and personal interaction when you were a slave, so I felt like I needed Sel for support. It's not that I did not trust the others. It's just Sel was far more relatable than them. Also, she's pretty. What other reason I could give?

Astha seemed intrigued by my own reasoning. He looked at me and said, "Did you...know all that from reading my mind or is your empathic sense that great?"

"Your heart tells a lot of stories you are not even aware of," I said. "Not sure about other Nuoevans, but that is what I'm good at; See the suffering of others and try to make it less painful for them. I know it's against my nature, but hey. Sometimes, being a rebel's worth it, especially for a liberated slave."

Astha seemed to like what I was saying. He rubbed his hood and said, "Ah, well. If you insist. The more the merrier, right? Besides, you're right. I won't gonna find Sethis without a little help at this point. Even hunters need pointers, too, right?"

Sel nodded as she smiled. I smiled, too. It seemed that we got ourselves a new journey of our own, one that was also personal. However, we might cause more trouble, and honestly, I did not really care. As long as we had each other (and for me, Sel), we could do anything.

I wanted to tell George and the others about this decision of ours, but I was still rather wary around Arcturus, so I walked towards where they were while Sel secured a transport and Astha talked with the other Saukaurs of his plan. They were still recovering from a rather intense battle with a Trikelian, but it was not as bad. The only bad thing I had was that now, I could not understand Arcturus's emotions due to the unknown entity possessing him.

I found George standing nearby and told him about my intentions.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Not that I don't trust Sel and Astha in keeping you safe. I'm just worried that you won't be able to save yourself."

"I know I cannot fight properly, and my psychic skills are basic," I said. "But I am no longer the same Kilkaja you met on Lekan. I don't fear them."

"And they don't fear you. I am not talking about courage, I am talking about you. That world you're going to will see you as nothing more than a slave, and you just got out of it."

I already knew that. There's bound to be Nuoevans involved and they'd know that I'm a former slave at first glance, even without a collar to show it. At this point, I started to have second thoughts about going with them in the first place. But...there's also another drive that made my decision: the drive to prove myself. If I could not find it, I would not go forward.

"I may not have the necessary courage," I said. "And I know the world is harsh out there. But you know what? I learned that no matter how hard life is, you always find solace with your friends."

That sounded very cliched, especially when George pointed it out later. However, George saw something in my four eyes and smiled. He then patted my shoulder and said, "Then try not to get yourself in trouble. Find Sethis and get back to us."

Now that I finally set myself straight, I got a question for George. What would he do in the meantime?

"Me?" George scratched his hair. "Now that you say it, I don't know. We'll try and find more allies to fight the Trikelians, but...I don't know where to start. I'm a pre-space. I don't know how space politics work."

"You have anyone in mind?"

"Not...sure. I can't involve Earth in this. I have read the exploits of many heroes of the past, but I am sure that without magic, they wouldn't stand a chance. There is also the matter of their pre-space status. For this one, I'll just keep aside and let the Vyrnians sort things out."

"How about Xilna?"

"She will be ready to help. Not sure about the other colonies. There's going to be a lot of work for us and I feel like we're not ready."

"Then don't rush," I said. "Find your bearings. I know your heart's conflicted and you're still drawn to Arcturus's sadness. You won't win against the Trikelians without a strong heart."

I was never someone who gave a suggestion before. Given that autonomy was something new for me, this felt like a step forward, especially when George looked at me and nodded.

"Yeah, I guess I can do that, too," he said with a smile. "You're right. This is the first time I felt rather...uncertain. I might go home later, if I can. But...I'll think about it later. Earth won't go anywhere, right?"

He did have a point. George went and helped many of us, especially me. He helped me move on from my past, helped me find understanding with Sel, and now...it's time for him to be a part of this galaxy's savior. Humans have a tendency to help others. Even without empathic sense, they could understand feelings and that's what made them great in their own way.

After making sure that we straightened things out with them and made up my mind, I said, "When we completed our mission, we'll meet here."

"And we will be waiting. Stay safe."

"You too. Oh, and George...thank you. For everything."

"Make sure it's not for naught, alright?" he said with a smile.

Clearly, he did not want all his hard work be lost. He saved me and gave me hope. Now, it's my job to make sure that hope stayed with me. No matter what the galaxy threw at me, I would face it. It's time for me to find my own path, starting with this mission of ours.

I met with Astha and Sel near a ship owned by a Vyrnian who agreed to take us to Saukari's star system. He did not want to take us to the Saukaur's home planet, citing the risk of the civil war that's still going strong. He agreed, however, to take us to a safe colony somewhere nearby, and from there we were on our own. For Sel and Astha, it wasn't a bad deal, especially since he was still willing to get them that close. I wasn't all that sure, however. I did not know what's the state of the Saukaur's home planet would be, and I surely had no idea on how we could proceed after the home planet. Sel knew a couple of people from her pirating days, and Astha, being a hunter, was a good tracker. I had an empathic sense to tell if someone's hiding something or not, which became the most crucial ability during our search for Sethis.

I did not know what we would find, and what this journey would do to me, Sel, and Astha. The galaxy was big and still mysterious, and my journey's just beginning.

My only hope was that we got through this...and return to Arkari as promised.