Soon after the man left the room Steve stopped thrashing and yelling. While he was still terribly terrified of his situation, he understood that visible panic was not in his favour. He needed to do his best to make a good impression on the next person to come through that door and the odds of that happening had gone down significantly in the last five minutes.

This last interaction with the man had been… suboptimal. If he looked at each conversation as a game, he played that last one with inputs he did not understand. This would have to change in the future. He should have some time to think after this last interaction, so it’d be best to use it well.

He needed to focus on what he could fix, rather than other unfortunate realities within his undergarments.

Now, step one would be to listen. Everything was going fine until… it was going slightly less terrible… step one is to talk as little as possible. Step two will be to list-

A quick knock notified him that someone was at the door and about to come in. He vastly overestimated his preparation time.

Quick Steve, you are now the strong silent type! You will taciturn! Stern! You are the rock that shall not break! He stared down the door, prepared for anything that might come through.

There was another quick knock.

Alrighty Steve, keep staring, they’ll come through this time! Remember, blinking as they walk in would make you seem weak! A WEAK STEVE THEY SHALL NOT SEE!

…

Another knock, much louder than the last two.

Why? Why must they torture him so? Why would they not just come in? Is this a new form of torment they developed? His eyes were fighting valiantly but breaking beneath the pressure of this momentous task! The bastards had found a way to destroy any shred of resolve he mig-

Oh god, they’re just being polite.

This misunderstanding wasn’t his fault! He had trouble trusting people's intentions on the best of days, and this is definitely not one of those. This is a day where he’s been chained to a table. This is a day where his current cleanliness is in dire question! It is perfectly understandable to expect the people who chained him here to not be polite!

Now, while this development is unexpected, it is not wholly unwanted. If they’re polite, it means they want something from him. That’s negotiating power. However limited it might be. That meant he at least had the tiniest morsel of control. The question is how to use it. If he can extr-

As the fourth knock came, Steve realized that he better let whoever’s out there in before they politely batter down the door.

“You can come in”

A somewhat apprehensive young woman wearing what looked to be a fancyish bunnyhug and a pair of sweatpants walked into the room holding a tablet. She gave Steve a small unenthusiastic wave and then introduced herself in lightly accented english.

“Hello Steve, my name is Nuori and it is a pleasure to meet you.” Her monotone voice and general demeanor indicated that she was lying through her teeth but Steve decided to intentionally misinterpret the signals for his peace of mind.

His built up wall of defiance was quickly breaking down. He was thoroughly lost in how to deal with her. Firstly he had been expecting clear antagonism, not extremely reluctant friendliness. Secondly, she actually spoke the language and that dismantled his policy of strategic silence. Thirdly, he was of the opinion that she was very cute. That by itself wouldn’t be a problem, but his present situation was… delicate.

Anyways, silence wouldn't work here, might as well and try to get some answers before things inevitably broke down.

“Nice to meet you as well Nuori, would it be rude of me to ask why you’re here”

She tried to give him a slight smile “I’m here to clean up the mess actually.” Oh thank god that makes it so much better “As you can probably tell I’m a translator for your language. I was the one speaking through Filni… at least for the latter half” She glared at nothing in particular. “As it happens, we’ll be working together a bit sooner than I expected.”

“Why is that? And why would the translator be the one having to clean up… my ‘mess’?”

“We’ll be working together from now on to, hopefully, with your cooperation, limit the damage.” She gave Steve the same glare she had just given the rest of the world. “Someone switched the starting questions the council had me make. That wouldn't have been too bad honestly, if someone else hadn’t proudly declared the intent to go to war with the universe.”

Ah, this might be why she’s annoyed with me, but why would my opinion matter?

“I’m here to ask the questions. With. No. Politics!” She yelled the last part at a wall in the empty room. “As for the mess, who else but the translator could help you understand the political shitstorm that could hit if you say the wrong thing.”

I take it back, fuck god!

Nuori paused when she saw the look of extreme distress on Steve’s face. She gave a heavy sigh and continued. “I’m… not that angry with you. It was a leading question that was asked and I know it was intended to entrap you.” She said, completely misinterpreting his distress. “We can be a team, you and I, I just need to know you’ll keep an open mind about not sending us into a war.” she looked at him hopefully.

Steve nodded “I’d like to be a team too” Steve said with a smile. “Can’t say I was all too committed with the idea. Honestly, being in my situation, I was just saying what I thought he wanted to hear” Steve’s heart soared as she gave him a truly genuine bright smile.

“I’m glad” she giggled a bit “I was terrified, you know? I thought I might have to spend the coming months teaching a monster and a Tyrant” Tyrant? “It’s ju-”

Steve couldn’t hold in the questions any longer “Why? Why the questions? Why do I matter? Why am I chained to a table? DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE SENSE?” Steve ended up screaming the last part, less out of intention and more due to extreme need to yell something.

Nuori didn’t seem to mind much, she slowly sat down against the wall. For a second, she was bothered by something that smelled funny but quickly got back to business. “To answer your questions completely out of order, number two? You’re apparently Emperor now.”

What the fuck.

“Don’t look at me like that. Deal with it, I certainly have to. As for number four, the council needed to get orders from an emperor who knew nothing about his empire. They set up a situation and were going to vaguely interpret your actions into directives.”

“Three?” She gave him a sad smile. “I don’t know if you matter”

Neither do I Nuori.

“You’re a piece in their games now, but I can’t see why you would even be on the board.” She realized that could be seen as insulting. “Sorry, no offense, but uhh… it’s true right?”

Yes, incredibly true, but Steve would only admit that to himself. “Completely untrue, I have… positive traits?” He added the inflection at the end when he realized he didn’t have anything to list off.

Nuori let out a small laugh. “I’m sure you do,” she reassured him. “It’s just… out of all the people in history, why you? Why a random man from over ten thousand years in the past.” She closed her eyes and softly hit her head against the wall.

“I suppose that answers number one and five. No, none of this makes sense, at least not to me. I’m just here because of the calling I had chosen. I was trying to develop our understanding of late earth history and the primary language for those archives is english, so, here I am. I don’t usually get involved in politics but I couldn’t pass up this opportunity to solidify my work.”

She smiled deviously. “I do expect your help with that by the way. If you’re not cooperative, people might find that you say the most interesting things.”

Oh dear god I’ll cooperate. He could barely deal with his own messes, let alone someone trying to sabotage him. “I’ll work with you but I thought you said you wanted to help me.”

“Oh Steve, I said that we can be a team, we both help each other. Though consider my threat your first lesson.” She said with a lopsided grin. “People have their own goals Steve, not everyone is overly patriotic.” She stood up, and seemed to be in a much better mood.

“Except for me of course. I shall always endeavor to be a loyal and humbly heroic servant of the Empire” She did an exaggerated bow “So, long live the Melkein Empire, and long live Emperor Yesaywood.” She said in a deadpan tone, with two unenthusiastic attempts at fist pumps.

One thing to clear up “My last name’s not actually Yesaywood by the way”

“I know that” she said with a slightly evil smile “But no one else will. Not until you can speak the language. By then, I don’t think you’ll even try to change it” She already knows me so well “Consider it an advance recompense for all your shit I already have to clean up, and a reminder of all the fun I can make for you. If you happen to be unhelpful that is.” She said with a wink. “Now, let's get those chains off of you.”

Moment of truth.

As Nuori walked closer to Steve she seemed to have an epiphany. She had felt something was off in a minor way earlier but she didn’t know what. Now? She had an idea. “What the fuck is that smell?”

Alright Steve, each interaction is a game in its own way, you’ve been dealt a bad hand but perhaps confidence can carry the day. He put on his best shit eating grin (because what else was he supposed to do) and said “It may very well be some shit you have to clean up”

As the magnitude and pure audacity of that statement sunk into her skull, she did the much respected double facepalm. She then turned to stare at the part of the roof that caused immense bouts of despair and existentialism to those who looked at it. Judging from the look on her face she found it lacking compared to this more natural despair. She then raised her hands to the side of her head as if questioning the meaning of existence.

She spent the next few minutes resigning herself to her new fate. Steve felt some pity for her. After all, what kind of situation did she think she was in? Steve was apparently the Emperor. Did she think she had no choice? Did she already see him as the Tyrant she thought he could be? Steve would never force her to do this, but she didn’t know that. Was his omission of knowledge the first step of tyranny? Was this a betrayal of their future teamwork? He couldn’t honestly say. He just, really, really, wanted to not be lying in his own feces.

Steve would make this up to her one day, some things went beyond teamwork.

Finally with a heavy sigh, the loyal patriotic hero of the Empire took a single step towards him. She closed her eyes and gave him a slight nod.

Then she heroically ran away.

Alas! I have been betrayed!