《Devil in Shepherd's Robes》Reason to Live

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8 months later

He pushed her wheelchair back into position, making sure his wife was comfortable as she sat in front of the dinner table. Her tired eyes stared glumly at the meal in front of her. It seemed to be yet another kind of soup, just as tasteless as the last. Victor tries, but he'd never been too good in the kitchen. Not like it mattered now anyways, she couldn't eat solid food even if she wanted to. Chicken noodle, clam chowder, tomato and basil, broccoli soup, and lobster bisque now filled her main dietary needs.

The main course today consisted of her favorite, lobster bisque, with chunks of potato thrown in for whatever reason. She could hardly taste it as Victor sat next to her, spoon feeding her every bite. Ever since the accident she had been paralyzed from the waist down, unable to feel a single thing. Her upper body had become weak and frail, hardly able to do even the simplest of tasks without straining every muscle in her body.

Her sunken eyes were empty, the lively soul she once held had fallen into the deepest despair imaginable. Being told she'd never walk again struck her in the heart like a poison dagger, destroying her completely.

"Silvia, please, eat your food. You can't get back to full strength if you just let it fall out of your mouth." Victor said, wiping the hot soup from her chin. Some of it had dripped onto the white scarf she now constantly wore for comfort; the same one Victor had given to her for her birthday not too long ago. It was the only thing she clung to, trying to remind herself of what life used to be like.

This life was not what he imagined, but nonetheless, he would never abandon the love of his life. Every waking moment was now spent taking care of her, feeding her, washing her, and trying to talk to his melancholy wife.

"Full... strength?" She said, her eyes slowly making their way over to her husband. As the two of them stared at each other, Victor noticed her eyes had become dull, almost lifeless. Their once sparkling blue now resembled the gray cloudy sky before a storm.

They continued eating in silence, the heavy air of their home pushing against them with immense pressure. The sweet smell of a vanilla scented candle hung in the air, but its sweetness seemed more bitter than before, as if to mock the couple.

"I'd like to be alone now... please." Silvia asked, her monotone voice quietly filling the silence of the room.

"Alright... you can finish the soup later." Victor said sorrowfully, standing up to wheel her over to the vertical platform lift they had installed on the stairs.

As he picked his wife up and set her down upon the lift, it slowly chugged up the stairs with a loud mechanical whir. Picking up her wheelchair and following closely behind, he set it down at the top, placing her within it once again once she'd reached the top.

"I can do it myself." She said suddenly, shakily grabbing the wheels of her chair and rolling herself into their bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Victor stood in silence, alone and trembling in the upstairs hall of the place he once called home. His reason for living had given up on her own life. His life was now a stale limbo between life and death, constantly caring for the one thing he still could. Without Silvia he was nothing, but the woman staring back at him with those cold lifeless eyes was becoming less and less like the wife he swore his life to. He knew deep down that his wife was trapped within her own mind, relentlessly tormenting herself. If he could at least ease her pain and shoulder some of the burden, he knew that one day her smile would return. That bright, wonderful smile. It had been far too long since he'd seen her smile, and that fact disturbed him greatly. The once playful and kind woman he married was hiding within herself, afraid and alone.

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As he stood alone in the hall, staring at the doorway, his eyes began to fill with tears. Leaning up against the wall, he began to slide down it towards the ground below. Hiding his head within his arms and beginning to sob softly, he tightly shut his eyes to try and regain his composure.

"God... why..." His voice echoed as it bounced off the walls of his home, searching for anyone to hear his cries. It was drowned out by the growing wind outside which caused the house to tremble in fright of the coming storm. It hadn't stormed in quite a while, but the rain and thunder was long overdue. It seemed appropriate to Victor, acknowledging the weather outside as the reality within his heart.

His cries did reach one person, however. She had stayed close to the door, staring up at the ceiling with gloom, but in Silvias mind, nothing but sadness toiled about. A dark and inescapable depression locked her within her own head, killing her slowly with every breath she took. She reached up for her white scarf, shakily running her fingers upon it like petting a cat. It was the only thing connecting her to the living world now, the only proof she had that she was once truly alive. She knew Victor cared for her, but felt as if one day he would give up on himself. The only thing she truly wanted was for him to live a full and happy life, and with her here, that seemed impossible.

Having to take care of her day in and day out wasn't good for either of them, she knew that much. Maybe, she thought, without her there to hold him back he would move on and live his life, finally freed from the slavery of his love. As she moved her wheelchair into the bathroom, she caught a glimpse of her own face in the mirror. Her lifeless eyes stared through her as if they didn't see her at all.

Unwrapping the scarf from her neck and holding it in her trembling hand, she miserably heaved herself onto the counter from her chair. Dragging her legs into a sitting position with her hands, she stared into the mirror for what felt like forever. She searched and searched for whatever was left of her soul, but could not recognize the woman in the mirror. The person staring back at her with those dull gray eyes was nothing more than a stranger.

Not a single tear was shed as she reached up for the shower curtain rod, wrapping one end of the scarf tightly upon it. As she tugged at it to make sure it wouldn't go anywhere, she began tying the other half around her own neck. Knotting it around her throat and preparing herself for what came next, she listened quietly at the sobs coming from the hallway, they had grown in volume. Perhaps after she left this world, Victor would finally be free.

"I'm sorry... my love." She said under her breath, staring down at the ground below her as she pushed herself off the counter, the slack from the scarf now tightening like a rubber band about to snap.

Her dull eyes filled with misery as she swayed back and forth, the creaking of the curtain rod was the only thing to console her as her eyes closed, hiding the gray lifelessness from her now peaceful face. Her silver hair flowed softly with the rocking of her body, brushing against her shoulders as if it were trying to wake her up from this nightmare. Her mind faded to nothingness as she thought one last time of her husband, whose cries had stopped filling the air as he sat silently upon the floor outside their room, unaware of her now lifeless body.

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The wind outside suddenly began to pick up, its howling screams breaking through the window of their bedroom and shattering a small portion of the glass. A small crack in the window had appeared and glass fell to the floor below as the house shook in terror.

"Silvia?" Victor yelled as he bolted up from the floor, afraid of what that noise could be.

"Are you alright? Did you drop something?" His voice was filled with worry as he slowly peeked his head into the room, finding nothing but the darkness of their bedroom being overcast from the light of the bathroom.

The light illuminated the now broken window and the glass covering the floor, but Silvia was nowhere to be found. As Victor moved farther into the room, he made his way over to the broken window to pick up the small shards of glass, trying to ignore the howling wind intruding from the window.

"Where..."

Silence filled the room as he turned to face the open bathroom door. He stared in shock and horror, unable to move a single muscle. It was like he was frozen in time, his mind searching for any way to escape the cruel situation he now found himself in. He watched as his wife's body swayed back and forth like the pendulum of a grandfather clock.

As he stood there in the bedroom, his unblinking eyes never leaving his wife, he began to hear nothing but the slow ticking of the golden pocket watch she had once given him. It sat upon the dresser by the window, but the ticking of the watch sounded like it was resonating from within his very soul. His heartbeat matched it perfectly, as if to tell him his humanity had left the world the second his wife did.

The wind's screams were drowned out by the slow ticking of his own heart, like a bomb about to explode. He could hear only the soft marching of time, its cruel forward march towards the future. The future without his wife, and without him.

Victor placed one foot in front of the other, never lowering his gaze from Silvia. As he reached the bathroom, he shakily reached out to hold her hand. It had already gone cold, as if her soul had all but vanished from within. Without thinking, he untied the scarf from both her neck and the curtain rod, holding her body in his arms. As he stared down at his dead wife, he could feel nothing at all. Not a hint of emotion crept upon his face as he slowly walked over to their bed, laying Silvia down upon it. She slumped over towards the pillows, lying still as Victor shuffled his feet towards the dresser. Picking up the gold pocket watch and clutching it tightly, he made his way back to their bed and crawled in next to his wife.

He stared up at the ceiling as he laid his head upon the pillow next to her, his eyes wide and unblinking. Placing the pocket watch over his heart, he laid still and listened to his synchronized heartbeat. Both the beating of his heart and the ticking of the watch became one as he laid in bed, wrapping his arm around Silvia to keep her close to him. His mind became empty as he looked over at her face, the peacefulness of death settling into her sunken eyes.

The white scarf laid upon her unbreathing chest, the unsettling stillness of it caused the scarf itself to seem just as dead. As Victor looked back up towards the ceiling, he closed his eyes and hoped to never wake back up. A world without Silvia was no world at all, it was a world without love. A world without peace. A world without her.

...

Three days later is when he heard her again. Her voice filled his dying mind with sweet words of nothingness. Perhaps it was simply because he was dying, not having moved from his wife's side as he rotted next to her. His mind must've simply been playing tricks on him in order to calm his failing body. Every once in a while he would hear her sweet voice sing through the air, and soon after vanish. The smell of vanilla had been drowned out entirely by Silvias corpse and the rotting stench emanating from both her and Victor.

His eyes were just as sunken as her own, falling deep into his skull as they stared unmoving from his wifes face. Her skin had begun to pale, and a dark blood-filled foam dripped from her mouth as she started to decompose. The smell wasn't as bad as Victor had thought, or perhaps his nose had begun to fail as well. Either way, he was relieved to finally join his wife on the other side.

Every once in a while, he would notice a small white feather fall from the ceiling and land somewhere around the two of them, floating gently down amongst their bodies. Along with her voice whispering in his ear, he could only chalk the two things up to hallucinations of his dying mind. Sometimes the voice was louder, sometimes it was quieter than a mouse. Recently, however, he began to notice the growing volume of her voice.

"Do you remember the day we met? I spilled tea all over you, but you just laughed. I was so embarrassed, and even offered to buy you a new shirt... do you remember what you said to me?" His wife's voice rang throughout his mind, filling his brain with a peaceful wave of happiness.

"It's a... date." He croaked, a smile creeping onto his face as his eyes locked onto the white scarf resting upon Silvias chest.

He knew his time with her was almost up, but just couldn't shake the feeling of pure bliss he felt at the moment. Spending time with Silvia was the one and only thing that made him happy in this world, watching her laugh and play like a giddy little child as he recalled all the happy memories the two of them created.

"That's right... and ever since then, we've never left each others side. But now, Victor, we'll have to part ways. I wasn't supposed to be here with you, they won't like that, but I just couldn't help myself. I'm so sorry... for leaving you behind."

"Don't be... sad." He said, but couldn't comprehend what she was talking about.

"Victor, once they find me here, I'll be cast down into eternal nothingness. If only I'd have waited for you... we wouldn't be separated again. It's all my fault... I just wanted to see you once more."

Victor tried to respond, but his vocal chords had all but shut down entirely. He didn't know what she meant, and wanted to ask her who 'they' were, but his eyes had begun to shut. Eternal nothingness? He had no clue what this hallucination was talking about.

"No... they're here... I'm sorry, but I don't have much time left." Her voice said, and before Victor could fully close his eyes, another feather began to fall.

At first it was just one, but soon there were countless. Shining white feathers fell to the bed as he willed his eyes to open one last time, revealing the source of the feathers. Large shimmering wings materialized above him, and attached to them was the warm smiling face of his wife, Silvia. Dressed in a stunning white gown, she reached out to him as she floated softly to the bed to embrace her husband for the last time. Her silver hair flowed in every direction as if she were underwater, the strands of her hair each seemingly had a will of their own.

"You deserve to be in Heaven my love, and when you get there, please... forget about me. I leave you with this... my blessing. No one will ever harm you, I promise." She said, holding Victors head in her hands as the two of them stared at each other. Her eyes were full of a new life, like a sparkling blue ocean residing within her.

His lifeless eyes held a slight glimmer of hope in them as he watched his wife ascend, a blinding light taking her away for good. He stared up at the ceiling once more, wondering if what he'd seen was truly just a hallucination.

"No... she was... here..." He managed to say aloud, tears forming in his eyes. It was unmistakable. His face was still warm from his wifes embrace, he knew in his heart she had come to him in his darkest hours. What she spoke of, however, was lost to him.

As his consciousness faded, he felt a warm light wash over him, except, this light was beginning to sting his body. At first it was nothing more than a slight nuisance, but as the light enveloped him, he began to feel the poking and prodding of a thousand sharpened spears. He tried to call out for Silvia, but no sound escaped his mouth. The only thing he could hear now was the slow tick of the pocket watch resting upon his chest, matching with his slowing heartbeat.

Victor suddenly reached out towards the blurring ceiling, willing his body to move with whatever strength it had left. He refused to forget about his wife, he absolutely could not allow that to happen. By whatever means necessary, he would remember her. He would find her, even if it meant tearing down the walls of reality itself. Death was not enough to stop him, he refused to forget everything they'd been through together. He made a promise to himself that no matter what, he would find her again.

Even at the cost of his own soul, he would burn it up and toss it aside if it meant he could see his wife again. Nothing else in all of existence mattered more to him than seeing the smiling face of Silvia, nothing else could ever hope to come close. The love he harbored for her was deep-rooted into his very heart.

"Silvia..." He croaked, willing himself to reach out higher than before. His hand stretched to the sky, grasping at the light that had begun to surround him.

The pain of losing her again was too much to handle. It was an inconceivable notion to Victor, he refused reality with every fiber of his being. If he was going to die, he would do so in a way that would allow him to find his wife again, no matter what. If rejecting this light meant he could lay his eyes upon her once more, then he would do so.

His outstretched hand balled into a tight fist, and he noticed something odd begin to happen. His rage for the cruel reality the world had thrust upon him began to manifest, in the form of black flames. His body was engulfed in a dark fire, burning his very soul to the point of no return. He began to scream out in both pain and frustration, watching as his skin blackened within the flames.

Victor knew his time was running out and was growing more and more desperate. If the light took him, he knew he could never see Silvia again.

"You... won't... take me!!" He yelled, his voice full of the rage and regrets he felt throughout his life. Death itself could not take what he held dear. It was unfair.

His entire life was tragedy after tragedy, always having something taken from him. Not this time. This time he would fight back, he would fight to see her once again. If that meant sacrificing his own soul, so be it. He would demolish the world around him brick by brick if it meant getting to Silvia.

Clutching the gold pocket watch in his other hand, he roared an inhuman scream of sheer torment and grief. His voice carried throughout every conceivable realm, reaching the ears of reality itself. His burning passion only extinguished once the light around him finally faded, turning everything to black. What surrounded Victor now was the beginning of the end, the very source of all life. That source was nothingness, and from that nothing, something was born.

His skin turned pitch black as his hair was burned away along with any human traits he once wielded. His entire body had become just as dark as the void that now surrounded him. He felt his mind begin to slip away, the only thing he was able to focus on was the once warm embrace his wife had left him. His face felt warm as if she were still here, holding him.

As he began to fall through the void, he could see a bed of blood red roses beneath him. Like a new beginning, the roses called out for him with love in their voices. Each flower reached up to him and called out his name, except it was a different name than before.

"Ephram!" They called. The million voices of every rose embraced him as he landed softly within the sea of red, falling peacefully asleep as the flowers surrounded him, spanning as far as the eye could see. The dull gray sky loomed overhead as if it were looking down on a creature it could no longer understand, waiting for the impossible to happen.

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