Chapter 22

Midori and Tsuki peeped from behind a wall as the humans inspected the area.

Midori: “Tsuki, I still think it is a bad idea. Alphonse will gut me when he finds out! Why am I always being dragged into your shenanigans?”

Tsuki: “Shhh be quiet! They’ll hear us! And Alphonse will be happy when his tummy is full! I am doing this for you all! You must be hungry by now too, so stop your nagging.”

Midori: “You are being louder than me! And they can’t hear us from this distance anyway….I am little bit hungry though..Don’t tell Alphonse I said that.”

“See? Okay, here’s the plan.” Tsuki said before bending down to whisper in Midori’s ear.

How it came to this? Let us rewind a little bit.

** A few minutes earlier.**

As promised, Alphonse had relieved Midori from guarding the others a few hours later with strict instructions to not succumb to Tsuki’s adventurous ideas.

Well, he should have known better by now.

Not even an hour had passed before Tsuki started to get bored and wanted to go explore the east side for food.

Midori: “I knew it! Why are you so restless?! Just sit and wait quietly for the others to return, please!”

Tsuki: “I’ve been sitting for hours already! And why stay here when there could be good food nearby?”

Midori: “How about to avoid facing Alphonse’s wrath? Just go take a nap. If you can’t, I can always help you by knocking you out.”

Tsuki: “You brat! How is that being helpful?! How about I am the one to help you take a nap huh?!”

Midori: “Would I have suggested this if you weren’t such a trouble magnet?”

Tsuki: “Don’t be ridiculous, I am not. Anyway, we are just going to take a look at the food warehouse. Nothing more. It’ll be quick. I am going even if you are not.”

Midori had no choice but to follow after him. Better be with him and get scolded than face Alphonse alone. It did not take long for them to reach their destination.

“ Wait!” Tsuki said abruptly while coming to a stop. He sniffed the air a few times before making a face of disgust, “do you smell that? Ugh, smell like blood, urine and sweat mixed together.”

Midori hissed, “Humans! See?! I told you that it was a bad idea!”

Tsuki perked up with two fingers pinching his nose, “Humans? Good timing! We can knock them out to feed the new zombies. You and Alphonse will get to eat too! ….Well after washing them thoroughly, that is.”

Tsuki pulled Midori closer and whispered cunningly, “so here is what we are going to do…. I will act as bait and then……..”

****

So that was how Alphonse and co came back to find humans trussed up like sausages and two dunderheads arguing about how to kill a human.

Tsuki: “But I have never killed a human before! How do we do it?”

Midori: “Why are you asking me?! I have never killed anyone either!”

Tsuki: “And you call yourself a zombie?! How were you even going to kill the pigs who birthed you?!”

Midori: “By just gutting them with my nails! And who are you to criticise?! You suck at being a zombie too! At least I voluntarily eat human meat!”

Tsuki: “Then just gut them too! ..... wait a minute the last thing you said was strange….Why did you say ‘voluntarily’?”

Midori had a constipated look on his face as he realised that he nearly divulged something he wasn’t meant to. He quickly look for a diversion, “look! That ugly egg is up and is glaring at us daringly!”

Tsuki took the bait and quickly directed his gaze at the one he had dubbed ‘ugly egg’. The poor guy was completely bald and his sweaty head had the form of an egg. In addition… , well, let’s just say that he looked like a crooked thug through and through and leave it at that.

Tsuki: “Hey you! How dare you glare at us?! Do you dare believe that I will not beat you up, huh?! You are so ugly! So turn your gaze away!”

Alphonse and co watched this spectacle with souless eyes. The small zombie looked ridiculous with the ‘glorious’ weapon with which he had menaced Alphonse before…. He didn’t look threatening at all.

Veyn whispered morosely, “are we going to be okay? Where did he even get that pipe?”

Mercy stifled a laugh, “he looks so cute! How adorable!”

Steve grunted, “small.”

Riot tilted his head quizzingly, “does he really think that he looks threatening?”

Alphonse ignored the commentaries and took large strides towards the small fool. The others stayed back to watch the drama unfold. Some even sat down comfortably to enjoy the show even more.

Midori quickly looked behind when he heard some noise; only to find Alphonse coming towards them with a dark expression. He quickly gulped and tried to casually slink away.

Alphonse caught his movement and dared him to run away with his gaze. Midori casually aborted his escape and resigned himself to his fate. He looked at Tsuki who was still brandishing the pipe.

Midori: ‘Too clueless… I’ll light a candle for the both of us in my heart.’

Tsuki ,who was coming at the end of his tirade, was still unaware, “…..chop you up like little potatoes and roast you on an open fire! Or even boil you like the ugly egg that you are! Take your pick!”

“Hmmm I see. So you want to eat boiled eggs and little potatoes?”

Tsuki: “That’s right! Eggs and potatoes……”

Tsuki: ‘Wait….That voice came from behind and sounded like Alphonse’s…’

Tsuki slowly brought the pipe to his chest and hugged it, as if to give himself courage. He cowardly turned his head to find Alphonse behind him and the others casually watching them.

Tsuki: “Hey Alphonse! Look, we got you all some food!”

Alphonse: “Oh? And where did this food come from? Did it magically appear in front of you?”

Tsuki muttered, “Zombies exist so why can’t magic?”

Alphonse narrowed his eyes, “what was that?”

Tsuki: “We just casually caught them outside. That’s all!”

Alphonse: “Oh?”

Alphonse then nonchalantly gazed at Midori. The latter couldn’t stand the pressure and quickly blurted out, “it’s because he was hungry and wanted to look for food in the east warehouses! We found those humans there and he decided to act as bait to catch them and feed you! I tried to stop him but he didn’t listen! But he wasn’t in any danger at all! Promise!”

Alphonse gently squished Tsuki’s cheeks together, “act as bait, huh? Should I forgive you because you wanted to lovingly feed me?”

Tsuki, who had frozen at Alphonse’s action, quickly nodded.

Tsuki: ‘Who said it was only for you?! And lovingly?! Yuck!’

Alphonse applied a little more pressure on his cheeks, “you think me a fool? Just now, did you not mock me in your heart? Prepare yourself for your punishment later. And thank you for the food, my little moon.”

Alphonse then deposited a quick kiss to his forehead before walking around him to take care of the humans. Tsuki shrunk his head back like a turtle and scuttled listlessly to Midori’s side.

The two silently acted like decorative statues as the others came to help Alphonse in his endeavour.