What Jonnah wanted was to sleep for a week. Instead, he got a nap and a quick dinner, and now some time to relax with the people he hadn’t seen for months.

Chandra was busy working out arrangements for the ball, which was fine. After her parting remarks, Jonnah was still pissed enough he would have had a hard time relaxing with her in the room.

As it was, Jonnah was stretched out comfortably on one of the two couches in Genoff’s front room. Across from him, on the other couch, Alydia leaned against the arm with her feet in Genoff’s lap while Zairr sprawled on the floor at Genoff’s feet. Nicantise was also sitting on the floor, leaning back against Jonnah’s couch, her elbow poking companionably into his knee. Her partner, Sestian, a huge, golden, bear of a man, lay with his head in Nicci’s lap. Guelida had taken the chair between the couches, as ever, at just enough of a distance that it was noticeable.

Genoff was going on about the conversation Jonnah had missed by abandoning Bastyen early. “—Over and over about how General Erech did this and General Erech did that and wasn’t it amazing, his mind, and—since you’re soldiers, you must see. And I don’t know whether to be horrified or to laugh my ass off at Guelida trying to keep a straight face.”

“I wasn’t laughing at him! Or at least, I wasn’t not-laughing at him. Early on in that conversation, I tried to imagine what Anison would say if we handed Bastyen up to him to entertain, and after that, I couldn’t get the image out of my head.”

Zairr chuckled. “Good thing you didn’t share that.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to help myself,” Sestian said. “I would have fallen off my horse laughing so hard.”

Nicci sighed. “And that’s why we don’t get invited to escort dignitaries.”

Jonnah stayed quiet. He could have shared his own stories of ridiculous things Bastyen said, but that would have taken more energy than he had at the moment. After being boosted so long, he felt dull and listless without the circlet on his head. The feeling would pass, but for tonight, he was content just to exist.

Except he couldn’t relax. Why couldn’t he relax? This was everything he’d missed while he was out on the road. Well, this plus the sex earlier with Chandra was everything he’d missed while he was out on the road. Why did he feel so wound up, so on edge, in a room surrounded by friends?

Maybe because his friends had changed while he was gone. While Jonnah had his back turned, they’d gotten their own boost. Only for them, it wasn’t an external machine pumping up their gifts. They’d been permanently altered, forever bound in that high that Jonnah was having trouble coming down from. Tied to each other in a way that excluded him so completely there was no way to pretend otherwise.

God, that was maudlin. He really did need to sleep.

To try to earn back a little of his self-respect, Jonnah confronted the issue head-on. As the jokes about Bastyen hit a natural lull, he said, “So how is it? The mindshare. Is it everything you dreamed it would be?”

He didn’t miss the way Alydia rolled her eyes. Made a mental note to see what that was about when they had a minute alone.

Nor did he miss the way all four Guard sought each other’s eyes at the question and the silent communion that passed between them. A move he’d seen plenty of time from Jephan’s guard, but that had been different. All Jonnah’s life, Jephan’s Guard had been the Guard, and Chandra’s Guard had just been his friends.

“It’s better…and worse,” Zairr said carefully.

“Chandra in your head all the time,” Sestian groaned. “No one can get away with anything.”

Nicci thwapped him on the head. “Sestian snores in his brain.”

“Nicci hits me more than she used to.”

Zairr was watching the two of them, his expression serious. “It’s a different experience for each of us, I think. We all had different relationships with each other going into it, so there are different levels of adjustment required.”

“Some things are universal,” Nicci said. “I’ve been horny as fuck since we locked in, and if anyone tries to tell you they’re feeling any different, they’re lying. That’s not the sort of thing you can hide from the people in your mind.”

“No, it’s true,” Genoff agreed. “Something about being boosted, I think.”

Sestian shook his head. “Not just that. More than that. Feeling everyone—everything…”

Nicci snorted. “Jephan’s guard, what they didn’t tell us till after—pretty much the first thing every guardsman does once they let us out of the machines is go home and fuck your partner. Which…my bad luck to be partnered with this lug.”

“That hurts, Nicci.”

Nicci ruffled his hair. “You’ll survive.”

Zairr was being quiet. “You going to let these clowns speak for you?” Jonnah asked him.

“What Nicci says is true,” Zairr answered with an utterly straight face. “It was her bad luck. We’re all thankful she was the one to take that…hit…for the team.”

“I hate each and every one of you,” Sestian said with easy cheer.

This ribbing was familiar. Comfortable as an old shirt. And still, everything felt awkward, off. Uncomfortable.

When Guelida stood and stretched, said, “I should get some sleep,” Jonnah likewise got up.

“Hold on. I’ll walk you up,” he said.

Guelida looked at him, eyebrows raised. “I think I can find my rooms on my own.”

“These are dangerous streets, Princess.” Jonnah kept his tone light, but inside, he willed her to see him, to listen. To get that he needed to talk. Not with any gifted power, but merely the strength of hope.

Guelida rolled her eyes, but she waited for him at the door. He felt four sets of eyes watching him, remembered Chandra’s words from before. I’d love to stand here and trust you, but that isn’t my job either. But it seemed he hadn’t been fully upgraded to active threat yet, and they let him and Guelida go without escort.