“Well, that wasn’t useful.” I grumble to myself, as I wander the village lost in thought.

I actually don’t know what I expected. Chief made his career from raiding. Everyone here is either a raider or too old to raid and or missing limbs. What hope is there for me?

I can’t be a shaman. You have to be born with the talent for it, and I doubt someone with 2 Mana max is meant to sling spells like a Goblin named Rock slings…rocks. Same with the Goblin Variant. You’re either born with the evolution talent or have to eke out a living as a raider like everyone else.

I am definitely like everyone else; small, probably cowardly, with no real talent besides running away. I might as well collect some rocks and practice my throwing motion. Hopefully, that will make a difference for next time.

But does it really have to be that way? As I wander, I bump into a group of Goblins taking the uneaten remains of dead Goblins to the Cave of Wonders. Thankfully I don’t recognize any Goblins I know amongst the dead; all my brothers save for Dagger are long dead, and I ate the one cousin I liked a few days ago. I watch them throw the half-eaten corpses into the cave, where their bones will most likely tumble down into the Dirt of Spawning. I make a silent prayer over the bones of fallen Goblin raiders, praying that their spirits will help nourish the next wave of young raiders.

Out of curiosity, I follow the procession of Goblins as they carry the dead and stand over the cave of wonders as the elders direct the younglings to toss the deceased inside.

Elder Bones’ voice is still as shrill as ever, and he smacks my young cousins, who can’t keep up with the flow of commands. I smile as I watch him shove and scream at the young idiots–--raiders in training.

“How you doing, gramps?”

Elder Bones stares at me for a second before recognition fills his old eyes, “ROCK! You’re still alive!”

I laugh while scratching the back of my still bandaged head. “Barely.”

“Well, it’s still good to see you, boy!” He points his cane at a nearby rock and directs me to sit as he hobbles over next to me, “Come, let’s talk.”

“How do you know I came to talk?” I ask as I sit next to the Elder Bones. I look at his aging, graying face and his many face whiskers, which have grown long and pointy over time. Any older and half his face will be covered in a big mesh of gray hair.

“Because no Goblin your age comes to visit the entrance to this cave without having something on your mind.”

He pats my shoulder with one three-fingered hand gnarled with age. He used to have four.

“So what’s on your mind, boy?”

I shrug, suddenly feeling like a youngling. “I don’t think I can do this anymore…”

I wait for him to finish my thought, but his lips are sealed, and his eyes are wide open like an owl. I have his undivided attention, as unnerving as that looks and feels—

“I don’t want to be a raider anymore.”

There I said it. I fucking said it. Elder Bones will be disappointed, and he’ll just slap some sense into me, and I’ll join Dagger on the next raid tomorrow and—

“You’re shit at it, huh?”

Wait… well… yes, I mean, when you put it bluntly like that, I can only say, “Yeah, I am.”

“And you’re feeling discouraged.”

“I’m a Goblin.” That’s my natural state, I want to say, but he knows what I mean.

“Well, boy, you’re at a crossroads. You’d also be shit at being a shaman, but I can recommend you practice with them. Give you some time away from the front.”

He can do that? Well, yeah, he can! Even Chief would listen to an Elder. But I know what would happen once a Goblin shaman figures out your shit at magic… apprentice is another word for practice dummy. I.e., target practice.

“I only have 2 Mana, sir. I don’t think that will work.”

“You’re afraid of those stuffy bastards pretending to be human wizards?”

Come to think of it, yes, actually! I nod, and Elder Bones sighs.

“So what to do with you.”

I honestly don’t know. I hang my head, knowing what the answer is. I gotta continue raiding. Get better. Level up. Maybe one day I can lead a Goblin war party. Or Even a Goblin Horde.

“You know, boy, there is more than one way we Goblins got by.”

I immediately perk up.

“You mean maybe I’m a variant!”

He slaps the back of my head. Hard. It hurts even more, considering I’ve still got a large shovel-shaped scar back there.

“No idiot! Younglings these days! Am I a variant!? Maybe I’m a variant! STUPID! Claim to be an Avatar of Yeezus, why don’t you!”

I rub the back of my head while seeing stars. “I’m sorry, Elder!”

“Well, you’re definitely as dumb as a raider. I may be wasting my time telling you this.”

I suddenly realize that my opportunity to receive the Elder’s wisdom is slipping away, and I jump up in a panic!

“Please tell me! I beg you!”

Elder Bones observes me, eyes narrowing on his gaunt face, before shaking his head in his signature sign of silent resignation, “Boy, listen. And listen well. Have you accessed the Blue Screen?”

I think back to the time I nearly died and nod.

“Good, now open it for me.”

Wait.. what? I was only able to open it in my mind before. I don’t think I can show it to people, can I? Can I?

I close my eyes and concentrate, trying to find that place that was so urgent before. That place that told me I was dying in detail.

“Aww, I see it.”

I open my eyes and see the blue screen in front of me with a front and a back. I read over the details slowly, now having the time to really think about what’s in front of me.

ROCK

Level 1

Race Goblin

Class Raider

Job RAIDER

Hit Points : 7

Mana : 2

Morale : 7

Condition : Recovering Gain 1 HP every few hours.

Oh, that’s good. But what does the back of the blue screen say?

Bravery 4

Faith 3

Speed 8

Durability 2

Physical Power 6

Magic Power 3

Intelligence 5

Wisdom 9

Charisma 8

Skills:

None

Exp : 18

Well, that looks underwhelming. But the Elder stares at it intently before looking me in the eye.

“You seem to be an average Goblin all around.”

“But that looks pretty weak.”

“It is. That’s the average ability of a human child.”

“Elder!” I shout, instantly realizing that the Elder said something that throws into turmoil the core premise of every Goblin’s existence! The Goblins are indeed SUPREME! And how can Goblins have supremacy when we’re barely a match for a human child! “You can’t mean that elder!” I stammer.

But Elder Bones smiles. “Of course not. Goblin supremacy!”

I nod enthusiastically, but I’m not sure, going by the hint of sarcasm in Elder Bones’ voice, that he really means that. But that’s impossible. All Goblins believe in Goblin supremacy, especially the elders!

“But, it is… wise to consider your strengths and weaknesses... realistically.” Elder Bones shrugs but continues, “And you’re already doing that yourself, not wanting to be a raider and all.”

I consider his words for a moment but then nod slowly, feeling again like a youngling.

“Good.” he chuckles, “There is another way. One that doesn’t require you to fight humans for a living.”

I start to speak up in excitement, but he hushes me. “But,” he continues, “It’s a path not well-traveled…. Well, not in many years. Before the success and fall of the last great Horde and many moons beyond that.”

I try to think of what this “path” could be, but my brain draws up a blank. There are only two things most Goblins can be, raider or shaman.

“I see you are drawing up blanks. Well, it’s really an oral tradition, way back when the first wave of younglings crawled from the Cave of Wonder and out into this big wide world of men and monsters. There used to be three classes. What you are now, raider. Shaman, something you still could be, and…” Elder Bones takes a deep breath before exhaling slowly. “Thief.”