The next day, Gab went to visit Saanvi at her clinic again.

Saanvi talked Gab through her options: how she might go about terminating the pregnancy and conversely, what would happen next if she decided to continue with it. She would be booked into the prenatal clinic at the hospital, just around the corner from their apartment block and would continue with check-ups there. Saanvi gave Gab various brochures and information booklets to take with her and read through. At some points in the conversation, Gab thought she had fully made up her mind to keep the baby; then, the uncertainty of it all came crashing down over her and she felt lost in the dark, surrounded by obstacles and hazards she couldn’t see. There was no way she could keep it. No way. But Saanvi reassured her that she didn’t have to decide straight away. She had time.

As they left the doctors surgery, Gab’s mind felt so full it was going to explode, and she wasn’t sure for how long she could endure the tension. Indecision was painful and Gab was tossed this way and that, with the full weight of her emotions. Termination meant hiding her mistake. A baby was sure to lead to others’ judgment. It would change everything.

***

The next week of classes was a complete blur, as Gab continued to feel disgustingly nauseated every day. Looming exams would wait for no one, or rather, would continue to come closer despite the fact that all this made it impossible for Gab to even think about studying. What had once become a life-giving escape for Gab was no longer that, and it was all she could do to scrape through her essential tasks. This was so disappointing to Gab, the high achiever, that it sent her into an emotional spin. She couldn’t stop thinking of Mr. C. and what he would say if he knew she was bombing out … and why. She’d let him down. And what about Tony? He had been so excited for her too, so supportive. And if he knew …

She had cut off those whose good opinions she cared most about. Their faith in her had given her so much strength, and she was sure she’d lose it all once they found out what she’d done and where she’d landed. She had nothing left.