I trotted down the street at a quick meander trying to identify anything that looked mayor-y. Right when my neck was starting to hurt from constantly looking left and right I spotted a fancy-ish building with an extra story on the other side of a row of houses.

“If that’s not the mayor then I hate this town agreed? Agreed let’s go.” With a right turn sharp enough to give drill sergeants wet dreams I directed my brisk meander down the alley I spotted Tall, Bright and Fancy-ish down.

“Hey kid. Quite carefree aren’t we?” Oh fucking…there’s no way this cliché is actually happening right?

“Dude. No. Stop. Cliché is for losers and Hollywood.” I glared around me trying to identify the speaker. I shot a quick glance at my dagger to both reassure myself of its presence and see if it was talking again.

“Cliché? What?... Well, no matter. The dagger won’t help you so why don’t you tell me why you were looking for us?” I finally identified the source of the voice: a shadowy figure lounging quite languidly on a clothesline above me. I’ll admit I was a bit impressed but I have enough situational awareness to not start fangirling over mad skill.

“BROOOOOO that’s so damn cool how are you doing that???” Well, usually.

“Hahaha! Lot’s of practice little bird~ So why were you looking for me?” Realization dawned on me with his gentle reminder. Looking for HIM, of course!

“You must be the mayor!” I delightedly hopped in place and pointed at him. Huehuehue, another mystery solved.

“Enough games.” I suddenly felt a cold line of steel on my throat as the previously bright voice of my conversational partner hissed into my ear. Oh. Assassin. Right.

“I’mnotacoppleasedon’thurtmeI’mfragile” I calmly begged for mercy.

“Cop? Oh you mean guard? AHAHAHA of course you’re not a guard! You asked for the Assassin’s Guild in the damn tavern. There’s no way you’re a guard.” Funny, he was threatening me with a knife but it was his words that really cut me. “Dude, are you crying?”

“No. I was cutting onions earlier. Bitch.” I flipped him off, probably. It was a bit hard to aim so I just generally flipped off everything behind me.

“Right I believe you. Totally.” Shit he’s almost as skilled at sarcasm as me. A true master! He must have trained for so many years! I’ve underestimated this foe. “How about you just tell me how you knew how to find us?”

“Well to be perfectly honest I just asked in every tavern I came across and this just happened to be the first one.”

“What?? How is that even?? Do you know how big Taron even is? Why did you try here first?? WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR LUCK STAT???”

“Ah well I can answer the last one I guess.” I said while lifting my status plate up to eye level.

NAME: Jin

TITLE: Enigmatic/ Endless Sleeper/

AGE: 19

RACE: ???

LEVEL: 2

CLASS: Beginner

STRENGTH: 12

VITALITY: ???

SPEED: ???

AGILITY: ???

LUCK: -1

INTELLIGENCE: ???

DEXTERITY: ???

MANA: ???

SKILLS: Traveler (+lighten load). Enigma Lvl 1. Beginner’s mental resist.

“Dude I’m so sorry.” Oi what for, dick.

“Oi what for? dick?”

“You have only three skills, one of them is incontrovertibly the single most useless skill ever, and your mental resist is at the level of my cat. And your luck is negative. How do you even get negative stats? How have you survived to adulthood?”

“Dude are you crying?”

“No. I was cutting onions earlier. Jerk.” The assassin moved back and dragged a sleeve across his eyes. “Anyways it looks like you don’t really have anything going on. Wanna come with me to the guild?”

“Eh? Just like that? Couldn’t I still be a danger to the guild?” The assassin appeared again at my side with less than a flicker of movement, his hand on my shoulder and tears again in his eyes.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaahaaahaa…huerhhhghg…hehheh…heeeeee…ahhhh. Oh I like you little bird~. *gasp* hehhehheh yeah that was good. Ok let’s go!” He merrily pointed arbitrarily into the sky with a hand firmly planted on his hip. I looked up expecting an airship, or ventilation shaft, or something. Simultaneously I was gripped by vertigo and gravity as the floor of the alley around us dropped into the abyss.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

With a quiet displacement of air the alley floor swung shut above us, massive counterbalances speeding past as rope threaded through oiled pulleys in the near silence. A net arrested my fall nearly as quickly as the realization I wasn’t about to die did so to my screams.

“Hahaha I love doing that. The screams are always unique~” I have a shit list sir, and you are quickly climbing up it.

“So did I rank on your list on traumatizing experiences?” A memory snuck even more silently and unbidden than my cohort to the front of my mind, a memory of Soma the leatherworker.

“No.” I shivered quietly on the net.

“Well that’s depressing. Alright Little Bird, hurry up. We have places to be.” With that the assassin rolled off the net and trotted down the narrow hallway that served as the only exit to the dark room we had fallen into. I stared to get up to follow before hesitating. Was it really this easy? I planted my feet back on solid ground before calling after him, “Hey Bro?”

“You can call me Cat, Little Bird.” I settled one hand on Sir Spike before continuing.

“Is this really the Assassin’s Guild?” I called forward, squinting to see how far Cat had gotten.

“What? You don’t believe me~?” Cat appropriately purred while matching step with me, materializing from apparently nowhere. I struggled to refrain from jumping in surprise and punching him, my sudden suspicions leaving my grip on Sir Spike white-knuckled.

“Well it just seems a bit too convenient is all. You’re not like…a slave trafficker are you?” At this Cat’s mouth split into an even wider grin.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit too late to start asking questions?”