“Five… seven… ten, okay. It should be enough silver for four nights. Is there anything else you need?”

“Do you have clean water inside the room? I really need to clean myself right now.”

“Mmm, I will ask the errand boy to bring you some buckets later. You can use the courtyard at the back of the room, no one goes there besides me.”

“Thank you.”

After walking for about an hour, stopping along the way to sell herbs to the merchants scattered around the road, I finally arrived at a small hostel a few blocks away from the main plaza. Listeria, as the capital of the continent and the biggest city in the world, receives visitors from every region; they come here to trade, to join the army, to attend the church or just as travelers on their way to another city. Thanks to that, it was not difficult for me to find a place with vacant rooms to stay for a while.

“Do you need assistance with your luggage or your horse?”

“Not really, I just have this with me.”

I said to the old lady managing the place while pointing to the bow and damaged bag I was holding.

“You elf people are so weird.”

Waving goodbye at her, I proceeded to enter the room assigned to me at the back of the house. Upon opening the door, one small bed made from straw and wood, two blankets, a narrow desk and two stools greeted me. Compared to the village, there is not much difference, but the sturdy, old materials and the absence of books and plants make it seem like I traveled several years into the past.

I deliberately chose the smallest hostel for one reason, I cannot risk finding the other elves staying in the city. Cedric’s candidates must still be around here, they probably even plan to live here, so I decided to stay in this run down place for a couple of days before exploring the city.

After tossing my bag and bow on the desk, I lay down and feel all tiredness hit me at once.

“This is hardly a bed. Maybe I can buy some rope and make a hammock like the ones in the village.”

I feel like if I lower my guard even a little, I will lose consciousness and wake up in a month. The past two days have been the hardest ones in my life so far, the things I did and the decisions I made barely seem real and they are slowly eating me from the inside.

“Miss, are you in here?”

A knock on the door and the faint voice coming from behind it pull me back to reality.

“Come in.”

“Sorry, I cannot open the door.”

It should be the kid bringing the water. I must have spent more than a couple of minutes dozing off here.

“Hello.”

I opened the door and a thin boy was carrying two buckets full of water almost as big as his head. Ragged clothes, dirty hands and his hair full of dust, this kid has probably worked more than any elf ever did.

“I was told to bring this to the room.”

“Yes thanks, you can leave them there.”

I extended my hand to grab the buckets, but the boy timidly took a step back. For a moment I forgot about my appearance, my now pale hair and greyish skin tell everyone around me about my sins.

“Sorry, did I startle you?”

“N-no… not at all…”

His lips trembled as if he still wanted to say something while I crouched a little to look at his face.

“M-miss, a-are you one of the Gods?”

His sudden question scared me and now I was the one taking a few steps back.

“What do you mean?”

“Y-yes, the priest always says that the Gods often come down to look after us. A-are you one of them?”

“Nope, what made you think that? Did the owner say something?”

“N-no… it is because you look so p-pretty… you are even p-prettier than the Princess and you are wearing s-silly clothes I have never seen any traveler wear.”

The innocence of the kid made me realize something. I made sure to hide my face from the first merchants I encountered, but since the knights at the entrance, I completely forgot about it. I interacted with at least ten people before arriving here and none of them seemed troubled by my appearance.

“I am sorry, but I’m just an elf. Sadly, I don’t possess any divine powers.”

I caressed his hair and grabbed the buckets making the kid run, flustered because of my gesture. I placed them inside the room and closed the door behind me.

It seems I have been worried about nothing. Now that I think about it, it makes sense. The elves are secluded from the rest of the world, making it impossible for the humans to know about our traditions or to even know an elf at all. Which means that, in this city full of travelers from all races and countries, I am just another foreigner. People here would have a hard time differentiating me from another human without looking closely; knowing I am a fallen elf is too much to ask from them.

“I feel silly for even worrying about something like that up until now.”

Sighing and feeling a little bit of relief, I opened the back door leading to the courtyard and began preparing to take a bath. Since the night we spent back at Lake Gandr, I have not washed myself even once, so I have been impatiently waiting for this moment. My body feels all sticky and I can even smell myself now.

“I‘d better hurry before the sun goes down.”

Back in the village, we always had pure water ready to clean ourselves. The elves value purity above everything else, which means we even had a special paste made from herbs to disinfect our bodies and our clothes. I even learned the spell to heat water right away just to take warm baths during the winter. Looking at the ugly, wood bucket full of cold water they probably collected from the rain really makes me miss home.

“The owner better be telling the truth, if someone sees me right now I am committing a crime.”

I hurriedly cleaned myself with the water from one of the buckets and used the remaining one to wash my clothes, hanging them from the roof while I wrapped myself with a blanket.

“Even though I said we should save as many potions as possible, I only have two left.”

I emptied the contents of my bag on the desk to look at them. I got one hundred silver coins and fifty copper ones from the merchants on my way here. I probably can get twice that from exchanging the remaining potions here in the city, but I do not want to draw attention to me going to the guilds now. I have to consider that I might be forced to do some questionable things in this city eventually.

“I just want to eat meat.”

I mumble to myself while holding my head with both of my hands. Now that I have calmed down, I am starting to think that my approach to this situation was wrong from the beginning; there is no reason for me to kill anyone. First, you cannot argue that life here is better than in our world, there is no electricity, internet, public transportation or even proper bathrooms, objectively speaking no one would choose here over the earth that I know. Second, I do not have to tell them the complete truth. If I had calmly explained Yukino that she could go back, said that I knew for a fact nothing would have changed once she returned and took the time to listen to her. I probably would have convinced her to return eventually.

“This is not lying, but hiding the truth a little.”

And honestly, lying is better that just straight up killing someone.

I failed before because of my own insecurities and incompetence, so from now on I will put two rules for myself.

One, I must believe from the bottom of my heart that they can return safely. I cannot expect them to believe me if I do not believe it myself.

Two, I must never tell them my real identity. They will immediately question why I have not returned and, more importantly, Nana was the ugliest, laziest and scummiest teacher in the academy.

Now I just have to think about a way to find them. But, that can wait for tomorrow when I have a beer and a steak in front of me.

I dropped on the bed while imagining all the delicious things I wanted to eat tomorrow. Hoping that the images of junk food and cheap drinks will keep the horrors I have lived thus far from appearing in my dreams.