According to Ellis, perfection was something easily obtainable. It wasn’t this nonexistent concept people liked to make it out to be. With a little hard work and an award-winning smile, he achieved everything he could have ever wanted. Those who didn’t believe in perfection were selling themselves short and would rather believe it was an unattainable trait so that they didn’t have to deal with their own mediocrity. Ellis didn’t settle for mediocrity; he wouldn’t settle for anything less than exemplary. School, volunteer work, debate team and student council were all the things he excelled at and if he didn’t excel, he would change it. Perfection was something Ellis Holloway was born into. From his perfect blond curls to his sharp wit, he was absolutely flawless. From the outside looking in, no one could deny that Ellis was an upstanding young man and he intended to keep it that way.

His current situation with Aradia Lake was threatening his status. Roman was threatening his status. Due to Roman’s insistence about keeping his grand plan a secret from the other boys, Ellis' irritation had reached new heights. Luckily, Roman was a creature of habit meaning he would be wandering through the back courtyard soon and Ellis would be able to intercept him. There was some irony in someone who was so determined to be rebellious being able to be boiled down to a simple schedule.

Ellis twisted his wrist, so the face of his watch faced him. It was half past 12. Any time now, Roman, Ellis thought to himself. Perfectly on time, Roman rounded the corner with Warren following closely behind. The two of them were a match made in hell. For every bad habit Roman had, Warren would encourage it, like fire to gasoline. Clearly the two had something planned. There was no other reasonable explanation for the spitfire grin Roman was sporting. Just as Roman started to hustle by Ellis, Ellis caught him by the upper arm. Gripping him tightly, he steered Roman back toward the school.

“Hey Warren, this is going to take a minute. You don’t mind right?” Ellis used his sickeningly sweet voice. Warren bobbed his head and drifted off to wherever he and Roman must have been planning to go.

“You can let go.” Roman replied with little voice inflection.

“Can I? Or are you going to walk away the second I do?” Ellis pointed out and Roman rolled his eyes in a way that meant yes Ellis you are completely right but I’m too stubborn to voice it.

“What do you want?”

“What are we going to do about Aradia? I need to know.” Ellis pulled Roman in closer as he spoke in a hush whisper.

“Like hell you do. I have it covered. Let me go.” Roman replied with the grace and tact of a toddler.

It wasn’t that Ellis hated Roman; he just didn’t understand why everyone liked him. In essence, Roman was much like an old barn cat which was to say, territorial and hissy. He would certainly swipe at you if given the chance. He lacked charm, wit and about a hundred other traits normal people valued and yet everyone was still so enamored with him. Ellis couldn’t fathom why anyone could be bothered to care about someone who clearly didn’t even care for himself.

Ellis opened his mouth, preparing himself to whisper something that most certainly would upset Roman, hopefully enough for him to cave on his secretive behavior but he stopped. Coach Whitmore was walking directly towards them with an expression that Ellis had learned was opportunistic, not friendly.

Ellis didn’t know Coach Whitmore very well due to his total avoidance of all sports except for swimming but he had heard his father brag more than once about the awards the coach had brought in so he must have at least been decent. Knowing he was a good coach didn’t really change how Ellis felt about the man though. He looked exactly like what you would expect someone who peaked in high school would look like in their 40’s, balding, a touch overweight and clearly unaware of the years that have passed.

Whitmore held his hand out for Roman who stared in confusion as if he had never heard of the concept of a handshake before. Whitmore’s eyes lingered on Roman too long, for it to be natural. Unsettled, Ellis tried to nudge Roman into leaving before Whitmore clapped his hands down on his shoulders.

“Davenport! I hear you’re interested in football.” Whitmore said in a booming voice. It was clearly a lie, Roman hated football and all other contact sports for that matter. “Your mom called me. Said you needed something to focus your aggression into.”

“Did she?” Roman kept his voice even but stared daggers into Whitmore's hand which was still gripping his shoulder.

“You are well built. Real strong.” Ellis didn’t know what Whitmore meant by this, but he certainly didn’t like the way he was squeezing Roman’s shoulder.

“Thanks, I spent six months living in the woods.” He deadpanned.

Whitmore ran more details by Roman, but Ellis stopped listening after he started explaining exactly what a wide receiver is and why Roman is perfect for it. There was some sort of cosmic justice in Roman becoming a football player. Karma was progressively turning Roman into everything he hated and there was nothing he resented more than high school football. Before their falling out Ellis and Roman had conversations about the insignificance of football and how these teenagers would give their whole youth to the fields as if nothing mattered more. Ellis and Roman wanted more, there had to be more.

“Swing by my office later, kay?” Whitmore said playfully slapping Roman’s arm before jogging off.

“Did you get the vibe that he wanted to-” Ellis started.

“Yes.” Roman replied. “You don’t think he would-”

“I doubt it. You’re probably fine.”

The two had a strange dynamic. Mutual distaste for each other yet able to finish each other's thoughts. In a way, it bothered Ellis. Having anything in common with Roman was risky.

Roman started walking backwards with an aloofness that was unattainable for normal people but for him was entirely expected.

“Anyways, I gotta go…” Roman paused. “Pray. I have to go pray.”

Ellis looked over his shoulder to see Mr. Ross standing behind him with a half smirk and a hand on his hip. He was one of the few teachers Ellis truly didn’t understand. It never mattered how well you did in his class, he simply only liked students he deemed interesting. Ellis was not one of those students.

“Praying, Mr. Davenport? You couldn’t think of anything better?” Mr. Ross asked caustically.

“What can I say, I’m a devout Catholic.” Roman replied and crossed his arms. A small grin played on his lips. Confidence so bold wasn’t something rare for Roman but he must have truly thought he had outwitted Mr. Ross to be acting so cocky.

“You aren’t Catholic. I went to school with your parents…Anyways, are you boys attending the memorial dinner on Friday?”

There wasn’t a strong enough word to express how much Ellis wasn’t going to the memorial dinner. Conceptually, it was stupid. Why have a memorial for one student just because he was an athlete and popular? Was that all it took to be considered worthy of attention? Davis wasn’t worthy of Ellis’s attention. He was an arrogant teenage boy who went missing and suddenly everyone cared about exactly who he was. Ellis didn’t have it in him to care about Davis Astor’s disappearance or subsequent memorial dinners. It was all just propaganda used to get his family to donate money anyways.

“No, actually we are planning on working on the biology project that night.” Roman lied.

“Perfect. You can be a server then.” Ross pushed a wad of papers in Roman’s hands. “It’s black tie so dress nice and be polite. Oh, and Ellis, I know we were going to have one of Davis’s friends speak but they came down with the flu so I was thinking you could read the speech.”

“Oh, I would love to, but we are behind on the project and I really can’t expect Fletcher and Sam to do all the work.” Ellis crafted his words carefully, just enough excuses to keep the blame off himself.

“Sam actually already agreed to be a server and Fletcher is giving a speech as well.” Mr. Ross’s tone hinted that he knew what Ellis was trying to do. He handed him a folded-up piece of paper. “Black tie, 6:00. See you both then.”

The problem with private school was how easy it was to force students to be props for donors. Ellis was nothing more than a glorified cardboard cut-out for events. He would say a few nice words, shoot the crowd a smile and mingle with adults until it was over. The adults never cared what he had to say. They were far more interested in the school but when your last name was Holloway, you rarely had the choice to disengage with people.

The dinner would be a problem. They needed to be at Aradia before dark so they could prepare, not that Roman would explain what that meant.

“So how does this change things?” Ellis asked knowing he would only reply with either a sarcastic remark or a vague answer.

“With the exception of us being in suits nothing has changed. We can just head out after. Anyways, I gotta go…” Roman grimaced “talk football with Whitmore. Wish me luck.”

After Roman left, Ellis unfolded the paper and skimmed through it. It wasn’t particularly unique, a simple run of the mill ‘gone to soon’ sort of speech. Surprising, considering it was written by a friend of Davis. Skimming it through wouldn't be enough to properly present it at the dinner, he had to practice it like lines in play. Privacy was the key to a good rehearsal meaning Ellis had to find somewhere secluded.

Holloway Academy was massive. Multiple wings and buildings but very few had student access if it wasn’t a classroom. Even though Ellis was a Holloway, he didn’t have any special privileges. He did however know which buildings had been closed off. On the east side of the school there was a smaller builder called Wildes House. It had been a dormitory before it was closed down nearly three years prior. There was nothing wrong with it, his grandfather decided to close it before he retired. It was something about maintaining the historic value of it. Ellis never really understood that part as seventy percent of the campus was historic, and they had also torn down more than their fair share of those buildings.

Wildes House had a tiny picnic area in the backyard. It was secluded and no one else had reason to be there. A perfect place to rehearse words that Ellis couldn’t possibly mean. Tucked away from the rest of the school, it hid close to the tree line of the forest that surrounded the school. It was almost like a different world compared to the rest of the campus. Wildflowers overtook most of the front lawn and vines were crawling up the building hiding most of the original brick beneath it. Odd, flowers don’t normally bloom this late, Ellis thought to himself but didn’t think much more on the matter. Slipping behind the building, he reached the thin metal gate which had been put there as more of an aesthetic choice than a practical one. He considered climbing the fence for a moment before he tried the gate.

It was unlocked, but that wasn’t really a surprise. Holloway Academy was a place with honor, they would never expect their students to sneak in somewhere they shouldn’t. Sitting at a splintering picnic table, Ellis laid the paper out flat. He puffed out his chest and tried to give his best doleful expression.

“Davis Astor was an extraordinary soul. The sort of person that you only meet once in a lifetime. Kindness and compassion were virtues he lived by.” Ellis said to no one.

He clenched his jaw and rolled his shoulders back. He resented the speech, he resented Mr. Ross and he most certainly resented the fact Roman didn’t have to read the utter propaganda that he was rehearsing. Hatred was the only way to describe how he felt about Davis.

“Ellis?” He recognized the voice almost instantly as Beck. Looking over he saw her with her arm wrapped around Fletcher’s waist. Seriously, how hard is it to be alone here? Ellis cursed silently.

Ellis didn’t know anything about Beck besides the fact she started dating Fletcher around the time the boys had stopped talking. Nothing was really wrong with her; she was just a hair bit too intense for Ellis’s liking, so he avoided her. She was pretty with her long curly blond hair and big doe eyes, but her looks didn’t help her. She seemed to lack any sort of grace and no amount of cute smiles and hair twirls would fix that.

“Hey Beck.” Ellis could feel how awkward his smile must have come across. “I’m practicing a speech, so I don’t really have any time to talk.”

“That’s fine. Actually, we can sit in and listen. Maybe give you some feedback…You know I won some awards for public speaking.” Ellis had forgotten how smart Beck was and based on the smirk she had, he wasn’t going to be able to say no.

Ellis welcomed them to sit with him. Adjusting his posture, he feigned sorrow again and began his speech. Beck nodded along with every word he said as if she were moved by the words. He knew better, she entirely intended to tear him apart after he finished speaking.

“Davis was a fantastic student and an even better person. We are all lucky to have known him.” Ellis finished. He hated that line. It wasn’t true in the slightest.

Within seconds, Beck was giving him notes on where he should use vocal inflections and how to fake emotions more convincingly, but Ellis only pretended to listen. He instead mused on the idea of telling the crowd exactly what sort of person Davis was but he knew he couldn’t do that. For his own safety and for Davis’s family and perhaps that’s what hurt more; knowing the truth but not being able to enlighten people. Not without damage anyway.

“Thank you, but I think I’m done rehearsing for now.” He settled on mediocrity for the time being. “By the way Fletcher, did you volunteer to give a speech?”

“Nope. Won athlete of the year last year so I’m expected to speak about Davis' contribution to athletics.” Fletcher laughed dryly. “Even have to say something about the community being robbed of his gift.”

“Hey! That’s cruel. Don’t make fun of the dead, Fletch.” Beck stated in what Ellis would have called a gross exaggeration of what Fletcher meant. “Davis was the best athlete to ever attend this school and we all should respect that.” Ellis suspected she was trying to start a fight. Fletcher was one of the best athletes in the state, backed by both college recruiters and his statistics.

“I know, public speaking just isn’t my thing. I’m just upset about it.” Fletcher's backbone was much like the novelty bending pencils the bookfairs carried. Excuses weren’t enough to satisfy Beck who had launched into a lecture on respect as if Fletcher was her kid instead of her boyfriend.

“Are we still meeting up after the memorial dinner?” Ellis interrupted Beck.

“Yep.” Fletcher answered. Beck tilted her head to the side as if the boys weren’t speaking English. With crossed arms, she huffed and waited for Fletcher to notice. “Is something wrong?”

“You’re always hanging out with Ellis.” Beck pouted like a child while spouting more lies.

“It’s for a project, babe.” The way Fletcher emphasized babe felt forced. Pet names were something Ellis found to be utterly unattractive and weird but that was most of his feelings towards Fletcher and Beck’s relationship.

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad…” She was most definitely trying to make him feel bad. “But I miss you and I know you have to work on your school stuff, but I’d just really appreciate some of your time.”

“I should go.” Ellis said uncomfortably. “See you later, Fletcher.”

Mediocrity wasn’t something Ellis often settled on, but this speech left a bitter taste on his tongue. It was going to be easy, all he had to do was stand in front of the crowd and say the words, even if he didn’t mean them. He had done it a hundred times before with his debate team and this would be no different. After that, he wouldn’t have to think about Davis again.

***

Friday night came faster than Ellis had anticipated. Perhaps dread really could speed up time. Cold sweat coated his palms and his stomach churned. It was pathetic how nervous he felt. Even his knees felt weak. There was something off about him, but he couldn’t place it.

Staring in the men’s room mirror, Ellis couldn’t help but pick apart his appearance. First and foremost, his tie was crooked. Slowly, he pushed up his dress shirt collar and repositioned the tie. He tied it just as he had been taught but it still looked off.

“Davis Astor was an extraordinary soul. The sort of person that you only meet once in a lifetime. Kindness and compassion were virtues he lived by.” Ellis repeated to himself. The sound of his voice was deflated and weak. He shouldn’t have agreed to come but it was far too late for that now.

Ellis Holloway was perfect, and he was going to give a perfect speech for an imperfect person and that was the end of it. He wouldn’t allow anything less than perfect. He took one more look in the mirror before heading out to the dining hall.

The dining hall was a rather long room with a massive arching window at the end. It was a gorgeous set up. The long mahogany tables were hidden by green satin tablecloths and each chair had a bow tied onto it. The normal overhanging lights had been polished and fixed for the occasion. If Ellis didn’t know any better, he would have sworn they were having a celebration not a memorial. In front of the window was a podium and a massive collage of Davis from his years at the school.

Mr. Ross stood at the podium introducing Fletcher meaning Ellis would be next. He didn’t particularly pay attention to anything Fletcher was saying, instead focusing on his words and how to say them with conviction even though he didn’t care.

“Ellis.” Roman muttered as walked over.

In a suit and tie, Roman looked absolutely miserable. It was a nice suit, well-tailored. Ellis would have wagered his dad forced him to get it and his mom forced him to get it tailored. Even his black hair was slicked back in a way that was reminiscent of the 40’s. Ellis could tell how much Roman despised his current look and it wasn’t a surprise. It was a reminder that no matter what he did, he was still cut from the same cloth as Ellis.

“You look lovely.” Ellis said, looking him over.

“Your tie is crooked.” Roman deadpanned. It took everything in Ellis' body not to immediately check if he was telling the truth. He would wait a few minutes until Roman wasn’t looking then he would fix it. “Ready for tonight?”

“Yes.” Ellis said, looking at his tie. Was it crooked?

“Oh my god, Ellis.” Roman huffed, motioning for him to come closer. Awkwardly, he adjusted the tie. Uncomfortable was too light a word for how Roman being so close made Ellis feel. “There. You look presentable.”

Neither boy listened to the speech or the small chatter going on around them. Instead, they focused on each other. Ellis nudged Roman and attempted to get any sort of details out of him for the night ahead of them, but he wouldn’t budge. Frustrating was one of the many adjectives Ellis would have used to describe Roman.

Fletcher was prattling on about Davis’s great achievements and what an inspiration he was. Roman didn’t seem to care about anything going on. His only focus was Ellis and the way he kept glancing over made Ellis wonder what he was thinking. Perhaps he noticed how nervous Ellis was or perhaps he was waiting for him to snap. No one could ever be sure what was going on in his head.

“So, Sam is borrowing his dad's diving camera for the night.” Roman used the word borrowing gently. Sam was likely taking it without asking but seeing as Roman was actually being forthcoming Ellis wasn’t about to complain.

“And how are we getting the footlocker out?”

“I have a plan for that but it’s not going to be fun…Don’t worry, no one is going to get hurt.”

“Maybe we should wait until next weekend. Be better prepared.” Ellis countered keeping his eyes focused on Fletcher who seemed to lose himself in the speech.

“Hell no. I had to beg my parents individually for this. Do you realize how much begging that is?” Roman paused before switching to a harsh whisper. “I had to join football. I don’t know how to play football! I’ve avoided it my entire life. How do the points work?”

“Just a suggestion, Davenport. Take it down a notch.”

Ellis didn’t need to say anything more. It wasn’t like Roman would listen anyways. Instead, he drew his attention back to the front. Fletcher was gripping the sides of the podium, probably in an attempt to stop shaking but his arms were still rattling. His eyes darted around the room like he was looking for someone but couldn’t pinpoint where they were supposed to be. He started looking over his shoulder to find whatever he was looking for but it still wasn’t there. The words he was saying, if they could be called that, were almost gibberish. Ellis knew he was the nervous sort but never before had Fletcher been this bad.

Nudging Roman, Ellis held his hands up as if to say, what the hell is this? Roman only shrugged in reply, not an ounce concerned for Fletcher. A flash of pink started creeping up Fletcher’s face, but Ellis knew it wasn’t his place to step in. Surely, he could manage to get himself back on track.

“I only met Davis once.” Fletcher said more clearly than he had been speaking before.

Roman’s eyes went wide and he pushed Ellis towards the stage with a hostility that Ellis hadn’t felt in a long time. He didn’t know what Roman expected him to do. There was no clean way to cut Fletcher’s speech off and Ellis wasn’t about to dirty his hands to save Fletcher a tiny bit of embarrassment.

“Stop him.” Roman hissed, gripping Ellis by the shoulder. “He is going to say something that we are all going to regret…unless of course you want me to stop him.”

Ellis did not want Roman to stop him. Wildness was bred into Roman and God only knew what he intended to do to stop Fletcher. Shoving him off, Ellis snuck between the tables heading towards the podium. Relief flashed across Fletcher’s face with each step he took.

As he reached the podium, he took the microphone from Fletcher and made a hand gesture small enough the audience would see him waving Fletcher off. The audience seemed bigger now that he was facing them. Parents dressed formally were sitting with their children, a few grandparents were even there. He shouldn’t have been surprised about the turnout. Every event thrown by the Holloways was a success.

“Thank you.” Ellis smiled and turned to the audience.

He walked away from the podium. A trick his father taught him to seem more welcoming and approachable. Staring out at the crowd, he saw Mr. and Mrs. Astor with their hands tightly intertwined. He nodded to them directly, a sort of acknowledgement that they seemed to appreciate as shown by their slight smiles.

“As Fletch-” Ellis stopped himself. First names were personal, not for speeches. “As Mr. Yates said, Davis was a phenomenal athlete and he truly inspired us all. Before I begin my speech, I’d like to thank the Astors once again for donating the funds necessary to renovate the gym into what is sure to become a top of the line training facility.”

The confidence Ellis was emitting was intoxicating. You could almost believe that he meant the words he was saying. However, bitterness had started to build up in his chest like bile. From the crowd to the school, he couldn’t figure out why everyone cared so much about a kid who disappeared without so much as a clue to where he went. There were bigger issues in the world and yet everyone was hung up on this one. Even the dinner was just a money grab meant to push grieving people into donating money to an institution they would never benefit from.

“Davis Astor was an extraordinary soul. The sort of person that you only meet once in a lifetime. Kindness and compassion were virtues he lived by.” Ellis was on autopilot for the majority of the speech, so rehearsed he didn’t even need to pay attention, but the last line was so nauseating, he had to force himself to say it.

Ellis was good at pretending, pretending he was okay, pretending he respected Davis, pretending he cared about any of this, but he didn’t want to pretend anymore. He wanted to be angry and vocal. So desperately he wanted to stand up there and tell them what bullshit they all were buying into and how they should be ashamed of themselves. For just one moment, he wished he could be Roman. One moment where he could say whatever he thought without regard for what anyone else thought.

“I’d like to thank everyone for their time this evening. Holloway Academy will be setting up a scholarship in Davis’s name. If you’d like to contribute, please speak to one of the many staff here tonight. Thank you again.”

It was over but the worst had only begun. Ellis knew the rest of his night wouldn’t be easy nor palatable, but he would come out on top. That he was sure of.