We weren't Jack and Rose, this isn't a sob story, this is a confession.

I didn't love Paccon, I'm sure. If I had, then I would have stayed, it's quite obvious really. But this story is short, way too short. It ended long ago and now I fear I can never speak of him to anyone, ever again. That's the problem with the stories that have been completely said.

I think Dazai must have felt the same as well. Yozo had said all there was to say, nothing else remained for Dazai. Like me. I was never seeking closure, there would never be any closure, but this is the end.

My family got together multiple times to do things that families are supposed to do. Its moments like these that made us really realize the inadequacies of our family. In fact, we were not a family. We tried over and over again but then it was time to leave. After Paccon's death, I left. I never saw them again and I bet they cared only too little.

I'd been living like a gypsy for the longest time. Then I found a man, a man I didn't love and a man that didn't love me. We chose to stay together, knowing that we had no feelings for each other. I told him he was free to seek women. He told me he'd put a bullet in my head before I was disloyal. He's a gentleman but he's a player. This is my way of self harm, I kid you not. It makes me somewhat guilty sometimes, he's a good man and I believe, knowing that I can't love him with all his perfections, when the rest of the world wants him so strongly, is what makes him stay with me.

I am loyal and I will never leave him and I wouldn't hold him back if he decides to leave. I bet its just too hard for him to believe.

I'm seeking Paccon still. Just a little longer, that's what I tell myself everyday, that's what keeps me going.

Say, do you think I could be saved? What could have been different? What could have been the meaning in my existence? Why and who for did I live? It's all so useless. I lived for nothing and now that it's my time to go, I find that I will die for nothing as well. I just hope I get to see them.

I should tell you before I leave, the name I carry is the name Paccon gave me.