“Wow.” Huffed Marley, ringing out the grease and sweat from his shirt

“I know, right? That was by far the most insanely epic space-battle in history; I still can’t believe we survived.” Lawg said stepping over the green goop on the floor and locating his missing shoe.

“And the brilliant ending, that surprise twist nobody saw coming. Crazy. It would make one hell of a chapter in a book about space adventure. Too bad none of us write that kinda stuff. Oh well.” Marley shrugged

“No sense living in the past, lil buddy, we all have a big cleanup day to get to and some huge repairs.” Lawg sighed.

“Good times.” Marley yawned.

The Tast-E-Chill proceeded to the debris field for their usual supply and artifact run, and a tiny blip appeared on the screen in front of a napping Uka. She yawned and checked it, her eyes getting even bigger then usual.

“Lawg…we have…something you need to see.” She hollered. He rushed in, still styling his hair.

“It better be good, you know not to bother me during hair-care time.” he said standing behind her.

“Yea I think this qualifies as something significant.” She said hitting the display zoom. There on the screen was a big shining blue planet.

“Did GPS Carmen have a stroke or are we zooming all the way to another system entirely?” he asked.

“The location is accurate, we should be in the debris field right now, and this is only magnified 12 times.” She stated.

“Whaaaaat?” Lawg said squinting. “There is no planet in this area, just debris. Hell, even the moon was mostly destroyed in this orbit.” He said. She zoomed a little bit back.

“You mean this moon here…orbiting the blue planet?” she corrected. His demeanor went cold, like he was staring at a ghost. The silence was frigid as he rubbed his eyes and checked his sanity.

“No way…" Lawg beamed. "This is Earth! I recognize it from that old map in my quarters, even the moon, and almost no damage.”

“Is there a name for this moon?” she asked.

“Yea, they called it “the moon” in most cases.” He added.

“Geese, that’s boring, what did they call their sun? "The Sun" or something.”? Surely they were more creative than that.” Uka chuckled. Lawg began pacing.

“This is impossible. The Earth was destroyed, now there is not even a debris field…there is only one explanation for this…time travel!” he said dramatically.

“Time travel is banned, we don’t even have a time diglet on this ship." she protested.

"That can't be a real thing…you made that up." Lawg squinted.

"Time diglet: a device for bending time, which is absolutely a thing! How could we have traveled in time without one? Its' scientifically impossible to go backwards in time without diglet power. We didn’t hit any anomalies or the alarm…would have,” Uka said remembering she turned the anomaly alarm off and didn’t remember turning it back on after their last run. “…must be broken…damn Carmen.” She said faking resentment.

“Don’t worry, I have a backup GPS.” He said punching a few keys.

“Welcome to Homing Operation Personal Environmental locator…or HOPE.” said the virtual navigator.

“Wouldn’t that be HOPEL?” asked Uka

“The L is silent, please call me HOPE.” She said pleasantly.

“Seems like an acronym that was poorly planned, Hopel.” Uka muttered.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that. Sometimes if my name is used improperly, I have difficulty understanding the request…would you like me to go into sleep mode?” she asked, automatically shutting down before an answer.

“Good job, Uka…you pissed of another GPS. Now we have no Hope, we are Hopelessly lost and you did this. This is just like when you called Tammy a Tam-Tam until it blew a fuse.” Lawg shuffled.

“We know where we are, just not WHEN we are, and how we got here.” She said looking at a very puzzled Lawg. “Time travel.” She added.

“Oh right, the time travel…proceed to the nearest orbiting space-station.”

“There are none.” she informed

“Okay, proceed to the nearest landing platform or Teleport platform.”

“Dude…it's the past. Earth blew up before Teleport technology, and they only had 1 space station. There aren’t even any satellites on sensors so we are obviously sometime before the 2000s.” she noted.

“But without a Teleport pad we can’t teleport and we can’t land this ship or dock.” he pondered.

“In other words, shuttle craft…or just follow our rout backwards and hope we pass through the same anomaly instead of playing around in the past.” Uka suggested.

“What? Just leave? This is Earth, I could gather brand new ancient artifacts and more data in a day then I have my entire archeological career. We can’t pass this opportunity up, spatial anomalies are usually 2 way, and I think we can risk it for this golden opportunity to see Earth history first-hand.” He said firmly.

“What if we pollute the timeline? Tampering with time is highly illegal.”

“The whole place is gonna blow up anyway and the history was so lost most historians don’t even know what Earth is. I think we can afford to pollute it a little to preserve history in our own time. What are we gonna do?…change a few things right before it all explodes and risk a slight difference to the big debris field nobody even knows about?” he asked.

“Good point. And since you outrank me and will definitely not budge on something this personal…I’ll start prepping the shuttle. You guys be safe, I’ll stay here.”

“You aren’t going?” he asked.

“Someone has to fly the ship, and everyone else will probably wanna go play “Earth history” down there too. Plus, if you do somehow contaminate the timeline, I can just shoot you from orbit and cover the evidence of tampering.” Uka shrugged.

“Good thinking…very troubling that you seem comfortable with that but I choose not to think about that very long….aaaaaand it’s gone. Prep the shuttle, we ride at dawn!”

"We're in space…Dawn is just moving to the left."

"Then…do…that." he said with a squint, marching off proudly.

The shuttle door opened and the other 3 crewmen and the Captain stepped out and looked around, observing the remote location they selected.

“Drink it in, people…Earth, a pristine sphere of clean and-*cough*, meticulous…what is that horrible smell?” he said breaking his intro. Marley scanned.

Burning fossil fuels and other pollution. The scans show that the atmosphere is 374 percent above acceptable pollution according to the PEPA database.”

“Did we land near some disastrous chemical accident?” asked Duffy.

“Nope, actually this is one of the cleaner spots way out of town. Turns out Earth is a total smog-bowl. I would not drink the water, really don’t wanna be on a ship with 3 other people who have the hot-poops.” Marley noted.

“This isn’t right. Look at the street sign. It’s in German.” Noted Duffy.

“Maybe we landed in Germany before the entire planet unionized into English.” Noted Lawg. "Anyone have a universal translation device?" he asked. Duffy scoffed.

"We don’t even own one, there's no point. The entire universe converted to English or Spanish and the Metric system for convenience."

"That is really convenient, especially for space travelers. Can you imagine how difficult it would be or unrealistic to have to translate things or use nanoprobes or handheld devices?" Lawg shrugged. "Cultural difference make communication tricky enough with every alien speaking English."

"Super convenient, you see why they did it in English?" Duffy pointed out as they headed towards the smell and rambled for a minute.

"And Spanish." noted Marley.

"Well yea, anywhere south of the galactic center." sighed Lawg.

They wandered into the outskirts of a town and noticed the signs suggested they were in New York.

“I don’t get it…” Lawg muttered.

“You rarely do.” Marley muttered back.

“This is New York, why are the signs in English and German?” he said picking up a conveniently discarded newspaper with the date on the front in bold letters.”

“New York, 1944.” He read aloud, ducking behind the bushes to watch 3 Nazi soldiers that were passing by.

“Must have a been a Military town. Those are clearly military soldiers.” Noted Duffy.

“That’s good, a fellow man of Uniform could be helpful.” Lawg noted.

“You don’t wear a damn uniform, half the time you don’t even wear a shirt.” Duffy scolded.

“Its metaphorical, I’m a Captain of a ship and therefore Navy, so these are practically comrades.” He shrugged “I should get one of those uniforms, that’s a sharp look.” He said nodding.

“Says SS on the arm band, guess they really are navy.” added Marley.

“We shouldn’t just rush them in a group, might provoke defensive maneuvers, we nautical men are heavily trained." he said as his screwdriver pistol slipped from his holster. "It would be best to send just one unarmed crewman, someone non-threatening.” Lawg said, taking a hologram disk out of his pocket and materializing a floating Nazi uniform for someone to wear.

“Who would blend in best?” asked Duffy. Lawg pondered.

“Well, I would for sure, but we can't risk me getting captured, I don’t know if women were allowed in the Navy yet so that eliminates you, and obviously Marley is a 4 foot tall alien bunny, so that just leaves Roy.” He said handing the hologram Nazi uniform to the big, gay, black robot.

“For once, Lawg…you made sense. You sure that is a good idea though? Did they have flamboyant Soldiers at this time?” Duffy asked.

“Come on…I’m sure in 1944, the SS had a few musically inclined, gay, black soldiers. It’s statistically impossible for them not to.” He shrugged. "Better throw in some Spanish just to be sure."

Roy strutted towards the 3 armed men in uniform.

“Hola Amigos, I appear to have lost my way to the water-boats. Can you snazzy padres direct me to a map station or WiFi storage facility?” he smiled. He was immediately surrounded by guns and angry looks.

"Halt!" one of them yelled.

“What appears to be the problem? I am just a regular Navy man who drank far too many Tom Collinses and lost my way heading back to the shipyard.” He bluffed. There was a gunshot.

“What the hell?” whispered Lawg. Peering from behind cover. "Didn’t he recite the thing I gave him? That was perfectly acceptable ancient Earth dialogue.”

The lead nazi blinked in confusion at his smoking Luger.

“Okay, I get it…not in the mood to be bothered.” Said Roy, stumbling and holding his head, his eyes flickered from red to blue and he immediately took a firm stance. They looked terrified.

“What are you?” asked one of the Nazis.

“If you don’t drop your guns and put your hands on your heads in the next 3 seconds…I’m gonna be the guy adding 3 more spines to my collection…Comprende Amigo?” he growled. There were a few screams and another gunshot. Roy came back to the hiding spot whistling and holding 3 uniforms and 3 guns, wiping the blood off his forehead.

“What the hell was that?” barked Lawg.

“Turns out they are not very nice and I had to be not-nice in return. Quit complaining, I got clothes. Guns anyone?” he smiled, handing out weapons.

"Neat." smiled Marley inspecting his gun.

“Alright, this isn’t exactly going as planned, so 3 anonymous soldiers are dead, hopefully that wont affect the timeline at all, and now we know SS soldiers are not real friendly, which really disappoints me.” Lawg said, looking sad.

“Why? Did you think military trained killers would be naturally nice?” asked Duffy

“I just really like the uniforms, kinda want to keep one for myself, maybe make it the official uniform of the SS Tast-E-Chill.” Lawg said. “Now I just don’t know anymore, kinda don’t wanna wear historical uniforms if they’re all assholes. Damn, why do they have to be so rude and ruin perfectly snazzy clothes?” he said irately.

“Well, the important thing is that we stick together.” Duffy said positively, just before Roy twitched and fell over. A sniper-round crackle echoed, and a large puff of smoke expelled from a grenade that landed in their midst.

The bag was pulled off Lawg’s head and he noticed he was alone in a prison cell. Second time in 2 weeks was a new record for him. One of the snazzy dressed Nazis entered the cell with a pistol and sat in front of him in a chair.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“Okay, I suck at lying so I’m just gonna tell you the truth and I hope that the SS values honesty and mercy…surely you guys have a sense of morals.” He said clearing his throat. “I’m the Captain of an alien ship from the future and I collect historical stuff and just wanted to look around and snag some discarded junk for my living room. That’s basically it. I don’t even know who is fighting in this war.” He admitted.

“The world…again. Zat why it’s called world war 2.” said the unamused Nazi.

“The whole world?…twice?” gasped Lawg.

“I am not amused, tell me the truth.” He replied.

“That is the truth, you think a guy like me would lie and gunpoint? I’m kind of a soft individual regarding torture and interrogation. I’ll totally spill whatever you want, I got a hologram suit in my shoe, the Passwords for my ship are all just “Password” in all lower case, and we have a little bit of alien cargo left you can totally have if you let us go. We won't tell anyone anything…hell we don’t even know anyone or anything to tell to anyone else.” he blabbed.

“Wow, either you are completely insane and have no backbone, or you are the worst liar I have ever met.”

“That first one is pretty close, I’d never lie to a man with a gun, especially without my robot present.” He admitted.

“Your mother sent me.” Grinned Roy as the rather insulted Nazi stood over him with a gun.

“I will ask again and then I will start extracting information the way I prefer.” He growled.

“You guys have a tablet with viewport 15 software or better, and a boot disk?” he asked.

“I don’t know what that is.” The Nazi growled.

“Then I believe you can precede extracting kisses off my big, black, plastic ass because you aren't extracting anything from this brain.” He smiled defiantly. The Nazi gave him a hefty right hook and immediately pulled back, holding his sore hand.

“Yea I was looking forward to that, buttercup. Try the other side, I hear it’s a slightly softer titanium alloy.” He calmly grinned.

“We have ways of making you sing.” barked the sore Nazi. Roy's eyes turned red.

“Oh good, you like music. I happen to have a very entertaining Lygerian Play about a young homosexual Jew, struggling with his new feelings, that includes a lot of upbeat tempo you can march to. Do you have a keyboard handy…it's far more emotional with the backing track.” He said almost excited.

“American swine!” he yelled, punching him in the stomach and hurting his hand further.

“Not catching on very quick are ya? That’s okay, I’m in no hurry and I have no sense of feeling, so feel free to keep jabbing away while I start the intro. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeel, he…was… strong and lean and only nineteeeeeen!!!” he sung operatically.

“Silence, or I will focus my interrogation on your genitals!” barked the Nazi over the first verse.

“Oh boy that is gonna freak you out." Roy chuckled before resuming his singing.

Marley held his crotch and dropped to his knees as another Nazi retracted his kicking foot.

“My delfarbs…those are very sensitive, you sadistic shaved-ape. You’re lucky I don’t have my leafblower.” He wheezed.

“So now will you explain what you are, or shall I send you to the Doctor to find out?”

“Nope, think I suddenly remember why I’m a 4 foot tall bunny. Lemme see…um, genetic experiment in government super soldiers? Clearly it didn’t work and there were side effects, so I’m basically just a helpless, hairy child, nothing that poses a threat and would be worth torturing, that’s for sure. I’ll give you the cure for male-pattern baldness if you want, clearly you could benefit from that.” he wheezed. “Oooh, fidget spinners, you guys love those, right? We got like 200 of them I can get you, totally brand-new.”

“What is this spinner, some kind of ally weapon?”

“…yes, absolutely what that is. Most mass-destruction device ever made hand-held in human history. And we have a buttload of them but you’ll never find them unless you let us go, unharmed. I mean, you can slap the captain around a little if you want but that's it…nothing permanent.” He coughed, standing up. "Open handed slaps only, he bruises easily, please take pictures please." he added.

“Duffy sat, eating an apple with bloody knuckles as an officer entered the room and stepped over the presumably dead or unconscious guard.

“What is this?” he asked nudging the body.

“Wouldn’t bring me anything to eat and he kept threatening me, so I kicked his pasty-ass and took his apple. You next in line for the beating, mustache?” she said, munching away.

“You are strong.” He said approaching carefully.

“And hungry, not a good combination.” Duffy smiled. "You know what a hungry fat chick with military combat skills can do to a skinny guy holding food?"

“I am very sorry for Hans’ behavior. I told him you were not to be harmed and treated respectfully.” He smiled

“So where are the others? Getting interrogated too? Go easy on the bunny, he doesn’t know anything and the Captain is just…super bad at resisting interrogation, so just threaten him a little and he’ll tell you everything.” She said tossing the core. “Now I can handle the torture, so if you wanna get started with that I suggest you go get someone bigger.” She muttered. “And bring me another apple, bitch.” She added.

“Torture? You have me all wrong; we do not torture our guests. In fact it was a mistake to have you in a cell at all. Come with me.” he motioned. “You see, we are fighting a war right now against a very aggressive enemy, one with no respect or intentions of negotiation. The Third Reich only want a better world for humanity and we simply cannot risk you being spies, I deeply apologize for the mistreatment, your friends are being treated well, I assure you, we have them in our VIP wing, color TV, cold beverages and soft beds. The guards are merely to assure they do not leave until we can determine you are not American spies.” he assured.

“Can I see them?” she asked.

“Yes, quite soon. We are very short-staffed so our security is on-edge right now. May I interest you in a drink?”

“Whiskey and soda, no ice, and can you get some sandwiches up in here?” she asked.

“Absolutely. Shultz! Bring the lady her request, and quickly.” He ordered.

“You Nazi’s aren’t that bad after all. History was sketchy on that but you seem okay. Guess it’s a good thing we didn’t get found by the other side.” She sighed as he led her to a small dining table. "We don’t know much about this time or place so we didn’t have much to go off. Guess we lucked out and ended up with the good guys." she sighed.

“Marley growled and bared his teeth as his ears flared up. The guard shut the door and locked it, tending to the bite on his arm.

“I will have you dissected, you little freak.” He yelled, motioning the other guard to stand watch.

“Don’t mess with a Delmarian!” he hollered back. “Yea I’m gonna die.” He sighed to himself as he sat down.

“And then right before I sealed the deal, bam, she turned out to be a 30 foot tall shrimp.” said the Captain, squinting through his black-eye and swollen cheek. The Guard shook his head and closed the door, approaching the officer standing outside.

“I don’t believe he is lying, he clearly believes it to be true. Obviously some sort of mental patient, probably a disposable spy sent to gather information. Clearly he is in no shape to divulge anything.” He sighed.

“Keep him guarded. He may be delirious or drugged but he could still be a nuisance and a bargaining piece for his friends. Any word on the black one?” he asked.

“He seems to be impervious to intimidation. We have given up on inflicting pain and he won’t stop singing about a young Jewish man. Clearly he is the real leader, trained to withstand interrogation. He is undoubtedly on some heavy pharmaceutical drugs to resist the pain.” said the doctor.

“Focus your efforts on the black one, let the others starve and see if they will talk after a few days.” said the officer. “Intensify the interrogation on him, try serum 42.” He said with a sinister grin.

“Nice digs,” said Duffy, checking out the fancy bedroom. “You guys got money for sure…you mind if I help myself?” she asked, taping the bottle of wine that was chilling next to the bed.

“Please, enjoy.” said the officer with a sly grin.

“So what is the whole war about?” she asked.

“Oh nothing much, mostly jealousy and resistance to change. We wanted to purify the world, make a better place for our children and future generations, but some of the upper-class foreigners were not interested in helping the masses. I have started a camp for the children recently, the Hitler-Youth Brigade. It is important we educate and show them at a young age what hard work and structure can accomplish.”

“That’s cool, I went to summer camp once, lost 15 pounds, food was terrible.” She yawned, swigging from the bottle. “This is good stuff.” She added.

“Well, I happen to think you look magnificent as you are. Strong, assertive, and white. So very white.” He said scooting closer.

“I could tell you liked the meaty-gals right away.” She grinned. “But I warn you…I don’t play around, so if you wanna get this, you better be bringing you’re A-Game and more of this wine.” She said hitting the bottle again.

“Whatever you want, my frauline.” he said, snapping his fingers.

“Sir, we have a problem.” said the guard to the other officer.

“Damnit, why is this so difficult?” the Serum is proven, just give him another dose!” he barked, opening the cell door and stopping in his tracks.

“You guys are really bad at this interrogation thing.” Roy yawned, putting his foot on the dead scientist. His eyes were glowing blue again.

“We can’t administer the truth serum. We could not find a pulse or a vein and when we tried to administer it in pill form, and he killed the guard.”

“What?” why didn’t you just sedate him with the tranquilizer gun?”

“We did, he just kept calmly pulling them out and throwing them back. One of the scientists is sleeping it off now.” he warned.

“You idiots. Just shoot him in the leg with a real gun…” he said cocking his luger and firing a round that deflected off and hit the shooter in the leg, dropping him mid-explanation.

“Robot…ROW-BOT.” Roy hollered. “Why is this so damn hard to grasp? You can't torture a robot, numb nuts."

“Get me Doctor Hemmer at once, we will see what you are made of!” he growled angrily.

“Titanium/osmium alloy and fiber-reinforced Silicon. But that’s cool, don’t listen to me, bring your witch-doctor and his healing spells, voodoo me with your backwards potions, its fine. Primitive ass-hats.” He complained. “And get me a game-buddy, I’m bored as shit in here.”

“You are truly the vision of Arian perfection.” Sighed the mustached officer, smoking a cigarette and standing bare-assed naked near the window, peering out at his empire.

“I dunno bout that, but I know my way around a naked guy. You were a little bit lacking though.” Duffy yawned, checking the drawers for some post-sex candy.

“What? How dare you, I am Adolph Hitler! I am the conqueror of countries and a god among men!” he boasted.

“Not where it counts. I was hoping a little guy like you had some compensation points but other than enthusiasm… you got das zilch. Good thing you are rich as hell and talk a good game or you’d never get laid.” She said noticing a small notebook. And stuffing it in her pocket.

“Oh and you are so incredible? Ha, mine enthusiasm was difficult to maintain with your pathetic performance. I should have you executed for your own exaggeration.” He defended rudely.

“Yea right…you want more…admit it.” she confidently said examining a cigarette like it was historically fascinating.

“You will not speak of this incident to anyone. If you slander mine name, I will have your friends killed.” he calmly informed.

“See, that’s what I’m talking about. That crap right there. You can’t just say “Sorry, I wasn’t feeling it.” and move on? Damn, are all Nazi’s a bunch of angry little dicks or did the power thing just make you this way?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I had a rough childhood.” He whined, as if beginning a monologue. “I was fifteen when the bullying started. The other boys never liked me and I couldn’t speak to the girls without getting nervous.” He said looking sad as a faint music box began playing in the background. “It was then I realized I had to compensate for mine small stature and weakness with powerful words and intimidation. I began reading, studying, vowing to become great so that no longer could the other boys pick on me…make me eat dirt and call me “little Adolf” in front of the popular girls. I would destroy them and their teasing and make them pay…especially Billy Goldstein, little Hebrew bastard…” he barked. The music changed tempo slighty, increasing momentum

"I'm listening, I swear." she yawned.

“Und that is when I realized my true power! I will become the greatest man alive and god himself cannot stop me!” he said triumphantly striking a pose and collapsing as a little music box wanged off his head with a delicate little “Plink”.

“Not very observant though are ya?” Duffy asked noticing Roy standing in the doorway with a sad look on his face. “Why are you so depressed?” she asked.

“I didn’t mean to kill him, I forgot how hard I throw. Damnit.” He sighed looking around the room. "All they gave me to read was Mien Kopf. This Adolph Hitler guy is terrible person. I think Nazi's are the bad guys here."

"You mean they guy you just killed?" asked Duffy. He flipped to the back picture and looked down.

“Did you just have sex with Hitler?” Roy asked.

“What? N-no. I was…you killed Hitler with a music box! How's that gonna change history!?” she said shifting subject and matting down her hair, noticing the others entering the room.

“Who’s this joker?” asked Marley, poking the body.

“Probably just some friggin Nazi nobody.” Yawned Lawg

“Hey, get a load of this mustache…it’s the shittiest little thing I’ve ever seen.” Marley said, pulling back a little. “He smells funny too.” He said slowly looking up at Duffy who was peering around suspiciously, still naked. "Gross." he added.

“Awe, man we have royally screwed up the timeline.” sighed Lawg. Suddenly there was a bright flash and a man ran into the room, looking terrified, followed by a laser beam that dropped him like a rock, and then a goofy looking guy in a black suit made from what appeared to be rubber hoses entered and stood in a hero pose.

“Who is this guy?” asked Lawg. The strange man slapped some laser handcuffs on the guy he laser-stunned. The guy had no shortage of futuristic laser devices.

“Corporal Clingit, Temporal Fubar Squad. We got a doosie here. This man Shultz, stole a time diglet from the evidence locker and gave the Nazi’s the A-bomb technology. It’s a long story…I assume you idiots just decided it was a good idea to fly through a time anomaly and take a vacation on Earth before it blew up?” he asked.

“Captain Commodore William T Lawg of the SS Tast-E-Chill: historian and scavenger of Earth debris.” He said extending a hand.

“Wow, I would really look into changing the majority of that.” scoffed Clingit.

“So…are we under arrest for this mess, cuz we didn’t do anything.” Lawg barked.

“No, I don’t believe you dipshits have a clue what was happening…Who killed Hitler? And why doesn’t he have pants on?” asked Clingit. Duffy looked defensive.

“You know…” she said pausing for something to add and then going blank.

“Nope…don’t care. This prick was responsible for some pretty crazy genocide so I don’t feel bad, this timeline shouldn’t exist anyway. We have to do something about this whole mess. Everybody stand closer together.” He said, pulling out a device that looked like a lemon-juicer with some LED’s glued to it. It beeped and flashed brightly. Suddenly they were back on the ship. Everyone was standing in the same pose but the Nazi nightmare was instantly replaced with the old dilapidated Taste-E-Chill's cargo bay.

“That’s it?” asked Duffy.

“Almost. I can fix the damage pretty easy with a time diglet, go back to a minute before this joker made orbit and re-arrest the other him again for future-crimes, not a big deal now that I have the time diglet and his starship-keys. So you guys do realize I can’t let you remember this.” He said whipping out a shiny chrome device resembling the springy thing that holds the toilet paper roll on the wall bracket.

“Hey…you can’t just wipe my memory, that’s my property, and as a historian I-” Lawg flopped to the floor like a rag doll.

“Alright, so everyone look over here.” He said, flashing it again. He nodded and tucked a card into Lawg’s pocket, his go-to explanation as to why they have no memory of the last 24 hours, printed in fairly vague wording, complete with a call number to rate his service. He strolled away from the pile of unconscious people and teleported away.

Marley sat up, looked around. Roy blinked and got up. Duffy and Lawg remained unconscious in a pile. The door opened and Uka was standing there dumbfounded.

“What the hell was that crap?” she asked.

“I think he tried to wipe our memories.” yawned Marley.

“How do you remember that he wiped your memory?” Uka asked.

“I blinked, like…the exact moment he clicked it. Didn’t wanna get zapped twice so I just fell over.” He shrugged, turning to Roy.

“I’m a robot…that shit doesn’t work on me. I saw them fall and I figured the same thing he did. Play along” he shrugged, trotting to the next room.

“So just the Captain and Duffy then? Man that guy sucks at his job…and he forgot Hitler.” She pointed out, noticing him still laying there. Roy checked for a pulse.

“Hey, he’s not dead." Roy said to Marley.

"Neat.” He smirked. "What are we gonna do with that?"

“Well, if the timeline is now fixed, we can’t send Hitler back or there would be 2 Hitlers. So anyone have any ideas where to take him?” asked Uka.

“Can't we just shoot him?” asked Marley.

“Oh no, nobody is shooting Hitler…I got something fun.” said Roy with a big grin and blue eyes. "Someone throw a blanket on those idiots." he added, grabbing some tape.

“Captain Lawg woke up, opened one eye and realized he was in the Shuttle, passed out in a pile near the soda crate. He yawned and staggered up, grabbing a bottle of Cuerva and sipping it as his head pounded. The mass next to him moved and he nearly pissed himself in shock, realizing the blanket-wad was Duffy. He sniffed the air and looked around with confusion.

“Damnit, Duffy…did we have sex again?” he asked. She peeked under the blanket and noticed she was wearing someone else’s pants.

“Look’s like it.” she yawned, grabbing a can of soda and stretching.

“This is the second time we have woke up confused and in the same pile…what the hell is the deal?” he asked.

“I don’t remember…I must have blacked-out drunk. You must have blacked-out sober. I guess when your Blood alcohol hits Zero I start looking pretty cute to you or something, because here we are again.” She said rubbing her scalp.

“Damnit. I need to quit not-drinking…this has to stop, I have a reputation to uphold you know.” He said looking for his jacket.

“Whatever.” she yawned. “You want some eggs with that regret?” she asked, opening the shuttle door.

“Yea…let’s just pretend this didn’t happen and get some food.” He said sitting down. “You go first, I don’t want the rest of the crew to know we keep blackout-screwing, plus we have historical salvage to do. For some reason I just really feel like there is something good out there. Sunny side up with toast.” he said pulling out a pack of SS cigarettes from Duffy’s Jacket.

“When did we get this?” he asked.

“I dunno.”

“Authentic Navy cigarettes…nice. These cancer-triggering death-sticks were probably smoked by someone really famous, a great man, maybe an American hero. That will go nicely in the display with my box of Captain Crunch. Authentic Naval breakfast rations and authentic Naval cigarettes…SS elite…this is a good day after all.” He smiled, noticing Roy carrying a man with tape on his wrists and mouth, appearing to be struggling.

“Um…Roy…watcha doin?” he asked hesitantly.

“Um…dropping off some cargo.” He smiled with a big grin. He pulled out a camera and closed one eye to get a selfie with him carrying a hogtied Hitler. “Say Cheese-Lawg.” He muttered and clicked.

“Roy…I don’t wanna be a buzzkill or anything, but…actually I don’t wanna know, proceed with your activities…just go.” He said shaking his head. Roy whistled and skipped away.

“So…Roy made a friend? I hope.” Duffy said a bit troubled.

“Not talking about this.” Lawg said power-walking to the door. "Not ever."

The ship lifted off of the docking port and Roy waved with the same mischievous grin on his face. Marley stood next to him, waving as well, as Hitler got smaller in the distance. Hitler staggered to his feet and rammed the station's air-lock bouncing off as the ship flew away.

“Nein… Nein…..SHeiiiiiiiiiiist!!!!” he silently mouthed as his ride became a speck in the distance.

“So that’s it?” asked Uka. “Just leave Hitler on Delmar 9 and wave, pretty lame. What kind of plan was that?” she asked irately.

“You do realize Delmarians are an extremely violent species, right?” Marley asked. "They invaded Planet Nezbit over a parking ticket. Over 200 people died."

“So what? He’s nobody to them.” she pointed out.

“That’s why we bound his hands and feet with Survival Green tape and stuck a copy of Mein Kopf to his back before leaving him in the Jewish quarter. Trust me…he will get the message pretty soon. Good times.” Marley said with a calm satisfaction as he walked away.

“Oh.” Uka said looking shocked. “Well, then I guess that settles that. Anyone get any good souvenirs?” she asked. She got a “yep” from both of them.

“Mkay then…hell of a supply run.” She nodded to herself.

"Anyone bring back milk, we're outa milk." she asked, throwing up her hands as she noticed they already left. "I swear…we go to get milk, come back with Hitler in his underwear and no milk. Bunch of idiots." she sighed. "And who's pants are these? Are these Hitler's pants?"