Diary entry 19

I woke up again in the cart. On my way to the port which will take me to the central continent. I couldn’t bring myself to write anything for the past week. I was too distracted by all of those negative thoughts going through my mind. I needed some days to clear my mind. The only reason that I’m currently writing in my journal is that I have nothing to do, and I need some sort of distraction from those little twats. A lot happened. During my stay at “Gnome’s hat,” I did find out what that “happiness tent” was. It was neither of my guesses. Apparently, that tent was actually selling some sort of a product that people would inhale through burning it on a stick. They called it “smoking.” I could barely breathe when I walked in. I find smoking self-harming. You inhale smoke into your respiratory system and then release it into the air. I can’t even tell why people enjoy such activity, it’s so confusing. Is it about that feeling of relief after you smoked? So many questions, so few answers. Turns out that there was not a single revolver in the market so I couldn’t progress in my usage of guns. I did however start learning how to use a crossbow and after a few days of training, I managed to improve my aim and speed up reload time. Even if not by a significant amount, an improvement is positive regardless. As I assumed, they didn’t let me keep any of the equipment. I was thinking about buying from them but refrained from it. It would be too expensive, and not only that, but I already used my money on buying myself that pike. The blacksmith was very nice and built like an ogre with strong forearms, probably because of his constant smithing. He was around six feet tall, with messy black hair and a mustache that curled at the tips. Don’t know what hair product he used to get those curls. His work was exceptional, better than most I had seen before. The pole is straight and sturdily made of durable “ironwood” Buloke. I requested so that it was made of lead, but he decided to forge it out of copper. The reason being that copper is lighter, so it’ll be easier to wield the spear, and it also doubles in use as being a powerful electric conductor. So it can theoretically be a lighting rod in battle. To prevent me from getting electrocuted, he decided to add some complimentary rubber gloves as part of the package. Unfortunately, that did boost the price up, but it all worked out because this will benefit me in the end. So I’m grateful for that. I ended up not telling my previous customer about how I could cure his condition. I thought that it would be more beneficial in the long run if he kept his sickness so that it could push him to be better. Besides, I don’t want to mess too much with the current timeline, so that there wouldn't be too many major differences later on. There are so many exotic plants on this road, some of which I've never seen before. The Wave effects are so much faster than I thought. I think I should pick some of them up.

There were so many amazing options to choose from. I picked up three “Whispering Tears,” five “Daisies'', a “Purple Mushroom,” and even a “Black Rose.” A whispering tear is a flower with all of its qualities being reminiscent of bright blue color. If you speak into it when it’s on the ground, then you can hear your own message spoken back to you. Daisies are actually a plant that I’ve never seen before. Master says that these plants are usually used in tea and other food-related products, so it’s practically useless for me. “Purple Mushroom” is a self-explanatory name. It a mushroom that has a plain purple hat. It has toxic elements, but it could be used in medicine to treat poisons as well. I had to carefully pick up the rose. The thorns are quite a hassle to handle. Good thing I got those rubber gloves from the blacksmith. So many useful qualities to them. I am glad that I got such high-quality materials, some of which might help me to extend my life. After that week of thinking, I did some consideration on my goals, and I decided that it isn’t immortality that I’m searching for, but maybe just a way to reduce the pain. Immortality does not equal a peaceful life, free of pain and suffering. I can make it so that my body wouldn't age, but my “defect” would still cause me agony. The way that I can extend my life would be through either reducing the effects of my “problem” or getting rid of it entirely. If I do manage to stop it for even a second then it’s mission complete. Recently, I've been having very intrusive thoughts. At random points during the day or even while I'm sleeping, I get these thoughts about recruiting others into the church of the dark god. They’ve really been starting to bother me, so I think I need to talk with him. After thinking about it for a while, I concluded that the only way I could “talk” to the Dark God. I would need to give him a prayer. It would probably be one-way communication, but it's the best thing I currently have.

This is how the conversation went down;

*Ringing of a telephone*

What is that noise?

Hello, you’re currently speaking to Dark God M-

Dark God you son of a bitch, what is this?!

Huh, wha? Oh... it’s you.

What is that supposed to mean? You know what, no. It’s better if you don’t tell me.

Really? I mean, it could be important.

Whatever you were doing is none of my concern. Now, why am I having subconscious thoughts of worshipping and gathering followers for you?

How did you… oh… right… the journal.

I want an explanation for this.

I probably should’ve told you when I sent you back in time… You have a debt to repay me. For at a minimum of 10 years, you need to spread my religion and get me some more followers.

Ok, one, that’s irresponsible on a cosmic scale, literally. And two, why didn’t you tell me from the beginning?

Well… you see… I was scared that you would refuse since you had a history with the church of the Light God. But since I did rewind time for you, I want something in return. And that something is you spreading my religion.

Why do you care if I did refuse? If I refused, then you would simply find someone else to fill my shoes. So why were you scared that I would refuse?

Uhhhhhhhhh… Oops, got to go!

You didn’t answer my-(*Brrrrrrrrrrr*)

That entire conversation has caused me to be even more suspicious of these so-called “Gods.” Especially the Dark one. He’s so inconsistent with how to talk to. He makes it so that I have subconscious thoughts of spreading his religion, for some unknown reason. And what’s bothering me even more, is that black and white figure. It’s too smart to be a simple monster, while also being too disfigured to be considered human. What’s even more bizarre, is that I never managed to see its face. I may have a gap in memory that day, but I didn’t forget the majority of it. The only things that I can’t remember are the parts of how I got my weapon, finding a slime, killing a slime, scalping out its central organ, and seeing that thing’s face. One of the most recommended strategies, to remember certain events from memory loss, is to be in the location where it happened, but our group has already traveled so far away from there, that it’ll be pointless to go back. Another problem is that that area doesn’t have anything special in it. It is just a forest with a grassy field next to it. I probably should tell the Dark God about this. No… it’s hard to trust him with this sort of information. I probably should come up with a proper nickname for this creature. It’s so distinct so I doubt there would be more than one, and I hate wasting space in my journal calling it “Equally Black and White Figure.” I’ll think of something good after I handle certain things with my master.

I figured out how to call him. “Aequanigum.” This name comes from a language that the Church followers use for prayers. It’s a language that is used as a way to remember how the ancient heroes used to communicate with each other. It’s also a method of communication that Church followers use when it’s the “Heroes Remembrance Day.” I decided to use this language because, in English, I couldn't come up with a way to call this thing, and calling it with another language makes it so that the thing seems more mysterious and unique. The name is a combination of three words: Equal, Black, and White. Equal being written as Aequalis, Black as Nigreos, and White as Album. I then decided to interpret certain syllables from each word by the order that they were listed in this sentence: “Equally Black and White.” “Aequa” from “Aequalis,” “Nig” from “Nigreos” and finally “Bum” from “Album.” I did think of other names, but they were simply gibberish and made-up words that didn’t have any roots. I’m not proud of my final result but it’s much better than whatever I came up with before. Don’t know if it actually has a name and if it does, I think it would clarify it for me if we do meet each other again. Unless it purposefully wants it so that I couldn’t remember its face. Regardless, if it tells me its name I will call it that. Now that I have figured out that issue, I need to focus on my goal. Nothing has changed. Everything’s the same, I’ll continue to exploit this world for its resources so that in the end, I could extend my life and overcome destiny.

I’m Karas Pesuto and this is my 16th day of travel.