《Pains of Infinity》Turning leaves, Starting over - Or the one where I don’t know what I’m doing

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The whole ride wasn’t so bad; I didn’t get bored out of my mind, which was nice. The bus reached the final city of the journey. Those last couple of kilometers weren’t so horrible as I first thought it would be. The dazzling city lights flickered like the flames burning in people's eyes upon seeing me. Nonetheless, I was on this bus which was warmer than outside and I didn't want to get off. But I had to. I had fifteen minutes to enjoy the warmth before getting out again to the cold air at the beginning of the autumn.

Turning over a new leaf voluntarily was not the practice I was accustomed to, but I got fed up with the stagnation that my life had become. I got tired from sitting around watching how utterly stupid humans could become. And honestly, I got really tired of living stuck in this humorless rut of my own existence. I figured the move might spark some interest in my heart again and I could drop all of these depressing thoughts off. I was never one to dwell in melancholy or nostalgia, I always took what was thrown at me head-on. This time was no different, just the motive behind it was.

The bus pulled to a stop and I braced myself. People started rushing out and I was still sitting and waiting. I hated cold ever since I could understand the concept of it. Cold air, in particular, had this knack of finding my most vulnerable spots and attacking them relentlessly. It was like that annoying tickling sensation. It wasn’t that much harmful, but it could kill you if you’re not careful enough.

I took a deep breath and stood up, picked up my backpack and stepped out. The bus driver, a nice man, really, pulled my other bag out of the trunk and passed it to me.

“Wow, it's heavy. Will you be alright, little guy?”

“Yes, it has wheels. Thanks,” I answered as I took the bag full of books in a hurry. It was freezing.

No one came to pick me up at the bus station... Not that I asked anyone to, and I mussed the school wasn’t obliged to fetch me. Although this special academy had to have a good relationship with other humans living in the city, it did not mean they had to be nice to the students. It's a harsh world, after all. And now that I thought about it, they lived by the rules of the jungle – survival of the fittest or something. So finding my way to the place was one of the many challenges they would be throwing at me from now on. If I couldn’t deal with this, then I had been pretty much useless in anything else, too.

Looking around, trying to notice some obvious signs of where I was at, I turned in my spot. The buildings had this white chalk feeling to them, a couple of them were crumbling at the corners. Most of the surrounding buildings were rectangular and at least two stories tall.

I took out a crumpled copy of the city map, and a set of keys fell out with it. I had received them prior to the trip so I could get inside the dorm on my own. I picked the keys up and showed them back into my pocket, returning my gaze to the paper map. It was hard to see in the dim street lamplight. The central area was planned in rectangles and straight lines, so there was no chance for me to actually get lost. After looking around some more, and turning the wrong street a couple of times, I deduced the right way to go in and stalked toward it. The buildings here as well were peeled and crumbling, giving off the ancient kind of vibes. Though the variety in colored bricks was proof of different eras of the houses. There were occasional lights in the windows, and only a few humans lingering in the more lived in areas. Although no one seemed to be paying any attention to me, I still felt very much on display. The plastic wheels of my travel bag were making too much sound and made me cringe with every step I took. The occasional passersby seemed to notice the racket, although, it could have been my imagination, and, honestly, I started to dislike this place with all my instinctive being. More precisely, the instinct of running away from danger. The city of Huntig was swarming with natural enemy for my existence.

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The walk wouldn’t have been this unpleasant if not the fact that most of the buildings I passed had dogs in them. Be it a big house or an apartment building almost everyone had a dog in possession. I had to find my way around twice just because a dog or two had pulled themselves free and chased me like I was some cat. The animals, especially dogs loved me as much as the next person. It was obvious why they felt this ferocious discomfort regarding me, but it still made me a little bit sad to be disliked by animals so much just because. After all, I would have given anything for an opportunity to cuddle a large dog. I’ve read somewhere they were very soft and warm to hold.

By the time I got to the dorm door, the sun had set, and it was too dark to see anything, save for the area that a couple of street lamps illuminated. Still, I could see the building and it left a sour taste in my mouth. Before me, there was this huge bulking fortress-like building. It was three stories tall and had large windows. The disappointment came over me when I realized it looked like a dungeon. The crumbling bricks and large wooden doors framed by four large pillars were a dead giveaway of olden times. Why did it have to be this ancient? On the second thought, I didn’t know what I was expecting, seeing how most of the buildings I passed were of similar state and age. The large, thick brick walls and peeling plaster off them, leaf and moss-covered roofs and holey pavements proved how old the whole city was.

Everything reminded me of some abandoned castle of medieval times. And seeing the building which was, from today on, to be my home, I shuddered; I bet it was cold inside...

Next to the wooden door with small windows stood a pair of men smoking and chatting away. They looked relaxed and very much invested in the conversation. One of them was very loud and expressive so he didn’t take long to notice me with all his moving around. He nudged his companion and threw a cigarette butt at me, looking all smug and pleased with himself.

After picking the litter up, I walked right to them and stopped. Maybe staring at people out here was considered a rude thing to do, because the loudmouth cleared his throat and straightened his back. The other stared at me with his arms folded on his chest.

“You lost or something?” asked the loudmouth.

“Um, no... I have a key,” I dangled it before their squinting eyes and put out my other hand to them, shoving the cigarette butt into his hand, which he reflexively took.

“Oh, he's that new guy everyone’s been talking about. Transferring in the middle of the year and whatnot,” said the loud man. The other guy was still staring, surprisingly quiet, only now I felt like he wanted to kill me with those stares.

I got irritated by the fact they both were taller than me by at least ten centimeters. Why did all of them had to be so freaking tall? Why did they insist on showing off the genetic advantages in front of someone this short... And why did they all have this inclination on calling everyone a guy?

“Yes, that’s me,” I agreed. “Now, could you, like, move yourselves so I could get in?”

They didn't like my attitude but still moved away while scowling and let me pass. The littering man clearly had more things to say, but his friend stopped him. As I expected, the door had an automatic lock and I had to use my own key to enter.

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“The lock is a bit tricky so-” on those words I unlocked the door with a tiny silver key and entered.

The building hit me with its coldness and harshness. I was right, it looked like that one dungeon I had the honor of spending a night a very long time ago. I could tell the walls held a lot of wisdom and history by all the cracks and exposed bricks. Ugh, how old was this building? I hoped the room to be warmer than the hall was.

I got to the second floor and used another key to unlock the door leading to the apartment. The contrast from the hall to the inside was, to say the least, surprising. I honestly thought it would have the peeling off walls and sewer feel to it, but it was dyed in pale yellows and greens. The carpet covering the wooden floor seemed to be clean and looked after. The doors to the rooms seemed to be new and looked reinforced with soundproofing. In total, there were six doors aligned on each side of the corridor. Mine was supposed to be the second door from the entrance on the left. I found the last key and used it to get in. The number of keys needed to get inside was a hassle and they should reconsider the entering system. Upon entering I was overwhelmed by the feeling of disappointment when I realized it was not a single-bed room.

I scanned the wide room but I couldn't see much in dark by now. I found a light switch next to the door and turned the light on. The first thing I spotted was a messy bed with clothes strewn around on the left side of the door. That one's taken, then… The room was warm and cozy. There were two bookcases by the wall and two desks with chairs; one of each was full and pretty worn from usage. There was also a large wardrobe by the other wall. I noticed a small coffee table buried under a pile of dirty laundry, and all sorts of papers littering the floor, covering the large black rug almost entirely. I walked up to the other bed further from the entrance and put my bags down beside it. The occupied side of the room was a serious piece of work. I wouldn't have managed to do so much damage in a month of not leaving my room at all. The surprising thing was, my side of the room was perfectly clean. Good, at least they knew the boundaries and I hoped it would stay that way.

I walked around the flat finding all the other facilities like a bathroom, toilet and a kitchen. I used the opportunity and made myself some food and tea before I got to unpacking the rest of my stuff. There was an empty shelf in the bathroom so I organized my toiletries there. The toilet had a note of “don’t eat TP, use it moderately” on the inside of the door so I guessed it was of common use.

While making myself food I also organized my own ingredients in the fridge. The other tenants seemed to have been expecting me and emptied one shelf for me.

I only had four sets of clothes, two pairs of shoes, a few other garments and another coat to unpack soI dealt with it quite fast. The books and textbooks took me longer, though. After unpacking and placing things in order, I got my bedsheets and pillows ready. I was meaning to at least greet my room-mate, but he didn’t show and I was already beat. So I just took a plunge and passed out.

First thing in the morning, while eating breakfast, I had the honor of meeting other tenants of this flat. All of them were a colorful bunch (even if I only saw most of them leaving the flat), some friendlier than others, some louder than the rest, and some annoying as fuck. The roomie didn't turn up even after I ate my breakfast.

“So, what's yer name?” asked one of the flatmates, around a spoonful of cereal.

“Fang,” I said.

“What?” gasped another one.

“As in tooth?”

I sighed. “Don't ask.”

“Well, Fang, ‘M Sylvester,” said the tall muscly guy in his twenties, he talked first. He had brownish skin and incredibly curly obsidian hair. “He's JR. And the rest is out ‘til noon, so introduce to them after.”

“Thanks for the heads up, Captain,” I deadpanned. I was not a people person.

“By the way, ya had the honor of meeting yer room-mate yet?”

“No. But from the looks of things in the room, I don't suppose I even want to meet them.”

“Be warned, though,” said a much slimmer guy, with ginger hair and freckles peppering a crooked nose, the one introduced as JR, “he has particular kind of taste and really weird way of doing things. He tends to be loud. We will not tell you his name,-”

“-'cause he would hate that. Y' see he has a particular way of introducing,” Sylvester contributed.

“Yes. Oh, and he fucks anything that moves.”

“Though, ya don't seem to be in the fuckable things.”

“Oh, no. How will I live now? Why was I born so hideous?” I exaggerated, but my voice did not change from the bored tone from before.

I had to admit, I was not the prettiest flower in the garden... I was short, too skinny and bony and had a white freckled face with heavy eye-bags. Brown eyes and short oddly cut brown hair added nothing exceptional about me. With my dull appearance, I was blending in fine, which was more than okay for me. I inherited all the best things from my mother, apparently. Not that it mattered...

I finished up my porridge, washed the plate and excused myself for the potty break. The guys didn't stick on my reaction too much and that was good. No more pointless chit-chat to listen. It was, after all, a matter of time when they would start to loathe me with the entirety of their being.

While I was sitting on the loo the door of the flat banged shut and I heard them greet someone. The new voice was strangely alluring, kind of sultry in the erotic kind of way and it made me gag. It was strange, knowing that a human had this kind of property, which were particular to the bunch most people would associate me with.

“What the fuck? What's this shit in my room?” the new voice raged.

“The new guy. Remember. You were warned about it,” said JR.

“Shit. That was today?”

“Yeah, Hellsing...that was last night. He's kinda cool. Just bit too small fer a guy,” Sylvester added.

Wait, what? Were they serious?

“Oh, really? Well then, I might want to meet him. Where is he?”

At that point, I emerged from the toilet. The guy before me was maybe five centimeters taller than me, had a bulky torso and not so handsomely shaped face. Crooked jaw, bushy brows, but insanely long eyelashes. There was a dark brown mop of hair, slicked up in an attempt to style it into something. He was anything but attractive. Maybe it was his voice that allowed him to engage in sexual activities with anything moving...

“You're the new guy?” he pointed a rigid finger at me.

“Hellsing, I reckon?” I wanted to test the waters myself after being warned about his preference to introduce himself.

His face upon hearing the name come from my mouth turned sour. His mismatched eyes flared with fury I have never seen before. He was about to give me a piece of his mind, with his fists, judging by the way he stepped in close and lifted me to my toes by my shirt collar. I could see a storm brew in his blue and green eyes.

As the guy was about to introduce his left hook to my face the door to our flat opened and a tall, slender man walked in gazing straight at me. Now this one was worth something. His steely eyes had this bright glistering warmth flowing through them. The gentle face framed by unruly short dark hair and a nose as straight as an arrow silently told me I could trust him with my life secrets. He looked like an overgrown child, but nonetheless very beautiful. Something inside me twitched, making me feel uncomfortable. I stared. He smiled widely and approached me.

“Mister Fang Knights, I presume?” he said with a strangely warm voice, carrying far without any trouble, reaching his hand to untangle my shirt from Hellsing’s grasp. He got his hand slapped for that.

“Ah, no,” I said mildly confused.

“Wait? Really?” his face fell.

“Miss Fang Knights,” I dared to say. “Dude, I'm a girl.”

Loud gasps echoed through the whole expanse of the flat, I could hear some what's, no way's and seriously's. Well, I also wanted to ask them why they kept referring to me by masculine pronouns. I thought it was a joined dorm and I was living with another girl, not that it mattered anyway. But this was a surprise. My roommate was this disgusting being I wanted nothing to do with, but I was mildly interested in the outcome of our cohabitation. I always tried to distance myself from pompous little shits, who thought they were better than anyone else, and this specimen was exactly like that. However, the situation I was in called for a chance of observing the specimen from up close, so I decided not to say anything.

“You smell of blood,” Hellsing spat out. “I don't like it. You reek.”

The heated look I received from him reminded me of those others looking down at me with the gaze full of hatred and anger. His eyes were burning the same flame... I got shivers and nausea from remembering that. I had half a mind of fleeing, but thought against it and gripped myself together.

“Well, it's your problem, then.”

I passed the furious guy, trying to calm down the surging memories, and stepped to the taller one, expecting him to be the student mentor I was exchanging emails with.

“You're Vince?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “I came to pick you up for your class.” He smiled sheepishly and scratched behind his ear.

“Great. Let me grab my stuff.”

“Hey, Shorty,” that was for me. “Don't think we're done here,” I heard that alluring voice behind, this time dripping venom.

I clicked my tongue, trying to contain the annoyance, and hopped back to the room to grab my bag. Behind the door, I heard how Vince and the Rude Ass were getting along like ice with a heater.

“I'm good. Let's roll.”

“I'm Argent Wann.” he shot at me with an expression full of pride. “Friends call me Hellsing, but you have no right to do so. You better remember it, Tooth. And you, Failure, stay out of my way.”

That stuck up bastard of a man made the best first impression ever. All that's left for me to do was ignore him and his name-calling completely and just leave the flat. My mentor seemed to be more fazed by the horrible behavior than I was. He was getting red to his face up to the tips of his ears and he kept giggling like a virgin after the first kiss. It made the atmosphere feel heavy with a tinge of awkward so I had to disperse it somehow. The deal was, I had nothing to say...

The morning was hazy and the skies were dark. I was thankful for it. Sun hurt. And it hurt to be hurt by the sun, when one loved it so much – one was ready to die for it. I walked dragging my metal wrought boots, the jumper hood far on my face and hands deep into coat pockets. I decided to give up on trying to fix the situation. Also, I just couldn’t seem to bare looking at his apologetic face so I looked ahead.

“We had a special case in our family,” Vince finally interrupted the silence.

I looked at him questioning the topic and then it occurred to me, “Cold or Moon?”

“Moon. My older brother, the pride of our family. I couldn't take him out. Argent did it...” he let out that nervous giggle once more.

“That explains the name-calling on your part,” I answered and picked up my pace.

He considered whether to follow me or not for a while, then caught up to me and paced my steps.

“By the way, sorry about the misunderstanding. I could try to arrange the change of dorms. I guess, you don't want to stay there, do you?”

“Actually, I want to stay, just to annoy the hell out of him. And since he won't target me as his fuck victim, I don't feel the need to move rooms. I like the one now.”

“But Argent...”

“Wann doesn't matter. I'll deal with him. By the way, what class am I attending?”

“Oh, it's a language course. If I'm not mistaken, now you'll have Korean.” He beamed his widest smile yet as if we just did not talk about someone murdering his brother.

“Remind me, why?” I probably should have read the description, but I couldn't be bothered since they did everything for me.

The guy looked at me with wide inquiring eyes as if trying to understand, whether I was joking or being serious. When I didn’t crack a smile, he huffed in defeat and scratched his head again.

“Because of the widespread field you will be assigned after you get the degree,” he pronounced slowly.

“Got it.”

All I could do at that was nod my head and pretend to be happy about it. I hated learning languages. It's not like I hated languages in itself, I sucked at learning it from books. Although, I was fluent in Latin and Ancient Greek and other already extinct languages, that happened because I had first-hand experience with them. This language learning had given me more information and insight into these people. They learned, and they spread throughout the world, they traveled, they were indulgent and curious, ambitious even. In the past, it was considered to be something awe-inspiring. Now it mostly was called meddling.

After the initial shock of moving and settling in a new place wore off, my other senses kicked in sending my instincts into overdrive. The city was reeking of human life, children running around, teenagers with their raging hormones rebelling. Every sound and smell rushed to my head and it awakened the carnal desire to kill, to slaughter, to get bloody. I had to think of something unrelated to blood to reign in the desire to tear someone's throat out. Vince was still talking about the courses and other unimportant things while I was losing my shit. At one point I reached for a small plastic bottle with water sitting safely in one of the pockets of my backpack. Upon opening it I received a strange reaction from my companion. He scrunched up his nose and looked at me in disgust.

“Why does it smell like blood?”

For a moment I froze, wide-eyed and baffled. Well, what else could I expect from a pupil of this academy? Of course, most of them had to have exceptionally good senses and reflexes, so why wouldn't this guy have a keen sense of smell? It still was strange, even if he did work on his senses, to notice a small drop of blood in a water bottle was impressive, to say the least.

“Ugh, issues with blood. It's iron-enriched water,” this answer was so stupid, I wouldn't have believed myself.

Vince just stared at me with those deep silvery blues, a raging storm of confusion inside, and then nodded and continued on his tirade about the whole course and studies. Well, if he did not find it stupid, I'd just stick with this story, if anyone else asked me the same question.

Before parting, he stopped me outside the class, while the others were flowing steadily inside.

“I'll come pick you up after, so wait for me.”

“Why?”

“Because you passed all the written tests, but couldn't take the physical test. It’s to determine your level of physical performance. It's only a formality, don't worry. I'll walk you to the training hall for it,” he explained matter-of-factly.

“... Okay.”

“Good then. See you after class.” He smiled.

He strode away full of confidence and something else I couldn't fully grasp. As of now, he was the most bearable person I have met. Also the most confusing one. I hoped to keep it that way, I would have hated it if something bad happened to him.

The class was torture. The lecturer made me stand up and introduce myself to the fourteen students in the room. Guess who didn't laugh at my name... Me. Even the damned lecturer tried stifling a laugh... Stupid humans...

“Just don't ask,” was the only thing I said to dumb remarks and questions. I had a feeling the other name will stick; the name Wann called me. He was, after all, in the same class as I was, for some reason. Which then made me realize not all of them were of the same age. Some were younger, some older, but not older than mid-twenties, I supposed.

When the lecture started, I realized it was the beginning of a new term, so I did not miss anything and wouldn’t have to do any catching up. I was doing the introduction because I was a bit late, and everyone else had done it already. So after I was done embarrassing myself we learned how to read the unusual alphabet of Korean, which was, I have to admit, easier than I thought. Except for a couple of reading rules I couldn't get at all at first. But I got the hang of it, and the lecturer, who, by the way, was Korean, praised my reading and pronunciation. Well, at least this was going better than other things...

When the class dismissed, it was about eleven in the morning and the sky was clear; no cloud in the distance and the sun was blaring. Well shit.

With clenched teeth, I pulled the hood of my jumper as far as possible on my face and dipped my head down so it was out of reach of sunlight. Vince was still not here and I figured I'd rather start walking to meet him halfway than wait out here in the open.

While I was getting ready to step out, Wann bumped into me as a challenge. He and his gang looked so full of themselves it made me want to rip them all apart. But this was another thing; a thing for natural enemies to solve. It had its place and time.

After waiting a bit more I stepped outside and walked in the shade of trees growing on either side of the main street, which separated the city into two equal sides. On each side of this main street, there was a pedestrian alley and I was treading on one of them. Even though I was in the shade, and it was the beginning of the cold season I could feel the warmth wafting through the trees. A deep sigh left my lungs. One of my dreams was to bask in sunlight without pain and bloody consequences.

“What's wrong, Tooth? Afraid of a little s-sunlight?” Wann mocked stopping to stare back at me. The stutter threw me off, but his expression did not waver.

“Yes, actually. Heard of sun allergies?” It wasn't entirely a lie...

“Yeah, right. Same with your ‘iron-enriched water’. I call bullshit.”

“Call your bullshit whenever you need, just leave me out of your stinky pleasures.”

“Stop it, Argent,” a petite girl at the back of the Wann's group quipped.

“Why should I? She is a freak, no doubt.”

“I have the same allergies, you know. So you should stop this. It's not funny,” her small voice was strong and firm.

“Since when-”

“Since always, you ass,” she furrowed her brow and pulled her own hood further down.

I saw her lips moving in a mumble and it made me smile. But what made me even more intrigued was the fact Wann had shut his trap about this whole thing.

Since I tried to walk as slowly as possible so to meet Vince halfway, it ended up in me walking next to the girl. She had long flowing hair, a shade darker than gray. It was an unusual color for humans, but it didn't seem to be dyed either. She was wearing flat boots. They went well with her skinny black jeans and a blue pea coat.

“Hey, I'm-” she started.

“Jun. I know.” After all, the lecturer called everyone at least once to answer. Too bad, she used names.

“Oh. Well, then, nice to meet you,” she offered a smile.

“Better tell me your family name.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your family name. I prefer it that way.”

“Oh, it's Dark. Jun Dark.”

“Light Dark? Well, that's some contradiction.” I smirked. She blushed.

“They thought some ‘light’ would be handy for the family,” she said with a shy smile.

We didn't talk much. Basically, because it was too awkward. But she wasn't bothering me either, so the company was not so unpleasant. Later on, in the front, further from my view, I caught a whiff of Vince's scent. And soon enough I could hear him waving a shout at me.

“Fang, sorry I'm late. Got held up.” He ran up to us.

“It's fine,” I offered and pulled the hood lower.

After Vince joined us, Dark murmured something of 'see you later' and rejoined the previous group. I reckoned, she would still be there watching my physical strength trial in the training hall. Me and Vince, on the other hand, were in no hurry. I mean, they could wait, I wanted to enjoy the killing warmth as much as possible as it seeped in through all the layers of clothes. And the boy didn't seem to mind.

“How was your class?” he tried to make it as warming as possible.

“Just awesome. Had so much fun,” I deadpanned.

“Oh...” was all he said.

The rest of the walk was silent.

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