“Mr. Eien! I heard you had a little trouble at the front desk.” He blinked and focused on the woman in front of him.

“Oh, yes, Nurse Dagmar,” he said, “I was wanting to talk about that with you.” Next to her was a burly man in a uniform with a longer white coat and no cap. He carried a clipboard like object with him that seemed to have buttons and screens on it.

“This is Doctor Howard. He treated you when you came in.” The doctor smiled politely.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Oh, yes, I’m doing well. Can I wash this off yet? We’d actually like to leave soon.” Doctor Howard glanced at Nurse Dagmar. She ignored the look and widely smiled at Eien.

“After Doctor Howard looks at you, we will take you to the showers and provide you with clothing.”

“What about Aino?” Nurse Dagmar hesitated, no longer smiling.

“We can talk more about her after you are all set. Doctor?” Doctor Howard used the same machined, poking a prod into Eien’s ear. Then he looked in his eyes.

“You’re right,” he said to Nurse Dagmar, “Nothing.” Eien felt a heat rise in his cheeks. Oh shit. What? There is supposed to be something there?

Nurse Dagmar placed a hand on his knee.

“Listen closely,” she said, suddenly serious, “The showers are through the door at the back. The best shower is the last one, at the wall. There is soap there. I, personally, love the smell of the green one. The towels are at the front of the shower room. You can come back whenever you are ready, and we will discuss your wife.”

“Wife?” he started, but she squeezed his knee.

“It is best if you talk to her afterwards. I’m sure you both will leave soon,” she continued, “We will see you later.” She smiled widely. Her eyes remained hard.

Shit.

Fuck.

What the hell? Eien watched as they walked away together, the doctor and the nurse, and he glanced at the door to the shower room.

Green soap?

He paced towards the door, opening it up into a wide room with a line of showers on one side and toilets on the other, all crisp and white. Shelves of towels lined the walls with small toiletry kits containing toothbrushes, combs, and other small items. Another shelf held slippers, smaller washcloths, and smaller towels. A line of extra hospital robes hung around the walls, and there was a large bin labeled “USED.” There were four white sinks at the front, each with their own soap and towel to use. It vaguely reminded him of base camp. They had rows of toilets and showers, but it was nowhere near as clean. And he was slightly annoyed they made him pee in a bucket after he woke up instead of letting him use the toilet that was clearly accessible. Not like he hadn’t peed in front of everyone before anyway.

No one else was there. He looked around the stalls, making sure it was all clear, before going to the last shower.

There was nothing particularly special about it. The shower stall had railings and a seat inside. There was a white curtain to roll across a rod for privacy. The knob had blue and red indicators, and Eien turned it to hot.

Shit, that felt great.

He nearly cried at the warm water rushing over him. Damn, it was too long since he had been any where he could feel relief. What was it? Weeks? He last took a warm shower at home after work the day before the rebellion. Because of his job, he could get a small apartment with Mari in a better part of town. No more squeezing every last penny. They could afford to have a place with running water.

“Eien! I’m back!” He heard her from the bathroom, opening the front door and dropping something heavy on their functional table. He felt himself smile as he listened to her bustle about, clattering dishes and other things. He heard her swear briefly at something.

Showers were nice compared to baths. Instead of soaking in dirty water, the water washed the dirt away, draining down and disappearing. Everything wrong was washed away and everything came out clean and new.

He frowned to himself. No. That’s not quite right.

He was still himself, after all. Running water was not going to change him. It was not going to change anything inside.

He stepped out, dried himself off, and wrapped a towel around his waist. Opening the door, he saw Mari starting a fire in their small stove. Yes, they could even afford a stove, something better than starting small fires in their previous one room home.

“Oh! Eien! I found the best deal on beets today!” He smiled at her as she talked. Her hands kept moving, dicing the beets, peeling the other vegetables.

He pulled on his clothes and watched as she made dinner for him, listening to her voice.

He missed her so much when he was gone, but now things were different. He could take care of his sister. He could find someone she could marry so she would be taken care of and not have to work like his mother had. Not like he had, either.

In addition to a stove, a table, and running water, they could afford better beds. They weren’t so nice as to be off the ground, but the bedding was softer and less poky than the previous bedding. They even had an extra room in addition to the living space and the bathroom that Eien insisted was Mari’s. He kept his bed out in the living area facing the door. And now, they were in the process of saving for a dresser for his sister’s clothes.

“I’m so glad you came back, Eien,” she said, suddenly serious, “I worried about you all the time. I just…I’m so happy now.” She gave him a hug, a tight squeeze, before handing him a bowl of beets and other things. He ate happily, forgetting his suffering.

She went to bed early that night because she got up early to make him breakfast. She always went to bed early. He tended to stay up late, watching the door, the window, and listening to the sounds of the neighborhood. Even with the new apartment, the walls were just as thin.

He spent time before falling asleep just waiting for some kind of peace to fall on him in the midst of the darkness, trying to forget the pressure in the back of his head that indicated the presence of something foreign. He tried to forget Aino, base camp, his younger days, the painful brainwashing, the things he went through to protect his little sister.

He fell asleep.

He left the next morning for work.

And he told her, as he told her every time he left, “I’ll be back. I promise.”

She smiled back at him, giving him a small lunch to take with him for his guard duty.

Fuck promises.