《The Illiterate Interdimensional Warriors》8-The Glowing Crowned Mushrooms
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Joyce cast a stealth spell on herself and Spade, walking down the hallways without giving a shit about the security guards at every corner. Following the floating blueprint above her head, Joyce led them to the Chamber of Truth.
"Okay, here we go." Joyce pushed open the door. The Chamber of Truth was where the Trial of Truth was located, and also where the Prophetess and Acolyte had taken shelter. The Trial of Truth, from what Joyce could tell, was exactly what it sounded like. The Trial asked questions, and you answered truthfully. She was planning to leave it entirely to Spade.
Unlike what Joyce had expected though, there were two doors.
"Uhhhhh," Joyce glanced at Spade, who frowned at the doors.
"We each take one then, I suppose," Spade finally concluded. Joyce whirled to stare at him.
"Dude, you want me to do the Trial?!"
"It's not a pop quiz, you just have to answer truthfully," Spade soothed her.
"I failed out of 10th grade! I'm not smart enough for this shit!"
"You're not stupid either!"
"That's not comforting!"
The two stood in defeated silence for a moment before unanimously deciding to get it over with.
Joyce opened the door on the right and stepped in. As soon as the door closed behind her, it vanished, leaving her in a completely gray space with no visible walls, doors, or features of any kind. Joyce felt herself melting into the space, as though her body and mind were dissolving into jelly.
"Is this supposed to happen?" Joyce asked out loud. It came out warbled and really, really slow.
She could simultaneously feel every single nerve in her body and also felt like she didn't have a body at all, almost like she was some kind of jellyfish. The sluggishness encased her, and Joyce sensed the presence of something moving through the viscosity. Like stirring a vat of thick cement, the presence sifted through her emotions and memories in a slow, sticky manner.
The thought vaguely occurred to her, almost like she was reading a Twitter post in a sleep-deprived state, that the Trial of Truth was probably said to be easy simply because its challengers no longer had a choice as to whether or not they were honest.
Joyce felt slightly annoyed at that.
There was a surge of magic power through her body, and Joyce could concretely feel her limbs again. Her feet touched the ground and remained firmly grounded. Her hands clenched and unclenched according to her will. The room though...Joyce glanced around nervously as the room crackled like a broken screen.
"Oops," Joyce muttered. One of her passive skills must've kicked in. Joyce quickly clasped her hands together and gazed imploringly to the ceiling.
"I'm so sorry Goddess, I didn't mean to do that, please don't be mad!" Joyce pleaded.
The room fell apart like shards of a mirror, crashing to the ground and disappearing. Joyce blinked at the unveiled Chamber of Truth and the shocked faces of the two women staring at her.
"Hi, I guess."
/////////
Spade felt the room seep into his sentience, and tried his best to hold still and let it do its probing. The problem was that his inner qi kept getting in the way, forcing everything back to the starting point again. He sighed as it restarted for the fifth time. The grayness of the room began to engulf him, seeping into his vision and hearing, and then slowly melting into his sense of touch. There was a strange sensation of slowly beginning to float in a thick liquid, and his sense of being itself began to dissolve.
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And then the feeling got washed away by his inner qi again, and Spade was back to normal.
Spade glowered at the room.
"How many times are we going to do this?" Spade asked in exasperation. Thinking of the Celestial Blessing at stake, he quickly fixed his tone.
"Goddess, I'm sorry but I'm just incompatible with this trial. No disrespect intended, but may I pass through?" Spade said respectfully, placing one hand over his heart.
The room shimmered and seemed about to give, but then it started trying again for the sixth time. Spade sighed, resigning himself to yet another round of the same thing.
////////
Joyce stepped onto the mosaiced floor, looking at the beautiful frescos on the walls in wonder. A giant glowing, mushroom-shaped light hung from the center, and the room was lined with smaller mushroom-like lights from the floor. There was an altar laden with golden ornaments at the inner-most wall, below a large statue of the Goddess. There were also two people staring at her with strained expressions.
"Oh hey! You're the ones I'm looking for!" Joyce said cheerfully, waving at them. "Don't worry, I'm not with the Head Priest, I'm w-"
"You're Joyce Li, mage and interdimensional warrior. I know." The woman in dark purple robes and a sheer veil rose, bowing her head slightly. She looked to be in her fifties, braided hair tinted with gray. "I am the Prophetess of Mithrina, and this is Acolyte Bertin. I greet Her chosen champion." The younger woman behind her, a tall and muscular girl with cropped hair in a white robe also bowed, echoing the greeting.
"Nice to meet you guys," Joyce said cheerfully. "Wow, you really are the real deal, you even know my name already!"
The Prophetess and Acolyte bowed their heads towards her again. The air was surprisingly tense. Joyce tilted her head quizzically.
"You guys feeling alright? Do you need any immediate medical care or something like that?" Joyce asked, trying to sound as nice as possible.
The Prophetess bowed her head yet again. "Thank you, but that won't be necessary, we wouldn't wish to trouble you any more than this."
Joyce looked at them curiously but decided to let it slide. There was a gust of wind, and Spade stormed into the final room with energy crackling off of him.
"Oh hey," he greeted her. Spade looked around the room, gaze landing on the Prophetess and Acolyte who politely repeated their greetings.
Spade nodded politely and exchanged some pleasantries before gesturing at the two large doors at the entrance. "Well, can we escort you ladies out of here?"
"Of course, you have our eternal gratitude. Even if it does not stem from kind or just intentions, you will have done much good for this world," the Prophetess said, bowing her head in gratitude. Joyce and Spade felt a little called out but decided to ignore the silent judgment in the Prophetess' tone.
"Then please come this way," Spade said, opening the door that materialized. Joyce stepped through first, the Prophetess and Bertin soon after, with Spade emerging last. The four of them walked silently through the halls, invisible to the guards and the occasional staff member. Bertin kept glancing between Spade and Joyce nervously, with both of them pretending not to notice.
"You don't have to worry about making noise, no one other than us can hear anything," Joyce assured them.
"Thank you." The Prophetess continued walking in silence, before contemplatively looking at Joyce. "Have you ever received a Blessing of Wisdom?"
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Joyce shook her head. "How much is a Blessing?"
"They are free. Blessings are not meant to be bought and sold," Bertin said.
"That's pretty different from what I've seen so far."
"That is a pity, Miss Joyce."
Bertin seemed to be judging Joyce more than the Prophetess, from what Joyce could tell. The group stepped outside of the temple into the cool night air, Bertin letting out a sigh of relief as she took in the fresh air. Joyce slowed down, letting the two enjoy being outside again.
"Marcus and some of his dudes are waiting for us down the road," Joyce said to the Prophetess.
"Guildmaster Marcus?"
"Yeah, there's also a mage called Joan, I don't know any of the others."
The Prophetess side-eyed her. "I see."
Never mind, the Prophetess was judging her really hard too. Joyce felt the need to justify herself a little.
"I haven't been here long and won't be here much longer," Joyce explained.
"Your departure is swift, but the effects of your presence remain. So it has been, and so it will be." The Prophetess turned a piercing gaze on Joyce, intense enough that it made the veil seem invisible. "I would highly recommend receiving a Blessing of Wisdom."
"I won't refuse a free Blessing." Joyce stepped a little closer to Spade and away from the Prophetess. "Sure."
The Prophetess bowed her head slightly, as if in thanks. They continued down to where Marcus and his group stood in wait, thrumming with anticipation. Joyce undid the Stealth spell, eliciting a few shrieks from the guild members as the four of them became visible again.
"Good spirits- Prophetess? Oh-" Marcus was already crying, and many of the guild members looked teary-eyed as well. "What of the others in the Temple? What on earth happened?!"
The Prophetess moved forward and placed a hand on Marcus' shoulder. The guildmaster fell silent.
"They remain in the Temple," the Prophetess said. Her voice was sad and weary, sounding more like a normal middle-aged woman than a high-ranking Temple member.
"Oh Marcus, the truth is much more terrible than you can imagine."
///////
Spade and Joyce sat outside the guildhall, back at the same spot they'd toasted marshmallows in. The Prophetess had gathered up all the guildmasters, and every high-ranking adventurer in the region seemed to have popped up. The guildhall was now unbearably crowded, and in either case, they didn't need to be in there.
"Any guess what all this is about?" Spade asked as he popped open a canned alcoholic drink. The carbonated liquor fizzed, almost overflowing.
"I'm willing to bet..." Joyce fished out her purse and peeked inside. "5 gold and 34 bronze that the mushrooms were cursed by the Head Priest."
"Hah!" Spade let out a bark of laughter, tossing his own coin purse and assuaging the weight. "Then I'd bet 12 silver and 3 gold that they know what the curse is and are keeping it secret."
Joyce popped open a bottle of wine she'd swiped from Marcus, drinking from it directly. "Sorry not sorry, but you're gonna lose."
The two continued listening to the guildmasters' meeting with the Prophetess, tuning out the sounds of other guildmembers and adventurers gossiping with each other. Between Joyce's magic and Spade's heightened senses, they could hear even a whisper, much less the passionate speech Bertin was currently giving.
"The Head Priest said it himself. That there was no curse on the Poisonous Wastelands!"
"Oh shit!" Joyce exclaimed, nearly sloshing out some of the wine in excitement. "Ok, it's happening! I need popcorn!"
Bertin continued addressing the group. "The life cycle of the Glowing Crowned Mushrooms is over several thousand years long, and the people native to this land had detailed records on its phases. The Temple had come into possession of those records after converting the populace, so they knew from the start, that the mushrooms would naturally emit poisonous spores every three hundred years. That's how they made the predictions, they were just using the records they had!"
The guildmasters erupted into shouts of anger and confusion, but Bertin raised her voice with some serious projection skills. "The Head Priest knew this ten years ago, and he knew this twenty years ago! He said it himself, he learned this as soon as he gained the title of Head Priest! The only reason why we were kept ignorant and afraid was so he could solidify his own power, and that of the Temple's. It wasn't a terrible curse or unspeakable evil that brought this upon us, but the avarice of a cruel, cunning man!"
"That's such bullshit," Spade groaned. "I thought it was at least going to be an interesting evil deed, but this is just too mundane."
"I know right? Where are the blood sacrifices and demonic curses? Can't evil people at least have some style?" Joyce chimed in.
"Spirits have mercy," one of the guildmasters said quietly after Bertin had finished. "We've lost so much and...and there wasn't even a curse?" There was almost a hint of pleading in his voice.
"This must not go unpunished," the Prophetess said in a voice full of sorrow, before launching into an impressive speech about the injustice that had been wrought unto the land and its people.
"Guess there's gonna be a coup then?" Joyce commented.
Spade shrugged. "Looks like it, the Prophetess sure is setting herself up in a good position to benefit from that. We should bail soon."
///////
Unfortunately, their reward had to wait until after the coup was done. Fortunately, the Prophetess really got things done. By the time the Prophetess was done taking over the reins of the Temple and chaining up corrupted priests, it was about 3 in the morning. Which was actually a very short turnaround time for what was more or less the bloodless overthrow of the religious authority and the unofficial cornerstone of society, but that was the perk of having an all-powerful mage to make things move along by disabling all the Temple's defenses and immobilizing everyone inside. Said mage was quite bored, now that the takeover moved into its next phase.
Joyce and Spade lounged on the steps of the Temple, people politely ignoring the two as they played a card game. They were briefly interrupted as their Celestial Blessing was granted in a bright flash of light and the sound of heavenly lyres, eliciting gasps of wonder and a small crowd, but the Goddess was very efficient and it was finished just like that. For lack of anything better to do, Joyce and Spade turned back to their card game, both blatantly cheating and sabotaging the game. Joyce was still losing every game and losing faster every time. She threw down her cards in exasperation and glanced around.
"I'm gonna go grab Bertin and get a Blessing," Joyce grumbled to Spade's accusations of fleeing from her failures. She got up and looked at Spade expectantly.
"I don't want one," Spade said. Joyce nudged him with her foot but he remained firmly seated. "The Celestial Blessing's fine, but I don't need something that messes with my head."
"You just had me cast Compelling Truth on you like, three days ago," Joyce pointed out.
"Yeah, and? That's you and this is some random Acolyte, it's two very distinct situations. Plus, I don't need to unlock a translation skill."
"You couldn't unlock one anyway," Joyce shot back. She flipped him off affectionately before heading after Bertin's broad and muscular figure as the acolyte weaved through the crowd.
"Bertin," Joyce called out, waving to the acolyte. Despite obviously being very busy, Bertin quickly turned her attention to Joyce.
"Miss Joyce," Bertin greeted. "How may I help you?"
"Uh, y'all seem busy here and we've gotten paid already, so we were about to pack up and go. Any chance you could give me a 2-second blessing?" Joyce asked.
Bertin drew back, frowning slightly. "Please wait for a moment, I'll get the Prophetess for you."
"No, it's fine, your blessing's good enough," Joyce protested, but Bertin was already beelining away. Joyce sighed, but quickly mustered a polite smile as the Prophetess came over, Bertin slipping away again without a goodbye.
"Prophetess," Joyce greeted. "Sorry to bother you, I wanted to get a Blessing of Wisdom."
"So I have heard," the Prophetess said. "Please follow me."
////////////
Spade looked up as Bertin approached with light steps, a small white box in her hands.
"Hello Bertin," Spade greeted her, getting to his feet. Bertin bowed her head.
"Mr. Spade, I heard you were about to depart," she said.
"Indeed. Anything I can help you with?"
"No, but thank you kindly. The Prophetess instructed me to give you these potions, they have a healing effect and can also be used to repel demons," Bertin handed him the box with both hands.
"Right, repelling demonic beasts and all that," Spade took the box and smiled at her. "My thanks."
Bertin bowed her head again but did not leave. Spade looked at her expectantly, and her face flushed red for a moment.
"I'm the one who's grateful. Thank you, Mr. Spade, we couldn't have done this without you."
Spade waved her thanks away. "It was nothing." Normally he would have been pleased, but Bertin seemed to have more to say. He waited patiently until she finally got the gall to say it.
"Mr. Spade, from what I can see, Miss Joyce is very powerful and has few inhibitions about using her power," Bertin said hesitantly.
"Yes, and that's the only reason you were able to get any of this done," Spade said as pleasantly as he could.
"But her wisdom does not match her power, and that's a disaster waiting to happen!"
Spade's gaze sharpened, but the Acolyte didn't seem to notice as she continued.
"I mean no offense towards Miss Joyce, but that's less than ideal for a mage of her caliber. Frankly, it's dangerous. Very dangerous," Bertin said. "I...am very concerned about the potential consequences of that."
"What are you suggesting?" Spade asked. Bertin shrank back at the icy tone, and hastily took a few steps back.
"Acolyte Bertin." Spade stepped forward, not bothering to inhibit his menacing aura. "I'd like to ask you to kindly focus on your own problems instead of worrying about something unnecessary." Spade stepped closer as the acolyte took another step back, his aura intensifying.
"I-I'm sorry, but I-" Bertin began.
"She means no harm." Spade and Bertin turned towards the Prophetess as she approached, Bertin visibly sagging in relief.
"Prophetess," Spade greeted her in the same cold voice.
"Joyce has accomplished great deeds. This is evident. But from what I've seen of her, I can tell that she is too young and has come to power too suddenly, without mental preparation or experience. It would be a recipe for disaster if not for the anchoring presence of a stable, well-intentioned mentor at her side. I understand your feelings, but our worries are not unwarranted," the Prophetess explained.
"If there's anyone you should be worried about, it's me. I'm the one who actually stabs people," Spade shot back.
"With full intention of doing so. Your sword does not cut those who you do not wish harm. Could you say the same of Joyce?"
"Yes." Spade didn't hesitate in his answer. Joyce had incredible control over her magic, almost better than Spade had over his qi, which was saying a lot. If she didn't, he would be taking care of all the commissions instead of doing a coin toss with her each time.
"Even when she's unstable?"
"She's very stable, thank you."
The Prophetess shook her head. "You do not seem to understand. It is not a question of if, but when. All mages will have moments when their distress or anger grows too strong to control, the difference lies in whether they are trained to control the outburst. Magic is not only fully attuned to a mage's emotions, it also feeds into it, even amplifies it once past a certain point of intensity. Sooner or later, there will such a moment for her."
Spade hadn't known that, but he doubted it would be a problem.
"I'm sure a Blessing of Wisdom would help, just give her one then," Spade said.
"As I have. The Blessing I gave her is targeted to ensure that past a certain level of emotional distress, she will enter a state of complete detachment, thus preventing an outburst."
His rage flared back up. "You what? Does she even know?"
"It was my hope that you would explain its effects to her," the Prophetess said.
Spade let out a bark of laughter. "So you also know that telling her you didn't actually increase her wisdom and just gave her a lobotomy instead wouldn't really go well?!"
The Prophetess lowered her gaze but looked firmly determined. "That's a bit of an exaggeration. I know this seems an unwarranted act of cruelty. Surely, if it were my friend, I would feel the same. But please know this, if a mage this powerful were to ever lose control, it wouldn't end with the destruction of a single world. Dimensions would be torn apart. I would spare the universe of such a tragedy, and Joyce of such a burden."
Spade stared at her speechlessly. "You convinced yourself so easily to do something that the Mountain Spirit themself deemed unnecessary, and you're telling me it was out of kindness?"
A look of surprise flashed over the Prophetess' face.
"The Mountain Spirit?"
"We operate with their blessing! They've personally assessed our conditions and deemed us fit to work within this capacity. Did your Goddess give you permission? Did Mohan? Did Joyce?" Spade glared at her, resisting the urge to punch someone blessed by Mithrina.
The Prophetess was staring at him in quiet contemplation, looking a lot less sure of herself despite her efforts to hide it.
"You know what, fuck you. We got our Celestial Blessing, we're done here. Joyce? Joyce!" Spade whirled away from them, striding into the Temple to where Joyce was cheerfully doing a 12th-tier spell as a trick for one of the younger female guild members, under the careful observation of Marcus and a few other guildmasters. She turned towards him in surprise.
"Spade, you good? You look a little...uh, pissed off?"
"We're leaving," he announced. He ignored as Marcus and the other Guild Leaders looked at them in surprise, leaning closer to whisper in Joyce's ear. "We need to talk."
////////
"Whoa, okay, no wonder I don't feel smarter," Joyce groaned. "Seriously? Just keep fucking me up more, huh? At least I didn't get dumber."
The two floated a good thirty feet above the ground, moving swiftly through the air as they entered the Poisonous Wastelands. The mushrooms were visible even from a distance, like a glowing mountain range with wide, rounded peaks. The mushrooms were almost translucent, taking on a rich purple hue in the darkness. There was a crown-shaped circle that emitted a gentle golden light on the top of the mushroom. Smaller plants grew on the cap, glowing little orbs with all the colors of the rainbow. Their bright colors were rounded out by the mushroom's crown, twinkling softly in harmony.
"I'm sorry," Spade sighed. "I should've guessed, with the way they were acting."
"Dude, whatever. It's not like you can read minds. This sucks though."
They hovered directly above the mushrooms, golden circles spread out a distance below their feet.
"This is really pretty," Joyce murmured. Spade glanced at her.
"Want to sit on one?" He suggested. She immediately plonked them onto the closest mushroom, getting bounced several feet into the air before landing with a few smaller bounces. Joyce cackled gleefully, spreading out on the smooth, extremely poisonous surface of the mushroom. Landing much more softly, Spade sat down next to her.
"At least we got a Celestial Blessing?" Joyce offered. Spade nodded.
"Do you think you can undo the Blessing of Wisdom?"
"Probably, but I don't want to offend a Goddess," Joyce replied. "I mean, she didn't exactly stop the Prophetess either. It's not like there would be a situation where it would kick in, might as well leave it be for now until I've got more karma to spare."
"It's not really a points system," Spade reminded her gently. She shrugged.
"Close enough? I'm not smart enough to understand the full theory anyways."
Joyce shot up again, bouncing several times as she landed back on the mushroom. She gleefully retrieved a box of snacks from her pocket dimension, holding them up like a trophy.
"Seriously? The mushroom cookies?" Spade asked flatly. Joyce beamed back. He magnanimously refrained from rolling his eyes and accepted one of the offered sweets.
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