When Greg opened his eyes, if that, is what you can call what he did, he saw nothing.

Above him, the sky was a blank void free of colour and life. He clambered to his feet while checking his body for damage.

He wasn’t sure what happened to him after the purple light appeared but upon inspection, he was completely uninjured.

‘That’s strange,’ Greg thought as he looked down.

“Where are my feet?” he murmured quietly, subdued by his surroundings.

When Greg had looked down, he had come to notice the absence of his feet, and his legs, and his torso, and well… everything.

He wasn’t sure what he was even looking with, was he just a pair of floating eyeballs now? If so, how did he stand up?

Not sure what to do, Greg decided to try and touch something. But in this void of nothingness, there was nothing to touch nearby. He couldn’t even use his own body.

Greg spun around, looking for something, anything that might let him prove he was real and his search came to an end pretty quickly.

Directly behind him were two buildings.

A palace of jade, gold and sapphire, sparkling in a beacon of light and colour within the void. Each of its twisting spires was adorned with a black onyx statue of different things.

A gryphon might be snarling on one spire, while on the next, a shirtless man with one eye was raising a spear triumphantly to the heavens. Then, on the next spire across was a…

“Xbox?” Greg asked nobody in particular, it wasn’t like the Xbox could reply.

Since he couldn’t quite understand the palace, Greg looked down and to the side where a small bungalow was nestled in the shadow of the giant palace.

Suddenly, the idea of walking over to the bungalow popped up in his mind and the next thing he knew, Greg was standing right outside the door.

He frowned, not understanding how he had gotten here from where he had been standing a second ago.

“How can I walk without…” Greg stopped talking.

The door of the bungalow swung open, and a young man leapt out, grabbing Greg in a big bear hug.

“Oh, thank God you’re here, we’ve been waiting so long for someone worthy,” The young man said, his words spewing out of his mouth so fast they might be confused with machine-gun fire.

“I’m Met, the angel and… well there’s a few others inside,” Met said, gesturing to the house with a nod. “But most of them have withered away and… Anyways, why don’t you come to meet the boss man,”

Greg wasn’t quite sure what to do but somehow, Met reached out and grabbed his arm, despite it being entirely absent.

He was still trying to figure out how Met was grabbing something that wasn’t there as he was led from the bungalow to towering marble steps at the entrance of the palace.

Looking up the steps, Greg was pretty sure they never ended, the stairs seemed to stretch up infinitely, reaching toward the heavens.

“Hahaha,” A laugh came from beside Greg.

“Would you look at that, the boss man is coming down to meet you! I haven’t seen him this excited since the great flood!” Met explained with joy.

“J-Just who is this boss man?” Greg asked nervously, his gaze flickering back and forth between Met and the infinite staircase.

“Ah- you know, the big cheese, the top dog, God with a capital G,” Met said with a nonchalant shrug.

“Pardon? Did you just say, God?”

Met laughed, making his boyish face and bright gold eyes sparkle with joy

“Sure is,” he said cheerfully.

Greg swallowed hard and now gave up on looking at Met, staring with all he was worth at the infinite staircase.

Finally, he caught a glimpse of something. A long streak of sliver was coming down the marble staircase towards him.

It was moving neither fast, nor slow, and yet seemed to cover great distances in mere seconds.

The closer it got, the more defined the silver streak became. Until finally, Greg realised what it was.

“A person,” He whispered.

The silver streak was finally close enough for Greg to see what it really was. A young man, or woman, Greg couldn’t tell which it was, with long flowing silver hair that trailed behind them like a wedding gown.

10 steps above them, the person with silver hair came to a stop.

“Sup God,” Met said casually.

This person with long silver hair, who was apparently God smiled and nodded gracefully. And that smile alone seemed blindingly bright, almost making the void glow with light.

God fixed their eyes on Greg, and he felt like everything about him was being seen through. The eyes that stared through him were a strange collection of flashing colours and stars that swam within the lights.

Finally, God nodded, and Greg let out a sigh of relief. He wasn’t sure what was happening, but he had felt like this God person, had just examined his entire life in a second.

He hoped that God wouldn’t judge him too harshly on his music taste and that one time he left the toilet seat up and his sister fell in.

God nodded and smiled again, except this time, the smile was warm and not bright, it bathed Greg in a subtle glow that made him shiver with comfort.

Greg was just about to start asking questions when God raised up a perfect hand and pointed at him with an immaculate finger.

Or, the finger should have been immaculate, but the nail at the end was long, way too long to be practical and looked uneven and jagged like someone had done a poor job of cutting it.

On closer Inspection, Greg noticed that all of the fingers were like this. But what really worried him was the point.

What did it mean? Had he done something wrong? Had he done something right? Was he supposed to look behind him or… Greg never found out what the point meant?

But he would never forget what happened next.

God lowered their finger, bringing their hand inside the soft white rove they had been wearing and bringing out an electric razor.

The razor started with a buzz and God started grinning.

All Greg could do was stare in shock as God reached up and began to shave their head.

…

When Greg came to again, he was lying in a crater. From above, it looked like he was a meteor that had fallen from space, leaving an impact crater about 5 metres wide.

As he began clambering out of the crater, he noticed that he was surrounded by grass that was 10s of metres tall and seemed to glow with life.

He stumbled as he was climbing up the side of the crater but when his leg hit the rocks and dirt that lined the pit, he felt nothing.

Greg took no notice of this and scrambled his way up the side of the crater and into the unnaturally tall grass.

All he could remember was walking through the park, taking a shortcut and then there was a purple light.

And then it all came flooding back to him.

Greg sat down heavily amid the tall grass and held his head in his hands, “What the Fuck was that?” He groaned.

“God, how was that God? They had an Xbox on the roof of their palace and shaved their head in front of me. There is just no way that was God,”

“And, And… Oh No! Fuck’s sake,” Greg had just noticed his uniform which was in tatters. Ruined beyond repair.

He was so annoyed and confused that Greg just started rolling around on the ground, punching the dirt with anger and frustration.

And then he noticed something. Nothing he did hurt.

He tried pounding the ground again, but it didn’t hurt. It should have, but it didn’t.

“What is going on?” he mumbled.