Flashes of the same thing again mixed with other short flashes that I can't really recall. The girl with dark pig-tails and oceans in her eyes. The jungle gym. The climb. The fall.

A door slides shut with a muted bang and the sound wakes me up. I take in a sharp breath, the sound of the air passing my teeth is almost grating to my ears. I quickly sit up to look around the room. What's that sound? Who's awake? I'm usually the first one to wake up. As expected sleeping well isn't part of the plan that the gods have for me.

"Anata," It's Mother's voice. She's talking in the way that she talks to any of us when we've done something wrong. It's muted, like it's coming from behind walls. Thin walls, "You can't just run off and get yourself piss drunk every single time the announcement comes on the radio. We have kids. We have a family. We've finally moved from the border to somewhere more secure."

"We're piss poor because of that," Father hiccups. He sounds more awake in his head than last night. See, sleep helps everything, "We gave up everything just to move here where it's safer. Away from the war. Then the Daimyo raising taxes on produce? I can't- I can't give you the life we used to have." His words catch in his throat.

I swallow the lump that's formed in my throat. I didn't know this. This war thing. Is it really that bad? But Konoha shinobi are doing their best to protect our country and our people. The radio said so.

The sound of flesh hitting flesh that made me jump in my futon. Did Mother just slap Father? It's a little hard to tell when the sound is really muffled. My hands press against my mouth so I don't make any more noise and I glance towards my siblings. They don't seem to be awake yet. The real question being, why are they such deep sleepers? The conversation is really loud and it woke me up.

I hear Moe making a cooing sound from my left.

Then a choked sob from outside and a thick voice, "I- I didn't marry you because of- Because of- Material goods!"

Another sob. Silence, then, "Both of us knew that we'd be leaving everything behind. So don't you dare use that as an excuse to drink yourself silly," It's Mother's voice. I haven't heard Mother like this in a long time. Ever, when I think about it, "I need you here, with me, every step of the way. Thick and thin. Remember that? They're my sons too. We- We'll go through this together. We're a team." Her voice turns into something tender at the end, despite her sniffles.

I don't think I should get out of bed to see what's happening between them. It's a private moment, I think? Respect people's privacy! I remember Kaika telling me this when she was trying to hide a letter that she got from one of the older boys in her apprenticeship. I really, really wanted to know why her face was as red as as she tried to keep it out of my reach. She didn't have to since I couldn't really read then.

I sink back onto the scratchy straw pillow I call my own and shut my eyes, pretending to sleep. My mind and heart both racing with thoughts. 'I can't give you the life we used to have'. Father's sad words echo at the back of my head like the rooster (boy chicken- I can't believe that it's not a thing) crowing endlessly in the mornings (anytime now).

Did they have a better life before the war? Before all of the bad things that started happening? If war is a bad thing, it's definitely a good thing to become a shinobi so that I can protect my country, my family and everyone else who's suffering. Yeah. I clench both my fists underneath the blankets. It's definitely the proper thing to do. The only you can do for them for now. Somehow I had to be older to do anything else.

A resounding slap that's much louder than the previous one that I've heard just a couple of minutes ago. "You spent our savings on sake? I can tolerate the regular, cheap sake but you got the expensive kind! What are we going to do for Winter?! We needed that money for repairs. New futons. Food. Wood for the fire! Expenses for the family!"

Father laughs in a short and stacatto-y way, like he does when he's nervous. He sounds surprisingly normal after being slapped about two times by Mother in this moment alone, "Well- Actually I have no excuse. It was- I didn't it think it through-"

"We had enough to live comfortably through the winter and you- You. Ugh. I love you but sometimes you test my patience. Just- Just. Ugh. Clench your teeth," Mother sounds like she's trembling, "Go in and sleep it off, tomorrow we're going to the forest after tending to the farm. The crops are almost ready for harvesting. Help me."

Father's voice is thick with defeat, "Wha- Why? Oh. Yes, alright aikata. On the count of three? Three, two, on-"

Another slap. Father grunts but otherwise takes the solid hit. A three hit combo? I guess it's to be expected, I'd be angry too if someone else used up the money I saved for the winter for things that won't last through a day or two. Mother is scary. Mother. I bite on my lower lip, quivering like crazy. The weight of the blanket against my skin helps keeping me calm, I pull it over my nose.

It's no good to hit Father but boys who have been naughty need to punished? Agh! I don't want to think about it.

I keep my eyes shut when I hear the both of them enter the house, Father's footsteps heavier than Mother's.