The surroundings felt like the night sky of a city, where the shining stars can’t be seen because of the bright city lights. The white snowscape with bright blinking lights and blaring car horns was nowhere to be seen nor heard. The only thing I saw was darkness and a tiny light, and the only thing I heard was my breath and the beating of my heart.

It felt like I was floating due to the never-ending darkness, but I felt my feet stood firmly on the ground. So I walked. I walked towards that tiny light. But then I asked myself: is this the moment of your death? Where, they say you shouldn’t go near the light if you don’t want to die?

Still, my feet moved. Not because I was attracted to something nor was I forced, but because I thought nothing would change if I don’t move. If I stay alone in that darkness, can I say that it was better than going to the light? Without information, I can’t make a comparison. So, I walked.

My steps weren’t heavy, but the sound echoed loudly in the darkness. I was slowly nearing the light. I thought it would get bigger as I approach, but the light stayed small. Is it that far away? With all the darkness surrounding me, I thought it would be nearer, but I guess I needed to walk a little more.

A couple more steps. That’s all it took. I stood in front of the light but instead of getting bigger, it was only a ball in the size of my fist and it was hovering. Within arms reach, I tried to touch the hovering light. When my finger almost touched it, it moved away and circled around me as if twirling.

“Wow! I thought I would get a man but instead, I got a beautiful lady instead! Mothers are indeed better in nurturing! Finding a father will be a cinch with your beauty!”

The hovering light talked with a domineering voice. I was surprised, scared even. But even with an annoying tone, the sound of the voice was soothing but manly, I could imagine a handsome face pairing up with that voice.

However, it was still weird. I mean, in this dark place, where the only “thing” I could talk to was a ball of light. Where am I exactly? I was on guard as it continued to hover, then I realized how warm it was. The ball of light, which was as big as my fist, continued to giggle in admiration at how lucky it was.

It was a peculiar experience but at the same time, it was annoying. But I can’t lose here, so I wore my business smile and asked the light of my circumstance. As badly as I want to catch and interrogate it, I don’t know if I would suffer any consequences with my actions in this place, so I decided to stay calm and tread carefully. I need to gather information after all.

“Umm, excuse me. May I ask where I am?”

I asked the light as politely as I could, it was weird asking a ball of light, but what else can I do? And in response, all I got was a hearty laugh.

“Hahahahaha! You don’t have to be so polite you know? I know how irritated you are and how you aren’t as lady-like as you portray yourself to be!”

The light shook and bounced with its words. While I was getting mocked by a giant firefly I held my fist tightly, controlling my anger that I kept under control for so many years.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Do you know the reason as to why I am here?”

I tried to keep my anger down. I used to be as hot-headed as my mother, but I calmed down after my husband died. I also kept up with it because my job performance was getting better than before. That’s why I needed to calm down. That’s right, I’m not angry.

But that patience was cut short when the light laughed even more loudly and with a mocking tone. I can’t believe after all that effort to calm myself, I would be laughed at again?! So you want a piece of me?! Is that it?!

“I told you! No need to be demure! You know, here in this realm, I know exactly who you are. Where you came from, your family, friends, inner thoughts, your whole life! Basically saying, I can see, hear, smell, taste and feel everything you’ve experienced!”

Explaining happily, small tiny hand-like things appeared from the ball flailing and flaunting about, telling me my past life, my childhood, my parents, my workmates and my husband. Telling it to me like he experienced it himself and enumerating all those experiences that made me who I am.

Is this that moment? Where you recount your life after death? Where your deeds are weighed into good and bad, and where you’re allowed to relive that same moment in your memory? Is this it?

“No. This is different.”

Like it was reading my mind, the light denied my idea. So if it isn’t that moment, then what? So am I dead still?

“You’re not. You can say it’s similar but different?”

I pouted and I looked at the ball suspiciously. It was already reading my mind and knew everything about me, so might as well be myself. No use tiring myself and pretending.

“So if I’m not dead, then where is this? What’re you and what’s going to happen to me, huh? Tell me you overgrown firefly!”

I put my hands on my waist ready to scold the light. In response, it laughed guiltily and scratched itself with its tiny hand.

“Well...”

It started to explain. How I was, a random person who fell in a spatial distortion between worlds. How I was chosen to be the parent of a prophesied child by some type of sorting magic that chose randomly between the candidates. And finally, I will be transported to another world that apparently, this tiny light, which is a god, is governing.

“Don’t I have any say in this?!”

The whole thing was absurd! It came straight out of a novel. Similar to those that my late husband used to read— novels about world transfer and reincarnation. I mean, I was drunk and maybe still? So I might be hallucinating? If it’s real, then what? Not like I can do anything against a god?

I was in denial. That “god” said I couldn’t come back anymore and I had no choice but to agree. He said that he would kill me if I didn’t accept and find a new one to replace me.

What the hell?! Is my life that insignificant that he would easily destroy my existence? I was confused, angry and... accepting? What?

I looked at the insect that brought me here. It bounced around happily all over the place. Did he do this? This feeling of acceptance? I mean, I developed a cold and calm countenance after the accident, but this is different.

It’s true I have no attachments to this world. I was an only child and my parents and husband already passed, I have no relatives left. It all made sense but this weird feeling of empty calmness... no, this is apathy. The whole thing made me annoyed but at the same time, I didn’t care.

“Now, now. I didn’t give you apathy. Your calm and calculating demeanour you’ve cultivated boosted the calming effect I gave you. It won’t last forever, but I wanted you to at least calmly think about your situation.

If you panic, we’ll be stuck here forever and nothing will happen. There’s nothing you can do but to accept anyway, so I want you to accept it as calmly as you could. But I guess if I left you, you would eventually lead to the same answer.”

His serious tone was far different from his playful annoying voice before. Is this really temporary?

“Yes, it’s temporary. So? Will you accept it calmly or do I have to kill you and get a different human to do this job?”

The tiny insect before glowed brighter and brighter. The warm feeling from before became unbearably hot, slowly sizzling and burning my skin. It hurts. It stung but as the heat continued to burn me, the sharp intense pain continued to slowly melt my skin!

Even if he didn’t ask, I was already fine with that arrangement, so why?! My mind felt nothing but intense pain and apathy.

“I want you to say it.”

A domineering and loud voice replaced the soothing voice. That’s it?! All this pain for my word?!

“Words have power you know. Words define everything. So promise me.”

His voice grew deeper and louder. I thought the pain would take my consciousness away but a force pulled me awake. My melting skin fizzled in the heat as I muster all I could to say...

“...yes... I pr-promise!”

Enduring the pain with eyes closed, my consciousness fell into a deeper darkness.