Chapter 7 “Misunderstanding”

“Really now! Does it have to be that long!?” I mumbled to myself after finally finished my little discussion with my older sister.

I know that I have been working a bit harder than usual for the past couple of days, but that is understandable, right? I mean, for the past couple of days the state of security in our town was anything but normal. Just after eradicating the smugglers that enlisted an army of Arcane Puppets, we were surprised by the suspicious remnant we found inside the forest. Of course I need to work harder! I have a responsibility to solve it! Does that warrant me a lecture? Sure I was getting a little less rest than usual, but I make sure that I have enough sleep, my dear worrying sister.

Actually, isn’t she the same as me? The fact that her office has been littered with a lot of paper and document like that was more than enough evidence that she has locked herself up for quite some time. I even heard that our trusted maid, Lena, had tried to warn her to not overwork herself like that. Aren’t we the same, my dear sister of mine?

“Ugh,…damn it.” To be pointed out by Nerva that both I and my sister share the same bad habit is kind of irritating. I know that Nerva, no matter how blind he is, is more than able to see the real situation much clearer than both of us combined. But the fact that being told like that kind of…irritating and annoying. To add salt to the wound, I know that what he said to us is…correct and spot on. “Damn it!”

I shook my head several times to put aside my annoyance after cursing to no one in particular. Or was I cursing Nerva for pointing that out? Err…maybe. That’s beside the point! Focus, Eryell! You have a job now! And that job is giving the latest information to him! Yeah, that’s it!

Ah, to think that we almost lost some of our personnel just to collect a vague piece of information like this. I just couldn’t imagine the real big picture of this case with that alone. I’m quite glad that our informants managed to escape unnoticed after being able to eavesdrop the news that an underground movement is going to arise toward the capital with our town as the starting point of that movement. I felt a shudder the moment I thought about the possibility that the underground movement noticed our side is trying to sniff their presence in this town. Their retaliation might wipe us out if we’re unprepared.

Unfortunately, we still have no name or other particular lead that can help us point to the leader or organization that lead the movement. Maybe I should just be grateful that we can have a bit more information than before. But this is just like noticing the presence of a wild and dangerous beast without knowing what kind of beast we are dealing with. This just make us more worried while trying our best to defend ourselves. The toll on mind caused by the worry is a bit too much.

Ugh, the more I think about it, the more hopeless the case became to me. I could feel my head throbbing after thinking about it. Maybe I should take Nerva’s advice and took a rest for a while. But then again, this is my last task for the day. After giving Nerva the information, I will get back and take a nice rest.

With that objective in mind, I marched to Nerva’s house as fast as I can. As I make my way toward my destination, I noticed that the way to his house is rather quiet. Well, not that it’s anything new, but I’ve just realized it again that Nerva’s place is rather isolated. I wonder how he got information for a desolate place like this. And I also noticed that his place is very windy. Good thing I followed Lena’s advice to wear a coat over my militia uniform.

Oh, yeah. Grandfather. He’s the one that give it to him. How could I forget? I guess that’s the reward he got from him after that time, eh? But because of that, grandfather has never stopped asking me to bring Nerva to meet him again. I guess I have to bring him to meet grandfather soon.

“Hmm?...Weird…” I broke off my idle thoughts and realized something out of place. I unconsciously slowed down my walking pace as I glanced around. No, there’s nothing visibly wrong or strange. But…I guess I have to say that the atmosphere around me felt…slightly off? Yeah, that’s it. The atmosphere around me felt off. It had the same feel as a hunt that will have a terribly high chance of going wrong. There is no hard fact that can support that, only a hunter’s instinct and experience that can tell that.

“…What’s going on here?” The more I walked toward his house, the more intense the feeling is. “Is there somet–Ugh!?” Suddenly, I felt my knees getting weak, forcing me into a kneeling position. I could also feel the air around me becoming heavy and dense, suffocating me slowly and pressuring me so much. Breathing was getting incredibly difficult, as if I’m trying to breathe in dense smoke. I also felt the wind around me had suddenly stopped blowing and becoming ominously still. “W-What...is…this?” I could barely mutter that in my current condition.

In my confusion, a single memory resurfaced from the depth of my mind. It was my memory when the militia was still just a notion my grandfather suggested in the latest town meeting. Together with my older brothers and my father, we were tasked to hunt an unknown beast that roamed the forest recently. The beast’s identity was unknown at that moment. The only thing that was known then was the fact that it has killed several merchant parties that made camp inside the forest. We also received several reports that several townspeople that ventured into the forest had returned with life threatening injury. If it was not deal with properly, there is a possibility that it will attack inside the town.

Fortunately, the hunt was finished without any single casualty from our side. But I remember that at one time I looked into the beast’s eyes and feel that it has grasped my life, suffocating me just by its deadly glare alone. That was one of my earlier days as a hunter that teach me that we should be wise to pick our opponent before diving into a battle.

This feeling I was having near Nerva’s house is the same, if not stronger and much worse. I gritted my teeth as I steeled myself to stand. It was as if trying to go against a raging current. My curiosity and worry for him made me strong enough to go against that raging river. After finally able to stand–barely that is– I started to move forward. It was a task much more difficult than one would think.

I don’t know how many minutes it took me just to arrive at his gate. But the moment I arrived at his fence, I could feel that the pressuring atmosphere started to thin out. Together with that, my strength returned and I could breathe much easier than before. I leaned onto the fence while trying to take another breath. What’s happening here? For a moment, the air was heavy and intimidating. But then it returned to normal just like that? I glanced around and, just like before, couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. It was the same calm and silent scenery all around me. That just made me more confused.

“…Calm down…Nothing will come if you panic.” I straightened up my back and slapped my own cheek to make me focus. Just like Nerva said to me quite often, I need to stop getting impatient or reckless. I need to stay calm and focus. But even after saying that, my mind still refused to calm down.

I know that Nerva is far stronger than he looks, but I just can’t get this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something happened. And I fear that it might be something big.

I shook my head several times to push the negative feeling away. I hate to say this, but I’m not exactly what one would call a very wise person. I prefer a straight forward method than a complicated one. For the complicated ones, I left that to my dear sister who is far wiser and smarter than me. I tend to choose the easier and simpler way of doing things, although I still try to be as careful as I can.

Because of that, my only possible method of dealing with this anxiety of mine can only be one. And that is to go straight forward to his house and confirm that he is fine or not. I quickly pushed my own body to walk toward his house, which only take a few quick steps to finally reach the porch.

I glanced around and, once again, I saw nothing out of the ordinary. His empty garden is still…well, empty. I could see no sign of forced entry or damage whatsoever to the door. I leaned to the side to look at the windows and found it was still just like this morning. All in all, I found nothing is wrong, which is a good thing. But I still have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind, as if shouting at me to not be relieved so fast. I knew it. I still have to see him in person to calm myself down.

But before I could do anything, I could hear the door creaked. It started to open. My body stiffened at that. Instinctively, I assumed a more battle suited pose at the sudden change. But then my body relaxed in an instance the moment I saw the one behind the door.

“Nerva?” I called out the man I’m looking for. A smile appeared on my face as I could see that he is fine.

“Eh?” What? He’s confused? He didn’t expect me?

Okay, I got the reason that he wouldn’t expect me at this hour. But doesn’t he usually know who it was just by the sound of the heart beats and footsteps? I’m sure he had told me that not long ago. But now…he’s confused? I looked at him and noticed that he was dressed in his usual outing outfit, complete with his worn out coat of his. I swear I will drag him one of these days to buy a new coat! That coat of his really screamed beggar out loud! I know that the person in question didn’t mind it, but it somehow irritated me to see everyone underestimated him just because of his appearance. Okay, getting sidetracked there for a minute.

“Are you…going somewhere?” As I said before, I’m not good with beating the bush for an answer. A straight question is more of my type of action.

“Eryell?” He sounded confused. W-Wait! He was not sure it was me? He really is confused! What’s going on here!? “What are you doing here?”

“Nerva!” I grabbed his shoulder, which earned me a surprise reaction from his in form of a taken aback expression and also a slightly gasp from him. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“Err, I’m fine, my dear Eryell.” He was back to his usual calm tone. But I knew that he wasn’t so calm. “Why the question?”

“Uhm,…” I took my hand of him and scratched the back of my head, making my brunet hair slightly messier than before. “Uhm…you looked confused for a minute. And…you are not one who gets confused easily, right?” Wait a minute! Why am I giving a question for an answer?

“…Okay…” He didn’t buy it. As expected. “You still didn’t answer my question, my dear Eryell.”

“Huh? Your questi–Oh, yes, yes.” I nodded several times as I remembered his question. “I was here to inform you that we have some lead from our informants.”

“Really? That fast?” He then tapped his chin. “This is…not exactly what I call good news.” Eh? Not a good news?

“Why?”

“It’s just…let’s just forget about my opinion first. After all, I haven’t heard the news yet. It was too hasty of me to say that.”

“Okay, you have a point there.” As usual, he is a sharp person. “So…where are you going, Nerva?”

“Oh, me?” Why did he look taken aback at that? This is getting suspicious.

“Where are you going, Nerva?” I put more pressure to my voice as I asked him again.

“Uhm…I’m going to meet with my…acquaintance.”

“An acquaintance? At this hour?” Now this is getting too suspicious. Too suspicious.

“Yeah, I need to meet that fellow as soon as possible.”

“Where?” Okay, why did he look more startled than before? And did he just take a step back from me. “Nerva, what’s going on here?”

“Err…I…Should we just discuss the information you have first, my dear Eryell?”

“Okay, this is getting ridiculous, Nerva.” I took a step forward, placing myself only inches away from him. As I crossed my arm, I blocked his way out of his own house. “Spit it out!”

“Uhm…really, my dear Eryell, isn’t the information is more–“

“Nerva!” I shouted at him as I felt my temper rising. I know I’m not the wisest person, but I know he’s trying to hide something. “I’m not letting you go until you tell me the truth! And you know I hate lies!”

“No, no, no! I’m not lying! I was just–“

“Nerva!”

“…Ugh…I give up.” He slumped down his shoulders after saying that. “But…promise me not to…uhm,…freak out?”

“Huh? What are you saying?”

“Just promise me…stay calm? Can you do that?” He asked me while scratching the back of his head. Why the awkwardness in his voice? This is something new.

“…I can’t promise you anything. But…I’ll try.”

A short silence came after I said that. I can’t give him false promise when he’s trying to tell the truth, right? That is just not right. All I can do is telling him that I’ll try to keep my calm. Although, why did he have to ask me that? Is the thing he is going to tell me is something that surprising?

“…Good enough.” He let out a sigh after that. “Just…try to be calm, okay?”

“Okay, okay!” Why did he have to emphasize on it over and over again? This is getting frustrating! “Get on with it!”

“Err, the thing is,…err…I’m going to…”

“Why are you fidgeting around like that!?” I grabbed his shoulders in my frustration. I started to shake his body, making his head swayed front and back. “SPIT!! IT! OUT!! THIS!!–”

“…brothel…”

“INST…ant?” What? “ Sorry?”

“…uhm…” His face was as red as it can be. D-D-D-D-D-Don’t tell me!

“…N-N-Ner-v-v-v-va?” I felt my voice stuttering. “D-D-D-D-D-Did you just–“ He just gave me a slow nod at my question. “S-S-So y-y-y-you ar-r-r-re going to a–“

“Brothel….”

A moment of silence came over the two of us. With my eyes looking at him closely, I could notice that his face is redder than before although it was casted downward slightly. I probably wore the same expression as his as I feel my face heating up tremendously.

“…Aa…ah, y-y-yes. A b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-ro-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-“

“Brothel.”

“…..Yes…that…” I let my hand away from his shoulder and took a step back. I could feel I have less energy than before as if it was drained in a split second. The cause? Well, probably him. No. It can only because of him!!

“…Eryell?”

“…W-W-W-Why!?!?” I shouted at him with a flushed face. Why did he have to go there!? E-E-Eh!? Why am I asking that!? “O-Of course! T-There’s no other reason, right? W-What other r-r-reason a man need to go to…to…to…a b-b-brothel!”

“E-E-Eryell? C-Calm down, now.”

“I a-a-am CALMMM!!!” There’s no way I don’t know his reason, right? I would be a stupid woman to not know that, right? Right?

Long time ago, I stumbled upon one of my soldier who chatted with others about their so called night out while they were patrolling. It was a slow day, so I just let it slide. They mentioned something about being pent up or something. I have to admit, I didn’t know what they were talking about. I racked my brain out but nothing came to mind. I also noticed that they were whispering, as if it was not something to be told in public.

Considering that it might turn into trouble if something is not done right away, I approached my older sister. It is a habit of mine to come to her whenever there is something I don’t understand. Especially if it is something beyond the realm of hunting, fighting, and…well…fighting. I confess, again, I’m not the wisest one and prefer to use my muscle more than my head.

Now that I think about it, it is very amazing thing that a single question of mine led to a whole night lecturing courtesy of my dear older sister. I was…how do I say it? A very naïve girl that only knows hunting and leading a small squad of militia. I knew that I was…very much in the dark concerning those type of stuff. Either my father, who was my one and only teacher, left that kind of thing out for later or maybe he knew that sooner or later the one that will teach me will be my sister.

I could not forget the face of my sister at that time. The moment I let out that question, her hand that was busy writing documents stopped completely and her head shot up to look at me in the eyes. With a slightly blushing face, she asked me to take a seat. It was a start of my late extra education. I’m glad that I didn’t just barge into those soldiers at that time or things might turn into something awkward and uncomfortable.

Because of that, I understand completely about that certain night activity that needs to be catered once in a while. I also know the part of this town that catered to those kinds of needs since the militia also patrols in that area every day. In fact, it is one of the areas that need a lot of surveillance since travelers and merchants use that facility all the time.

“E-Eryell? A-Are you okay?” His voice was filled with worry. “You sounded¬–“

“I-I-I’m fine! R-Really!” Why did I shout!? “I-I’m sorry, I know that even you h-have that kind of need, right? So it’s n-n-normal to do that, r-r-right?” Ugh, stop stuttering!!!

“E-Eh? N-No!” Now he’s the one shouting at me? “I said that I need to meet a friend of mine there.”

Oh, is that all? Ah, then everything is–no, no, no,no! Don’t feel relieved right away! What if his friend is a woman I don’t know? Oh, no! if it is a woman I know, wouldn’t that be more terrible? As usual, I confront him again.

“…Is your…”

“Ha?”

“…Is your friend a…woman?” Y-Yeah! That’s it! He might just want there to meet his male friend, right? But then again, what if he is going to meet a male friend of his and then proceeded to…to…the b-b-b-b-brothel? Ah, I could feel my face blushed harder and harder at the mixed emotion swirling in my mind.

“…Err…” Why are you silent!? “…y-yes.”

“…Ah…” So that’s it, eh? “So…you’re meeting a woman…in the brothel…”

“Err…that’s right, but that…didn’t sound right.”

“…Really now?” I felt my body staggered onto the nearby wall. Ah, why didn’t I realize it? I’m so stupid.

“…Eryell?”

“Don’t worry, Nerva. I…understand.” I put my hand forward and waved at him to stop him. “I know...that just as everyone else, you have that kind of need.”

“W-What?”

“I know that we promised….to not doing…t-t-that. T-To keep it for the future.” Ugh, what am I doing here? I should just keep quiet and walk away. This is getting awkward for both of us. I glanced at him and noticed that he was getting more and more confused.

“…Err…why are you talking about–“

“Don’t worry, I know that. I will still keep my promise to you and thank you for promising the same too, Nerva.” Ugh, I felt my eyes started to get wet. “S-So, y-y-yeah, I-I-I…”

“Eryell? Are you okay?” Damn, I should just get away from here!

“S-S-Sorry! I-I-I’ll be going now!!” I turned around to make him face my back and prepare to run away. But I felt my hand was gripped by him very strongly, preventing me from moving away. “E-EH?”

“Wait! Don’t go!”

“D-Don’t’ worry. I understand, so there’s no need to say anything. Y-Y-Yes, don’t worry about it!” Why am I stuttering again!? “So you can just…just…just…” I…can’t say it. I can say ‘just go there and enjoy yourself’ just like that. Something stopped my tongue to say it. “J-Just…”

“Eryell…are you crying?” H-Huh? I instinctively touched my face after hearing that. My finger immediately felt the dampness on my cheeks after that. I…was crying? W-W-Why?

“N-No, I wa–“

“Don’t lie to me.” His words struck me in my heart. “…Please…”

“D-Don’t worry, Nerva.” I felt my voice started to waver even more, just as my heart does. “T-There’s no nee–WAAA!! N-N-Nerva!!”

What happened next was not something I could have expected. He pulled me with a very strong tug and immediately hugged me, forcing me to yelp out in surprise. Due to our height difference, his head stayed inches away from my breast. I could feel his breath on my body. I looked at him and noticed that he was gritting his teeth.

“Listen to me! It’s not what you think!” He shouted at me. “I’m going there to get my friend here for a job.”

“J-Job?” Is there something the company requested him to do? I never hear anything about it. “W-What job?”

“…I know I can’t lie to you.” H-Huh? Why did he have to start by saying that? “But I can’t disclose my job at the moment.”

“W-What are you–“

“I have another job besides being an apothecary.” What? I never heard anything about that. Is that really true? “I’m not lying.” As if answering the question inside my mind, he faced me and proclaimed that in a firm and resolute tone. “I’m really sorry…for not telling you this sooner. Truly, I am. I…have no excuse for that. I’m sorry.”

Really? I mean, I have only known him for a while, but this is certainly a very surprising piece of news for me.

“…Nerva..”

“Please, forgive me…Please believe me that I will tell you about it someday. And please believe me that whatever my job is, I would never hurt you. Please believe me…that I am not going to the brothel to do…what you think. I’m just…going to meet my friend.”

Why is your shoulder trembling like that? What is this job you’re talking about? More and more question filled my mind. Confusion had replaced my previous anxiety…and jealousy. I admit that I felt that the moment he mentioned the brothel. It was as if…saying that I…failed to understand his needs. But it’s normal, right? To be told that your lover is going to visit a brothel so blatantly will make any woman angry, right? I mean…ugh, I felt sick thinking about it.

“…Let me go, Nerva.”

“If you won’t run away and listen to me.” He gripped his hold tighter after saying that. “I..will.” Why are you acting like I’ll be gone from your life the moment you let me go?

“Just…let me go.”

“Promise me.”

“…I…” Do I have a choice? I guess I could hear his explanation. “…yes.”

“…Okay.” He then let me go. But I could sense a sense of hesitation from him. I might not be an expert in knowing one’s emotion, but the Nerva in front of me at the moment showed his emotion so clearly without even trying to hide it. He looked…so weak and afraid? Is that even possible for him? But…he really looked afraid. His own body emitted out fear.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I also wiped my eyes after that, noticing that I have cried quite a lot judging from the trace of tear on my cheeks. After I took another breath, I could finally feel myself getting much calmer.

“…Eryell…” His voice was so weak and…afraid? I guess I was right. Ugh, I’m feeling a bit guilty now.

“…I’m fine. And I’m calm now.” I leaned myself to the wall. “So… are you still going to the brothel, Nerva?” He gave a short nod. “…I see. Well, I…ugh, this is getting awkward.” I scratched the back of my head again. I know that I can trust Nerva. I know I should. He have never betray me even once and showed a perfect loyalty and faithfulness to me. But…I have this nagging feeling in my heart and mind that I should not allow him to do that and get angry at him. Even after his heartfelt confession, I still angry at him, eh?

“…Uhm…I have a suggestion.” I looked at him. “Why don’t you…go with me?”

“W-W-WHAT!?!?!?” He took a step back after being shouted by me. This time you deserve that! What are you trying to suggest here!?

“S-Sorry!! It’s just…that will make you believe me more, right?” He gave his reason. He knew that I still doubt him? Of course. It’s Nerva we’re talking about. “I know that it is…not an appropriate action, but I think you will only be convinced by that….Ehm,…I think.” Hearing his explanation, I felt a bit calmer.

“…Ugh, do I have a choice?”

“I’m sorry…but unless you can wholeheartedly believe that I will not do anything that will hurt your feeling…” he paused for a while, as if thinking about something, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing came into my mind.”

“…Is that so?” I let out a heavy sigh. “I’m such a petty person, right?”

“No! Absolutely not!” He shouted his answer, startling me a bit. It seemed that he noticed that and he also took a step back while wearing an regretful expression. “Ah, I’m sorry for shouting, Eryell. I mean…to be angry at one’s lover because they are visiting…a shady establishment is absolutely normal.”

“…Really?” After hearing that, I felt a bit relieved.

“Yes, really! Believe me! In fact, if you didn’t get angry and just let me go without saying anything will be a sign that you view me as someone unfaithful, a loose man that is far from redeemable. For that, I’m very grateful.” He then showed a smile. And my relief turned once again into guilt. This man of mine really has bad habit of making people experiencing a mixed emotional trip just by listening to his words. And also a bad habit of putting himself down. It was one habit I of him that I resent a bit. Why do you have to demean yourself so much? “I have surprised you, didn’t I?”

He did. It never even crossed my mind that someday I will hear him saying something like that. It honestly surprised me and made me lose my mind there. I even cried, eh? I need to strengthen not only my body, but also my mind.

“…Yeah…” Ugh. Why did my tone still carry irritation and it come out so cold? He had apologized to me so many times. I’m making him feeling bad again.

“I see. I have made you experience something horrible, aren’t I? I’m really sorry for that.” He bowed his head to me as I noticed that his expression saddened even more. I could only feel an honest and sincere feeling from his words. Well, from the beginning, I didn’t notice a single ounce of lies from his words. Either he is a very sincere man or he is a sly and cunning fox. Argh! What am I doing!? I doubted him again! Argh! Damn it!!!

“E-Eryell? A-Are you okay?” Huh? Ah, it seems like I have been making a lot of funny faces and swaying my head around while holding it. “Are you okay?” He then moved closer to me and touched my face. “Ah…please forgive me.” Huh? Oh, he noticed the remaining dampness on my face. I let out a sigh and then grabbed his hand while putting it away from my face. I could notice a slight disappointment as I did that.

“…Don’t worry. I’m fine. But…,” I paused as I pondered should I say what’s inside my mind. I guess I should, right? If he was willing to tell the truth, I should also respond in truth. “I’m really sorry that I can’t just believe you like that. Call me petty or anything. But after hearing that you have…another job that I don’t know all of a sudden made me doubt you, Nerva.” He smiled and shook his head several times.

“No, I understand that, my dear Eryell. I am at fault and it is understandable that you doubt me. I will not hold it against you for doing that and please don’t label yourself as petty.” He then grabbed my hand that held his with his other hand. “I will say it again, I have no excuse. I will tell you when the time is right. I rather not say anything right now than to deceive you with cheap lies.” He shook his head again. “No, you deserve more than that, my dear Eryell. That’s why, please wait for me.”

“Ugh…you and your words.” I couldn’t help but muttered a complaint. I’m happy that he had used his usual gentle and calm tone. Although, that made me feel a bit more guilty after suspecting him on cheating on me.

“A compliment that is wasted on me as I have only said the truth. You, one who hates lies above anything, should only hear the truth from my mouth.”

“…Thank you.” I was at lost. I couldn’t say anything toward his words. I just hope that I will not regret believing him.

“No, no. Thank you, for trying to believe me and also agreeing to wait for my explanation.” He then released my hand after I released his. “Then shall we go?”

“H-Huh?” Oh, right… “We’re really going to go there?”

“Yes, there’s no other way.” I couldn’t help but let out a long and heavy sigh. He just chuckled at that.

“I’m truly going to regret this.”

Author Note:

Please give me comment and opinion for this story, or even critique so that I can improve my writing. Do tell me if you find something strange or wrong with the chapter. Thank you for reading!