This morning, I had the unpleasant surprise to see my souvenir recorders indicating signs of failure. After these past few millennia, it's nothing exceptional. However, my equipment was made to work an eternity. The Ar'eloah it contains does not have a long life span, at most seven to ten centuries, but if you make sure to preserve the substance by filling and emptying its energy every month, it removes any risk. Either I am unlucky, an explanation that would be better not to ignore, knowing my situation, or this gear does not like exile in another dimension.

If my calculations are correct, I can hope for a few thousand years of respite. But without any Ar'eloah production, my kind will soon start to tap into the stockpile to keep their artifacts in shape. This is inevitable. Our quality of life will be severely diminished if we lose even our recorders. It must appear trivial to an outsider and yet it makes a decisive difference. Our bodies are mortal, in essence. My natural brain does not have supernatural abilities that compensate for my massive lifespan.

Not a single human would remember a thousand years of experience. Eventually, new information will overwrite what already exists. As Elohim, our regenerative ability also has this nasty tendency to « fix » our memory, leading to spontaneous deletion of several centuries. We are able to compensate by using these devices, which save what we experience, the slightest sensation, words and movements, etc. Then, we are free to replay what is saved. The object is a silver disc that we put behind our ear or, rarely, on our forehead. It never shuts down.

Most designs come with their neural interface, which connects using our powers and gives control over what we want to save or delete. My model has a military origin. As knights, officers regularly request a copy of our experiences for analysis and preservation. The girl who does this will write a monitoring report and offer conclusions about my performances. That's why I'm ruling out the possibility of a defective batch. A reinir device designed for battle will always be of excellent craftsmanship.

I planned to write a diary because I thought it was a likely risk. I didn't imagine it would come up so soon, nevertheless. Writing will at least keep a record of my own history... but I might forget my wife's face and voice, as well as my many children. If I can feel lonely, at times, it is nothing compared to what lies ahead. I will lose my whole past! I am aware of that, but unable to stop it. Anyway, panicking will not solve the issue. There are ways to buy time.

I can clear a recorder, then copy what I want to preserve on it, so I get a duplicate. I could put that copy in time-stasis somewhere, until it becomes useful. It is better than nothing. A solution which comes with its own troubles. I would have to delete things to free up space. Then I will have to select what is worth keeping, staying reasonable. The more available storage, the better my chances of avoiding quick decay. How long will our exile last? Forever.

The problem is not only about raw material. There are few craftsmen capable of making such delicate Ar'eloah tools. Mehr'El'Ennis, perhaps? That used to be his specialty. My military training covers what you need to know in case of a breakdown out in the interstellar void. I could get my ship up and running again, patch up a catalyst, etc. I suppose I do have the skills to restore my recorders, to a certain extent. Now, we're talking 'rebuilding from scratch'. My intellectual curiosity or desire to learn is not an obstacle, I just don't have access to a genuine enchanter's education!

You know what's funny? My case is far less concerning than with some of my peers. I don't dare to think about someone like Loki, who experienced enlightenment while suffering from neurological disabilities. Our condition does not cure any of our pre-transition handicaps, unfortunately. If you become Eloah with a cancer or any degenerative affliction, your aura will start to « repair » that disease for eternity. No treatment will work anymore. You will have to suffer immortality with your symptoms. For Loki, his early-onset Alzheimer's makes him dependent on a souvenir recorder.

Elohim living with incurable conditions are not uncommon, especially when they have the misfortune of being born inside Sied's or Reiner's territory. Because yes, it's not just difficult to have a boy born there, our kingdoms also happen to actively destroy the handful who manage to come into existence! Typically, a man reaching thirty will be seen as having been touched by the World-Bird's grace. Loki's case is common, in fact: all of Freyja's male officers have a health condition, which would have proved fatal without the enlightenment to halt its progress. For example, Odin has leukemia.

This is also true with my countrymen, except that my people avoid taking men to war. A male is not made to fight, in reinir culture! He costs way too much to produce. That's precisely why Sied girls go to war with dudes: to prove that they are not afraid of making sacrifices. Since human technology, even advanced ones, has no effect on us, all these boys have been equipped with artifacts that compensate or reduce their disability. They are no different than a recorder, in principle. When these things break down, could they be replaced?

Do you ever feel like you're facing a terrible, unavoidable catastrophe? No matter how civilization evolves, we are going to have a conflict over resources. One day or another.