"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."

― Khalil G.

For all the opulence of art and dark marble floors in the stronghold, they situated her to a closet bedroom where stacks of cleaning supplies resided. She'd have thought the stronghold would have tons of empty bedrooms but Lady Inez told her that it was mainly used for training halls and rehabilitation centers. Then, with an ominous tone that defied all sunshine, she said that the other rooms were unsuitable for guests.

River lied down on her back, alone. The bed was made of yellow straw stalks with a fur blanket thrown over the top of it. Dread filled her stomach, as details over details written in the mini-journal plagued her mind. Sul'ahvi had written about tribal residents and their schedule for tonight, including the guards' patrol.

By the next ten minutes, she needed to sneak her way through a den of sleeping vipers. If ever that were possible, no one knew for sure.

To distract herself from the oncoming danger, she counted numbers in her head, hoping it will calm her nerves. When that didn't work, she hummed a slow song and focused on hitting the right notes in proper rhythm. It worked. Minutes had passed by, and it was go-time.

Jumping on her feet, she pattered towards the window and spied her reflection on it. She looked normal, not at all tired like how she felt.

It was night outside and there were no light sources inside the tower stronghold save for the moonlight from the floor-to-ceiling windows that took up an entire wall. The freeze of snow webbed over its glass in hard frost, placing a palm against it gave a sting before she pulled it away. It was the damnedest freezing thing she had ever felt. If she was under unconsciousness, then this would have woken her up outright.

Something told her that this wasn't a deepening psychosis, either. This world has too strong a hold, it's got a stabilizing mythology to it that made sense. If she truly was under a series of strong delusions, then reality lapses would have occurred a long time ago.

What the hell has she gotten into? And how in the hell can she get out of this?

Clutching her mini-journal against her chest, she looked up to the sky for signs. There has got to be a clue somewhere. She can't be alone in this. She just can't.

At that precise moment, the clouds pulled away, revealing the moon in its hideous alien glory. It wasn't her moon. No, it was this world's moon. And in this world, the sun & moon are one and the same. During daytime, the sun looked normal with the exception of two rings going around it, their colors a silver ring and the other golden. But at night.. it turns to something else.

Na'reem portrayed this beautifully in the notes he had written for her: "When comes night, the sun gets tired and transforms to a low white glow. An additional ring then appears. It's in the similar shade of a blackhole in space, a matte black encompassing a moon— an insidious dark ring as a fortifying bulwark to guard a tired goddess."

In her mini-journal, Na'reem wrote an added bonus of a moon prayer to add to her luck. Thinking about it, does she really need luck? Right now, what she needed was a miracle. But she has delayed for too long, prayers can wait. U'tu needed her now.

Digging through her backpack, she took out what Na'reem called a 'secret night lamp' specially made for covert operations in the snow tribe. Its glow shouldn't be too hot for it to be visible to a viper's thermal senses, and not too bright so their human counterparts won't be able to detect its light. But, it's supposed to be just right for her, in such a way that only she can see its illuminating glow.

To them, they understood it to be a 'night lamp'. To her, it looked more like a white floating balloon tied with a long string. Rubbing the surface of it with both of her palms made it spark and glow from the inside. She pushed tendrils of stray hair from her face and marched to the door, turning the knob and remembered details over details off the top of her head before leaving the room.

First agenda is to check on U'tu. With the map from the mini-journal still clear in her mind, she walked down a dark marble hallway with the balloon lamp trailing behind her, its string wrapped around her wrist. The children's quarter was located at the South Tower of the stronghold so it was only a matter of finding her way in the maze of hallways until she found a staircase that spiraled upwards.

Minutes later, she found a hallway where there were the least amount of decorated artworks, but derivative. They were mock-up art pieces off the real ones located at the stronghold foyer. Off to the left side, a weathered-down open archway was there and it connected to a long winding spiral staircase but managing through it was another feat of strength that her muscles were not remotely ready for. Peering up, she estimated the floors to go up above 40 levels, and had already climbed it earlier along with Lady Inez.

Does she have the strength to push past her limits? Clearly, these stairs were made for tribespeople. Not at all made in mind for a human like her because she didn't have a wild beast prowling inside her, waiting to lend its strength. She licked her lips, biting on her bottom lip.

Sighing, she dug up the mini-journal from her backpack and read the passage of Brumcia's moon prayer. With a quick prayer, she moved up.

Her body strained and ached when she finally got to the top floor, realizing the small amount of healer's ointment hadn't been enough to restore her back to full strength. She needed a week long rest, at least. A human was not made to expend this much energy in streaks of high intensity intervals.

At the top of the stairs, her hands rested on the iron railings. She breathed hard to catch air into her lungs when the double doors opened ever so slightly, revealing the shadow of a kid. "Ensign River?"

It was the girl who got left with U'tu.

"I'm checking on my ward, U'tu. Is he doing okay?"

There was hesitance in her tone, almost as if she didn't want to speak up "You must come in, please. He says you can help us."

Her legs ached in protest as she pushed past the doors. Warm candlelights were lit on the couple of end tables between a particular kid's bed, and a swarm of kids in long grey nightgowns surrounded it. They each held their own candles in silence.

U'tu knelt besides the bed of a boy who was thrashing and turning in his sleep. Sweat covered the boy's brows, his neck arching to the side like he was trying to escape a terrible nightmare.

Her voice dropped to an urgent whisper,"What's happened to him?" she said, hovering over the sick kid from his bedside. Pushing away sweaty locks of hair from his forehead, she realized it was the kid who was beaten earlier. "We have medicine!" turning to U'tu, she reached for him by his shoulder "Have we got enough?"

Still he knelt, frozen in place. His face struck dumb and his eyes glued to the kid having a momentous horror in his dreams.

The girl rested her hand on U'tu's other shoulder and answered for him, "We've given him his medicine as soon as you left, and it has worked wonderfully. His wounds recovered in less than 5 seconds. That's the fastest healing rate we've ever seen, however" she paused, a shadow falling over her face "It's the dream sickness. He is too far gone. He won't know how to come back."

The boy thrashed his head wildly, fangs elongating to sharp points. Without thinking about it, she pushed herself between U'tu and the boy, taking a few steps back in keeping a safe distance. The sick boy opened his mouth in a silent agonizing scream, venom foaming in his mouth. Then in a snap, he shut his mouth together in a thunderous clap that must have rattled his teeth to cracking.

Circling around his bed were the rest of the kids with their hands clasped together. "In the arms of Natura Realis Brumcia, may you find peace." said the girl and the sentiment was echoed by the kids in reverent whispers.

She felt wetness on her cheeks and wiped it off. U'tu burrowed his head against her hip, arms embracing her. "He's gone," he whispered.

The girl, a picture of calm and control, grabbed the edge of the blanket to cover the boy's unmoving body, murmuring the chant over and over again under her breath.

Something heavy lodged in River's throat. A welling of emotions stuck in suspension. She didn't know what to say.

Smoothing the blanket over the dead boy's face, the girl addressed the rest of the kids. "Lady Inez and the guards will deal with him in the morning. No matter what happens, we are still going to need our strength for tomorrow. Back to sleep now, the lot of you."

River numbly followed U'tu to his bed, tucking him in. "Did you know the boy?"

He shook his head, "No one I knew." then he went up to his elbows, peering up and looking over the rows of beds with children preparing to go back to sleep. He motioned to a kid with a nod of his chin. There was another boy who slept curled up in his blankets who didn't seem disturbed by what happened. In fact, he didn't seem like he woke up at all. "That's Jor'lan. The other kids think he is next."

"Dream sickness?" she repeated, staring at Jor'lan who slept soundly like a well-rested angel.

U'tu lied back down on his back, "It pulls you in, they say. In your dreams, something pulls you in so far in the distance that coming back is impossible."

"He looks so peaceful." she noted, tucking him in again and checking if there was something amiss with him. The boy had pride, and something told her that he wouldn't say if he were hurt if she asked.

"It is the lure. Makes it impossible to resist the dream sickness. In this snow tribe, it is strongest."

She shuddered, wondering if it was too late to back off now. "Is there anything we can do to make it better?"

U'tu crooked an arm to rest beside his head, fingers tangling in his blond hair, "The elders would know. They say the sun tribe exists to prevent dream sickness. Arts, faith, hunting— anything to make life worth living."

"Otherwise?"

"Otherwise there is nothing to stop the dream sickness from setting in.The boy who just died. His name is Ka'leo. He turned half-viper and bit himself to death. To him, dreams must have been worth living than living life." he shrugged, "I wouldn't blame him. It is pretty bleak out here."

"I'm sorry you had to see that. If you want to talk about it some more, I'm here."

"I don't mind it so much. I go hunting with the warriors sometimes. Some of them don't make it back. Death is natural. It happens all the time."

River glimpsed at Jor'lan who was breathing deeply in his sleep. "What he must be feeling right now, we'll never know."

The girl who was on the bed next to them said, "Sadness, rage, but mostly, a hollowed emptiness."

"Aren't they supposed to be lured?" U'tu asked, "Isn't it supposed to be peaceful? How can they want to stay in a nightmare? I've never heard of nothing like it before."

The girl answered, "It didn't used to be like that. Regular dream sickness lures with peace, comfort, and happiness. But, orphaned snow children like us have never known such things so our minds don't know how to dream it. Every sadness, rage and loneliness— those things we aren't allowed to express here gains a place in our dreams. It is indulgence. Intoxicating."

"I don't get it." U'tu scowled.

River looked to the girl whose eyes held a sharp knowing embedded in her 13-year old face, then turned to U'tu and explained, "It's called venting. How do you explain this? Technically, if a person is denied to feel any emotions, it then gets locked up inside in their body and it stays there and builds up with more bottled-up emotions until it explodes. But I take it there is no way to have that cathartic release in real life so they begin to experience their emotions inside their dreams. Imagine getting to feel your emotions for the first time inside a dream. It's refreshing like bathing in a river-stream and you want it to last longer so they sleep longer."

The girl settled an arm over her eyes to sleep, "You're wrong, it's not like a river-stream. It's a lot like diving in a pool of deep waters. However, we cannot stay long under water, we have to come out for air sometime by waking up someday and greeting another whole day. Usually, we dive in deep waters in our sleep, in our dreams. But to some, they dive so deeply in the depths that getting to know which direction is up or down will be impossible. It gets darker way far down there. They won't know which to way go for air. That's how they become lost. That's how they never come to wake up anymore. They drown and the only release for it is death."

U'tu asked the girl, "Do you think that will happen to Jor'lan?"

"Only time will tell. He may or may not wake up in the morning. He may or may not fight like he is drowning and kill himself to stop the wave of emotions. Thing is, no one can know for sure. The only way to know is to know the heart of the person. But we don't have that anymore. Your heart will be gone too, U'tu. If you ever wish to survive discipline. You will have to leave your heart out. Make it disappear. It's the only way."

"I'm not so sure about that." River said. Both kids looked to her, she continued, "Back home I have a heart doctor. We call them therapists. Her name is Dr. Malia."

The girl went up to her elbow, meeting River's gaze. "What does this heart doctor, Dr. Malia have to say about it?"

"She says that a heart hurting is a necessary part of life. Without it, we don't grow to our fullest potential. There's nothing to be ashamed about it. Much less hide it at all. We're not supposed to make our hearts disappear."

The girl scowled, "I don't believe that for a second."

U'tu said to the girl, "It's okay. Elder Jar'go told me that hurting is like water, it washes over us and it will be gone."

"That's bull-headed tribal talk. I don't know where you heard that from but here in our snow tribe, all the hurting doesn't wash over us. It freezes over. It never goes away. How many people have died in your snow tribe? I'd wager about 20 this past season. And it's so much worse up here, no matter what the Ensign Council tells us. The dream sickness is getting worse. And it has gone worse over the past century that no one knows how to deal with it. Our history tells us that we've been in the dark for so long.." she shook her head, curling under her blankets with a look of resignation falling across her face "It has a hold on us in a way that never lets us go. If you really know what's good for you, then you're gonna be avoiding pain. At all costs. It is not an option. Abandon your heart. How else will we stay sane through these disciplines we're being put through at a daily?"

"Something needs to be done." he said, grimly. "Right, River? No one needs to suffer like this. We will find a way. We don't know it yet but we will. Trust me. River is a behagthi."

Hope sparked in her eyes. "Really?" Then, dropping her shoulders, she said. "No. It can't be. A behagthi has already appeared. You lie. Whatever hideous games Ensign Rolland has designed for us, it never works. You should know that before you even try. It's useless. We're broken. All of us. But somehow, that damned sadist thinks there is more to break."

River bit her lip then sighed, seeming to give in to something "Forget what he said about me being a behagthi. All these talk of water and dreams is making me wonder about something."

U'tu covered her hand with his, "What is it?"

"I have this roommate who is into new age faith-belief stuff. She always talked about stars, dreams, and theories concerning the ways of the universe and how it's intertwined with faith. There is something she used to say, 'like attracts like'." River said, walking to Jor'lan and sat beside him on the edge of his bed. The girl and U'tu trailed along with her, as the other kids got up from their beds, crowding around Jor'lan's bed in curiosity. She looked to them and continued, "In mathematics, it is given that 'two minuses makes a plus' so I wonder. I'm just getting curious, that's all."

U'tu said, crossing his arms. "You say it like it's something everyone knows already. River, we don't know about mathematics. You have to be more clear."

"It's simple, really, when you try to look at a bigger picture. You say he is indulging in rage and loneliness within his dreams. What if I present a bigger indulgence?"

The girl looked skeptical.

"I've met someone recently." said River "Her name is Hell'ina. She has this odd way of healing by chanting while her kids do some humming behind their throats."

Rolling her eyes, "That's basic healing. If that had worked then we would have done it a long time ago. Saved us from hundreds of deaths every year."

"But what if we sing?"

"What is singing?"

River licked her lips, wondering why in the hell would she even consider doing it. But the more she thought of it, the more she wanted to do it. "Are you prepared to take a chance on saving him?"

The preparations took longer than expected. She taught the kids to build a crescendo using their voices to strew a melody. She taught them to sustain a vocable vowel like ooh's and aah's. The tricky part was to pull them together into one melding harmony. Some of the kids along with the skeptical girl got frustrated and went back to their beds to watch until it were only four kids left who were willing to take instructions. She showed them 8 vocal notes that matched as she beat her arms in the air to keep them on time.

What was most disconcerting was that Jor'lan slept through clumsy vocal noises and she was beginning to doubt if her idea was ever going to work.

Finally, the four kids— And'ia, Be'nti, Holl'ia and Ra'op stood with their backs straight on the side of Jor'lan's bed. River sat on the other side.

"Remember to fill your tummy as you inhale before it builds to a crescendo, okay?"

When they nodded dutifully, she set about to singing a mournful lullaby of forgotten memories too far out of reach but too close to the heart.

Her voice remained soothing and gentle even as she flicked an arm through the air indicating the four kids to start a chorus of ooh's and aah's as though they were mourning along with her. Too soon the chorus ended, and she continued with another verse of a frustrating lullaby about an abandoned child in the empty woods during winter. She sang of his adventures fraught with lonely travels and shadows that had been calling to him from the dark. As they neared to end the song, the kids slowed to low wistful notes of la-la-la's. Then, as a final stroke in the tragedy, she began painting hopes of love and dreams coming true.

"One day" she sang to end the music at a hopeful note, and a jolt of tenderness crashed in her chest. It was a tragic song of being lost at sea, and yet, finding hope in memories.

All four kids had tears streaming down their cheeks, moved by the swell of music. She twisted suddenly when something pushed against the front of her. But it was only Jor'lan who was wide awake with moisture in his eyes. "Do it again," he said, peering up at her with a sort of longing that matched her song. He curled up to her front, his head nuzzling to her chest.

She looked helplessly at the four kids. They were nodding with eagerness.

And then it really hit her. Nobody had heard of songs before, even the sun tribe who was supposed to be the seat of knowledge in all the lands. What it must be like to hear a song for the first time? she thought then sang a little more slowly this time, dragging out heart-wrenching notes that filled up the cold empty spaces of the children's bedroom.

Slender arms braced around her neck. Jor'lan hiccuped, crying hot tears and held on to her like she was all life and he was close to death.

The skeptical girl wiped her cheeks, "What was that?"

"A lullaby. Mothers sing it to children. It's to protect them from terrible monsters who wants to take them away while they sleep."

"It is a cure, then? Truly?" she asked.

River contemplated telling them the truth that she didn't know and she had no idea what any of it will entail for their future. It was only music. A song. How much difference can it make?

Wise words from her roommate came to her, 'like attracts like'.

What must it be like to believe in fairytales again? To believe that a greater invisible thing has the strongest force in the entire universe?

It has long been proved that stories have healing effects that spanned through body and soul. She also entertained the idea of a placebo effect. Dr. Malia had once prescribed her to list things she was grateful of as a a way to be optimistic. But will blind optimism really help these children?

Surely, if it had any chance of it taking place, then in the hands of children it could grant a most powerful effect.

Understanding began to dawn on her. This must be why music and fairytales are essential to the community. It puts meaning to life in a desolate place. Its healing effects must come from a shared belief solidified by faith and conviviality. She had long been aware of this but never has its meaning been more pronounced as ever.

"Most definitely" River said, resisting the urge to bite her lip "Lullabies are to be sung every night before sleep. It will protect you from harm. When you get lost in dreams, you have only but to sing okay?"

The skeptical girl stepped forward, eyes beseeching "We wish to do that also. Can you instruct us some more? One more time, please. We will do better."

The kids nodded their agreement.

"My name is Lann'a, by the way. Thank you for helping us out and for showing us that there is a way out. And I'm begging you, show us more of what you do. This dream sickness, it comes nearly every night. And there's a lot more who are suffering outside of us orphans. We want to help, please."

She didn't have time. "How about I write it down for you?"

They glanced to each other uneasily, "We cannot read."

U'tu made a strangled sound and shook his head. "No worries. I can."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Are you sure?" she asked because the song lyrics were played just that once. She doubted he got every nuance of it.

He shrugged, taking out his own mini-journal from Na'reem. "My mind is a steel trap of information. Haven't I told you already how you're stuck with the best?" he said, but there was a tired look in his face. All hints of playfulness gone. "Now, you should be headed out. I know you stayed far longer than you needed to."

After checking his notes and giving him pointers about sustaining a slow cadence, River re-ignited her white balloon lamp by rubbing it with her palms then wounded the string around her wrist. On her way out, the children took turns in hugging her and she embraced each of them back with coos and hushes. It had been a torrential stream of tears and by the time she reached downstairs back to the hallways, her heart felt battered and raw.

"Where do you need to go, River?" Lann'a had followed after her, whispering to her back.

She stifled a surprised shriek, "To the North Stronghold. I'm checking in on the behagthi. Ensign Council's orders." she said, trying to avoid more suspicion than she was already presenting to the children.

Could they tell that she couldn't see without the white balloon lamp?

Lann'a scowled, it was an ever-present fixture on her face since they met but the words that fell from her mouth were full of concern, "Don't be too harsh on Crow. He says a lot of odd things but he means well." she said, pausing, "Don't hurt him, Ensign River. He has already been through a lot."

"I won't make any promises. There is a good reason why he is imprisoned in the first place. He hurt thousands of people, Lann'a. He is a danger to others."

Lann'a locked her gaze to River's. A swarm of defiance swimming in her eyes. "He is not responsible for the actions of others. All he did was mix the potions."

"And sold them to dangerous people. He should have known better than that."

Fist clenching and her chin poking up in the air, she said, "Whatever you're planning for him, it won't work. Hurt him or curse him. It doesn't work. It never does. He gets torture for weeks on end yet it never leaves more than a couple of scrapes on his skin. He is remarkably durable, his healing powers are unmatched and he will never give in so easily. He never has. Torturing him will be futile. You might as well save yourself the trouble."

"Believe me. Hurting anyone is far from anything I want to be doing. Now go on back and get some rest. It's already too late." she said, turning to leave.

She marched down the hallway with sure steps, then froze to a stop.

Whirling back to the staircase, she thought to see Lann'a again but she was already gone, then it dawned on her that the girl managed to follow her in the dark when, as a viper, she couldn't possibly be able to do.

Unless, the balloon lamp wasn't working right? she thought. But why would Na'reem give her a defective lamp when they needed to rescue the behagthi without ever getting caught themselves? They both had something to gain on the success of this mission.

Or do they?

Shaking her head, she berated herself. She really needed to stop her razor-sharp instinct on believing in the good of humanity, like she always has. It was the country girl in her because her sweet grandmother had taught the most traditional values. The damning old-school habit had never worked in her favor and she has been trying to break it ever since her grandparents died and sought independence in the city.

In this universe, nobody was completely human. She has to remember that. They were different. Worlds apart. They were half-beast and half-human. Half wildness and half ingenuity. How would she even begin to know whether they were trustworthy or not?

She ought to have taken this more seriously, even as she previously thought it might have been delusions. How could she have been so gullible?

What if they were lying to her?

Is she even safe anymore?

All of these people around her were something else entirely. Something she hadn't even begun to understand, let alone to trust completely. But there she was, taking leaps of faith out of sheer damning instinct.

Go down a giant-sized rabbit hole? Why not.

Sleep next to a wolf predator? Why not. They said he was a noble prince of some sort. Whatever that means in this universe.

Go to the snow mountains where you can contract a life-debilitating disease because the air is full of poison? Why not. Everyone else seemed to be on board with it.

She had hopped onto this insanity train with an eagerness that rivaled on stupidity because in the back of her mind, she knew what she was going into was false, a mere delusion.

However in the past few hours with the biting cold, her body aching with a righteous brand of pain, and U'tu's visceral reaction to watching someone die was becoming all too real for her.

She clenched her jaw and resisted to stomp across the hallway. The next time someone tries explaining something to her, she will bloody well take it with a grain of salt. From this moment on, she would always look out for herself first because there is only one of her kind in this universe.

The only human.

The thought brought the familiar feeling of loneliness to sit beside her heart like an old friend.

At this point, to whom is she going to place her trust in?

Is there anyone left to trust in anymore?