"I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; for those who understand us enslave something in us."

― Kahlil Gibran

He won.

He watched La'lolan, Champion of the Age, down on his knees bleeding. Defeated.

The crowd went wild with cheers and it thrummed in his ears like a distant echo. He stood right at the center, his chin raised high, knowing destiny has taken hold of him.

He was the sun prince whose birth was blessed by the Great World itself and beloved by Brumcia. Whatever that means. Shamanic nonsense was all it was. If he truly were beloved by twin divines, then he wouldn't have been born with a curse. But he would indulge the absurd shaman elder because his parents seemed to always do. It didn't matter, anyways. They can call him with whatever they please. So long as his people are happy, he can indulge whatever they need him to be. If their shaman told him that his destiny was to usher the tribe as a pillar of greatness. Who was he to deny it?

Even before he was born, his life was already preordained. The moment he came into life in this world, it had been a penultimate time of celebration and inspiration after a hundred-year drought. Right off the bat, he was told that every prospect of his life had already been planned out piece by piece.

It didn't take much effort to fulfill their wishes, he had taken to his role naturally. Since he was little, it had been so easy to please his family, his tribe, his people as much as it had been so easy to anticipate La'lolan's first move and end him with it.

But the wild applause fell deaf in his ears. Almost like distant noise coming in from far far away. Instead, he can hear his heart pounding like a savage beating of a drum, trying to break free from his chest. Suddenly, he was too aware of his breath whistling through his wet mouth, and the wind washing over him felt like absolution.

It was strange to hear an echoing silence in the midst of thundering cheers. It made him realize the aching yawn of emptiness living inside him. In that moment, never before had he felt so alone.

Then, as if it weren't already strange, the wind picked up some more speed. It bent and whirled, going back and forth like a hurricane storm and he was dead-right in the center of it. No one seemed to notice. It swept over his skin in a warm rush, coming in hotly then blowing cold at the next moment.

Skin prickling from the sudden drop of temperature, a surge of a thousand suns began growing inside him pulling his skin apart and then pushing them back together in a weaver's thread of odd sensations. In the next moment, he was suddenly aware that he was no longer a half-wolf who stood straight on two feet but a full actualized wolf.

As soon as the change happened, a disconcerting kind of gravity started needling at his skin. He followed the drag of its gravity in the direction of the amber grasslands where a lone girl stood watching it all unfold.

♦

"How do you say 'me too' in your first language?" she asked to U'tu.

Alu'tu Vahmo, he thought, wishing she could hear him.

Since the journey to the snow tribe started, his apprentice had started talking about the festivities that were about to open up this afternoon in the central park. It was a celebration meant to honor his victory over the champion of age. Yet the unexpected arrival of a behagthi cut his plans short. If such madness was brewing in their universe, then surely it could only have come from the snow tribe. Which was why he was going there in the first place.

River and U'tu were packed and both riding along his furry back while on the road. He could have run and gotten there in less than a minute. The path in the forest was clear in his mind that he could have done it with his eyes closed. But he had a behagthi who wasn't even wearing her cape, making her scent blossom in the air around him and infusing their surrounding space with a scent similar to the rich deeper scent of a rainforest. However, underneath it were the strong undertones of weakness and mortality.

A behagthi like her will not have the strength to run alongside him as warriors should. No, she was like a newborn Kerama with spindly legs and weak arms that could barely hold herself upright. Running in the wake of a forest, especially with her along his back, would damage her. Even now, he could feel her weak hands gripping the fur on the nape of his neck. It wasn't anything like the roughened hands of tribespeople who have toiled and worked themselves to the best of their abilities. Her hands felt soft like the bed feathers he loved to luxuriate in after a hard day's work.

He would have to take extra care around her. It felt as if any wrong movement could have the potential to break her if he so much as move the wrong way. The path in the forest was worn-out and paved with clear roads from a lot of foot traffic. In order to get to snow tribe, they would have to go through a shortcut underground since several mountains blocked the way. The clouds above were coming in grey and pregnant in dense volumes of water, it looked like a rainstorm that could last for hours.

He padded on his paws, eating up large strides with haste. They needed to go underground soon.

After a lengthy discussion with his King and Queen, they finally agreed to his idea of traveling alone without the additional escort of warriors. It would be less conspicuous that way. Besides, he was the sun prince who had just recently defeated the champion of the age. That made him the best warrior among all four tribes, surely he could handle a basic trip.

At the thought of La'lolan, he growled.

"You know," the boy snickered, "He is kind of grumpy about you discrediting his victory in a rare battle that only ever comes along at each millennium. It was supposed to be his crowning achievement."

She stilled before straightening up to her seat "Considering how the Great World pulled me here to you must mean there is more to this prophecy than what Bla'keh says it is. At the least, aren't you glad I'm here to help?"

"Sure we are, we're happy to have you." U'tu chucked his fist against River's shoulder, smiling, "There is nothing we can't do if we stick together."

Her brows lowered, "You will be lucky if you get to do more than trot along with us. I'm telling you, this is uncharted territory. Dangerous, even. The first sign of trouble and you're coming home straight. Do we understand?"

He crossed his arms, turning away with a pout.

The wolf rumbled underneath them, yelping his irritation.

"Don't you dare start, too" she said, "You're the reason why he is even coming at all. He's just a kid. We're not putting him in any danger."

"The wolf says I'm not just a kid, I'm a fully trained warrior. See that tree? I can pull one off with one hand tied around my back, can you?"

"That doesn't even begin to describ- wait" she stopped, pausing. "Really?"

He glanced back at the tree they already passed by, "Yeah. Won't even sweat it." he said, stating it as a matter-of-fact. "Can you?"

Biting back a groan, she mumbled "Kids" with derision.

He fired back, "Behagthis."

At that, the wolf let out a series of barks.

"Sorry, my prince." he murmured, then after a long lengthy pause he began showing repentance and turned to her. "I shouldn't talk back to my elders. You have my apologies, River. I know your passion is born out of concern for my safety. I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry."

The wolf stopped in his tracks, and trained his wide soulful eyes to River.

"My prince!" U'tu squeaked, "River is what she asked us to call her. It is not her name."

His gaze was intense, nearly boring deep into her own soul. But she didn't cower down. "And what do you call yourself?"

He huffed, turning back to the road in a brisk pace "He says 'my sun prince' or 'your royal highness' will do."

Pursing her lips, she smothered a disbelieving sound. "Sounds like a mouthful. Do you have a nickname?"

"He doesn't wish to disclose that information."

"And why not then?"

"It might only be superstitious, but he isn't willing to disclose it at the risk that it might trap him into his wolf form."

"I can figure something out. How about I'll call you wolfie?"

The wolf gave her a pointed look over his shoulder and pressed forward with determined steps.

U'tu said helpfully, "How about 'Woof'? It sounds way cooler. Manlier, even."

The wolf arched his back in a sharp flick to bounce them off, eliciting shrieks of surprise. Both of them bursting in a bubble of mirth. "He says 'prince' will do it for him."

"Noted." she chuckled, "You know I was teasing, right?"

She got a cold wolfish snort from him.

"Okay. I was partly teasing. Just a smidge. But isn't wolfie adorable?"

U'tu straightened, failing to suppress his toothy grin "He fails to acknowledge the notion."

"Yeah well, that shows what you know. Nevermind then, we can always circle back to 'wolfie' later."

The wolf grumbled in dismay, pacing faster in his padded paws.

After a while, River thought out loud, "You know, I've been wondering about something."

"Were you now?" the kid said.

River turned around to regard the boy with raised brows, and he snapped straight to attention, "It was what my prince said." he reported with a two-finger salute.

"Hey" she gave a tug to his fur, "Do not tease me so much. I'm doing what I can to make sense of this unfamiliar situation."

"My prince says he will if you stopped bossing him around."

"Maybe I won't have to if he stopped courting danger by putting you at risk."

He pouted. "I can do well enough to be useful. And my prince says it's not fair to not give me a chance to prove myself. Plus, he was way younger than me when he set out to pursue the war in the Gulfian peninsula."

River's jaw dropped open. "That's horrible."

"No. It's heroic. My prince is a hero."

"I meant children shouldn't go out to war before they even know any better."

"How else are we going to learn?"

It shouldn't be that way, she thought. But then, she remembered getting lost in the mountains when she had been 8 years old. The idea of adventure thrilled her so much that she discreetly followed her grandpa's hiking party into the deep mountains. "It's just that.." she mumbled, "You have a lot growing up to do. Children ought to be kept safe until they're full and ready."

U'tu chuckled, "My prince says this must be one of those things how we are from different worlds, teh?"

"Try a different universe. Back in mine, it's supposed to be universal to look after children for their safety" she said quietly, getting lost in the memory of wandering around a strange mountain finding her way back home. As a child, she remembered calling out for her parents and the name of a brother she hadn't met yet at the time.

The boy slid down from the wolf's back to stand at his side, his brows drawn together, "He says, 'Children are wildness incarnate. Freshly sprung from the maiden Brumcia and yet to be molded by the Great World. It is our way.'"

"I haven't really fully processed how you can refer to the Great World and Brumcia interchangeably."

The boy ducked shy, blushing at the prince who seemed to have a conversation with him that she couldn't hear "No, we haven't gotten there yet." he said to the wolf, embarrassed.

She sighed, "There is more to the story, isn't it?"

"Yes, my prince says the story is important for you to know. It will give you a clue or several clues, probably. We're really embarrassed that we've got stories only. Nobody really has any scriptures on behagthis with the exception of our weaver's history but in it are thousands of pictures and we're not exactly sure how to translate it, not even our shaman Bla'keh. My prince really wishes to mind-speak with you but he cannot. He says you are like hundreds of miles away from his reach even as you are standing next to us. It must be because you are not from this world." He blushed, "Forgive me, I meant from this universe."

"That's too bad. And no apologies necessary. I get that this is nothing but weird for all of us involved." she trailed off as she discovered the lush vegetation of the jungle around them, surveying its wild abandon and wishing for another indicator in the environment to clue her in about this level of psychosis she was entering. The flowers were too colorful, the skies were too blue, and the sunbeams were too yellow but somehow the climate wasn't stuffy or dry. She hasn't completely abandoned her theory that she must be in some drugged-out state but she has never had recreational drugs before. Perhaps, there was something in the food she and Rover ate.

"Why are we stopping?" she finally said then jumped down to the ground when no one made a move forward.

"Rainstorm up ahead" he inclined his chin to the sky.

Out of nowhere, the faint whisper of the wind was rushing over her skin, carrying salty notes from a vast ocean. A deeper inhalation filled her lungs, closing her eyes, she exhaled. Then, with her chest slowly expanding, she felt an increasing sense of completion. When she opened her eyes, the world bloomed open with a clarity she has never before experienced. "The air is so clear here. I can even see from afar."

Ut'u's green eyes glinted with pride "See that mountain across us? And that bigger mountain behind, then another smaller one adjacent to it, do you see it? That's our Battle Trial mountains, it's where we subject traitors from any of the tribes. Rarely anyone gets to go there but if they do, our tribe gets to host the event."

She shuddered at the majestic sight of its multiple mountains, hugging her arms. Ut'u's words fell on deaf ears, she got more nervous from what she was actually looking at.

In her past experience, things at a greater distance would seem cloudy and blue. She can look at a distant landscape and the faraway things will be drowned out in azure haze. But in this strange world, the three mountains flared in a sea of vibrant colors. It was like an abstract painting that pulsed with a thousand heartbeats. So full of life. And none of it had a smidge of blue.

The wolf butted his snout against her temple dipping down to the pulse against her neck. She slapped him away on instinct. "We're gonna have a discussion about 'boundaries' sometime soon, wolfie"

"He says you're looking like you're having a dream sickness."

"Something close." she said, pushing her arm out to keep the wolf at bay, "It must be home sickness."

"What's that like?"

"It isn't a serious sickness. It's just my mind pulls me away sometimes to the past."

"Can you help it?"

"I can. But sometimes I don't." The past has always found a way to ground her, and she lets it. Safety, Dr. Malia had said to her, you're operating your life in a net of safety. Have you noticed the voices of your family only ever speak out to you whenever you needed to be held back?

U'tu threw a huge rock across, hitting a willow tree with a resounding crack. "That sounds like an affliction to me."

"Once you get older, it's going to make sense."

He turned his head away, looking thoughtful. "That's what they always say."

She moved closer to inspect the willow tree and found that it was damaged from the sharp impact of Ut'u's rock. There was a fresh cut across the bark and she traced it with the pads of her fingers. There were several more cutting scars written among its bark, indicating several others that had come before them.

The wolf inspected near the damaged tree, pawing over the ground next to it until it crumbled and gave away into a pitch-black pit.

River giggled at the familiar sight of a giant tree with a gaping hole on the ground of its roots, wondering if a white rabbit was going to pop out of nowhere.

A flickering movement flashed before her eyes, something big leapt into the pit at a fast rate speed.

Before she could do anything to stop U'tu, he followed along, falling headfirst into the abyss with no hesitation.

It was too late. She called out to him in panic.

Peering in the deep black hole besides the large tree, there was an unmistakable whiff of allspice and cinnamon, a deeper spice of exotic coffee entered her lungs and she briefly entertained the idea of diving in headfirst into the black depths. Shaking her head, she gripped the dirt edges hard, tightening her hold on the ground for safety.

Hollow echoes reverberated around the walls inside the hole, calling her name and she noted the shrillness note of it could only come from a child like U'tu. It was followed by a melodic howling that pierced through the emptiness and she realized she was being called to jump after them.

What if they got hurt? The bulk of the leather-hide backpack suddenly weighed heavy on her back. She carried the medical supplies on her back. Glancing behind her at the peaceful clearing surrounded by trees, she wished for a clue, or some guidance to tell her that stepping into a black hole underground was a terrible idea. But nothing came to her. She was alone in this.

Taking a deep breath, she poised a grip over the edge of the hole in the ground and swung her body inside the darkness, her feet blindly clawing against the wall for footholds. Once she was firmly fixed on the rough dirt wall, she took one last look at the sky and began descending with each of her limbs blindly searching for a firm hold.

Her heart got caught in her throat when the rough wall crumbled beneath her left foothold. Her fingers dug in deep in the wall of dirt like a claw, and every nerve in her body went paralyzed in shock. She never wanted to move again.

After being frozen in place, she felt time stretching along. Her breath hitched and a wave of emotion was rising behind her throat.

Then it happened.

Thunder clapped above. The pounding of rain landed with a booming echo through the narrow walls enclosing around her. Drops of rain fell on her face and to her shoulders, seeping through her clothes, and she knew sooner or later, the solid wall she hooked herself into would grow soft in moisture until it won't be able to support her weight.

She licked her lips, setting her jaw shut then continued to descend. This time even more slowly, testing out the integrity of the footholds by a few more additional seconds before finally putting her weight into it.

All around was pitch black like she was the only person alive and the thought made her choke with emotion. Then a howling started up, resonating with the thrumming of the rain like a lonely soothing melody. She held onto that wolfish voice like it was solid ground, her mind focusing on the howling like it was a lifeline being held out to her as she struggled in single-minded desperation.

Moments had passed and yet it felt like a full lifetime. A wet snout kissed her cheek followed by a warmest nuzzle in her face. A bubble of mirth escaped her lips, shaking something loose in her core.

The wolf dipped its head beside her stomach and raised. The movement had her clutching to the wolf's neck as she was plucked to rest on his damp furry back.

He made strides down a pitch-black tunnel until a tall warm fire appeared. The rough ground was recently swept free of debris and U'tu was there next to the fire, serving fresh hot meals placed in three wooden bowls. Right next to it were small bundles of rolled blankets for sleeping and U'tu's backpack laid against a tunnel wall, open and empty of its contents.

The wolf propped her down to an empty sleeping blanket then nudged another layer to cover up. "This is nice," she said tiredly, "but I need to change my wet clothes."

The wolf looked surprised then retreated to a far corner where he shook himself free of the flood of water drenching him. His dirty blonde fur was mucked full of brown mud. She peered around her, and noticed that their camp was placed on a steep elevated height with most of the floor flooded with water.

Tears pricked her eyes when it returned on the wolf, she must have taken the longest time to descend so much so that a flood of water had begun. And yet, he howled for her even as he was getting submerged in icy water and muck. Raising a hand over her chest, it felt like her heart grew three sizes, threatening to break free. It has been the longest time since she remembered ever feeling like she actually mattered to someone.

Before they ate dinner, she made quick work to change into dry clothes and added Hell'ina's concoction on her skin. U'tu fell right into sleep after he ate but before following after him, she made sure the used bowls were rinsed, their unused cooking gear put back to their bags until each and every item was accounted for and tidied up. Only then did she burrow underneath the warmest blanket she has ever held.

Stretching her arms out to the ever-vigilant wolf, she invited him, "Over here."

He chuffed at her bossy tone yet complied all the same, settling himself next to River and the sleeping kid. His full wolf form curling around them in a nestle of unexpected warmth that seeped deeply through the freezing cold of her skin and down to her bones, relaxing her completely. A miraculous feat that has never been achieved, not once in her life.

"I wish I could hear you" she murmured, turning her face against the fur of his neck. "If I did, I would have known you were in trouble in that pool of water."

He gave a dismissive scoff as if it was no big deal.

Closing her eyes, she assessed her recent ordeal with an objective point of view followed by a wave of guilt and shame sweeping through her like a tidal disaster. "I'm used to coming in last. I'm a heavyset girl with large bones and a weak will. You should know, I'm not the best. I'm average. Below average, actually. Winning anything at all hasn't been in the cards for me. It has never been in the cards for me. And I don't expect it to be. Coming in last is something I've accepted about myself. That's why I'm solitary, I prefer to be alone. I never want to burden anyone with my weakness." she whispered, wetness spilling from her cheeks. Somehow her bone-deep exhaustion loosened her resistance to the tidal wave of emotions that has been building up ever since she has stumbled into this strange universe. "If I wasn't so weak. If I wasn't so different. I would have heard you. I would have known to let go of the wall and jump into the pool instead of prolonging both our misery. I could have jumped, didn't I? I should have.. I should've trusted you." The shame in her bones turned to ice, leaving her cold and trembling again despite his heat, "I'm sorry. It was never my intention to trouble you like that."

"River," U'tu whined from his sleep, crankiness in his voice, "He says all of us are burdened with this curse. No say sorry. Go back sleep." he mumbled drowsily then snored when he turned over to his back.

She gave the wolf a grateful squeeze and nuzzled deeper into his fur, wishing sleep could claim her faster because there was a devious weight of guilt sitting on her chest.

I wish I could hear you, she thought. To tell you how wrong this is, how unsuited I am to fix anything. If tonight proved anything, it's that my weakness will surely be our undoing. I don't want anyone to suffer because of me. Please. Let me go. Leave me alone. Take me back to where I carved a place where life suited me just fine. This isn't where I'm supposed to be. Someone, somewhere must have made a huge mistake. Please, if you can hear me wolfie, she implored in silence with her eyes closed. Her body had gone to sleep but her thoughts were alive in remorse, let me go before I ruin anything else.

The wolf let out a low rumble but she didn't hear it with her ears. The rumble resonated inside the back of her head, and a whisper followed. But it was too distant to hear it clear.

Once more with determined feeling, she repeated her last thought. Let. me. go. Before I ruin anything else.

The rumble inside her head grew stronger, getting near for clarity. Someone said something, and she had to focus on the sound that intrigued her the most. It must be his voice.

It was smooth, sincere, and honeyed with a deep wholesome cadence reminding her of a familiar soulful jazz musician.

She couldn't hear him with ears. So by using sheer focus, she strained to hear him in the dark with eyes closed.

It worked.

She felt her face pinched taut, brows pulling together in attempting to fixate to a lonely sound of a voice, then began following him like a lighthouse during a pitch black storm.