《Life in a Red World》VIII - Shattered Family

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“So, where should I start?” Cap asked.

“Where were you today? That’s the crux of the rumor,” I answered.

Cap looked away for a moment, showing uncertainty.

“I hope my mom’s okay with me telling you,” he worried.

I put my hands together, showing my consent.

“I’ll take responsibility.”

“Well, then,” he started, “I’ll start by saying the court case wasn’t about me. At least, not directly.”

“Were you a witness of some kind?” I probed.

“Sort of, but more like a plaintiff,” he explained, “You see, my parents are getting divorced.”

My eyes widened.

“You’re kidding,” I murmured, “That’s terrible.”

“You have two parents, right?” he asked, “I know a lot of people extol the virtues of growing up in a two-parent household, but as far as I care that’s a load of crap. I would have been better with just one parent.”

I cringed, feeling slight empathy toward him.

“I get it,” I responded, “I don’t get along with my parents either. Sometimes I wonder whether I’d be better off dealing with my problems on my own.”

“I don’t think that’s the same thing,” Cap denied, “It’s complicated with my family.”

“Can you explain more?” I requested.

He sighed.

“See, my dad isn’t exactly the image of a model parent. Ever since I was young, I remember him treating the two of us very harshly. When I was in elementary school, any time I brought home a grade that was less than perfect, I’d end up with a ruler in my back. I saw him hit Mom on a regular basis, and there were nights that he’d come home drunk and beat on both of us, just for the hell of it.”

“Oh, God,” I gasped, “That’s horrible.”

“I thought for years that was just how you treated people when you were angry at them, but by fifth grade my mother had had enough of me getting into trouble at school for violent behavior. I remember clearly what the trigger was.”

Apparently, the line for the water fountain had been pretty long at recess that day. A young Cap, who had forgotten to bring his water bottle, was incredibly thirsty, and to make matters worse, class had been let out late because another kid had been rowdy. Cap initially cut in line, hoping to get a quick drink, but the teacher had seen him and kicked him out of the line. Angry at everyone, but especially the jerk who had gotten them held in for another five minutes, he decided to take his anger out.

Cap found the student, who at the time was playing kickball in the grass, and without warning began beating on him. The other students split between attempting to help their friend and calling a nearby supervisor, but none of them were able to peel Cap off the prone body of the other student.

“I ended up suspended for two weeks, and I think the kid ended up in the hospital,” Cap admitted, “During my time stuck at home, my mother had a serious discussion with me about how my dad was a bad person and I shouldn’t try to be like him at all.”

“In the summer before middle school, my mother took me to a therapist, who helped me regain a sense of self-esteem and helped me see a reason to strive for greatness in my own life. By the time I enrolled in middle school, and met you, I had mostly improved my social skills to the point where I was able to have real friends.”

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“However, just because I had the ability to talk to people normally again didn’t mean that my father had gotten any better. In fact, it only seemed to get worse, and my mom wasn’t particularly strong-willed. When he hurt her, she just stood there and took it, and when I would cry to her about when he hurt me, she just kept telling me that one of these days it would all be over.”

He paused for a moment, trying to hold back tears. I decided to take that moment to synthesize what I had learned about him.

His father was abusive, and his mother didn’t have the willpower to stand up to him and throw him out. I had to agree with him that I didn’t understand what that was like. While my parents were also weak, they didn’t actively antagonize me like they did him. It was something I needed to know more about.

“What was your dad like before this?” I asked, “I can’t imagine your mother married him in spite of this personality of his.”

“Mom always told me he was a smooth talker,” he answered, “She married him on a whim, thinking that he would be the answer for her in a tough time in her life. It didn’t take him long to show his true colors after they were married, and when he started drinking it apparently got much worse.”

From how he described it, she was probably tricked by him, and it was very possible that it was intentional on his part. I gritted my teeth, wondering what kind of human trash would deliberately trick a struggling young woman into being his wife, then beat her and their son.

“His constant anger toward us led to a lot of pent-up rage in me. I had to control myself as best as I could in school, but it became difficult to hold it all in. So I decided I would use the easiest target as an outlet, since my reputation wouldn’t suffer if I harassed the source of everyone’s disdain.”

“Let me guess,” I snarked, “That was me.”

Cap nodded.

“I never particularly hated you, and you seemed like a good enough person, but constantly picking on you made it easy for me to cope with the difficulty at home, and others wouldn’t look down on me if I took my anger out on the kid with the creepy eyes.”

“Always my eyes,” I muttered.

“Sorry, nothing you could do about that one,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Anyway, I did keep up those meetings with my therapist throughout middle school, and you were always one of the topics that came up.”

“Really?” I replied, unsure whether to be surprised or not.

“Despite using you as an outlet, I never particularly enjoyed picking on you. It felt like I was going against everything my mom wanted from me, and there were times I actually couldn’t bring myself to do it at all, particularly when Dad was better behaved than usual.”

“Why are your parents divorcing now, though?” I asked, “It sounds like your father’s been terrible ever since you were born. It’s been a long time.”

“I think my mom finally realized that she had the power to do it,” Cap guessed, “Despite all the years she spent under my dad’s foot, in the legal system she is on equal standing. All she needed was the courage to actually do it.”

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“Early in high school, I convinced her to come to my therapist for a session of her own. While normally you wouldn’t take a teenager and his parent to the same therapist, I figured it would be easier since my therapist was already up to speed with my situation, and I was hoping she would do the same with my mother. This last summer, my mom finally decided to pull the plug on the marriage, something that made me very happy.”

“I can imagine.”

“Unfortunately, they decided that mornings during the week were best for divorce proceedings. They needed me to come in today to testify, so I had to miss class. I don’t know how it got out, but it’s clear that the rumor went in some unexpected and uncomfortable directions.”

“Can’t say you’re wrong.”

“You know, you could at least show a bit of sympathy for me, Ret,” Cap complained, “I just told a heart-wrenching story of trials and hardship, and you’re just sitting there, same as when you started.”

The truth was, I was plenty sympathetic toward Cap. I could only imagine how hard it would have been to grow up in a household where one parent loves you and one parent beats you senseless. In particular, I felt a great sympathy toward Cap’s mother, who had to deal with declining mental stability for almost twenty years due to her husband, while basically single-handedly raising their son at the same time.

“I’m not heartless,” I defended, “I just have a good poker face.”

“Sure, sure,” he playfully poked.

After that, silence descended upon the room, and I decided to consult my thoughts about the situation as a whole. If anything changed because of this conversation, it was a newfound admiration I’d gained for Cap’s strength of mind. After dealing with what he had to for his entire life, he found it in him not only to recover from his early childhood aggression, but he took it upon himself to lead his mother down a path to recovery and a path toward a better life for the both of them.

“Why did you decide to approach me this year?” I asked, “If your mother started feeling better a year ago, why this year?”

“The divorce was the turning point,” Cap admitted, “I didn’t need you as an outlet anymore, and I felt bad for all the time I had spent badgering you for years. I also thought you seemed pretty interesting, and if we had a chance to get to know each other you might be a good friend.”

“I’m surprised you saw me and thought ‘good friend’, I commented jokingly, “I’m not exactly the most socially conscious person there is, you know.”

“You’re not wrong about that,” Cap laughed, “But you have potential. I think you’re more empathetic than you think.”

“That sounds more like Iris than me.”

“Iris might be quite skilled at that, but I think you are too. At least, you can be.”

“Not sure when you got so talented at reading people,” I joked, “But I’m still doubtful.”

“That’s fine, you’ll figure it out,” Cap encouraged.

I let out a large sigh, trying to reconcile everything that had happened in my mind. As I did that, I had to consider another question: where we would go from here. While I had held onto my doubts about Cap’s intentions for weeks at this point, I was almost to the point where I could no longer deny that they were completely genuine. While I was wondering if this was an elaborate prank he had put on, after learning about his past I could no longer truly expect that to be the case. Cap was a better person now than he was then, that was all I could say.

“Do you still want to be my friend, Cap?” I asked, “If you want to go back to how it was before, now’s the last chance you have to say so.”

“Are you still asking that question, Ret?” he shot back, “I’ve been telling you the answer for two months now.”

“It’s just that I don’t understand what it is to be a friend. I’m probably going to be quite lousy if I say yes, so now’s your chance to back out before you get hurt.”

“Well, I’ll keep that in mind, but my answer’s set,” he declared, making eye contact with me.

I could see pure determination in his eyes, and I was no longer able to avoid the truth. I had to come to terms with where we stood. If Cap was going to move on from our past, that put the onus on me to do the same.

Thus, I held out my hand.

“I can’t say I’ll be your friend overnight, but I think I’m ready to move on,” I confessed, “Let’s try being friends for once.”

His smile stayed stationary, but he took my hand.

“I hoped you’d say that,” He returned, “I’m hoping for a long and productive relationship.”

“Don’t make it sound like a business contract,” I criticized, “I don’t know much about this stuff, but I get the impression that it’s not like that.”

“You’d be right, Ret,” he agreed, “But I think you’re the one trying too hard to think of this as businesslike.”

It was possible he was right, but I didn’t exactly want to dwell on that anymore. For once, I was going to move on from my past torment, and I didn’t want anyone ruining the moment, not even myself.

“Also, one more question,” Cap requested, “Can you officially forgive me for all the crap I put you through in middle school?”

“Why do you need me to?” I asked, confused, “Isn’t this enough?”

“Peace of mind more than anything,” he explained, “I’d prefer not to have anything to worry about.”

“All right,” I stated, “I forgive you for your past. Just don’t do it again.”

He nodded.

“That’s not who I am anymore.”

“Also, your dad’s gone, now, right?” I prodded.

“That, too, but it’s no excuse.”

At that point, I realized how late it had gotten. For whatever reason, I had left all my homework for the evening, and now it was far past dinner with no progress.

“Can I ask a favor?” I asked upon this realization.

“What’s that, Ret?” he replied immediately.

“Can you drive me home?”

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