《The Delusion of Stars》Just a Delusion
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I wake up to a noise in the middle of the night. Dylan and I had gone to bed after venting about the recent tragedy.
A noise came from outside of our room. Someone had probably needed to use the bathroom, but I figure I’d better go check on it.
I carefully leave the room so as not to wake Dylan up.
Even though someone’s probably just going to the bathroom, I watch my footsteps to make sure they are silent as I sneak up on the noises.
The sounds lead me to the kitchen. A figure in the dark stands in front of a newly closed fridge.
While I try to get closer to see who it is, my foot lands on a squeaky board and makes a loud creak.
The figure jumps and quickly hides behind a counter in response.
Why are they hiding? Maybe they feel bad about eating the food here without permission? That means the figure definitely isn’t Christina.
Out of the corner of my eye I see someone crouched down and slowly sneaking away. Are they stupid? They had left the cover of the counter and just thought they could walk right by me?
I flick the light on to see who’s there.
A shocked Sarah makes a strange noise.
“Squeep!”
Squeep?
“What’re you doin’ there?” I try to get her attention and stop her from walking away.
She slowly turns around and quickly swallows a mouthful of food.
“You see me?”
That was a strange question, she’s not invisible right now so of course I can.
I recall our first conversation we ever had.
“Was I not supposed to?”
Sarah smiles. She must remember too.
“I guess you’ve already caught me. I ate dinner here but you weren’t awake for that. When we ate, her parents were kind and didn’t even ask what was going on. They just shrugged it off and treated us normally. I felt really bad asking for more food even though I was still hungry. I figured I could wait until tomorrow but it was impossible.”
“That’s cool, but why’d you think you were invisible?”
“Well, I tried to be, or at least I really didn’t want to be seen eating the extra food. It was the same feeling that normally triggers it.”
“Well that’s super strange. Can you turn invisible right now?”
She closes her eyes and concentrates.
“Do you see me?”
“Yup.”
She concentrates even harder.
“How about now?”
“Yup.”
She closes her eyes tight and concentrates so hard her face goes red.
“Now??”
“Yup.”
She gives up and looks back at me.
“Maybe I’m tired?”
That’s an awfully optimistic guess but I suppose we shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
“Yeah, we’ll have to check again tomorrow.”
…
Not again!
When me and her are alone together, our poor communication skills don’t sync.
“So… were you hurt? I tried to be gentle when I pushed you out of the way, but I was really hoping that you didn’t hit the ground too hard.”
She blushes.
“No, I was fine. Thank you so much for protecting me there. I couldn’t stand the sight of that fight, but I did something reckless. I try, but it’s hard to be as level-headed as Rachel.”
“No kidding. She felt like the leader in that operation, even though I wanted to be. She had stolen my title quicker than I could claim it. Seriously though, don’t do reckless things like that, you had me worried!”
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Sarah mumbles under her breath and I can’t tell what she said, “I could say the same to you.”
“What was that?”
She speaks up this time, “I still can’t believe what happened. Without Simon, you and Dylan would have died too.”
That’s way too long to be what she said but I’ll go with it.
“Yeah. How’d he get there so fast anyway?”
“He didn’t. We called him, but his home is pretty far. Christina’s house was closer so we met in the middle. Me and Rachel did our best to apply first aid, but you wouldn’t have lasted much longer. It was a close one honestly.”
“What? It was that close!? I didn’t even realize that I was a potential death! I thought you guys had it covered!”
“Shhh,” She advised, “Keep your voice down. It’s late.”
“Sorry. So, how’re you doing?” Dylan had it rough and I never would’ve known. I decided to check in with Sarah to make sure she was alright.
She sighed, “Good. I never thought that it would go this way, though. I kind of hated my invisibility. That could be because of my first use of it, but it just feels bad. But, even though I never liked the powers, I never expected them to cause something so catastrophic. Actually, speaking of, was that your ability back there?”
I had nearly forgotten.
“Yeah, I think so. It felt like super strength to me. The trigger must be using it to protect someone.”
She gave a very genuine smile, “I’m glad… Your ability is much prettier than mine.”
Noticing what she said, she turned around and sat next to the window. She looked wistfully outside.
It was dark out, but a cloud blew out of the way, revealing the glowing moon. Moonlight showered Sarah making her look like some kind of princess.
I took a seat across from her and we sat down and just relaxed.
We both were bad at starting conversations so we just spent time together instead. At first when we met, the silence was awkward, but now, I appreciate it.
Eventually we had to part and go back to sleep. We’d be meeting with Kyle at the old school tomorrow. The final meeting. I suppose the building will once again become ‘abandoned.’
The next day, Sarah drove us to school. She already had her car at Christina’s so it was ready to go.
I attended my classes and then rode my bike alone to the meeting place. It was left there yesterday after I was injured.
Surprisingly, I arrived at the meeting before Sarah, Dylan, and Rachel. We left at the same time but they rode in a car. You’d think that a bike would travel slower. I wonder why I was faster? There are paths for bikes that cars can’t go on, so that would help. Cars also have more stops with traffic lights. Guess it doesn’t matter.
Simon and Christina were already here when I got there. Shortly after, Sarah’s group showed up.
We actually had to wait a few more minutes for Kyle, just like the first meeting. Last time, he said he was late because he thought he’d give us time to warm up to each other first, does that mean he doesn’t want to get close to us?
Kyle gets down to business.
“Now that we’re all here, mind telling me the details?” Kyle asked.
Kyle was left out of all the major details of the incident. He never went to Christina’s or even met up with anyone. Christina told him where the body of Luke was and I guess he just ‘disposed’ of it.
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I wouldn’t want to make Dylan retell the story, so I open my mouth to speak-
Dylan cut me off and stepped forward, “No, it’s a story that I need to tell. If I miss anything, you can add it in.”
Dylan explained everything in as much detail as he could, from the perspective of one of the combatants. Dylan wasn’t sure of, and left out, the part where Sarah ran in and I saved her.
Nobody corrected it.
Kyle looks on thoughtfully, unfazed by the news, “I see… Well, as for what you all don’t know, the reason why he wanted the gems, I talked with Luke a little after the first meeting. I decided to tell him a few theories I had, concerning the gems. That seems to have been his motivation for attacking you guys.”
He tells us this now!?
I step forward angrily, ready to yell at him.
“Now hold on a minute, at least allow me to explain my theory,” For the first time, Kyle gets a bit of a grin on his face. The boredom leaves his voice and he begins to speak with a child-like wonder. “The gems, being the source of our power, might be able to create a miracle if enough are gathered. I’d guess that if you had every single gem, you may even be able to become a sort of god. I know, it sounds far fetched, but if we explore the nature of these powers more, it may seem more convincing. I’m almost one hundred percent sold on the theory as of now. When I told Luke, I wasn’t certain about it, but the story I’ve just heard is really something.”
A god? What’s he going on about?
“From the looks on your faces, you probably think I’m insane. Hear me out, why is Dylan able to produce fire? And why Luke ice? Even Simon, why can he heal people? There are many details I’m unsure of, but let’s brainstorm together. Actually, Allen, I want to hear your thoughts. Why can Dylan create fire?”
Me? Is it because we’re close friends?
“Uh… I’m not too sure, but he has an aggressive personality? We figured out that his fire is only activated through anger and is fueled by it.”
“Not what I was looking for, but it’s close. If we start there, Dylan can use fire because he is aggressive, what if you say that he gets ‘fired’ up? Maybe he gets caught up in the ‘heat’ of the moment?”
Idioms? What does wordplay have to do with it?
Kyle speaks as though he was a professor on this topic. He is confident in his language. He also talks like a bit of a child. He’s almost excited to be able to explain this to us. I think it might be the only time I’ve heard him sound awake.
“My guess is that we get our power through our deepest psyche. Our abilities are formed through our unique identities. Simon heals people because of how much he despises conflict. That one is quite literal, but why should it have to be? The human mind is anything but logical, people think in language and since language has such a large impact on our lives, is it unreasonable to say that our abilities may have an attachment to it? If Dylan recognizes his short temper, his short ‘fuse’, then is it possible that his ability has formed off of it? These abilities stem off from our own individuality. In other words, these powers are delusions. They are false realities that we simply believe to be true. Think of it like this, Dylan understands that he has a short temper and also associates that with fire in his mind. If he takes that shortcoming to heart, it defines his world.”
That kinda makes sense? But I’m not convinced yet. It sounds silly.
Kyle continues, undeterred by the disbelieving audience.
“For Luke, he gave others the ‘cold’ shoulder. He created walls around himself, distancing from others. That fits his personality well, doesn’t it? Also fits the ability.”
That checks out with what Dylan had told me too. Luke shut others out so that he could be stronger himself. He did it so that he could protect his family. Both of those statements have to do with walls. He really did give everyone the ‘cold’ shoulder too. Not to mention his ‘icy’ glare. It’s like a really bad joke. Maybe it’s not fair to call it a joke. It may have truly defined reality.
“Convinced? Think of your own ability. It should make sense why you have yours, even if it doesn’t come out to be a play on words.”
What about mine? I get the strength to protect others. I have always wanted to be a hero and I like to think that that’s the kind of person I am…
Sarah’s?
She’s shy, at least. Maybe there’s more to it, but that’s pretty close to coming out as invisibility.
Rachel? I don’t know much about her… I wonder if her power says something about who she is?
It works on everyone's so far. The puns only work on two out of five, though. I’ll leave Rachel’s as undetermined. That leaves Kyle’s and Christina’s as mystery powers.
“I guess that makes sense, I don’t know about the whole language thing though,” Christina says.
Simon still doesn’t like Kyle and you can hear it in his voice, “Yeah. I can see that working out.”
Dylan’s brain has been fried. He doesn’t even try to speak.
Sarah looks a little concerned, maybe a little upset too. She looks lost in thought.
Rachel also keeps her mouth shut, uncharacteristically. Usually she gets a decent amount of talking time.
“Then from now on, I will refer to the powers and abilities as Delusions. It seems you all at least see the possibility, too. If we build off of it, what could getting a second gem do? At first we guessed that it powered you up, but what’s that really mean? If we assume that both guesses are correct, getting stronger would mean having more control. As of now, our Delusions only react from a very deep part in the back of our minds. We had no say in their creation and they reflect our perception of reality. If we had more gems, I’d guess that it would allow us to alter reality in a more conscious manner. If a single person had full control over reality… who is that man, but a god?”
“So,” Dylan could understand this half, “You’re saying that you told Luke that he may be able to become a god? If I’ve got a good grasp of your personality… you weren’t using him to test your theory, were you?”
Reverting back to the usual, with his standard cool demeanor and expressionless, tired face, “No. I have no need for proving the theory. I have no need for becoming a god either. Tell me, did Luke have a reason?”
“Yeah… he wanted to save his mother.”
“Yes. I knew too. I had to look into each one of you before meeting, after all. Don’t worry it was nothing too deep. Just a standard procedure. I knew his home situation and when I saw his personality, I thought he needed some encouragement. I never would’ve guessed that he’d go so far though.”
I’m still not fond of Luke. I don’t really buy his story. His life was rough, but to bring others down because of it is completely wrong. Deep down, I think he deserved what he got.
Dylan responds, “Sorry I accused you.”
“No problem. As this is the final meeting, does anyone have any last thoughts? Any final theories? I’d love to hear them.”
The room responds in silence.
After a while Simon sheepishly asks, “Why do you suggest that we don’t see each other anymore?”
Very matter-of-factly without a shred of shame, “I’m scared. If someone wanted to fix a problem in their life, we have the unique opportunity to kill for it. I still don’t suggest trying to take someone’s gem without killing them either. It will either just teleport back to the owner, or, as a reflection of the mind, end up taking away their consciousness, killing them. That may be a stretch, but I certainly wouldn’t want to be the test subject. I won’t stop you from seeing each other, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’ll continue to respond to my phone, so I can still talk with you if needed. Please keep me informed with new info, I’ll do the same with you.”
Kyle stands by himself and walks to the door.
“Goodbye, everyone. I hope that one day I can meet you all in good mind. If I ever stop being so paranoid, I’ll see you around.”
For some reason, not a single person said goodbye in response. As he left it was only silence.
I don’t know how to feel about him. He always feels like he’s one step ahead of me. He’s undoubtedly intelligent. He gave off a bad feeling though. Behind his tired eyes and face, it felt like he was constantly hiding something. His words were more convincing than the truth could ever be.
The truth doesn’t feel as convincing as the best lie. The best lie makes itself indistinguishable from truth. In that way, the truth has the same properties as that lie. When a person who seems like a liar never tells a lie, how can I be sure of anything he said? He spoke with the confidence of a prevaricator.
He talked like he knew it all, but he was never too far out there. When he said something crazy, there was evidence. What might a person who was so in touch with reality have as a Delusion?
In any case, I didn’t like him, but he provided much needed guidance.
Thank you.
“We aren’t really going to stop seeing each other, are we? I trust you guys,” Simon says.
Christina looked a little conflicted about that. She must’ve wanted to steer clear from everyone now, but she may be convinced by Simon.
“No, we can still be friends, if you’d like. I trust you all too. Right guys?” I say.
Dylan gave a proud, “Yup!”
Sarah hesitated but nodded.
Rachel also agreed.
“Then it’s settled, want to keep holding meetings on our own? Even if it isn’t to find more about Delusions, we could have them just to see each other, have some fun.”
Simon looks really happy, “Yeah!”
“Well, then I’ll see you two later!”
We all say our goodbyes and set off.
I don’t feel like biking, so I load my bike onto Sarah’s car. Dylan and Rachel are riding too.
Rachel is dropped off first and then Dylan. We wave them off and then it’s just us.
“We missed an opportunity to ask Kyle about your ability, Sarah.”
“Yeah… I guess we did. I still can’t use it, either. He left without even giving us a chance to say goodbye.”
“Sorry if this is too personal, but after hearing Kyle’s speech, why do you have invisibility? You’re shy, but I feel like that doesn’t really cut it.”
She freezes for a second and then considers.
“I wouldn’t tell this to anyone, but because it’s you,” She pauses. “I’m shy, but it’s a little more than that, I’ve never had many friends. I don’t mean that like I’ve only had 3 friends at a time, I mean I’ve only had 2 friends aside from you and Dylan, ever.”
Wow. That’s impossibly low. Even I’ve had more than that.
“I’m pretty antisocial, so I don’t dislike it. I’m not lonely, I have plenty of fun on my own. Most people are more taxing to talk to than there is pay off. I’ll only tell you this because I don’t believe you’d take it personally, I don’t like people. There’s always times when it’s nice to talk, but I also love being alone. While I’ve always had few friends, I’ve never had a single enemy. Never bullied, never hurt. I’m practically not even there. You could say, I’m invisible. Nobody acknowledges me, and I like it that way. I feel uncomfortable in large groups of people too, so when I went to school that day, in the crowd, I really wanted to be invisible. Not to mention, nobody, even in a crowd, talks to me, so I’m already invisible anyway. Or it feels like it.”
That’s really different from me. On the surface, we’re both kids who are lonely because we suck so bad at socializing, but in reality she never wanted to socialize in the first place. I’ve been legitimately lonely but she doesn’t mind. She prefers it. I had the wrong idea about her.
I won’t ask, but I wonder if she even gets attention from her family? From her word choice, it doesn’t sound like it.
She reconsiders, “Well, I say that, but I regretted being invisible and even hated the feeling. Quite the contradiction. That’s just how humans are, I guess. I don’t want to interact with others but when I couldn’t, I was scared.”
Wow. She has some really interesting thoughts.
“I see. That’s interesting. I’m not bugging you when I talk to you am I?”
“No, and if you stop acting the same way you have to me, I’ll be mad. That’s why it’s you that I told. I w- think you can understand me better.”
I don’t really get it but, “Alright then. So if that’s the deeper meaning to invisibility, why have you lost it?”
She stops again, not a regular pause to think, but a pause that is worried, she even blushes a little, “I don’t know.”
“Can I ask Kyle about it?”
“N- well… maybe. No. I’ll ask him. I’ll tell you what he says.”
The car stops at my house and I unload my bike.
“Thanks for driving.”
“No problem, but before you leave,” She starts to sound serious. “There’s something important I need to tell you. It’s about Luke.”
“Luke? What happened?”
She stops and thinks out her words, like usual, “He wanted to kill someone so that he could take their gem, right? Because stealing a gem probably wouldn’t work. Odds are, he already stole someone’s gem and it just teleported away. Luke wouldn’t attempt to kill someone before trying the easier route. So the only way to steal a gem is to kill the owner first.”
So I guess we wouldn’t die or anything if we’d done the experiment back at the first meeting. We’ve really been paranoid. Kyle rubbed off on us.
“That makes sense to me.”
“But, do you see the problem? Everyone overlooked it, but it’s really dangerous.”
“Well, come on then. What is it?”
“You see…” She stumbles again, she must really dislike saying this. “I hate to suggest that someone here is still betraying us but, Luke’s gem, it’s gone.”
“So, are you saying that someone else took it?”
“It’s only a possibility, but the only one who could have taken it is Kyle. He’s the one who buried Luke. If we assume that it was him, he ran away right after obtaining it. He distanced himself from us before we found out what he did.”
Damn that Kyle!
“I can’t believe him!”
Sarah looked worried at me, “Yeah… It looks bad. He might have betrayed us.”
“We need to confront him somehow. If he did, then I’ll give him a piece of my mind. It’s late, so let’s pick up this conversation tomorrow.”
“Sure, don’t tell Dylan about this though. Not him, or anyone else. With the possibility of it being stolen, I don’t really know who else to trust, other than you.”
“Thanks for trusting me. I won’t tell Dylan, only because you said so, I think he is trustworthy, though.”
“Thank you Allen. So, I’ll see you later.”
“See you.”
I wonder why she trusts me more than Dylan? We’ve known each other the same length.
I return to my house. No one is home, it’s just after dinner so my parents have been gone to work for a while. I microwave a frozen dinner and relax.
Today was packed with info.
I bide time until bed and then think about the events.
If our powers are Delusions, then what’s that say about my dream of becoming a hero? Is that just some delusion? The term Delusion seems inaccurate. That’s surprising coming from Kyle, he’s usually on point. But my dream is not just a delusion.
Despite having just got in bed, I get out again and walk outside.
The stars glow above me. The brightest one in the sky reassures me of my dream.
I know it isn’t a delusion. I’ve already made the first step. It may have been one yesterday, but today, it’s no longer a delusion. I have the ability to protect others.
I take another deep breath in as I think of my aspirations.
I can and will become a hero.
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