At least she didn’t feel like crying until she shut the door to her dorm room. But she ached, no matter how hard she wrapped her arms around herself. Her face was too warm, and she was fairly certain, by the time the tears started, that the rum had fully absorbed into her system. Walking into the elevator and out of it was like night and day. The ache from her heart shocked her into some semblance of sobriety, and now she had to deal with this awful feeling fully coherent.

It didn’t take long for Hannah to show up in their dorm behind her, and attack her with a hug.

“Talk to me,” she said as Cat wiped at her face. Cat initially intended to brush her off, to ask her for time alone, but she hesitated. Maybe it took being hit over the head with a frying pan for her to fully internalize what everyone was telling her, but it finally stuck. Peter’s outburst was exactly like Kelsey’s, Cam’s, and Hannah’s, except Peter stopped them from confronting her like that in the first place.

Cat sniffled and took a step back from Hannah, her face contorted in concentration.

“I--I think….”

“He’s a dick,” Hannah interrupted as she outstretched a hand to lay on her roomie’s shoulder. “I don’t know what that was--it was out of line, and--”

“I think we’re friends,” Cat blurted out, her voice high in a question. Hannah froze, confused.

“Of course we’re friends?” she answered, shaking her head.

“No--I mean, yes, we’re friends. But I think Peter and I are friends.” Hannah recoiled, blinking wildly.

“What in the fuck are you talking about?” she asked. “Were you dropped on your head as a baby? Did you get spanked in public or something? What is this--?” Hannah’s reaction made absolute sense, but Cat hushed her with a hand and wiped the last tear from under her eye.

“You and Cam and Kelsey were going to say the exact same thing to me earlier this year.” A hint of recognition flashed in Hannah’s expression.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice softening. “But he stopped us because it wasn’t going to help.” Cat twisted around to hop onto her bed, kicking off her shoes as she did so. “So he’s feeling shut out and him confronting you about it is okay?” It was a joke, but Cat didn’t return her smile.

She hesitated a moment, before saying, “The guy I was talking to ghosted me.” From shock to pity, Hannah’s expression evolved until she approached slowly and put a hand on Cat’s knee.

“Oh, Cat…. I’m sorry. I know you really liked him.” But her tone was still questioning, as if hoping to prompt Cat to keep going.

“I never told him my name,” she continued with a deep breath. “And he just...gave up.” She finally met Hannah’s gaze. “I didn’t have a bad day. I just haven’t spoken to him since Thursday and….”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Cat frowned, pursing her lips to try and convey the irony that Hannah just pointed out. Hannah sighed. “So your theory is that Peter knew you were keeping a secret from us.” Well--that wasn’t the only one. No one knew she went to therapy, either. Or got tutoring.

The nightmare from before flashed in her mind, the visual of Peter saying he knew her better than anyone. Oh, God. That was true. He did. You just...let people go. I know more about you than your closest friends. Than your family, even. Cat sighed and took her phone out of her dress pocket, staring at it for a brief moment before she set it down on her bedspread.

Yesterday, Peter tried to acknowledge her art project, and she just...yelled at him instead. Bit him with venomous words that she couldn’t even stop from materializing.

“I guess he does know me well,” she murmured quietly.

“Which is weird,” Hannah said with a lighter tone, “because if he died, I’d immediately think you did it.” Cat grimaced. Didn’t she get it?

“Just because I yell at him all the time doesn’t mean I hate him.” Cat still stared at her phone. Maybe it wasn’t too late with PumpkinKing.

“I’m confused,” Hannah admitted. But after a few minutes of silence, she continued. “That one time you were Skyping with your family and your mom kept calling your dad a ‘dumb bastard’--your parents weren’t fighting, were they?” Cat blinked, and looked up to Hannah with wide eyes.

“No! God, did you think they’d Skype me while they’re fighting? God….” Though now that Hannah said this, things started to slowly come together. Hannah let out a long “oooooh” or relief.

“This entire time, I thought your parents hated each other! And that maybe Peter reminded you of that or something so you just took it all out on him!”

“No, I just make fun of him because he reacts--”

“And because that’s how you flirt!” Right as Hannah said this, Cat started to choke on her spit, but she couldn’t gather enough breath to spit out any words. “Does Peter know that? No wonder!”

“I--” Cat continued sputtering, now fully covering her mouth with her arm. Tears welled in her eyes as she tried to speak and gasp for air at the same time, but Hannah stepped back as if she’d just gone to church for the first time and met God.

“Holy crap, you think that’s how couples talk!” her roomie continued, turning away. “You’re so fucked up from your parents’ banter that you think that’s normal!”

“St--I don’t--shut--!” Cat gasped for air once her coughing fit finished, pointing to her roommate as she clutched her chest. “I didn’t say any of that!”

Hannah whirled around with a gasp, hands covering her mouth like she held back exciting news.

“Oh. My. God, Cat!” Oh boy. She knew what the next logical jump was.

Cat slipped off of her bed to point directly in Hannah’s face as she said, “If you say one more goddamn thing, I’m going to punch you so hard in the mouth--!”

“Caaaaat!” Hannah slapped her hand away and motioned for a hug, her smile bigger than she’d ever seen it. “I love you, too!” And before she could push her away, Hannah threw her arms around her for another tight, unwelcome hug.

“Shut up, you fucking idiot--!”

“You’re so sweet!”

“Hannah!” But her blonde friend was surprisingly strong, and would not be shoved away. “Get the fuck off of me--”

“Every time you said something mean, I thought you were trying to be funny or that you were hiding that you were mad or something!” Finally, she let go. “But this whole time, you’re just saying the opposite of what you actually feel--!”

“Shut up, that’s not how that works!” Suddenly out of breath, Cat stepped back until her back hit her mattress. “I don’t--I don’t speak like Opposite Day or anything, I mean it when I call you a fucking idiot--!” But her words fell on deaf ears, and Hannah retreated to her bed to jump on it and bounce like a child.

“What insults do you call that guy on Talkative? Dickhead? Toe-jam?”

“I don’t call him anything!” But as she said it, Cat’s eyes drifted to her phone. She never called him any consistent insults. She just took every opportunity to make fun of him and challenge him. Oh, God. She jumped on her bed again and crawled to her pillow to shove her face in it. She pulled up the sides to cover her ears while Hannah droned on about something else, until finally there was more than a minute of silence. Cat looked up to her roommate, who had her phone in her hands, texting. Cat gasped.

“If you tell them anything--!" Hannah looked up at her, eyes wide.

“Oh. Um.” She glanced down, then clearly hit the delete button at least thirty times. “Right. Um. Well, are you ready to come back? It’s only nine.” Cat sighed.

“I’m….” Exhausted. But she looked at her phone again, mashing her lips together. “Gunna stay here.”

“Would you be insulted if I went back and kept playing games? I still feel a buzz.” How, after all of this? Cat shrugged, then waved.

“Just don’t...tell them...anything.” She sounded defeated even to her own ears.

“Fine!” Hannah shrugged, flashed a knowing smile, then bounced to the door.

After a full moment of silence, Cat finally adjusted herself to lay on her bed, phone in hand. She couldn’t control whatever Hannah did--as much as that pissed her off--but maybe...she could get some closure.

She opened Talkative and navigated to her messages, heart hammering in her chest. Maybe she was still under the influence of the rum, but she knew if she didn’t write anything out now, she’d never do it.

Hey, she wrote. So that last date was kind of weird because I was totally in the wrong headspace…. I was hoping maybe I could get a re-do, if you’re still interested?

There. She put herself out there. That was the only message she was going to send. If he replied--oh, he was online? Almost immediately, she got the notification he was typing.

! hey! was his initial response. Tbh I thought you were letting me down easy…. What? Cat sent him a question mark. You didn’t message me at all, and you didn’t sound like you wanted to talk after all that…

Cat sat up on her bed, suddenly lightheaded. I thought you were ghosting me.

No! he responded immediately. No, I would never ghost you lol I thought you knew I liked you?

Oh, she could cry. This whole day could have been avoided if she just messaged him? But then again, he could have messaged her.

Omg. Cat laughed out loud to herself and let a grin take over her features. I thought you got bored of me or whatever because I wouldn’t let you know my name or something.

That’s on you ;) Pumpkin replied.

For the record, she started, I do want to eventually meet you.

Maybe within this decade?

Omg scandalous! she wrote. Take it slow, Romeo!

Her heart still ached just a little bit, even after the jolt of excitement of talking to Pumpkin again. The relief coursed through her veins, pure and sweet.

Pumpkin offered a compromise. Maybe our next date could be a voice call? Then you can hear that my voice modifier is really good and that I probably am not an old man. Cat awarded him with a laughing reaction.

It’s going to be so romantic when we both turn out to be bald 70-year-olds trying to catfish each other. Her cheeks started to get sore from grinning so wide. When are you free?

If we do a voice date, it’ll give me time to get a toupee shipped to me so at least one of us can have hair when we meet in person. Now her stomach hurt from laughing! Idk, my work is crazy this week and then there’s spring break next week. Are you free at all spring break, or are you working?

Half working, half seeing family. Maybe the week after?

Okay :) Let me know when you’re free and it’s a date.

Tuesday?

Tuesday. Can’t wait to hear your voice <3