---

「So... w-who are you..?」

I found myself sitting on a wooden chair in a little white space, smaller than my apartment room.

Cube-shaped and only a foot wide instead. The white that covered all parts of the room was so pure I could barely discern the corners.

There wasn't a door in sight.

Across from me sat a dreary old man on another wooden chair.

A small wooden table separated us, completing the ensemble of wooden furniture in this otherwise bleak room.

The geezer had bushy eyebrows, wore a fittingly bushy beard, and a bald dome to match. His arms were crossed and his eyes were shut.

Though faint, he emanated a heavenly aura, one that gleamed and sparkled like two dozen gems in a candle-lit coffer.

Now, had those been the only notable features he possessed, I would've instinctively referred to him as God. Anyone would, given the situation.

A clichéd image, I know. But what wasn't clichéd lay from his neck below. It was a fatal flaw to his otherwise holy presence.

「If you are who I think you are... I'm gonna have a lot more questions for you...」

Upon hearing those words, the old man chuckled. As expected, his voice was stentorian and deity-like.

His chortles echoed throughout the room, as though a surround sound system was installed into the walls.

Finally, he spoke:

「It is as you suspect. I am He who stands above the rest. Father to all children of the world. Creator of all. The Lord, Jehovah, Yahweh, Allah the above...」

I squeezed my thigh.

「Rejoice, my child, for it is I..... God!」

It was then that I couldn't take it anymore. I quickly stood up and slammed the table. My sanity could only take so much of this.

「DON'T SCREW WITH ME!!! FIRST I GET KILLED OUT OF NOWHERE, AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS?!?!?! IF THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF COSMIC HUMOR, THEN SORRY, IT'S COMPLETELY LOST ON ME!!!」

I shouted at the top of my lungs. Perhaps experiencing my murder firsthand had me on edge. Or maybe this ridiculous situation had finally set me off.

「Oh? If I recall correctly, you're an atheist no? Your reaction is unsurprising then. It's hard to believe is it not? And right after getting murdered too...」

Enraged, I flipped the table over to the side. God seemed unfazed.

「That's not it..!」

I angrily took my seat again, slightly spent after my fiery conniption.

「I couldn't care less that the Abrahamic God is real. And truth be told, my murder could've been avoided. Bad judgment on my part. I should've taken those warning signs more seriously...」

「Hm.. is that so..? Then is there a problem?」

His offhand manner of speech ticked me off.

「A problem huh..?」

Either God was trying to get on my nerves or his omniscient brain couldn't wrap his head around the absurdity of the situation.

It didn't matter, because it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I started once again, only this time I spoke in a kind and polite voice.

「God?」

「Yes, my child?」

「I just died.」

「I am aware.」

「I just died, and I presume we're going to talk about the afterlife. Am I correct?」

「Naturally.」

「Given the subject matter, I'm sure you'll take this conversation seriously?」

「Very.」

「With that in mind...」

I took a deep breath.

「...may I ask what the hell you're wearing?」

God finally opened his eyes.

He looked down at his torso, which donned a black t-shirt containing the words "I Don't Have a Job, But I Do Work a 24-Hour Battleshift".

「Oh... you don't like it..? I thought it was a pretty good play on words...」

「I'm this close to strangling you... old man...」

At that moment, the white walls surrounding us faded away, revealing a large bedroom on the outside. Unsurprisingly, it was another cube, ten yards wide this time.

God seemed to like these boring uniform spaces. I didn't care anymore.

I was now in a fancy-looking bedroom—marble flooring, gold-lined velvet walls, a bed fit for a king. There were a couple of doors, each located on the sides of the room.

The only thing missing was a row of maids and butlers, ready to follow the Lord's bidding.

「Quit your whining... Shouldn't Lorenzo, the great Merchant of Battleshift, act with more class?」

I winced at the mention of my in-game name. Hearing it from my murderer was bad enough, but hearing it from my creator?

I was one step away from needing lifelong therapy.

God got up from his chair, bearing a calm grin. I was indifferent to it. He then turned away from me and sauntered towards the back of the larger room.

「Just give me the sentence. Heaven or hell? My gut tells me the latter's odds are higher.」

The divine being ignored me. His eyes were glued to something else: a computer setup—complete with dual monitors and a high-end CPU.

「Are you seriously going to play games and shrug me off?」

God continued to brush aside my words, taking a seat on his ridiculously overpriced gaming chair.

Honestly... I can recognize that brand from a mile away.

「Come here, will you?」

Without warning, my chair started moving by itself. An invisible force pulled me towards the end of the room where God sat.

I couldn't say anything anymore, everything was too fantastical for me to even react.

「Sorry for using force. Your soul told me it would've refused to move anyhow.」

When the chair stopped, I found myself right beside the old man. His ass was firmly sat on that premium leather seat of his.

「S-soul... huh..?」

「Never mind souls—I'm more interested in if you remember this name.」

I riveted my eyes on the dual monitors in front of me. One of them displayed a wallpaper—the same design as God's t-shirt. He wasn't joking when he thought it was a good play on words.

The second monitor on the other hand...

「A Battleshift login screen?」

「That's not a name now is it?」

He was testing my patience. Nevertheless, I redirected my attention to the name written in the username box.

「PrincessTinaXOXO..?」

「Indeed. Does it ring any bells?」

I scratched my head. I did remember the name, but I couldn't remember why. That could've only meant one thing.

「A scam victim of mine..?」

God sighed deeply. His thick eyebrows drooped like the tendrils of a wet mop as he stroked his beard.

The almighty creator had finally displayed a new emotion. One that straddled the line between pensive longing and bitter melancholy.

It perplexed me to no end as to what he was thinking.

「So... that's all our time together meant to you huh..?」

「Time together?」

I had no idea what he meant. Or rather, I didn't want to know. His words and their possible implications frightened me greatly.

Suddenly, God swiveled his head to me.

「Sir Lorenzo!」

His voice perfectly mimicked that of a young girl's. He clasped his hands together in an exaggerated manner.

「I wish to marry you! I have prepared my dowry of 120k gold pieces! Shall we elope to the very edges of Velatya past the Klagian Heights?!」

Then it hit me.

「W-wait a minute...」

I broke into a cold sweat.

「Does that refresh your memory?」

「You can't possibly mean..」

God's subtle smirk quickly morphed into a cheeky smile.

「Welcome home darling, tee-hee! <3」

His hands formed a heart shape as his lips puckered up—a horrifying look for a geriatric coot.

Immediately, a chill ran up my spine. I bolted it to the other side of the room and glued my back against the wall like I was facing a feral beast.

「W-why the hell is the creator of the universe playing catfish on some online game?!」

The idea that the demiurge was a pervert that liked prancing around in-game as an innocent schoolgirl shook me to the core.

And that wasn't even the crux of my issues with him.

God, as it stood, truly had forsaken us.

「Calm down. I was only joking.」

My legs gave out—relaxed after tensing up so much.

「O-oh... for real..? Then... you weren't tricking people into thinking you were a girl..?」

「Oh no, that part was true.」

「THEN WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU JOKING ABOUT YOU WRINKLY DEGENERATE?!?!?!」

Speaking to God was definitely bad for my heart. I couldn't tell where the truths began and where the jokes ended.

Exhausting would be a perfect word to describe our exchange so far.

「Now, about your ruling...」

Despite sitting on the ground a good ten yards away from him, I could still hear his voice perfectly. It was as if he spoke directly to my mind.

Must've been some form of telepathy.

「Normally, people like you should be bound for heaven. You'd have already made it past the pearly gates by now.」

「Huh..? What do you mean by "people like me"?」

God pivoted on his chair towards me—his fingers wrapped around a large black book. I couldn't remember when he picked it up.

Most likely, he phased it into existence.

Anything goes... I suppose...

「Notwithstanding your petty acts of villainy in the virtual world, your track record is pretty clean. No real acts of sin in the real world. The biggest infraction was lying to your professor about having a part-time job. Other than that, you've lived your life relatively safe.」

I let out a breath of relief. That was the first good thing I'd heard since I was summoned here.

「So sinful acts committed when playing video games don't count?」

「Of course not. They're just games. Even I do naughty things in the virtual world.」

「Like playing with the hearts of vulnerable men?」

「Oh don't sass me. I didn't do anything of the sort.」

He slowly averted his eyes as he said that. Codger was talking out of his ass.

「Then... is there a problem..?」

I echoed God's prior retort. And after having him explain all that to me—I had to wonder. It was apparent that something else was up.

「Ohoho..? You managed to turn one of my lines against me. Very crafty, Morningstar of Battleshift.」

Another nickname. A lesser-known one at that. He was purposely aggravating me. Though this time, I chose to ignore his provocations.

「Yes. There is a problem.」

There was a gravity in his tone. His glare scrutinized my entire being. Within seconds, the atmosphere had changed completely.

His remark vibrated through my bones.

「Technically, you've done no wrong...」

I began sweating bullets.

The colors of the room changed with his voice—what was once a bright and polished bedroom gradually degenerated into a dark and dreary space.

The air had become heavier.

「However... you seem to have forgotten about your gravest infraction. One that, even I cannot forgive.」

「W-wh...?」

I couldn't even speak. My instincts told me to stay quiet. Anything I said could be construed very poorly.

In that instant, I came to understand the gravity of meeting a true god.

He could erase me if he wanted to. He could torture me in any number of ways inconceivable to the human mind. He could do anything he wanted, as long as I existed.

After all—he was God. He could do anything.

The only course of action I could take now was to pray for my life. I just hoped the problem wasn't dire.

「I hear your prayer. But I will not answer it. Take your judgment like a man, Lorenzo.」

That was it.

This was the end.

I covered my eyes with my hands, afraid of the fate that was to befall me.

I was killed once, and now I was about to be cosmically murdered.

My body was frozen in place. Even dead, I felt true mortal terror.

What sin had I committed?

---

「Why did you divorce me... LORENZO!」

.....

...

..?

Hm.....?

I kept thinking to myself: what did he just say?

「Was it for the money? Was it for the thrill? Or perhaps...」

I removed my hands and opened my eyes, only to see the old man up close against my face. The tip of his nose barely touched mine.

「...were you playing with a maiden's innocent heart? ;)」

I've had it.

「Old man...」

「Have you finally come to realize your feelings..?」

I clenched my fist.

「Quit being a creep you freaky pensioner!」

Bop!

I bonked God on the head, giving him a nasty bump.

The heavy ambiance faded as I realized how idiotic the whole thing was.

「Jokes aside...」

「That was a joke..?」

God rubbed the lump on his shiny bald head.

「...I cannot approve your entrance to heaven.」

「What...? W-why?」

I didn't trust a word he said, but there had to be a reason he was keeping me here.

「Because your soul does not meet the requirements.」

「My soul...」

So souls did matter in the end.

「Although your sin count is low, your soul harbors three times the normal amount of malice when compared to others.」

「Meaning..?」

「Had you continued to live, you would have killed another.」

「Huh..? N-no way...」

I was hit with a wave of disbelief. I could've dismissed his words as absolute nonsense—yet I didn't. Because deep inside I knew, he was telling the truth.

I always knew I was bound to break at some point—it was only a matter of when.

I thought I could avoid that fate, but having heard God's words... I felt completely helpless.

「And you're telling me this was set in stone..?」

「It was inevitable.」

An uncomfortable silence followed. I could only sit on the cold marble ground. The lead-up to the reveal was long-winded, but I figured that was on purpose.

God wouldn't want to overwhelm a mortal like me, especially after I'd been killed.

Had he told me the reason for my omittance from heaven directly after I'd arrived here, I would have undoubtedly lost my mind.

In that regard, he was probably being considerate.

「So... what now..?」

I looked up at God, who sat cross-legged a couple of feet in front of me.

「Well... it's quite simple.」

God opened the black book in his hand and sifted through the pages. It took only a few seconds for him to stop on a single page.

「You shall be transported to another world.」

I blankly stared at him. That was the last thing I expected him to say.

「H-how does that follow..?」

「To prove yourself worthy of stepping foot in My kingdom, you shall live life in an entirely different world. Since your soul is comprised of everything you've gone through as a person, I will not wipe your memories. Live there and demonstrate just how pure-hearted and righteous you can be... with real-life action of course.」

「So... I'll be me when I go there? No new body?」

「Indeed. For that is the difference between transportation and transmigration.」

A part of me was skeptical about whether this was actually happening. But I accepted it as reality and prepared myself for the journey ahead of me.

「And? What kind of world will this be? Another Earth? Some alien planet beyond the Milky Way? A universe where Battleshift gives up on that whole microtransaction scam?」

「Hold your horses, Lorenzo. There are a few rules you must adhere to before going through with this.」

「Rules?」

God shifted his gaze towards me and slammed the book shut. From then on, he briefed me on the guidelines I would have to follow before getting sent to this realm.

And that was unfortunately where it all began.

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