“Are you sure you’re even tall enough to drive?”

While admittedly looking like a toddler sitting in her brother’s truck, Sarah tried her best to look over the dash of the ancient gingerberry blue vehicle. “Are you sure you’re stupid?”

With a flowing sense of pride, she sat back in the driver’s seat, trying her best to touch the pedals with her feet. After a few stretches, that pride quickly disappeared.

“I doubt you even know how to drive stick, much less how to actually start the car.” Albert grinned at the ridiculousness of the scene unfolding before him.

Sarah pushed her finger on the ignition, “Uhh yeah I do, dumb-dumb!” As she attempted repeatedly with her confident front slowly fading, she gave up and slumped in the seat. After a long day of ‘earning her keep’ by washing troughs, moving goats, and… feeding the horses, Sarah had nearly reached her physical limit.

“And you’ve lost yet another point.” He smirked holding up the key, “Because I’m having so much fun, I’ve got another question: what does this car run on?”

Despite how tired she was, there was always energy to maintain her forced confidence, “Pssh… This thing’s probably old enough to run on electricity!”

A laughter echoed through the field behind the house, “Worst sister! You can’t be serious!” Wiping a tear from his eye, Albert fixed the collar of his flannel, “This is a 1996 Ford! Have you ever even sat in a driver’s seat before?!”

Color overtook her cheeks, “Of course I have! I’ve sat in my car plenty of times! I even went to the dealership to pick it out myself!” All of this activity nearly caused Sarah’s hair to fall out of the bun utop her head. “Look, I’ll be fine driving down the country roads and getting to the card shop!”

Carbuncle chirped in disbelief, causing her to side-eye the creature. Despite the creature’s constant glow, nobody seemed to notice it all morning and even now in the passenger’s seat next to her. But what about it’s poop?

“I just- I’ve got faith that you can drive in a straight line on an empty road, but part of me thinks that you’re going to find some way to surprise me.” The bridge of his nose was buried within his fingers. “Yeah, alright! But you better be back before dark!”

While usually getting up at one in the afternoon, Sarah learned the hard way that most ranchers ended their day around that time. Between the inhumane hours and the… horses, she nearly believed that her father conspired with her brother to torture her. Which, for what she did…

“Oh yeah, yeah, no worries! I can make it there and back in time! Have some confidence in me, ‘O ye of little faith!’” Sarah pushed her finger into the ignition once again.

“So what exactly are you again?”

Sarah’s bun barely showed over the dash as she sped down the country road. Thankfully, she finally made it close enough to civilization to where it was actually paved.

“Squeak!”

“Ugh! We need to work out a system, buddy!” The wooden block nearly slipped out from underneath her foot, “Alright, I’ve got an idea: speak once for ‘no’, speak twice for ‘yes’. Are you a girl?”

“Squeak!”

“There we go! Now we’re cookin’ with gas!” The ramshackle truck shook more than she remembered it doing yesterday, “Huh. I could’ve sworn you were a girl…”

“Squeak squeak squeak!”

“Come on, don’t be offended! It’s current year, you can be a girl if you want to!” Sarah moved her head side to side, “Okay, don’t lie: are you an alien sent here to destroy Earth?”

“Squeak!”

“Shit. That would’ve been cool. Maybe minus the whole ‘kill Earth’ part, but still…”

The sun visor came loose, swinging down. It swung freely but it did not bother Sarah and her crusade towards the card shop. “Okay, are you- Fuck, I kinda don’t want to know…” She takes a moment to sit up and look through the windshield for a second, “Okay, are you a figment of my imagination?”

She held her breath until she heard a “Squeak!”

“Oh, thank fucking Christ, I thought I was-”

“Squeak!”

Glancing over to the passenger seat, Carbuncle looked over to his side.

“You little shit!” Sarah reached over to swipe at the glowing ghost, lurching the truck to the right.

Smelling of freshly printed cardboard with a delicate hint of nerd sweat, The Card Cashe seemed to be quite full. The front counter had a line nearly meeting her at the door. Taking the opportunity to look over into the side room, tables were filled with dice, fish rocks, and, most importantly, cards. People of various ages, shades, and fashion sense filled the space, including a few familiar faces: Mike took a seat with a younger girl by his side wearing an impractical pink dress, while Kyle could be heard over the low din. But the most surprising of all was Marty sitting next to him, her back turned away from the doorway. Sarah took a note to ask her about this later.

“Well, well! Look who it is?”

An older man sporting his typical baseball cap walked from around the counter. At 6’3”, he towered over Sarah, but he was one of the few that never seemed to hold that over her. His nappy hair started to grey around his ears even though he could not have been that old. Any attempts of facial hair seemed to have yielded to wispy patches. The man introduced himself as ‘Mr. Montgomery’ and looked like the man to go to in this world of colorful cardboard.

“Good afternoon, sir. Looks like business is booming?” Sarah smiled as she greeted the man back. After years of having to meet business magnates and political figures, she learned that politeness actually had its uses.

“It certainly is, that new World Game TCG is flying off the shelves! And people called me stupid for owning a physical game store while everyone played on their phones.” He looked over at the side room and smiled blankly. “Oh, were you picking up some blisters as well?”

Numbers flew through her mind. I got $112 in tips in the past 3 days… I still need curtains and a few new clothes wouldn’t hurt. Especially after... She still smelled of goat after one got excited about meal time and bumped her into what is affectionately known as ‘The Goulash’.

“Uh, sure!” Curtains can wait a bit longer.

Both Carbuncle and the owner looked over her shoulder as she tore into the five booster packs. Sounds of people recording the same using their Glimmers could be heard just a few steps away.

“Hmmm…” Outside of an Alcademia super rare spell known as “System Outage” that shut down both player’s ability to use spell and trap cards, there was not much that would cause a stir. “Darn. I was hoping to pull another Gemless Carbuncle.”

“Huh. You said you wanted a what, lil’ miss?” Mr. Montgomery queried, scratching the scruff on his chin.

“Oh, you know, one of these?” Sarah held the glittering card still held in the sleeve she never bothered removing it from.

Without regard for his lower jaw, Mr. Montgomery stared at the piece of cardboard. “D-Do you mind if I hold it?” He asked, adjusting his glasses.

“Sure, I got it here the other day.”

Pulling out a jeweler’s glass, the card was moved along nearly every axis within three dimensional space. He even went as far as sniffing the card from the top of the sleeve.

This man really is a fucking professional.

After an examination that would make a rectal doctor blush, he put away the jeweler’s glass, “I can definitely say I’ve never seen this card before, lil’ missy.” He held the card back out, remiss to release it from his grasp. “You said you got it from here? Like, from a pack?”

If Carbuncle seemingly did not force itself into this plane of existence from that very card, Sarah would have let the older man keep the card he seemed to treasure. “Uhh, yeah. I got it from… I think he said his name was Dick Johnson?”

“You mean Richard?” Mr. Montgomery chuckled awkwardly, “I can’t believe he told you to call him that old joke. His real last name is O’Malley.”

Wait, where have I heard that name before?

“Anyways, I don’t know where Richard got this gem from, no pun intended.” He scratched his curly hair that peaked out from under the Cardinals hat before shifting his oversized glasses, “But I can definitely look into-”

“Well, well, well! If it isn’t the princess of St. Louis herself? You’re shorter than I thought.”

“Bruh, don’t embarrass me like-”

Dressed head to toe in garish pink, a black girl even shorter than Sarah stepped forward. Mike stood behind the pissy pint-sized princess, despite nearly being twice her height. “No worries, little bro! I’ll make sure to reclaim your honor! She’s only been playing this game for, what, four days?”

After taking back Carbuncle’s card from Mr. Montgomery, Sarah rubbed her eyes. Is this bitch really wearing a Victorian era dress to a card shop?

“Mike, who the…” Sarah had to steal a glance at the old man, “heck is this defunct dress up doll?”

The tall kid rubbed his forehead, eyes closed, “This is my twin sister, Mica.”

“Charmed,” the girl held out her hand wrapped in a long white glove, expectantly waiting for Sarah to return the greeting. After what felt like enough time to make everyone in the room glance around, she rescinded the invitation, “Well, my little brother has said quite a bit about you. Trust me when I say, I hope you don’t play as awfully as you smell.”

Mr. Montgomery felt a dark presence come off of his customer.

“So, how about we have a nice and friendly match? You freaky goblin shortstack.”

“Now, now, Mica… You can’t just call someone a…” He nearly recoiled from what sounded like a tea kettle boiling beside him. Turning towards the tumultuous turpid turmoil, he had to hold his hands up to try and deescalate the situation, “Now, miss, I don’t think yo-”

“What the FUCK did you say about me, you little bitch?” She stood, matching eye level, neither unflinching from the challenge. All attempts at courtesy went out the window. “Who the FUCK are you are you calling a ‘shortstack’ you flat faced, flat footed, and flat chested whore?” Years of keeping up with ‘The Actual Homemakers of the Greater Tri-State Area’ had her armed and ready for such an altercation.

“Ooh! Aren’t you well spoken for a stinky bimbo that smells like a goat? You think you’re hot stuff, beating my dumb little brother?”

“Bruh, I did better than you on the-”

Mica quickly spun around, her frilled dress and dark brown hair in pigtails twirling with her, “Shhh shh! I’m trying to stir the pot!” Snapping back, she continued her chiding, “Look here, you overalls-wearing gobin! I’m easily the best in this whole shop, you won’t stand a…”

SLAM!

The sound of a fist on the polyethylene plastic table echoed into the next room, causing everyone to look over.

“Oh crap! Sarah’s back!”

“Hell yeah! Where’s Ronnie?”

Mica’s eyes were wide. With admittedly a bigger gulp than she wanted to let loose, she straightened up her posture once more, “So, is that a challenge?”

Pulling up her cards, Sarah stared unflinchingly, “You fucking bet it is.”

“Bruh, you got your match with her, why are you-”

“Age before beauty,” Mica matched her brother’s typical grin. “That means you go first, stinky.”

The girl’s mat was the same plain felt as Mike’s, but in the expected obnoxious pink as her dress. She seemed to share the same sleeves and gentle handling policy as well. For being the ‘older sister’, she did not even reach Mike’s chest, even with his powerful slouch. Geez, even Becky and I aren’t that bad.

Sarah glared at her adversary. While remembering to practice her deep breathing and counting to ten, she still stewed in the comments her adversary passed her way. Picking up the top card of her deck, she agreed beforehand they were to play a five shield game, one round only. “Go.”

With a glint in her eye, Mica drew her card for the turn. “Not as chatty as you were earlier, huh?” Flipping a fish rock, she daintily placed down a card, “I’ll summon Toaster Fibre!”

Having seen this card yesterday, Sarah took yet another deep breath and sighed, “What’s wrong, princess? Have to play with your little brother’s cards?” The card she drew was not going to get her anywhere on her second turn.

“Oh, don’t you worry,” Mica flipped the two fish rocks as she picked up a card off the top of her deck, “You’ll wish I was half as bad as my brother when we’re done here.” Nix, the Firmament’s Blade and a new card joined the fray from her hand as she kept up her coy smile. With a blue background, it appeared to be an ‘Alcademia’ card that depicted a small hermit crab-like creature with a shell spliced with scraps of metal on a white sand beach. “I’ll summon my Nix and Mountainside Hermit.”

“So you’re just gonna play a bunch of weenies? Fitting for a whore like you.”

The crowd grew excited, collectively joining around their table. Mica immediately went flush.

“Alright, my turn.” As Sarah set up for her third round, she weighed her options. With a sigh, she picked two cards from her hand, “I guess I’ll summon Scrapper, and I’ll spend two play points to set a trap.”

Quickly regaining her composure, Mica laughed, “Oh yes, my brother had told me all about your silly traps!” She leaned in, “Do you honestly think I’ll be as stupid as him to let those get the best of me?”

“Bruh, you couldn’t even remember the past-tense of ‘eat’ for the last three da-”

“Pspspspsp! Brother! Not in front of the gorilla, please!”

Sarah was not one for violence, not against strangers at least, but her ape-brain was demanding vengeance for bringing her Napoleon Complex over to her without any prior notice. Plus, Mike is kinda cool. How the fuck does he live with that?

Looking back in her hand, she tried not to show her shock. In a rush, she had not realized she could have just played her own Nix to slow down whatever attempts at a game winning push her opponent could go for.

“Okay! Now I will go!” Fanning out her hand, Mica looked intently at her cards. “Yeah, let’s go with this!” Placing down another ‘Alcademia’ card, she sat back with pride. This card was another [Blocker], but with 5 attack for its 3 play point cost. Much like the other cards sans Toaster Fibre, it had the text, ‘This card cannot attack’, a trade-off for the high attack stat for such a low cost.

“So you’re just gonna keep playing cards that just sit there?” Sarah lazily leaned on one arm and fanned her cards on herself.

“Oh, how naive…” Mica leaned back, much like her brother did on the prior day.

“Ooh yeah, okay. I’m just a naïve monkey, ooh ooh ahh ahh…” Flipping the four fish rocks she had, Sarah slid forward Ankleslicer. “Anyways, this card negates all keywords on your field. Care to guess what [Blocker] is?”

Mica lurched forward to read the card wide-eyed.

Holy fuck, this is great.

“Ooh yeah, you used that card on me yesterday.” Mike leaned forward from behind his sister to look at the card as well.”

“And WHY didn’t you tell me about this one?!” Grabbing her brother’s collar, she hissed from behind her teeth.

“Bruh, it didn’t do anything yesterday! I don’t have to tell you everything that happens!” He wrestled out of her grasp, before straightening back up, “Seriously, why do you think this is going to work, ‘Big Sister’?”

Sarah straightens up, now her turn to take on the ‘shiteating grin’, “And I’ll just do a bit of this…” Turning her Scrapper, Sarah pointed at a shield, revelling in watching the overdressed girl pick up the card and place it in her hand.

The audience behind Mica began to snicker as she suddenly looked more sure of herself.

“Alright, I’ll end my turn.” Sarah lifted her chin and haughtily waved for her opponent to draw her card.

The haughty expression Mica carried dropped. Quickly flipping two play points, she summons another Mountainside Hermit and Toaster Fibre, giving her a total of six creatures on the field.

“Oh come on, princess! You can’t be quitting the bants now?” Sarah drew her card and summoned a favorite, Dishonest Rogue. “I thought you were the best in the shop?”

Joining in, the crowd “ooh”ed.

Turning Scrapper and Rogue sideways, Sarah grinned, pointing at two more shields, “Sounds like you’re just talk.”

Collapsing her fanned cards, Mica sat back, “And it sounds like Mikey was right, you’re kind of a prick.” Calmly turning Mountainside Hermit to stop Scrapper’s attack, she picked up a shield card, choosing to take the hit from Dishonest Rogue, “You’re just a jerk that acts like she’s better than everyone else because you’re rich.”

Sarah set her cards down on the table. “Oh, now you try to take the moral high ground? You’re the one who came up and started insulting me!”

Shrugging, Mica leaned in a bit, “Mikey’s told me all about you. And I know your type, you get too heated too quick. In fact, you probably think you have the match?” Flipping her now five fish rocks, she chuckled to herself, “Welp, this is going to be game. Thanks for giving me this card when you broke my shield earlier!”

Placing down a ‘Heathen’ card, she prepared all six cards on her field.

“What does that even do? All your weenies can’t even attack.”

Sliding the card for Sarah to get a better look, she nodded as the crowd began to congratulate her.

Identity Death. 5 play point Heathen spell. Remove all effects from your monsters until the end of this turn.

“This card gets rid of all my creature’s effects, even the ones that prevent them from attacking!” With six creatures that can attack, that would wipe out Sarah’s shields and let the last one land the finishing blow on her. With no cards with [Blocker] on her side of the field, the only hope she has is for a [Shield Skill] to at least stop one attacker.

“Fuck, that’s actually kinda cool.”

“Right?” Mica turned her first card, “Let’s start with the weakest card, Nix will attack your shield.”

Picking up the card, Sarah grimmaced.

“Bruh, Mica actually might get her!”

The crowd joined in, reminding Sarah of her first day with the game again.

“Squeak!” Carbuncle chirped from her lap, motioning towards the set card.

That’s right, I think that mistake might’ve turned this whole thing around…

“Alright! I’ll pop your shield with Toaster Fibre.” Picking up the card and placing it in the graveyard after the battle due to its mandatory effect, she grinned as Sarah set the broken shield into her hand.

“Okay, so both my Mountainside Hermits,” she continued as her opponent continued to pick up cards from the field.

“I guess I’ll play Phantom Axe, it lets me destroy one of your creatures with less than 2 attack points.” Looking over the pompous princess’ field, the only remaining targets were the ones that just broke the shields already. “I have to pick that one.” She added, ineffectually pointing.

“Welp, I’ll just have this Toaster Fibre break your last shield before sending it to the Graveyard.” She placed her fingers on the final sleeved card after sending her penultimate attacker to the discard pile, “See Mikey, half of the game is psychological! You just got to get in your opponent’s head. Man, I’m a genius!”

“Hey, that’s a pretty slick deck you’ve got there.” Sarah held out her hand towards her opponent.

“Thanks, I’ve got to make do where I can.” Grasping it back, Mica smiled. “Anyways, Quartz Deathclaw will go for game!”

As she turned the card, Sarah flipped her own. The crowd immediately recognized the card and went wild.

Display of Might. A 2 play point Miracle trap. When your opponent attacks with a creature with 5 or more attack points, negate the attack.

Mica was dumbstruck.

“Looks like this ain’t over yet.” Sarah gently pet the invisible creature in her lap.

Drawing her card, Sarah laughed to herself, “Ooh, just drew the nuts!” Placing down a card that made Mike recoil, the card’s text glittered, “I’ll summon Shadowsmiter Unit! This card destroys all creatures with [Blocker] when it’s summoned!”

“Bruh! That’s not fair!” Mica grabbed the table, still dented from the punch it took earlier.

“Sorry, but that’s the game, princess! Now pick up all your creatures.”

Reluctantly, Mica did as she was told.

“Cool, now it’s my turn to go on the offensive, Rogue will break your third shield!”

Sarah slumped back in her chair. Unless Mica drew another Identity Death, which judging by her new armpit stains on her dress, she did not have, Sarah could take the game back.

“Ugh! That card is so broken!” Picking up her card and groaning loudly, Mica began to pick up her deck, “I’ve got nothing. You won.”

Cheering loudly, the crowd’s roars echoed throughout the side room.