《Syria Girl》Goodbye

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I managed half an hour of sleep before our wakeup call sounded. My eyes were hooded and I truly felt that I was a zombie waking from the dead.

The rest of the juvies talked amongst themselves. I don’t think they even looked at me. I just inhaled my wheat biscuits and tossed my bowl into the sink.

Breathing in the cool morning air I walked down to the hospital. I was excited and a little scared about last night. I’m pretty sure she’s into me. I walked through the hospital tents, whistled a little, then stopped.

In front of Grandma Teete’s bed there were four people. A doctor, two nurses, and Ayamin.

The way the doctor was shaking his head as he chatted to the nurses and the way Ayamin was holding Teete’s poppy while a nurse rubbed her back told me everything I needed to know.

I walked a little closer to the bed. Teete’s face was blue, her eyes were shut, and her chest didn’t move.

I felt Ayamin’s arms around me. She was crying and touched her forehead to my chest. The doctor narrowed his eyes, but I didn’t care. I wrapped my arms around her.

‘Hey, hey,’ I said, rubbing circles in her back the way I’d seen one of my foster Mums do. ‘She went happy.’

Ayamin nodded and looked up at me, tears streaked her face, and her hair was a mess, but there was something in her eyes. As the doctor and nurses moved away, Ayamin whispered to me.

‘I’m alone.’

I looked back at Grandma Teete and felt my own tears begin to well up.

‘I’m here,’ I promised.

She nodded like she didn’t believe me, and then turned back to Teete. We took seats to the side of her.

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‘I’m done with this camp. I’m going to head for Britain,’ Her hands traced the route on an invisible map as she listed the journey through Turkey and the boat trip to Greece, ‘I’ve heard plenty of talk about what route is best.’

‘You’re serious about this?’

Her hands fell to her sides, ‘There’s no future for me here.’

‘But you shouldn’t go alone. It’s dangerous.’

She rolled her eyes, ‘A bomb hit my house Danny, and I was out buying bread. By rights, I shouldn’t even be here. If I’m dead, what can hurt me?’

Her eyes were drying and she seemed to have a new spirit in her. But it was a dangerous spirit. ‘I’ve got a lot to do.’ she took a shaky breath and her tears began to flow again, ‘And then there’s Teete.’

Ayamin had nothing to pay for Grandma Teete’s funeral, so there wasn’t much of a ceremony. A line of holes had been pre-prepared and within an hour we were covering her body with dirt.

Ayamin dropped the last shovelful of crumbling dirt onto the grave and then rested on her shovel, staring down at the grave and its simple white marker.

‘She wanted me to go,’ Ayamin said, ‘She didn’t like me staying here and wasting my life. But I’m glad I did.’

‘She always told me to make sure I visit Paris,’ Ayamin pulled out her copy of Two Hearts in the French Night and placed Teete’s poppy inside of it.

Then Ayamin turned away from the grave and looked out beyond the camp entrance.

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