“What a disaster. What a fucking disaster!” He said to the blackness he was standing in. Or was he floating in it? It matters little. “Where’re my guns?”

He was not expecting a response, but to his surprise he got one.

No weapons are allowed in the Introduction. It offers an unfair advantage. You may purchase a gun in the item shop if you have enough points.

The floating box appeared in his vision just like before. Like last time, it was blue and, thankfully, slightly transparent.

“Then where’s the item shop, Voice?”

You do not have access to the item shop at this time. Please select your name so you may begin the Introduction.

A blinking screen appeared in his vision, asking for his first and last names, but Lebowski didn’t care much about what this Voice decided to call him.

“Lebowski is my name. Now, please take me to the item shop!”

Processing. The name is authorized. Good luck Lebowski Lebowski. Beginning Introduction in 3… 2… 1...

Lebowski found himself in a jungle as suddenly as he had found himself in the blackness. He took in his surroundings, scanning everything in his sight. The trees were tall but thick with branches. The wood of the trees was a weird and unnatural purple bark, but at least the leaves were still green. The air was hot and humid with a large midday sun hanging overhead. It reminded him of the Amazon jungle.

A rustle of a small bush to his left alerted him to a boar’s presence. It was large, larger than any boar he had ever seen back on Earth. Of course, he assumed he wasn’t on Earth anymore, but who knows. Its fur was brown and its tusks were blood red. It pawed at the ground and snorted directly at Lebowski.

Introduction instance #0.02318. Objective: Survive for one Earth year.

Lebowski finished reading the floating text in his vision right before the boar charged. He was without weapons, in an unknown environment, with a murdering boar charging him. Lebowski decided to do the only logical thing. He scrambled to his right, climbing up a tree. The purple bark felt weird and smooth in his grasp, but he was grateful for it. Right below his dangling feet, the boar rammed into the truck of the tree, almost throwing Lebowski off.

This boar was unnatural. Everything about this was bizarre. Lebowski did not know if boars were carnivores or not, but he did not recall people ever getting hunted by boars. However, he most certainly was being hunted.

The boar backed up to charge again. Pawing at the ground once, it ran into the tree. This time, some of the trunk splintered off.

“Stop it!”

The boar backed up again, and charged yet again. More of the bark splintered off.

“Stop it you fuc...”

Lebowski’s branch was starting to droop lower and lower with each ram of the boar. If only he had his guns, this would be over in seconds.

He sure as hell couldn’t go down, and he could not stay put. With the only option to go up, Lebowski climbed branch over branch, his body tingling when he reached the top. The neighboring tree’s limbs reached out across towards the tree he was already on. He loved Tarzan, but he never felt the urge to be the jungle monkey. Things change he supposed. Lebowski was now willing to at least attempt to be his childhood hero.

Lunging forward in between the boar’s rams, Lebowski’s arms reached forwards, gripping the smooth purple bark of a neighboring tree. He was in great shape. Martial arts, hunting, and guns helped him keep his physique, even though he spent most days lawyering and such. These past few minutes made him grateful for his fitness obsession like never before.

Pulling himself on top of the thick branch he jumped on, he took a deep breath. This is not what he wanted to happen. Ideally, he would have been killing stuff with his guns. That is what he thought this apocalypse would be like. He’d murderhobo his way around. Instead, it had him playing Tarzan the Jungle Monkey.

“Should have read a brochure or something.”

The tree he was just in came tumbling down, crushing the smaller trees and bushes under it. Below, he could hear the boar squealing in frustration. It gave him a large amount of joy to hear it’s anger.

“For a system that wants fairness, it must not have any idea what that is. It’s not fair spawning me next to a murderous pig,” Lebowski muttered to himself.

As if cursing him, Lebowski felt his new tree beginning to shake. The leaves rustled and the trunk vibrated. Looking down, he saw his nemesis continue to act like a maniac, ramming into his new tree.

So, Lebowski jumped to another tree. And another one. And another one after that. He hopped tree to tree, losing track of time, trying to outrun the boar, dodging, swinging, running, and leaping through the canopy. His legs pounded and his body was being torn up, but he didn’t feel it. He was elsewhere.

After what felt like only a moment, he could no longer see or hear the pig, so he sat down to rest on a particularly large tree. His body was covered in sweat, and he was bleeding from several cuts and scrapes. He ran his body ragged. Lebowski never felt more alive.

In the corner of his vision, a blinking notification caught his attention. Focusing on it, a status screen appeared in front of him.

Name: Lebowski Lebowski

Titles: none

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Class: none

Stats:

Strength - 12

Agility - 11 → 12

Vitality - 10

Intelligence - 13

Wisdom - 9

Luck - 16

Skills: none

Race: Human

Cultivation: none

“Awesome. I’m in a video game. Looks like we were in a simulation. A simulation within a simulation. Cool.” Mentally thinking of closing the window, the window collapsed back into the corner of his vision. Finally having a moment to actually think, Lebowski assumed a relaxing position, closing his eyes.

Breathing in deeply, Lebowski tried to process what was going on around him. He was in a strange place, with at least one murderous animal, and had no real way to protect himself. He had to do something to address his needs: food, water, and shelter. Of course, that’s easier said than done.

Water.

Water seems like a logical first step. Then, Lebowski can focus on everything else. But, yes, water first.

Actually, he should probably take stock of everything he has first. Then water.

Hawaiian shirt, grey sweatpants, a straw hat, and black tennis shoes. No nakey Lebowski in the woods today. Fascinatingly enough, he still had his backpack. After opening it, he found that there was nothing in it, not even his dry rations or bottle waters. But at least he had a backpack. He didn’t understand how the Voice decided what to take and what to keep. What if he had plate armor on? Would it take that from him and leave him naked? And isn’t a backpack somewhat an advantage? Compared to someone who did not have one it certainly was.

He wondered if a knife would have been taken. Maybe, but maybe not. Guess he’ll never know. He did not much like knives, or any blades for that matter. They creeped him out.

Checking his pockets last and finding nothing, Lebowski climbed down from the tree canopy and onto the ground. He held his breath, subconsciously expecting that pig to leap out the bushes and gore him. Luckily, nothing happened.

Straightening the color on his Hawaiian shirt, he chose a direction where the ground slowly tilted down and began to waltz. Fake it till you make it, baby.

Walking through the trees was a much different experience than being chased through the trees. The sounds passed over him much more peacefully. He heard little birds chirping in the distance. It was rhythmic and calming. Much more pleasant than the groans and humphs of the pig. Fucking prick.

A stream. A small gurgling stream that lapped up against a muddy and sandy bank. It was heaven. Lebowski fell to his knees, cupping his hands and bringing them up to his mouth. This heaven felt heavenly.

Lebowski guessed it had been half a day since he came into this world. That was enough time to get thirsty. Really thirsty. Not pissing brown and then drinking the brown piss thirsty, but close enough.

Gulp after gulp he drank. The water was cool and refreshing. Having his fill and taking off his hat, he dumped some of the water on his head. Cascading in rivulets over his body, the water washed some of the sweat and dirt off while cooling him. The jungle was hot. He shuddered in contentment. This was the best thing to happen so far.

Of course, it was then that the boar snorted at him from behind.