‘Who’s determined to do what now? Don’t go deciding that on your own, you selfish Goddess!’

…

*Ting!

-----------------------------------------------------

Dinner Plans for the Festival of the Gods - Quest Information Updated!

Penalties Upon Quest Failure:

- Death by Chinese Water Torture.

- Ah, your friend will probably die too.

-----------------------------------------------------

‘Keuk—‘

“Curse you, Lily!!!!!!!”

With a deep breath, I began to explain the situation to Ray.

* * *

“…And so, that’s what's going on.”

Ray and I were sitting at a table on the second floor balcony of the Adventurer’s Hall with dark expressions on our faces.

I tried to be optimistic.

“O-on the bright side, if we complete this quest we can celebrate all we want with that 1000 gold.”

“…”

“A-and we can probably cover the rent too.”

“Do you know how to cook?”

“......No.”

There was a long pause as we contemplated the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. Was there some way that we could use the power of 42 to destroy that Goddess and restore balance to the world?

“Well, it was nice knowing you, Sen.”

Ray casually got up from his chair and started to walk away. Before he made it two steps, I latched onto his arm with tears streaming down my face.

“Ray, don’t leave me, I don’t want to die! You’ll die too if we don’t do this!”

He tried to pry me away using his foot, but I clung on desperately.

“I’m not spending the last day of my life cooking with an idiot! Let me go, I need to experience manhood at least once before I die!”

“Bwahahaha! What’s going on with you lads?”

A friendly figure walked up the stairs onto the second floor. No longer wearing the adventurer’s tunic, he was dressed in a dark-grey linen shirt with a black apron overtop.

“Bricks! Why are you here?”

“I came to pick up some smithing requests, bwahaha! Work’s slowed down since the morning. Can I help you lads with anything?”

“You came at a great time. Let me tell you about our predicament…“

And so, I recounted everything that had happened since we came to the Hall.

The number of people at our table with darkened expressions increased by one.

…

Bricks was the one to break the silence.

“Lad, check your status and skill windows. Maybe there’s something that can help you.”

‘Ah, right. Status Window. Skill Window.’

-----------------------------------------------------

Sene Arkfield, Level 11

Race: Human | Class: World Chef | Title: Goblin Hunter

HP: 55/55 | MP: 125/125 | FLV: 0

STR: 18 (+3) | DEX: 82 (+2) | INT: 80 | WIS: 15 | LUK: 15

- FLV (flavour) is gained through cooking delicious meals. It improves the taste of your food relative to how high this stat is.

- Your title grants +3 STR and +2 DEX.

- Blessed by the Goddess Lilianna.

-----------------------------------------------------

『Completely Useless Slash』 [Active – No MP]

- A complete waste of space on the skill list.

『Arc Slash』 [Active – Special MP]

- A powerful slash created by stubbornly swinging a sword without rest. In exchange for all of the user’s remaining mana, increases output exponentially.

『Cooking Blade』[Active – 20 MP]

- The blade of a chef is said to be sharp enough to split the ocean. This technique allows you to cut any ingredient.

『Chef’s Resolve』[Passive]

- Anything you cook with all of your heart and soul will taste delicious. It has to!

『Create Ingredients』[Active – Unlimited Uses During Quest]

- A godly technique that allows for the acquisition of ingredients without actually having to go get them.

-----------------------------------------------------

“『Create Ingredients』… is it? Do either of you guys know what Gods and Goddesses eat?”

“Tch, how would I know?”

“Wouldn’t it be okay if you made anything? Bwahahaha!”

“Eh, then could this actually just be an easy quest? I can just create a bunch of fresh vegetables and throw it together like a salad, right?”

“Ohh, you’re right, hahaha!”

“Right? Bwahahaha!”

The atmosphere lightened and the three of us laughed loudly, attracting the stares of other people in our vicinity.

“Huhu~ I couldn’t help but overhear your interesting conversation. I don’t mean to be a thorn in your side, but you guys are completely wrong.”

‘Who?’

The angelic voice came from a lady robed in white, whose gorgeous facial features looked very familiar.

Those baby blue eyes! That bright smile that melts your heart!

Evelyn, my true goddess had descended!

She had taken care of me yesterday in the medical tent after the dragon attack. With that white robe she was wearing, she was probably some sort of healer, pure at heart and kind to a fault.

“Oh Ray baby~ Why did you run away that other night? Did this older sister do anything to scare you?”

‘EH?’

Mouse agape, I slowly turned my head to look at Ray, who was scowling at her.

“Tch, annoying.”

“U-uunnnn~ As always, your cold, emotionless eyes are the best

Hey, hey, I swear I just saw a ‘

"Go away, you perv."

“Ahnnn~ this kind of play is good too…”

Her breathing noticeably quickened and I could feel my face growing red at her sexy expression.

‘T-this isn’t right. This shouldn’t be happening! Give me back my pure goddess!’

I decided to interject.

“W-what did you mean that we’re completely wrong?”

“Mmm right, ahem—“

Evelyn seemed to collect herself a little bit.

“It’s common knowledge among us priestesses that Gods and Goddesses only consume one thing during the Festival of the Gods. Born in the core of a volcano in a distant land and protected in an almost divine grade protective shell, it is said that this meat is the jewel of meats… the king of kings! The only people to have said to been able to acquire this enigma are emperors and legendary adventurers level 6000 and above. Yes. They are none other than… the DRAGON BALLS!”

Is she a magician? She’s a magician, right? I swear I just saw lightning flash behind her at the last statement.

”The cooking method has been said to be lost for centuries, but luckily for you boys, I have it all up here due to a divine prophesy.”

Evelyn pointed at her head.

“Ray baby~ If you go on a date with me later today—“

“Rejected.”

“Ahn?~ But don’t you—“

“Absolutely not.”

“Fueeeee…”

I took this moment to interject.

“M-miss Evelyn, would you please teach me the cooking method? I would be in your debt once more.”

It seemed she had recognized me from yesterday, because her eyes widened slightly.

“You are…”

* * *

About an hour later, Ray, Bricks, Evelyn, and I stood inside Brann’s old bar with fierce eyes.

Bricks came to help out, and Evelyn was determined to save her beloved ‘Ray baby’. Ray and I had our lives on the line.

It was decided that Ray and Bricks would assist in the cooking, while Evelyn would guide it and I would follow her instructions as acting chef.

Upon hearing that he might get a chance to taste Dragon Balls, Brann willingly let us use his kitchen, and even volunteered to be the first taster.

A cool breeze made its way into the bar as I raised my arms.

“『Create Ingredients』, DRAGON BALLS!”

From the center of the bar, a small, yellow magic circle appeared and grew at a frightening velocity. It then expanded vertically, forming hundreds of layers of circles and lines arranged in a complex, 3D cylinder. Countless illegible symbols and characters floated within and pulsated with light.

Suuuuuuuuu.

With a blinding flash, the magic circle disappeared, replaced with two mini-cooper-sized, scaly, black, pear-shaped balls that were attached at the apex like a pair of cherries.

It almost looked like—

‘…Ah, I see now. Testicles. These are literally Dragon Testicles.’

“Now Sen, use whatever broken chef skill you have to peel the scales off the Dragon Balls.”

I did as Evelyn instructed using 『Cooking Blade』.

With Brann’s kitchen knife augmented with my skill, the scales cut like butter despite being only second in hardness to diamond, and soon we were able to peel them off the steaming flesh underneath.

All of the men in the room subconsciously grabbed their own balls as if to check if they were intact.

A sweet, sickly aroma filled the room as the true dragon balls were revealed. Inside the perfect jello-like spheres of glowing orange, there were hundreds of winged tadpole-like creatures wriggling around while using their wings to propel them forward. Dragon Essence!

Brann lit the stove and produced four large woks as I raised my arms for the second time.

“『Create Ingredients』, Tomatoes, Onions, Garlic, Basil, Parsley, Sugar, Salt, Black Pepper!”

The counter was suddenly overcrowded with vegetables and spices that almost reached the ceiling. A few of them tumbled onto the ground.

I understood from Evelyn’s instructions what we were making. It was a popular dish in the western culture, although I didn’t have much care for it myself. I was more of a rice person.

Spaghetti and Meatballs!

Evelyn told me to cut the vegetables while instructing the other men to fish the Dragon Essence out of the Dragon Balls.

The wings and tail of the squirming Dragon Essence could be chopped off and served raw as the garnish and noodles respectively, while the head could be grilled into juicy meatballs.

What they didn’t expect, however…

* * * FLASHBACK END * * *

“Help me—cough, cough—Sen…”

Ray collapsed onto his knees, coughing up blood.

‘How did this happen.’

A frail, elderly man was sprawled across the floor, limp and motionless.

‘Why.’

Foam formed at the ends of Bricks' mouth as his eyes bulged from their sockets.

‘Make it stop.’

Hands shaking, I continued to cut the tomatoes. Hundreds of the violent Dragon Essence were flying in the air watching me without moving, as if they were mesmerized by the slow chopping motion of my kitchen knife.

*Ting!

-----------------------------------------------------

Through repetitive cutting, you have learned the skill 『Mesmerizing Cooking』!

- Charms those watching you cook. Charmed monsters are immobilized while the skill is active.

-----------------------------------------------------

Evelyn frantically monopolized on this opportunity to cast healing spells on the three fallen men who had been defeated by the Dragon Essence.

‘What should we do? These things are no joke…’

Not only was it impossible to cut through the Dragon Essence skin, but they were also terrifyingly strong with an individual level of 40. They seemed to attack by squirting a high-speed blob of white goop that exploded on impact. To make things worse, a single puncture of the Dragon Balls had caused every single Dragon Essence to escape at once, leaving behind a steaming ball of orange jello. It was a terrifying scene as hundreds of the worm-like creatures squirmed through a tiny gap to escape.

I could use 『Cooking Blade』 to dismember a couple of the Essences with the mana I had left, but I didn’t have enough to cut through all of them. Moreover, if I stopped cooking, the squirming bastards would no doubt be broken from their trance and turn violent again.

Stopped cooking… stopped cooking…

Wait, if I was using 『Cooking Blade』, wouldn’t it count as cooking? Even so, it was impossible to keep it up with my mana regeneration rate. I seemed to recover 1 MP every 5 seconds with my improved INT stat, which meant that I needed to increase my regeneration rate by at least a hundred-fold to kill them all. Unless…

To test my theory, I grabbed a fresh tomato and began to peel the skin off while approaching the nearest enemy.

“『Cooking Blade』!”

I immediately returned to peeling my tomato after slicing off the tail and wings of the Dragon Essence in one fluid motion, breathing a sigh of relief when the others didn’t start bombarding me with attacks.

‘It works!’

『Cooking Blade』only used 20 MP, which meant that I was able to use it once every 100 seconds. There were about 400 Dragon Essences that had been freed from the Dragon Balls, which meant that it would take me approximately 40000 seconds to beat them all, or just about 11 hours in total.

I grimaced after doing the calculations in my head, but there was nothing to be done.

Proceeding in this fashion, I cut down the Dragon Essences one by one while peeling and dicing the tomatoes and onions.

Upon recovering, Ray and Brann began to stir-fry the dismembered essence heads with the vegetables and spices. Bricks brought out his smithing hammer and made the tomato sauce by crushing them to bits and then simmering them over medium heat. Evelyn helped prepare 250 plates of noodles and garnish, and even had to run to nearby shops to purchase more plates as the bar didn’t have enough.

*Ting!

-----------------------------------------------------

You have cooked a plate of ‘Dragon Semen’!

- +55 FLV

Truly, a legendary dish that is worthy of the Gods and Goddesses of the Heavenly Realm.

-----------------------------------------------------

You have cooked a plate of ‘Dragon Semen’!

- +55 FLV

-----------------------------------------------------

You have cooked a plate of ‘Dragon Semen’!

- +55 FLV

-----------------------------------------------------

Sweat glistened on our foreheads as we worked. Peel, slice, 『Cooking Blade』, stir-fry, make sauce, put tails on plate, add sauce and vegetables, garnish with wings. This repetitive process continued late into the night without any breaks, because a single moment of hesitation could spell death.

* * *

“Peel, slice, 『Cooking Blade』, stir-fry, make sauce, put tails on plate, add sauce and vegetables, garnish with wings. Peel, slice, 『Cooking Blade』, stir-fry, make sauce, put tails on plate, add sauce and vegetables, garnish with wings. Peel, slice, 『Cooking Blade』, stir-fry, make sauce, put tails on plate, add sauce and vegetables, garnish with wings. Peel, slice, 『Cooking Blade』, stir-fry, make sauce, put tails on plate, add sauce and vegetables, garnish with wings…”

As the sun began to rise above the horizon, passerbys of Brann’s bar would quicken their pace upon hearing a strange chant that permeated the walls. Moreover, a sickly aroma wafted through the windows, and accusatory rumors would spread like wildfire throughout the day regarding the shady nature of this bar.

*Trrrring!

-----------------------------------------------------

Dinner Plans for the Festival of the Gods [Rank C, Emergency Goddess Quest] - Complete.

- 4000 EXP earned.

- You have leveled up!

- You have leveled up!

- You have leveled up!

…

- 1000 gold earned.

- For having over 1000 FLV, you have attained the title ‘Novice Foodie’.

- For having over 2000 FLV, you have attained the title ‘Basic Foodie’.

- For having over 5000 FLV, you have attained the title ‘Hopeless Foodie’.

- For having over 10000 FLV, you have attained the title ‘Orgasmic Foodie’.

- 『Create Ingredients』 has been revoked due to completion of the quest.

-----------------------------------------------------

“Peel, slice, 『Cooking Blade』, stir-fry, make sauce, put tails on plate, add sauce and vegetables, garnish with wings. Peel, slice, 『Cooking Blade』, stir-fry, make sauce, put tails on plate—“

“Sen. Seeeeen. Sen!”

Evelyn shook me by the shoulders, snapping me out of my trance. The 250 plates of spaghetti were gone, as were the leftover ingredients and Dragon Balls. The men were out cold on the wooden floor.

“…Is it finally… over?”

“Seems like it. Good work!”

She beamed as she ruffled my hair, and I could feel my face grow warmer.

‘Ah… if only she was always like this…’

Pouncing on the KO-ed Ray, she gave a loud “Kyaaaaa, Ray baby~”, upon which a leg shot out and kicked her flying out the bar door.

“Tch. So loud and annoying. Lemme sleep.”

“Bwahahaha! It’s good to be young!”

Bricks looked at the ceiling with a wide hearty grin. Brann, however, looked defeated.

“Fueee…. I didn’t get to taste those magnificent Dragon Balls after all.”

“Oi geezer, did you really want to eat that thing? Just go to a gentleman’s bar if you’re that interested.”

“Hah? You’re fifty years too young to say that kind of thing to me. Learn your place, you parasitic child. Better yet, move out as soon as possible and learn how to pay your rent on time in the real world.”

“Tch, we’ve got enough to pay your damn rent, you old sack of potatoes. Right, Sen?”

“Pfft.”

“Sen?”

“Pff-hahahahahaha!”

“Oi, oi, I think he’s finally gone crazy.”

“Hahahaha—sorry—haha… I’m just glad I have such good friends like you guys.”

I plopped to the ground with a little puff of dust and laid back, arms and legs stretched out.

“You know? I was scared and lonely when I first got here. I didn’t know what to do or where to go, and there seemed to be trouble everywhere I went.”

I gave a little chuckle at the memory of drunk Ray collapsing during the celebratory feast and Bricks laughing behind him with a victorious pose.

“But you guys helped me through it all, thick and thin, even if we didn’t know each other very well. I can’t thank you all enough for what you’ve done for me.“

I reached for the ceiling with one of my hands and clenched it into a fist.

“I’ll do my best to become stronger and help you too.”

“Idiot, why are you going all sentimental on us now? We’re already brothers, aren’t we?”

“Bwahaha! He’s right, lad. It’s the morning, but what say we head over to the bar and have a celebratory drink among brothers? It’s on you today! Bwahahaha!”

“Tch. What a pain in the ass, I want to sleep.”

“Bwahahaha! Don’t be a little baby, real men prioritize drink over sleep.”

Bricks got up and lifted Ray in a shoulder-carry, walking towards the door.

“Boy, let’s go!”

“Ray baby~ I’m going too!

Shuffling to my feet, I could feel a warm, comfy feeling spreading in my chest.

With these guys, I truly felt at home.

“Coming!”

* * *

‘That 『Create Ingredients』 technique was really useful though… I wonder if I’ll ever get a power like that. I can’t believe that it can just materialize ingredients out of thin air.’

A certain black dragon in a distant land cried that night.