A mild shock brings me to life. My armor sensed I was unconscious and revived me. I’m still trapped inside the escape pod, but everything is eerily silent now. Only the sound of my suit running through a body scan. A busted lip and a fractured rib, nothing else. A small balloon of silicone inflates between my flesh and the suit, keeping my ribs in place. These suits are a little outdated. The newer models come equipped with pain relievers and I could really use some from now. I run a quick scan for other soldiers on my wrist comp. There are two moving blips, headed this direction. They’re coming to save me probably since radar isn’t picking anyone else up. I need to get out of here first. My ribs seem to shift as I release myself from the harness. Every push pains me as I force the door open. There’s a small gap in the wreckage. I could probably squeeze through, I just need to figure out which way is up. My suit gives another alert and fills with more silicone. I guess moving around really did shift my ribs. It’s funny, I’ve got a high tolerance for pain, but the idea of it makes me run. I catch myself laughing and realize I need to pull it together otherwise I’ll just die. Now isn’t the time for jokes. I force my way out of the pod, bringing my gun along with me.

There’s a slight draft blowing down, if I follow that, I should reach the surface. Forcing wreckage and scrap out of my way for what seems like forever isn’t how I planned this mission going. Eventually, I spot some light from above, but that’s not all. There’re gunshots. It seems like whoever else is alive is still fighting off those creatures. I want to peak my head out and find an exit but for now, hiding is the best option. I’m not drawing any attention to me. I can wait until the gunshots stop and I’ll be free to take off, find a ship and get off this god forsaken planet. I thought the gunshots were right above me, but they seem to be getting closer and the time between them is longer. Is someone leading those things here? Hiding was the best option. Eventually the gunshots stop but I’m not ready to climb out yet. Especially now that there seems to be some muffled talking. I’ll just close my eyes and try not to make any noise. No, I can’t survive on my own. I need them, real soldiers. I shuffle around and try to make my way to the top.

“Someone’s down there,” a woman’s voice calls out.

There’s some discussion as the wreckage starts to shift, my climb to the top becomes clearer and easier to make with less weight being forced down on me. Inch by inch, bit by bit I’m making my way out of the wreckage. My hand reaches through, someone grips it hard and starts to pull. I’m yanked through the rubble in a matter of seconds.

Laying on my back I stare up at the people who assume they’re my saviors. Commander Marshall Randolph and Lieutenant Marki Hill; neither looks happy to see me.

“Of all the people on the ship, this coward had to survive,” Marshall says.

“At least he’s another body and another gun,” Marki responds.

“His gun isn’t worth a damn,” Marshall says before spitting on the breastplate of my armor and walking away.

Marki follows him, but I don’t. A better man might have shot Marshall, or at least punched him in the face. Spitting on someone is one of the ultimate forms of disrespect. The thing is, I’m not even angry, because I deserve it. I left everyone to die, watched two people die and tried to save myself. I’m a terrible person, but I’m alive. I’m alive, and they’re all dead.

I ignore their side conversation to take inventory of my surroundings. The colony has grown beyond predictions. It’s a small city with high rise buildings and everything. I wonder what the population would be to make those necessary. There’s a few fires off in the distance, black smoke against a bright blue sky. Looking up at the sky doesn’t give a real feel of what’s here on the ground. Scrap from the ship, but not enough for the entire ship. It seems like the part I was in broke off somewhere during the crash. The rest of the ground is scorched and scraped from my rough landing. A few of the creatures lay just out of reach. I force myself to stand, broken ribs and all. I keep my gun ready to fire but make my way towards a few of the dead ones.

“Will you get your coward ass over here,” Marshall calls to me.

“I just want to examine them,” I call back.

I don’t get any closer before Marshall is already heading straight towards me at full speed. There’s a loud thud as he slams his head into mine. I feel the hot air from his nose before I feel the pain of the headbutt. I want to run away but I know he’ll just catch me, and that’ll only make him angrier.

“Why the hell did you run and hide,” he asks without giving an inch.

“I was scared.”

“You were scared?”

“Yes.”

“Children are scared. Old people are scared. Marki is scared. I’m scared. You, are damn coward. Do you know what the difference is?”

“No.”

“A coward runs and hides. He leaves his whole team to die a painful and unholy death while he burrows into a little hole, hidden by the darkness. Then, when nobody is watching he crawls out of that hole like an insect or a rodent.”

“That’s not fair,” are the only words I can think of.

“It’s not fair?”

“I told you, I wasn’t a soldier. You insisted on making me follow you through all of this. You wanted to have a soldier and I told you, I am not a soldier. This is as much your fault as it is mine.”

I didn’t see the bunch coming, I just felt the cold steel of his gauntlets connect with my mouth then then a shooting pain through my abdomen as I landed on the ground. Marki rushes over to stop Marshall before he can continue his attack. The two argue while I collect myself and try to get it together. Marshall’s back is turned to me, I could shoot him right now, and he wouldn’t see it coming. But Marki stares a dagger through my chest as I glance at my gun. I wouldn’t have shot him anyway, I’m not that kind of person.

“We need to get out of here before the sun sets, find somewhere to hold up,” Marki takes control of the situation.

I use the map on my wrist comp to find a suitable location. Somewhere with a lot of exits and hopefully supplies. I settle on Glover’s, a department store not far from here. There should be some medical supplies, food, water and everything else we need. We’ll be able to hold up in there while we plan to get off this planet. There has to be a space going ship around here somewhere.

“We should go here,” I share the coordinates with Marki and Marshall.

“That’s a good idea, it’s not far and we’ll have plenty of exits if we need them,” Marki approves.

“We won’t need the exits, but I’m sure the rodent will,” Marshall approves, but starts walking.

“Marshall, slow down, we need to stick together,” Marki calls and chases after him.

I follow the two but my ribs don’t let me run behind them. I need to bandage them for real when we get to the store. It’s probably for the best that I’m not near Marshall. He clearly blames me for what happened but it was going to happen anyway. I prioritized saving my own life. He saw the same thing I did, they were unkillable and there were far too many for us to do anything about them. I feel bad for what I did, and I’ll probably think about it for the rest of my life, but what was I supposed to do? Stand and fight, just so I can die. This is it, we’re the last three. I would have just been another corpse, getting my insides torn out because I was brave. I just wanted to live. Is it wrong that I chose to live? Is that so wrong?