The time after his arrest was like one long bad trip for Michael. Imprisoned in a small and mostly empty cell, time went on like a dream, completely cut off from the outside world and even from all normal rhythms of time. He was stuck in a world devoid of any natural light here, one where only a small old fashioned light bulb that more belonged in a museum flickered like crazy most of the time. He had the freedom to turn it off if he wanted to sleep, but even when turned off it sometimes gave weird electric bursts and sparkles unexpectedly, which sometimes woke him again, not that he would have slept so well otherwise.

The room contained nothing but an old chair, and there was some kind of tiny dirty toilet room in a corner, and something that could with some imagination be considered a bed. At least it had a very old mattress. They’d given him some kind of prison suit pyjamas to sleep in, which might have made him look like a zebra on an ancient sepia picture from a museum, but he didn’t have a mirror here so he didn’t really bother with how he looked.

Nothing happened here at all except for the meals and some sporadic visits from unfriendly officials who threatened him and then left, usually without having said anything useful, so he was completely alone with his thoughts and his feelings. With everything that had happened lately it didn’t take long before being alone with himself started to drive him crazy. And who knew what was even going on in the outside world? It all seemed so far away now, like a fading dream. He felt like he had been completely forgotten by everyone he had ever known, and his connection to the outside world was fading fast.

He didn’t even have a clue anymore what time it was outside, whether it was midnight or noon. How long had he really been here in this trance between waking and bad sleep? Hours, days, a week? He hadn’t even found a pattern in the meals of stale bread and tasteless soup, but there must have been only about 5 of them, with seemingly irregular intervals. So rationally he knew he could only have been here two days or so at worst, even if it felt like an eternity already. It already as if he’d always been locked here in this liminal in-between world that wasn’t a world at all, a waiting zone for hell that could turn into anything in the end, from reinstatement of his former Gamma-1 status to a life as unrated nobody in a Zeroville or worse. Or maybe to nothing at all, maybe he would never leave this place or find sanity again. Maybe this had been his life.

And then there were the words the officer had said the last time he had unannouncedly barged in, which kept on looping endlessly in his mind.

‘We have phoned your father, mister Adams, and he is not happy. Neither is the director of your school. You will be punished severely. I promise that.’

And then he had disappeared again. There had been pure hate in his eyes, like had been the case with the interrogator too. What had he ever done to deserve that? Nothing in this whole story was fair, but he knew that that was just how it worked in the real world. Maybe he lived in a dystopia after all.

Had they believed his version of the story? It probably wouldn’t make any difference at all. Attacking an Alpha-2 only to defend a girl not your family member or partner was just not done. Everybody in The Nation knew that. Or at least that was how people thought. Any yet it would have been the only thing he could have done, the good thing to do too if you were a good man, or even just a good person. Except that in reality he hadn’t even done anything at all. It had been Eliza who had done what had needed to be done, and he had just been held by two stronger men, unable to do anything at all. But that didn’t matter, since no alpha would ever admit that he was defeated by a mere girl. And he had still been a level one male at that point, so he was the one who was responsible for Eliza’s alleged misbehaviour anyway. Single girls had no legal agency and needed a man for everything. No-one would believe that a Wife School student like him could be a warrior when the circumstances asked for it, and even for him it would have been hard to believe, hadn’t he seen it.

His “crime” was a serious one in the eyes of his captors: a high-rated Alpha was harmed, hit in his manhood even. No matter who had done that and why, he was the only one who was officially responsible. Breaking the Man Code by attacking a high-level male without a valid reason was a serious offence, which stirred up extreme feelings in those men. And now he had to be punished for not being a Real Man. Or rather for being the wrong kind of man maybe, everything was still contradictory, and he couldn’t win at all. In theory attacking someone stronger than you would have been considered manly and courageous, but breaking the hierarchy was just not done and punishable, and always cowardly. Nothing of this made any sense if you really thought it through, and yet it was everything he had ever known. It always had gone that way for men. If there was another possibility he hadn’t seen it yet, and it wouldn’t be available for him now.

Ultimately this meant the end of his experimenting with being another kind of man. All his fantasies of living as a free person outside of the unwritten laws of The Nation were shattered to nothingness now, as were all of his other dreams for the future, and his expectations for the rest of his life. All that he had been was over now, especially if his father was indeed involved in the punishment. They might not only unrate him but even completely delete him now, and he might even be one hair-width away from being a non-Citizen now. Would they really do that? For such a small fight? He knew that if they would not give back his badge, he would be stuck with a status lower than Angela, who had to work as a garbage sorter in a recycling factory because there was no better job she could find. And she was technically still rated, officially an E who had never finished Wife School if he remembered well.

The complete uncertainty about everything was the worst thing to endure. Why did he have to wait here in pure isolation? Did that mean they didn’t know what to do with him or were they planning something that took time? Were they holding a whole process without him? He knew that they had confiscated his badge. Would he ever get a chance to get it back? Or would he automatically get downgraded now to a much lower rank? Become a badgeless faceless person even? He knew that all of this might be possible if an Alpha-2 was very mad at you and you were just a Gamma.

It was all so unfair and so ironic too. Eliza’s more than successful act of self-defence, without which she would have been molested or worse, should have been celebrated. She had done right, and rather spectacularly so. She never ceased to amaze him with her wide range of talents and interests, but he had never taken her for an actual fighter too. She had been the hero.

Something about that had still hurt him in the male pride that he always had thought he didn’t have. Something still told him that he should have been the one to defend Eliza and Megan, and he felt terrible that he had been unable to save both his girl friends from sexual assault. But at least that one evil had been avoided for now.

What rotten system would say that he had only the right to defend his own fiancee, and that Eliza shouldn’t have mattered to him? Why didn’t an unconnected woman mean a thing to people in this rotten world? He would even have saved an unknown girl from assault when needed if the situation would ever have arisen. If he’d gotten over his indecision and cowardice that is, so probably not. He actually wasn’t much of a man. Less than Eliza even, who should have gotten a statue, but who was probably just kicked from Wife School now together with Megan.

He cursed in his mind. There was nothing he could do. There was nothing he could have ever done. Megan had been right, his privilege existed only if he did the things that were expected of a toxic male. He didn’t really have any actual meaningful privilege to change the system. And just being the wrong person at the wrong place at the wrong moment could ruin everything. The hierarchy of The Nation among men was quite strong, and if a dominant Alpha tried to destroy a lower-ranked person who could be blamed for anything, there wasn’t really anything that could be done, except maybe by another alpha of the same rank. It was a weak spot in the whole system, but was how it worked, and now it would destroy him.

It was even worse that this probably would spell disaster for poor Megan and Eliza too. That was something that he would have to learn to live with too, no matter how it would turn out for him. Something told him that he would never be able to see them again, and that the girls would now hate him forever anyway. That’s what he deserved too. He had ruined the few bits of future they had and he could not live with that idea. He could never look in their eyes again even if they would want to see him back. He wouldn’t even be able to face Angela anymore now. His whole idea of being friends with girls had been destroyed, and was broken beyond repair, as was his place in the male world. There was nothing left for him.

He noticed that his thoughts were running in circles, and that they were becoming irrational. In the end he had done nothing wrong, it was the world that was wrong, and he was right. Oh how arrogant did that sound. No, the police were probably right. The Alpha dude was probably right too. He didn’t exactly know what, but it must have been something wrong that he had done. No, he had to fight these thoughts. He was innocent. And if he got out he had to find the girls, and set things right in some way. It was not just Megan who was his responsibility now, but Eliza too. And he had to be a man and be responsible.

After a while he realised that his thoughts were making him crazy again. He turned off the light and tried to sleep, but he went into a strange state in between being awake and being stuck in a nightmare. He had to fight a dragon who wanted to eat the girls with nothing but a toothpick, while all the Alphas he had known in his life were mocking him, and Greystone was taking notes. 'No, Mr. Adams, you are not pleasing to us. In this way you cannot get a Wife from our reputed institution.’ He said, and he closed the door, and he suddenly stood outside on Square plaza, in his underwear. Samantha suddenly stood before him, wearing only an E-floor bikini for some reason, and she wanted to embrace him. ‘You’ll never be a Husband now, but at least I will have my fun with you.’ ‘No!’ He screamed, while Samantha tried to kiss him, and suddenly Megan, Eliza and Angela stood around them. ‘Now we see what it was that you wanted. Men, they all want one thing, and it’s despicable!’ Megan said, and turned around and left. ‘I wish I could say I’m disappointed, but you know I’ve never even trusted you, you’re a man after all. I’ve known that all along’ Eliza said, and disappeared too. Angela didn’t say a word, and just wept bitter tears, while Samantha yelled. ‘He’s mine for today, but you can have him tomorrow if you take him out of the trash!’

He wanted to scream, but there came no sound, and suddenly he stood there, still almost naked, before his father and his mother. ‘I’ve always known that you’re not a Real Man.’ He said, and he also turned away without saying anything. He also disappeared, together with his mother who didn’t even say a word.

*

‘Mister Adams, wake up and take your stuff.’

Suddenly there was a light shining in his face, and someone was calling his name. An officer had finally come, to give him a verdict. He stared at the face, that he couldn’t see well in the sudden daylight.

‘Michael Adams. Take your stuff. You’ve been suspended from school. And your dad wants you to move out as soon as possible, you’re disowned. You will meet a relocalisation agent who’ll help you in the process.’

‘Can I get my badge back then?’ He asked.

The officer laughed. ‘Maybe if you behave they’ll consider when you get a new screening for a rating after a year. No, son, you’re going to live in a state apartment for the unrated, and you’ll need to find work as soon as possible.’

That was much to take in, but he wasn’t the only one affected by the story.

‘But the girls? What happens to them?’

‘None of your business anymore, son, as a badgeless man you cannot have a Wife so don’t bother about your ex-fiancee now. You should know that. She’s nothing to you anymore, and you are nothing to her. She’s nothing anymore herself now anyway. But maybe it helps if you know that we decided with both their fathers that they are to be taken away from Wife School. They are no wife material.’

‘No!’ He said.

The officer ignored him.

‘Come on, get dressed. You’ll have to talk to the relocalisation agent, he’ll be here soon. He will explain stuff and help you move to your new place. You can get all the stuff you want from your old house, but you’ll have to work from now on. And if I were you’d get used to not wearing a badge soon. It’ll be quite a difference from class one life.’ He let out a dirty laugh. ‘But don’t fret. Like I said, after one year we’ll look at your case and if your behaviour was good enough you might get a badge again. But that means you’ll have to behave now. And respect men with higher badges than you. Which is every man you’ll meet. Including Epsilons.’ He seemed very pleased with that idea. ‘Time for you to learn some respect for Real Men…’

Michael didn’t have much stuff to collect, but he dressed in the clothes he was wearing the night of his arrest, and tried to take the words of the police officer in. So that was it? Technically his life in The Nation was over now. No more school for him, so no diploma. A state apartment for the unrated meant that he was listed as the poorest of the poor, completely unprivileged. Plus he had to obey every man with a badge now. He was a complete pariah from now on. With some luck he would be able to get his job at the Square Bar back, but he knew that the pay would be much lower for a badgeless man than it had been for Gamma-1 student, and that he’d probably be treated terribly by the entitled clients, and probably even by some of his colleagues.

He had lost all of his family and friends now. And on top of that he probably had lost the girls too. Like the official had said, they were nothing to him now. And he was nothing to them. He had no right to bother them anymore, and they wouldn’t want to see him again after what happened. He would never be able to have a Wife as a badgeless man. And they were ruined now, because of him. How could he ever look Megan or Eliza in the eyes again? He had tried to defend them, but what had it done?

It was not fair at all, but that was how it was: he had lost everything he’d ever known. The Nation didn’t give you any second chance sometimes, he had to accept the situation and there was nothing he could do now.

‘The relocation agent is waiting, Mister Adams!’

Another official appeared. Michael said a silent prayer, and followed him, completely devoid of any hope for the future.