"So... What's everyone think they're getting?" Mukuro asked casually. "Personally, I'm going for the Magician."

"Magicians are the ultimate attackers," read Net, "Pffft, yeah right. —Don't care too much if their play is objectively correct... intuition, fancy... yada yada yada."

"A Magician sees chess as a creative art, and creative art cannot be held captive by stern and fixed principles..." continued Anasthese. "That seems about right. A hustler can't make money if he has no audience. Magicians don't care too much if their play is objectively correct — they prefer to follow their intuition... —can calculate well, but sometimes do so quickly and carelessly, using their calculation to support what their intuition tells them..."

Anasthese pondered for a moment, then gave a final nod. "Checks out."

"...Really?" said Net. "I expect him to be more of the Barbarian type."

"C'mon, I'm not that aggressive," said Mukuro.

"And how 'bout you, mister?" shot Anasthese, "What do you think you're getting?"

Net, smug, raised a checkmark-like finger gesture to his chin. "What else. The Escape Artist, of course!"

Anasthese and Mukuro read through the description.

"Escape Artists like quiet, positional play, but somehow seem to end up in tense, nerve-wracking, and sharp struggles."

"Why does this happen? Because the Escape Artist, by threatening to grind his opponent down in quiet, positional ways, forces his opponent to counterattack, sacrifice, and take risks."

"—The Escape Artist often doesn't prevent his opponent's attack, but actually welcomes it and entices it. Then the complications and danger begin, and the Escape Artist's phenomenal calculating power comes to the forefront."

Mukuro inhaled through his teeth. "I...? Yeah, no, — that's actually perfect..."

Anasthese clicked her tongue impatiently, arguing which boxes he ticks, then breathed a sigh of dejection.

"It's bull's eye, isn't it," condoled Mukuro.

"Bruh, if I don't get Escape Artist, that's how you know this test is bullshit," said Net proudly. "And what are you getting, Toots?"

Anasthese also puffed up haughtily. "Champion. I'm taking no other answer."

"Let's see... Champions are great fighters who play for the attack but don't like to take undue risks. They are emotional players who use those emotions to increase the intensity of the game for themselves and for their opponents.—"

"Deep, profound calculations that get at the heart of the position are their forte."

"—Champions are universal players, and they won't go wild looking for a win if its just not there. They are quite willing to play a quiet endgame if that is what the position demands."

"Hmmm..." Mukuro sat mulling it over. "Can't really offer my two cents here, I'm probably too monkey‐brain to understand how the pro meta works."

"If you're a Champion, then how come you can't beat Rei."

"You wanna go??"

"I'm just saying—," Net played innocently. "Hey, Rei! You think this chick is a champion?"

"Hmmm?" Rei looked up. "Isn't she more of an Assassin?"

"What!!" exploded Anasthese.

"Ah— I mean, you were always going for me so that's what I thought," said Rei uneasily.

"Yh— yeah? Well... You're a Grinder!!"

"Grinders are players with an unassuming style that can hide just how intent they are on winning," read Mukuro.

"—Have good positional skills, and are usually most at home in endgames, hard to take advantage of a Grinder’s weaknesses... Yeah, I dunno about that one, chief."

"He looks like a Professional to me," suggested Mukuro. "Look. Professionals are strategists who place a high value on the exactness of their game and rarely let their emotions get out of hand. Professionals like to keep things under control - they don't like to take undue risks, either by attacking the opponent or allowing themselves to be attacked. Instead, Professionals like to exploit long-term weaknesses. While they deal with long-term strategic and positional factors, they don’t rely on vague, intuitive judgments - for the Professional, chess is an exact, calculated science."

"That's actually not half bad," agreed Net. "Nice find, Slanky!"

Anasthese couldn't find a refutation, much as she wanted to.

"So, how are we doing this again?" asked Rei. "Do we just answer the questions on our own?"

"I think we should go through the questions as a group," said Anasthese. "We each state our opinions, and then give our answers at the end of discussion. That way we make sure everyone is on the same page regarding what the question means, and we can compare our answers to see if we voted unanimously, or voted split."

"Eehhh? I don't really want my tastes going public," said Net.

"Scared you'll be the odd one out?" chuckled Anasthese. "Weirdo..."

Net narrowed his eyes.

"I don't really mind," surmised Mukuro, "This would make sure no one is cheating or backtracking their answers... or just guessing their answers without thought... Ah, but I hope I don't have to give my opinions first, it could be very wrong—"

"Yada, yada, yada," broke Net, "First question."

Which side would you rather play in the following position (Black to move):

a.) White

b.) Black

"White. Definitely White," started Anasthese.

"Yeah," agreed Mukuro. "White King is safely castled; Black King on the other hand has to defend the Bishop on e7. He won't be castling anytime soo... oh, wait! Black is up a piece???"

"Up a Bishop," confirmed Anasthese. "But this is still good for White, the Queen is eyeing g7."

"...Really?" said Net, scratching his chin. "—Think I wanna play Black here actually."

"Are you stupid?" barked Anasthese. "Why make life harder on yourself, just pick White."

"But Black is up a Bishop~," said Net.

"And that Bishop isn't gonna last the next five moves!" shot Anasthese.

"Ahahaha, Black is up a Bishop~," laughed Rei. "If you don't understand why Net chose Black, then you really don't know him as a person..." Anasthese furrowed her eyebrows.

"And you sure you do?" challenged Net. Rei pointed at him, then smiled.

"—You're planning to lose the Bishop and make the material even again."

"What!?" said Anasthese in outrage.

"What part of swindle don't you understand?" said Rei. "He wants the opponent to think he's winning. And getting a Bishop for free, not to mention the chance of checkmating on the spot, is sure to stoke anyone's adrenaline."

"...Tha—!" Anasthese couldn't find the right argument.

"Honestly, it looks to me like it's even," Rei continued, "I won't mind playing either."

"Not you too," groaned Anasthese.

"—I am curious though. How exactly do you plan to lose the piece?"

"Layk deez," displayed Net, moving the pawn to g6.

"And if I do this?"

Rei started a battery attack on the h4-d8 diagonal. Anasthese watched the two huddle over the next sequences. Qxf6, Bxd5, Qg5, f5. Move by move, the formation started to take shape... This is—!

"Oohhh," said Mukuro, looking at the nearly cleared 7th rank. g7, f7, d7, and b7 have been freed up, the Rooks on g8 and a8 can now defend the pinned e7 Bishop. "A Sitting King."

"....

"Let's just get our answers out," said Anasthese, feeling this would be ten times easier than choosing which insult to say.

Mukuro and Anasthese clicked "a." Net and Rei opted for "b." Anasthese looked at them in mixed disgust and scrutiny...

Question 2.

When you play in tournaments, do you usually score with consistent results or do you often perform on the extremes — either really well or really poorly?

a.) Pretty consistent results

b.) Often perform either really well or really poorly

"I'm gonna have to go b on this one," admitted Mukuro, scratching his head. "I'm not really a consistency guy at all..."

"Well, I guessed as much," said Anasthese. "You two don't exactly look like you could score points when needed."

"Why you deciding I'd get inconsistent results already?" said Net in indignation.

"Am I wrong?"

"Dead wrong."

Mukuro coughed, "Dead right..."

Question 3

Which best describes how you think about this position in the Sveshnikov Sicilian?

a.) Black has given up a critically important square (d5)

b.) Black has lots of potential counterplay with the bishop pair and the f5 break

"A," said Rei and Anasthese in unison, while Net and Mukuro both chanted, "b".

"Ano saa..." Anasthese started, but interrupted herself. On second thought, she was not really in the mood to go into deep Sicilian theory and explain why the Bishop should be on f6 instead of the pawn...

Question 4

Which statement is closer to the truth:

a.) I bring my best game when facing opponents I dislike

b.) I don't really notice my opponent

Mukuro, Net and Anasthese all answered "a," Rei was the only one who chose "b."

"Eh?"

"Pompous git," said Net.

Question 5

Black has just played g5. Your first instinct is to...

a.) Take on g5

b.) Retreat to g3

"Just sacrifice the Knight, right?" said Mukuro.

"Yeah, Qd3 threatening checkmate is a strong option, or you can even slide the Rook to help via e4, Rg3."

Rei, Anasthese and Mukuro agreed unanimously that sacrificing the Knight is the best move.

"You know this Knight sacrifice is barely gonna do anything, right?" said Net.

"What nonsense is it this time," grunted Anasthese.

"Now, now," said Net, "I'm not saying Knight takes g5 is a bad move. I'm just saying. Is this attack really as strong as it looks?"

"Are you—? J—... Look at it! There's a Bishop, a Rook and a Queen ready to jump on the attack against the Kingside!!" Anasthese snapped her fingers. "Rei. Show this guy how it's done."

"Ehh?"

"Or what. Are you telling me he's going to swindle this game, too??"

"Now, now," said Mukuro, "If we play a whole game, we won't have time for the rest of the questions." This is uncomfortable to watch, it's like a married couple arguing over their son's bad habits...

Question 6

Do you play gambits?

Mukuro: "Yes."

Net: "Yes."

Rei: "No."

Anasthese: "No."

Question 7

How would you think about whether or not to take on g5 (as White):

a.) I would evaluate the placement of the pieces to decide if the attack seemed promising

b.) I would calculate several variations to see if White's attack is strong enough

Anasthese, Mukuro: A

Net, Rei: B

(Arre? Now this is an interesting pairing...)

Question 8

Under serious time pressure you are more likely to:

a.) Miss a tactic

b.) Move pieces aimlessly

Rei: A

Mukuro: B

Net: B

Anasthese: A

Question 9

Which of these ideas do you prefer for White?

a.) White should trade Bishops and put a strong Knight on d4, which will prevent any counterplay from Black doubling rooks on the c-file by defending c2

b.) White should push d4, temporarily misplacing Black's dark-squared Bishop, and then start an attack on the Kingside with f5 where the Black King sits alone

"Oh, this might be a tricky one," said Net.

"White is winning either way," said Rei, "So it's more a question of which method you prefer."

"I'll guess what you're thinking," Anasthese shot at Rei.

"On the count of three?"

"One... two... three—"

"Bee!" the two chorused.

"Eh?" said Mukuro. "Why the second one?"

"When you want to checkmate the King, it's important to lock down the center first," said Anasthese. "If the center is immoveable, the game is decided by flank attacks."

"You can't do that on a volatile center," added Rei, "Since a flank attack takes time."

"Hehhh..."

He scrytinized the board again. "I feel like I wanna connect the Knights though, on d4 and f5... If I give the d4 square to the pawn, the f3 Knight is crammed and has to reroute somewhere..."

"Like I said. It's a good position for White either way you choose. It's only a question of do you prefer increasing your own piece activity, or decreasing your opponent's piece activity."

Anasthese, Rei: B

Mukuro, Net: A

Question 10

You start the game out with 1.d4. Would you rather your opponent play 1...d5 or 1...f5?

"d5 is symmetrical and runs into mainlines," said Net.

"Yeah, f5 for life," cheered Mukuro.

"What's wrong with d5?" said Anasthese.

Question 11

You have been ahead a pawn for most of the game but after tough resistance from your opponent, you have only 5 minutes left in this position. Should you play on, or offer your opponent a draw?

Mukuro, Anasthese and Rei: "Keep pushing for the win."

Net: "Offer a draw."

(Hah! Weirdooooo~!)

Question 12

Which statement comes closest to your feelings:

a.) It's always a joy to be paired with someone you've crushed in the past

b.) The odds of winning are slightly higher against opponents one has previously beaten

"What is it with this forcing question??" snarled Anasthese, "None of these are close to how I feel at all!"

"Just answer the first thing that comes to mind," said Net.

Mukuro, Net: A

Rei: B

Anasthese: no comment... (*chooses b)

Question 13

With plenty of time on your clock, what would you do in this position?

a.) Trade on e6 and play Rd7 because the endgame is good for White, or redirect to c3 (via a4) to preserve the better minor piece

b.) Invest some serious time calculating whether Nxe6 achieves anything concrete

"Another dumbass question," said Anasthese.

"Yeah, and there doesn't seem to be a point to the question this time," said Mukuro. "Invest some serious time... What does that even mean?"

"Maybe it's asking, would you play your move instantly or spend some time thinking," suggested Net.

"That's not how it's worded though. The first option has Rd7 and Nc3. The second one doesn't tell you what you end up doing, just... spend time."

"That's what I said, the first one is you playing fast, the second is you playing slow."

"Play what though? What move?"

"Anything."

"Bruh, how is that a question?? So if I play — Nb7, but I play it after spending 10 minutes, I should answer B??"

"Hey! This is an online personality test, why you expecting the questions to make sense??"

A long silence followed.

"I feel like the first choice should be split into two," chimed Anasthese. "Basically, do you exchnge the Knight, or do you retreat. That would definitely be a more divisive question among players..."

"Except that's not what it's asking though..." said Rei.

"Yeah, that would be changing the question," said Net. "...I say this question is asking: Would you play quickly here, given that you still have time on the clock?"

Anasthese tilted her head. "Tsssssss. Nahhh, I think that ain't it..."

"I feel like this is a typo on someone's part," said Rei.

"We're bound to get one. Let's just pick whatever..."

"If the first option just said reroute the Knight to d4 via b3, I'll picked it..."

"We're spending more time on this question than we would in an actual game."

In the end, no one understood the question. They all just chose "a."

Question 14

What do you think of the famous saying "Chess is 99% Tactics."

Mukuro, Net: "Agree."

Anasthese, Rei: "Disagree."

"Heh. Another split between the noobs and the pros I see," said Anasthese smugly.

"Yeah? Fight me 1-on-1 then?"

Question 15

How do you feel about this wild gambit line for Black (White to move)?

a.) No way — am I trying to lose?!

b.) I like my chances, and this will definitely mess with my opponent!

"Alright," declared Anasthese. "Raise of hands! Who agrees with option a here??"

Anasthese and Rei both raised their arms up. "You have got to be kidding me," she said disappointed.

Mukuro fidgeted... "It, it looks good."

"Which it is," finished Net.

Anasthese shook her head in disbelief. "You two will die..."

Question 16

After losing a game have you ever broken something or yelled out loud?

Mukuro: "Yes."

Rei, Anasthese, Net: "No."

The three stared at him. (What?)

Question 17

White to play and castle...

a.) Kingside

b.) Queenside

"Queenside," prompted Mukuro.

"Hmmmm..." Anasthese looked undecided. "I personally want to castle Queenside, too — but..."

Mukuro furrowed his eyebrows. "...But?"

Anasthese sighed. "Look at the opening."

Confused, Mukuro looked at the board and tried to backtrack the pawn moves. "Ah," he said, comprehension dawning on his face, "Exchange French."

Anasthese let out a condescending snort. The Exchange French is the most symmetric opening of all; the pieces will find themselves exchanging one way or another and the game often leads to a draw. "I will literally fall asleep playing this hot garbage."

Anasthese, Rei: "Castling Queenside is pointless."

Mukuro, Net: "Queenside!"

Question 18

Which is closer to the truth:

a.) I get excited or nervous before a game

b.) I don't worry about prizes, money, titles or honors while playing, I just play my game

"I'm the type to get nervous, not gonna lie," said Mukuro.

"Oho~," said Anasthese, seeing both Net and Rei picked b. "Now this is another interesting split — because I get very excited before a game."

"You mean you get scared," said Net.

"Shush."

Anasthese, Mukuro: "A."

Net, Rei: "B."

Question 19

How would you come up with a plan in this position as White?

a.) Consider the strengths and weaknesses of Black's position and decide where my pieces feel best

b.) I would calculate some line for White to see how strong various possibilities are

Rei, Net: "B."

Mukuro, Anasthese: "A."

"Again?" said Anasthese. "I just realized, we've not yet split in such a way that Rei and Mukuro had the same answer, have we?"

"That just means you and Net have never answered a question the same way," countered Rei.

"Ugh," said Anasthese, the realization now sinking.

"Like I'd lump myself with her," said Net.

"Sorry, I don't understand animal barks," replied Anasthese.

Question 20:

"Alright! Final question—!"

Which is harder for you to do?

a.) Identify my advantages and building a plan

b.) Trade a good position for a strong attack

"Ooooo~ this is a tough one," said Mukuro.

"I'm going with a," said Anasthese, "I'm not much of a heavy planner, I go with the flow."

"I would go b here," said Rei. Net sat thinking.

"I think I should choose a... just because of the identify my advantages part. That makes it sound like I'm not going to swindle. Oh, but I can easily build a plan though. If it's just that, then b is definitely harder..."

"Ew, no!" interrupted Anasthese. "Answer B dipshit, I already took A!"

"Shut up! I can't just bias my answer, that's gonna taint the results!"

"Fine! Then I'm changing to B!"

"Woop, no do-overs~" said Rei. "You already picked your answer."

"And I'm the one who hasn't picked yet," said Net.

"We haven't finished discussing yet, my answer's not finalized!"

The tension in the room was skyrocketing for no reason. Mukuro was the one to break the tension.

"I'll go with a," he said. "I'd rather attack as soon as possible than wait patiently building it up."

"Muku-chan, you're a lifesaverr~" burst Anasthese, "Ohh, I could just hug you right nowww~♡"

"Fine. Let's go with a as well."

"—Tch!"

"Well that changed gears fast..." said Rei.

"Whatever. Everyone ready for their answers?" said Anasthese.

"Way ahead of you." Net had already clicked the 'next' button and was waiting for the results to load. The others did the same.

"I got Natural," said Mukuro excitedly. "Naturals are well-rounded players who seek a healthy initiative, remain in control of their emotions and follow their intuition rather than constantly looking for exceptions to the rules of chess. A Natural seeks healthy openings and healthy positions. They don't usually win by trickery, but once they obtain an advantage they are all but unstoppable. Naturals place a high value on remaining calm and rarely get into time pressure or uncontrollable situations.

"Yeah, I don't think I have complaints about that. Hmmm, healthy initiative, huh... What'd you guys get?"

"Apparently, I'm a Technician," said Rei, amused.

"Technicians are the quietest and calmest chess players. Strategists who rarely attack directly and prefer to quietly exploit positional advantages, Technicians utilize their exceptional intuition to guide their positional play. Rarely losing control, the Technician exploits almost invisible positional weaknesses to win in the endgame. Technicians do not like to take many risks, and therefore rarely lose - but also win less than more aggressive players."

"Huh?" said Mukuro, slightly confused. "Didn't you win by a huge landslide during that one youth world tournament?"

"Yes."

"I don't think that counts as winning less than the aggressive players, hahah."

"Well, I do say they got the intuitive positional play right. Atleast, that's how I would describe my own playstyle. Although, this might be the Barnum effect speaking... You two have been awfully quiet, you alright?"

"Still loading..." said Anasthese. Net, however, was glued to his phone, shaking. "THE HELL'S THIS??"

Mukuro headed to look. "Anaconda. Anacondas may seem peaceful on the exterior, but the Anaconda is always preparing something menacing - a deep positional squeeze, typical of the big snake. Anacondas usually reject obvious and direct play, and instead prefer to build up positional pressure. They tend to be very attached to their own ideas, almost to the point of seeming like the result of the game is secondary. But don't be fooled: once an Anaconda has you in his grip, you will be very lucky to escape."

"This test is busted," said Net.

"No, no, no, they got it right~," said Rei. "You're always preparing something menacing—"

"You're very attached to your own ideas," said Mukuro.

"—And you think the result of the game is secondary!"

"Oh. My. God..." said Anasthese, unsure whether to be disappointed or not.

"Shut up! All of you! The hell would you know, we agreed at the start I'm an Escape Artist, and that this test is bullshit if anything came otherwise — ergo, this test is BS!!"

"Fuhahahaha—! You're an Anaconda because your brain is un-developed like a human's!" burst Anasthese. "You clearly stopped somewhere at the evolution tree, hahaha!"

"I am gonna sock this ******* in the《REDACTED FOR LEGAL PURPOSES》if it doesn't shut up."

"Salty much?" teased Anasthese. "So... Rei is a Technician, ...Muku is a Natural, and this thing (hey!) is a snake. That means all three of you have had your guesses wrong," she puffed up haughtily.

"And you think you're gonna be right," said Net disbelievingly.

"I know I'm right," she confirmed. She waited for the screen to show up. C'mooon... Champion...!

Anasthese waited with high hopes. When the result came up, however, it showed Mastermind.

"What!"

"Ha!" retorted Net. "Dum."

"Masterminds seek to master both their own emotions and to impose their reality on the chessboard. Oh, this is so not me..."

"That iiis you!" chuckled Rei. "—A Mastermind always seeks the right move, and believes that attacking is the right way. Typically choosing sharp openings, Masterminds win with fantastically deep calculations, producing combinations which are deeply hidden in correctly built-up positions. Masterminds thrive in complicated positions, where their accurate calculating ability and iron nerves give them the advantage. That's youuu!!"

"No, it's not!"

"I'm sorry, but I take Assassin back. This is a much better description of you."

"...Impose their reality on the chessboard," repeated Mukuro. "If I were an outsider just seeing Anasthese play, that may not be how I'd describe it. —But after experiencing it firsthand, I must say:

"That hits the point spot on."

"What, you too~?" wailed Anasthese.

"You literally bent all my previous understanding of undeveloped pieces! (r.i.p. torpedo Knight...)"

"Nah, this test is just bogus," claimed Net.

For the first time, Anasthese found something to agree with. "Yeah. I agree."

"Was correct for us though," said Mukuro.

"No, that's just the Barnum effect taking hold. You're only saying that now after the fact, when five minutes ago you could never imagine yourself getting that result."

"Yeah, what the lady with the big words just said!" said Net, refreshing the page.

"Hey! No do-over!"

"I'm not gonna do anything~, I'm just gonna see if I still get the same result if I repeat my answers."

"Yeah right, you probably don't even remember your own answers right now."

"This personality test has lost all meaning," commented Rei.

"It's lost all credibility you mean," said Net.

"Let's just agree that we all got our expectations wrong, okay?" said Mukuro. "Look, I got Natural, out of all things, and we would've never expected Rei to be a Technician."

"Yeah, this is useless alright, I'm going home."

Net stormed out the room.

"All's well that, ends well?" said Mukuro half-heartedly.

"Anasthese, what are you doing," said Rei.

"Nothing~."

"You're on your phone..."

Anasthese didn't reply.

"Are you trying to get that website shut down?"

Anasthese didn't reply.

"Oh boy..."

(End)

Trivia:

If Amane took the personality test, she'd be a Surgeon.