A vast darkness took over my senses. I looked at my body and arms up and down. Sigh, I lost consciousness just my fucking luck. The dream world flashed the next moment, I appeared sitting in an empty void with a window in front of me... Oh no, no, no, no.

The floating hair demon bitch rose up into view and started slipping her clawed fingers through the glass. It snarled at me with sharp teeth and yellow eyes.

Go away you fuck! This is my dream! I’ll turn you to a fucking cheesecake and eat you!

I shut my eyes, unable to move my body as if they were fettered. I could feel the nail inching closer and closer…

A whirring sound took over to break the tension.

“Welcome, Tester Jack Grim. You are now part of the Affiliate Program. Please say your name clearly along with entering it into the system.” spoke a soft female voice that sounded like if i saw her that she would be super cute.

I opened my eyes to see the world around me puzzling out like a bunch cubes flipping over, revealing a blank white space. With a puff of smoke, the demon haired fucker transformed into a giant blue text box with a virtual keyboard and underscore lines at the top like in those Pokemon games.

“What the fuck is this?” I muttered out loud.

“I’m sorry. That is not the person we are looking for. We will begin self-destruct-”

“Wait, wait, wait! You were about to say self-destruction weren’t you? ‘What the fuck’ is not my name but I will say it again.” I cleared my throat. “What the fuck?!”

“Your name please.” she repeated.

Sigh, this stupid thing is confusing the hell out of me.

I input my name onto the giant keyboard.

“J...a..c..k… where is G? Ah here it is. G...r….i..m.”

After making sure I entered the right letters, I clicked enter and took a step back.

“Thank you, Jack Grim. Would you like a tutorial?”

Tutorial? Ha! I’ve never done a tutorial in my life. First time playing League? I ran it down mid like there was no tomorrow. First time playing Counter-Strike? You bet your ass I bought the P90 and rushed B site every time. And honestly, I didn’t even do that bad in Counter-Strike yet they still flamed me for having such a high voice. Wait...without a tutorial I always started playing bad… What do I even need a tutorial for in my dream?

I coughed, bringing a fist to my mouth. “Oh, yeah let’s go with the tutorial.”

“Please state and input your name for confirmation.”

“Again?”

“‘Again’ is not the person we are looking for. We will now self-destruct ...”

“I understand! Now stop threatening to self-destruct! Let me see here...”

I entered my name again after saying it outloud..

“The tutorial will now commence.”

The world around me started to change again. This time I was standing in the middle of the street in nothing but my boxers! My amazing body being exposed to… who am I kidding? The only time I exercised is right after those movies where the main character took off their shirt to reveal their toned six pack.

I would only get the motivation enough to do fifty sit ups then call it day. Thinking I did a good job the next day when my abdomen feels like it's on fire. And what about my arms you ask? Well, I consider using the ol joystick for multiple years has given me quite a toned look… if the lighting is right and you squint your eyes that is.

The world was like tinted blue and grey, feeling like the end of the world happened or something.

The blue text box appeared in front of me.

“Please roll for a starting weapon.”

Appearing on the side of the textbox was a mini vending machine and slot machine.

“This machine will have a catalog of goods categorized into different price sections. You will be able purchase goods for your survival with credits earned from doing the tasks assigned to you. Once you purchase an item, you will have to play the slot machine to determine the variety and condition of said good. We have made the purchase of a starting weapon for you, please roll.”

I blinked a few times. What? What am I supposed to do? Slot machine? Is my gambling addiction coming back to haunt me?

I grabbed onto the red ball top of the lever attached to the slot machine, pulling it down. A whirring ringing sound like you would hear from casinos started up. There were three slots of pictures so when the first one landed on some type of rifle I got hella excited that I started shaking my fists in the air with a giant grin.

Come on! Roll another rifle!

The picture in the middle came to a stop, a matching rifle as well!

Yes!!

I shot my arms into the air with joy and started to do a little spin

Oh yeah, oh yeah, why did I quit betting again? It basically runs in my veins to be a winner.

“Ding! Ding! ‘Revolver 22LR’ has been acquired. Please face your palm upwards.”

My excitement faded like a sack of rice hitting cement.

Huh? Revolver? Didn’t I win a rifle? What is bullshi-

I turned around and saw that the last picture was of a pistol. I hung my head low and cursed under my breath.

Like seriously, my luck is really bad that even dream me won’t win. Who did I offend in my past life?! Tell me!

Holding my less excited palm out, a bunch of small drone like machines started whirring above my hand. They came together and started forming a handle out of thin air like fucking magic. Soon after a silver gun with a small black handle and short nose, dropped into my hand and suddenly I could feel the full weight of it.

Hmm, I’ve played a lot of shooter games like Warzone and CS, but holding it in real life feels strange yet familiar. I started juggling it in my hand like it was some hacky sack, then I started inspecting it. It was one hundred percent a real gun. How did I remember all these details? I’m so awesome.

“Weapon acquired, your credits have now been spent and you must earn more to purchase a greater variety of items. Would you like to continue the tutorial to quest help?”

“Sure! Why not? It’s not like waking up and playing league would be more fun than this. Even if it’s a dream, this is fucking amazing. Wait, aren't I unconcious?”

The little bunch of nanites surfed the ground and went two meters in front of me, seeming to create something large. In a few seconds, a grey human with dead-like eyes appeared, twitching like it was some bug.

The blue textbox scaled down and moved to the top left of my vision like it was Fallout or Skyrim. The text changed with a ding.

“Kill (0/1) zombies in any way. Reward 10 Credits.”

Ohhhhh, a zombie dream? That’s new. Maybe it’s because I was slaying zombies the other day as a gunslinger in Killing Floor. Even then, this is pretty vivid. And what the hell?

Ten credits? Isn’t that a little low? Ah, fuck it.

I brought the pistol up with one hand and fixed my stance to stand like some badass John Wick who is about to kill the final boss. I turned to my side and closed one eye as I scanned over the top of the barrel and to the zombie. Now I know shooting zombies in games is way different than in real life. I mean, that’s just obvious right? So the answer is simple!

I walked forward with the gun still in the same position. Briskly walking across the pavement, the zombie finally smelled and noticed me.

Ha! What I know from playing Call of Duty Black Ops is that these things are slow as fuck so I-

The zombie started sprinting at me with full speed and I think I pissed my pants.

Holy shit!

I shut my eyes and pulled the trigger six times, the recoil shooting my hand into the air and firing the bullets into nothingness.

Why did that shitter start running! Should I peek my eyes or change my underwear first because I feel something dripping down my leg right now and I don’t know how I feel about it.

I slowly opened my eyes and the zombie was no longer standing up but laying on the ground with a bullet in its head however the other bullet holes were nowhere to be found. Hahaha, did I miss? Cough, well even in games you have to adjust to the weapon. Don’t worry, next dream sequence I will pow pow all my shots.

“Quest completed. Ten credits have been added to your account.” the female voice announced with a ding like the mission completion sound in video games.

Ha, easy as hell. Just a couple more of those and I’ll be living a good life.

“Basic training completed, would you like to continue the tutorial?”

“Did you see me just now? Ha! I’ll be fine without a tutorial with my raw skill. I decline.”

“Declining tutorial...input name for confirmation please.”

I mean, I could’ve continued the tutorial to get a better hang of this weapon but the real reason I declined? Is because I don’t want Kayla waking up beside me and smelling the piss! Think of the humiliation, I could die just thinking of it. And knowing an angry Kayla is out there, I wouldn’t doubt she’d take multiple pictures and pin them across her school! I refuse!

“Jack Grim confirmed. We will now be exiting the tutorial… Welcome to the start of a New Life, Jack Grim.”

The world started to dissolve around me, the place getting eaten by a vast darkness. After a few moments I was standing in a dark room all alone like I was locked in a closet by an older sibling.

My eyes shot open and I lifted my upper body up to a sitting position.

I was still in the car, parked beside the tree. Well, parked is putting it nicely. I almost forgot that we crashed into this.

The dream was way too vivid.

I glanced to my side to see that Kayla was also starting to wake up as well. She was rubbing her shoulder along with her head, making an aching face that almost made me want to white knight for her the rest of my life.

Then I suddenly got a strange feeling. I looked down onto my shorts and my eyes couldn’t help but widen. My fear became a reality.

“Fuck!”