Over those years I lost my faith, this had to do with all of those times that I was in so much pain I begged for someone to save me, anyone to help me burden my pain, and that never happened. Eventually I started begging God to kill me in anyway a car, lightning, heck even a murderer, I didn’t care at that point anything besides life was mercy. After all of that I felt the most chilling emptiness, I was hollowed and left with nothing. By that time I’d tried fashioning rope, we didn’t have any and I was ten at the time so sadly the ropes I created always broke. Of five of those years I had four suicide attempts, still nobody noticed.